Soulmates?

[mariowuitomari]

No. Soulmates is a christian retrograde concept. We only have body. What is clear is that there are personalities which fit well.

 

[duderino84]

That sounds extremely unlucky. If I were you, I'd be taking a pail of water to my next date.

(Sorry, couldn't resist. lol)

It was and it is. Lots of stories. Idk. I think a lot of issues stemmed originally from online dating. And by that I mean whoever "the real deal" is to people....it takes cutting away 90% of the general population for them to find their "match".

Back on topic.

Know how I feel lately people find their soulmates? Probably by just living life. Going to events and doing things. Maybe just working on craftsman type of shit, if you're not a "performer". By looking for every other answer in life other than "which will be the one"? I knew a guy in high school who never expressed liking anybody. He was one of those guys who you'd mostly find reading the history books in the library while everybody was...doing whatever. And know what? I caught up with him and he changed interests, but he seems happier than anyone I've known that's found "their match" simply because he didn't allow the curiosity about how he'll spread his genes to take hold of his life.

 

[Wolf]

It was and it is. Lots of stories. Idk. I think a lot of issues stemmed originally from online dating. And by that I mean whoever "the real deal" is to people....it takes cutting away 90% of the general population for them to find their "match".

Back on topic.

Know how I feel lately people find their soulmates? Probably by just living life. Going to events and doing things. Maybe just working on craftsman type of shit, if you're not a "performer". By looking for every other answer in life other than "which will be the one"? I knew a guy in high school who never expressed liking anybody. He was one of those guys who you'd mostly find reading the history books in the library while everybody was...doing whatever. And know what? I caught up with him and he changed interests, but he seems happier than anyone I've known that's found "their match" simply because he didn't allow the curiosity about how he'll spread his genes to take hold of his life.

I think that's a pretty smart approach. I did the OMG-You're-the-one-lets-get-married thing when I was younger, it lasted less than a year (and she STILL wanted to share the top layer of the wedding cake on our First Anniversary...WTF?). Second time, I was casually dating someone (okay, several someones), with absolutely no plans to make the same mistake. Then I met that person's best friend, who'd just moved to town with her fiance. Two years later, the best friend moved in with me and we got married. That was more than 20 years ago. Still together. But marriage, or even monogamy isn't for everyone. You gotta do what works for you.

I also know a number of people who are perfectly happy being single well into their 40's. Some have SOs, some don't. They're all pretty happy either way, it seems.
You have to be okay with yourself before finding someone who really gets you, I think.

 

[Tenebrae]

You have to be okay with yourself before finding someone who really gets you, I think.

This sentence is gold. Agree with you 100%.

It's funny though, I kind of used to picture you as a young guy. Or at least younger than me. Now I wonder what made me think so in the first place, lol.

 

[duderino84]

I think that's a pretty smart approach. I did the OMG-You're-the-one-lets-get-married thing when I was younger, it lasted less than a year (and she STILL wanted to share the top layer of the wedding cake on our First Anniversary...WTF?). Second time, I was casually dating someone (okay, several someones), with absolutely no plans to make the same mistake. Then I met that person's best friend, who'd just moved to town with her fiance. Two years later, the best friend moved in with me and we got married. That was more than 20 years ago. Still together. But marriage, or even monogamy isn't for everyone. You gotta do what works for you.

I also know a number of people who are perfectly happy being single well into their 40's. Some have SOs, some don't. They're all pretty happy either way, it seems.
You have to be okay with yourself before finding someone who really gets you, I think.

Unsuccessful marriages (and being aware of histories of) are plenty good reason to dodge marriage to me. I mean aren't there 5 year plans when it comes to "relationships" and establishing history stuff?

What is "being okay with" myself really? I'm here, I'm not denying the person that I am. I think the whole "self-love" thing is a hyped, over-sensationalized version of coping with human existence. The reason I guess I reclused from an open "real life" dating life was I disliked how much my hard-wired interests (discussed here) would rear into my mind when thinking about approaching people. I imagine Joe Blow just goes with the flow for show in meeting women. But TMF sort of fodder...I imagine there's some paths of resistance there? Doesn't anybody think on that?

 

[Bator]

I just love these dry, clinical definitions and abstract platitudes of what a soulmate is or should be. It's not that complicated, I couldn't disagree more and I found mine 🙂

 

[duderino84]

I just love these dry, clinical definitions and abstract platitudes of what a soulmate is or should be. It's not that complicated, I couldn't disagree more and I found mine 🙂

lol life at the end is all about the facts, bud.

 

[Bator]

lol life at the end is all about the facts, bud.

Why the bud at the end, bud, are you angry or jealous?

 

[duderino84]

Why the bud at the end, bud, are you angry or jealous?

It's a new approach. Everybody is a bud. Why not make friends? "We're all in it together"......or something.

Scratch that. OK, I'm pretty tired and mildly jealous. But the whole "it'll happen, why ask questions?" thing is played out. You never learn anything by simply shutting up and taking it. Which is why a lot of people who still are single particularly happen to contribute to this forum.

 

[Bator]

You don't have any heat with me, I got lucky, it happens sometimes. I was single just a month ago, in a relationship but still technically single and trying to contribute as often as I could, if I was interested in the topic. Ask all the questions you want but try not to over-analyze, you can get into your own head too much and become jaded. That's all I'm saying, you could be next, who knows?

 

[duderino84]

You don't have any heat with me, I got lucky, it happens sometimes. I was single just a month ago, in a relationship but still technically single and trying to contribute as often as I could, if I was interested in the topic. Ask all the questions you want but try not to over-analyze, you can get into your own head too much and become jaded. That's all I'm saying, you could be next, who knows?

You could be next, but you don't (or don't want to?) see patterns that correlate with success and patterns that correlate with failure that could influence your next encounter? To aim for enabling yourself to prime a next in case the current next sours? For example I'm reasonably aware of the area I've grown up in and how the organizational history has catered to those who are now middle age, but how zoning has influenced the environment of my generation to either leave town in order to network or move away altogether. I'm jaded, but I'm trying to be at least understanding of the circumstances of space and time and how it affects the people I'm around.

I guess I don't believe in soulmates anymore?

 

[Bator]

That's not what I meant by you could be next, I meant that it's not out of the realm of possibility and not to give up. Why are you trying so hard to turn what I what I said into such a negative statement? I don't know anything about your life experiences and you don't know anything about mine. I will tell you one thing though, I've always been generally optimistic, happy and confident within myself and I don't wake up each morning wondering how to become the professional victim that day. The next thing you'll be telling me is that's easy for me to say, so I guess a simple congratulations is out of the question. I've also gone through some very difficult times, bumps in the road, plus having my heart broken, but I managed to pick myself up eventually and try not to let those experiences interfere with my life or define me as a person. When we first met, the first months were like going through an interrogation, she wanted to know everything about me, both the good and the bad so I was honest with her. I felt like I had nothing to lose because I was so attracted to her and apparently she was attracted to me as well. My wife accepts me for who I am, baggage and all and doesn't try to change me, as I accept her for who she is. She thinks I'm crazy though, but in a good way and we don't just love each other, we truly like each other. I do believe in soulmates and I always will.

 

[duderino84]

I'm not taking it negatively, I'm taking it as a statement that's overused to the point of being part of cliche pop culture. Whether it's "you could be next" or "some day".

People can live successful lives not filled with relationship success, that doesn't suddenly disqualify someone for surface level happiness. There's wishful thinking, and the truth. People rarely like the latter.

The point I'm making is if you have more than one "love" in life, you either don't have a soul mate or you're defining what a soul mate is through a journey of circumstance. Like anything, relating to people comes with its own rudiments and common ground, it's not unreasonable to think about how to learn people.

 

[Wolf]

I'm not taking it negatively, I'm taking it as a statement that's overused to the point of being part of cliche pop culture. Whether it's "you could be next" or "some day".
People can live successful lives not filled with relationship success, that doesn't suddenly disqualify someone for surface level happiness. There's wishful thinking, and the truth. People rarely like the latter.
The point I'm making is if you have more than one "love" in life, you either don't have a soul mate or you're defining what a soul mate is through a journey of circumstance. Like anything, relating to people comes with its own rudiments and common ground, it's not unreasonable to think about how to learn people.

It would be really cruel if fate only gave people one chance at finding someone they felt they could really bond with in the way that people refer to as soulmates.
That would mean you would have to meet that person, at a time when you're both receptive and available to meet someone, where circumstances allow you to connect.
That's fairy tale logic, and as we all know, that's not real life, and it's presumptuous to assume someone has to have that fairy tale in order to have a happy life.
Just because I'm married and monogamous, doesn't mean I think it's for everyone, or that it's the only formula for happiness.

Soulmates is a simplistic way of looking at a complicated thing like relationships.

 

[Bator]

I'm not taking it negatively, I'm taking it as a statement that's overused to the point of being part of cliche pop culture. Whether it's "you could be next" or "some day".

People can live successful lives not filled with relationship success, that doesn't suddenly disqualify someone for surface level happiness. There's wishful thinking, and the truth. People rarely like the latter.

The point I'm making is if you have more than one "love" in life, you either don't have a soul mate or you're defining what a soul mate is through a journey of circumstance. Like anything, relating to people comes with its own rudiments and common ground, it's not unreasonable to think about how to learn people.

Perhaps the term is overused but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Of course you can live a successful life not filled with relationships and I never said it disqualified you or that you were being unreasonable, but that's not the kind of life for us, we would like children. You also have no idea how I define what a soulmate is. A soulmate to me is someone who is perfectly suited to another in temperament and who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs, we have that. A journey of circumstances certainly played a large part in the beginning but doesn't a system of circumstances usually come into play regarding just about anything. I'm not sure what you mean by more than one love, we all have other people we love if you include family and friends, there are different degrees though, I happen to love my wife the most, she's #1 and always will be.

 

[duderino84]

Perhaps the term is overused but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Of course you can live a successful life not filled with relationships and I never said it disqualified you or that you were being unreasonable, but that's not the kind of life for us, we would like children. You also have no idea how I define what a soulmate is. A soulmate to me is someone who is perfectly suited to another in temperament and who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs, we have that. A journey of circumstances certainly played a large part in the beginning but doesn't a system of circumstances usually come into play regarding just about anything. I'm not sure what you mean by more than one love, we all have other people we love if you include family and friends, there are different degrees though, I happen to love my wife the most, she's #1 and always will be.

Understood. Well, the term "soul mates" honestly takes me back to my days of being raised Roman Catholic (from CCD to confirmation) when I felt it had the most meaning. Of course this information must've been flawed. (When I was gullible enough) I was educated all about the theory that you're only supposed to meet one person really and court them in celibacy through to marriage etc (of course maybe I should've called bullshit early in on then because I also remember hearing if accidentally walking on ants/other insects was breaking the 6th [?] commandment/committing murder) and that every partner you ever had would spiritually be on the same level as having every partner you ever had in the same bed. That's kind of what I meant about "one love" (outside the basics family/friends stuff). Is it silly? Yes. Is it kind of foolish? Sure. But when you're raised to think about soulmates that way, you've reduced love to the harshest pass/fail lesson imaginable. It's all soft ground from there.

It would be really cruel if fate only gave people one chance at finding someone they felt they could really bond with in the way that people refer to as soulmates.
That would mean you would have to meet that person, at a time when you're both receptive and available to meet someone, where circumstances allow you to connect.
That's fairy tale logic, and as we all know, that's not real life, and it's presumptuous to assume someone has to have that fairy tale in order to have a happy life.
Just because I'm married and monogamous, doesn't mean I think it's for everyone, or that it's the only formula for happiness.

Soulmates is a simplistic way of looking at a complicated thing like relationships.

Well about 5-6 centuries ago when soul mates was a real working concept it wasn't unreasonable because neither one of us would have to worry about living that long. Isn't fairy tale logic the same logic we're supposed to call back on when we enter these traditions such as marriage? I mean soul mates, even the little excerpt of my history I wrote about to Bator, really defines core concepts like right/wrong and goals/meaning even tho a lot of it is just smoke blown where the sun doesn't shine. I'm not sure anyone expects any truth to it to be there but when people start discussing virtues like prudence it really does display what kind of a person is discussing their beliefs in love/soulmates through their own personal experiences.