Talking About Tickling on Dating Site Without it Sounding Creepy

[DebonairDavid]

I've been checking out vanilla dating sites lately, and before I left OKCupid, there was this one woman who said in her profile she liked to laugh. At the time, I thought about messaging her and telling her about my tickle fetish, but as man (particularly a man who has struggled with social skills because of high-functioning Autism), I didn't know how to say it in a way that would avoid getting me reported. I know how to flirt, but sometimes my excitement and impulsivity gets in the way of me being respectful when flirting, and then I end up coming off as socially awkward and unknowingly borderline creepy. Thankfully, I've gotten better with this as I've gotten older and learned things the hard way. It'd be helpful to hear from other men (with or without Autism) who have had experiences with this, while also having women give me tips on how to respectfully message a vanilla woman online.

 

[maniactickler]

All i can tell you is what my technique was. after chatting with the woman a few times, id steer the conversation to massages. then id say that i love to give foot massages and see if she mentions anything about being ticklish. if not, ill try to ask in a light hearted way. i might say, if i gave you a foot massage, id hope you werent ticklish so i get kicked in the face. might sound lame but it worked for me.

 

[DebonairDavid]

All i can tell you is what my technique was. after chatting with the woman a few times, id steer the conversation to massages. then id say that i love to give foot massages and see if she mentions anything about being ticklish. if not, ill try to ask in a light hearted way. i might say, if i gave you a foot massage, id hope you werent ticklish so i get kicked in the face. might sound lame but it worked for me.

True. I've learned to use talking about massages as a bridge to talk about tickling, mainly because it involves touching in a consensual but intimate way, whereas tickling is also intimate but playful.

 

[ThatPayPhoneGuy]

It's pretty simple, you're a guy, breathing makes us creepy. Just post about it. If it turns themoff then they clearly aren't the girl for you.

 

[DebonairDavid]

It's pretty simple, you're a guy, breathing makes us creepy. Just post about it. If it turns them off then they clearly aren't the girl for you.

I'm asking about what to say without being it random or too forward

 

[sman9000]

The key is to not be too forward about it.

 

[BlueLine7045]

As a guy who spent about 7-8 painful and incredibly depressing years on dating sites, I will tell you this. Back in my late high school (18+) and pre and post college years, I was kind of an awkward and immature idiot that had matches or exchanged messages with attractive girls online and similar to what you're saying, began getting a little too excited and thinking with the wrong head, if you know what I mean.

Needless to say, bringing tickling into the conversation too early, or keeping the conversation focused on tickling, were most likely the cause of losing quite a few potentially great matches. As I am now several years older, less horny all the time, and more clear headed, I realize how much of a cringe idiot I was. We all make mistakes and learn, right?

So, ask yourself, what are you ULTIMATELY looking for? Are you on dating sites for dating or tickle partners? My best advice to you is to be patient and to try to get to know the person first before jumping into a conversation about tickling. And while mentioning or asking about tickling may be harmless, any mention of a "fetish" or the word "fetish" brings it to another level that the other person may not be ready for yet.

If you just take the time to get to know someone, like really know them, and you guys become close, then bringing up tickling shouldn't be an issue. Introduce it casually, maybe with a joke or two about ticklishness. Maybe mention you think ticklish people are funny or something. Then weigh their response. If its positive, eventually drop the "by the way, I have a tickling fetish" thing. If their response is less than positive and tickling is that important to you, move on and find someone else.

Moral of the story/ TL;DR: Be patient and get to know the person before bringing up or mentioning tickling. Too soon will scare people away and make them think you're a weirdo. Remember, a lot of people hate tickling or think it's weird and don't like it the same way we do.

I dont say this to be mean or offend anyone, but I sometimes feel like being a part of this community puts people inside this safety bubble where conceptions of tickling in the outside world are skewed, if that makes sense. While there are everyday tickling incidents in the real world, I have also heard and seen online and in-person countless people that hate, despise, are disgusted by, etc. tickling and the very thought of it. This community is a bubble or a safe space for us fetishists, so it can be easy to forget that. Again, not trying to offend. Just some thoughts/feelings I've had/noticed after skimming through all these posts and discussions the past several years.

 

[MissSqweeler]

I think that's a better face to face conversation not a post....connect to her as a person with posts...leave kink chats for after.....

 

[DebonairDavid]

Are you on dating sites for dating or tickle partners? My best advice to you is to be patient and to try to get to know the person first before jumping into a conversation about tickling. And while mentioning or asking about tickling may be harmless, any mention of a "fetish" or the word "fetish" brings it to another level that the other person may not be ready for yet.

In the short-term, I'm looking for booty calls (or this case, tickle calls). In the long-term, I'm looking for companionships. Ideally, I'd like to have these booty calls eventually become companionships, but I'll get whatever comes to me. If you're wondering why I'd choose that over traditional dating, I'm a rebel and sadly every woman I've met or tried to date never shared my worldview. Not only that, but I've come to value my independence and don't think the drama that goes on in a traditional relationship is worth it.

I get what you mean by avoiding anything involving a fetish because of the stigmas attached to the word. Perhaps a better question is how can I talk about tickling with a woman in a way that's innocent, playful, flirtatious, and friendly?

 

[BlueLine7045]

In the short-term, I'm looking for booty calls (or this case, tickle calls). In the long-term, I'm looking for companionships. Ideally, I'd like to have these booty calls eventually become companionships, but I'll get whatever comes to me. If you're wondering why I'd choose that over traditional dating, I'm a rebel and sadly every woman I've met or tried to date never shared my worldview. Not only that, but I've come to value my independence and don't think the drama that goes on in a traditional relationship is worth it.

I get what you mean by avoiding anything involving a fetish because of the stigmas attached to the word. Perhaps a better question is how can I talk about tickling with a woman in a way that's innocent, playful, flirtatious, and friendly?

I see. There's certainly nothing wrong with that as there are a lot of people on dating sites looking for flings and affairs and no strings attached. It's been a while since I have used online dating though, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd ever want to go back. As I said in my above post, online dating made me extremely depressed and gave me a sense of low self-worth.

As for your second part, I'm honestly not sure. There isn't like a one-size-fits-all guidebook for how to discuss tickling with women. Everyone is different. Some women don't mind flirting and a little kink up front, while others may not get there for months.

At the VERY least, I would avoid any and all use of the word, or mention of, fetish for at least several messages until you're on a more friendly basis. And even then I'd be cautious. Tickling, while in many cases can be considered weird or cringe or frowned upon, can also be normal and playful if addressed in a seemingly silly manner.

Just don't lay it on too thick. It really depends on how you bring it up. If you're playful about it, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with joking with a girl who says she loves to laugh about whether that includes tickling.

Otherwise, I would strongly advise waiting to bring up tickling until you're on a more friendly basis or you may risk coming off as creepy. Then when you do bring it up, keep it light and playful like you're joking around. As you two get closer, you can casually or slowly mention that you enjoy tickling more than you initially let on. But take your time. Be patient. That's the key.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I see. There's certainly nothing wrong with that as there are a lot of people on dating sites looking for flings and affairs and no strings attached. It's been a while since I have used online dating though, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd ever want to go back. As I said in my above post, online dating made me extremely depressed and gave me a sense of low self-worth.

As for your second part, I'm honestly not sure. There isn't like a one-size-fits-all guidebook for how to discuss tickling with women. Everyone is different. Some women don't mind flirting and a little kink up front, while others may not get there for months.

At the VERY least, I would avoid any and all use of the word, or mention of, fetish for at least several messages until you're on a more friendly basis. And even then I'd be cautious. Tickling, while in many cases can be considered weird or cringe or frowned upon, can also be normal and playful if addressed in a seemingly silly manner.

Just don't lay it on too thick. It really depends on how you bring it up. If you're playful about it, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with joking with a girl who says she loves to laugh about whether that includes tickling.

Otherwise, I would strongly advise waiting to bring up tickling until you're on a more friendly basis or you may risk coming off as creepy. Then when you do bring it up, keep it light and playful like you're joking around. As you two get closer, you can casually or slowly mention that you enjoy tickling more than you initially let on. But take your time. Be patient. That's the key.

Elaborating on what I said to @maniactickler earlier, there was this other young woman who said in her profile that she wanted to be spoiled, pampered, and treated like a princess. Jokingly, when I messaged her, I teased her about that, saying "Because you want to be spoiled and pampered, I'll give you foot massages every so often. Does that make you happy? Be careful, I might sneak in a few tickles when massaging your feet! 😉 😛 Btw, who died and crowned you a princess? 😛". I sent that last night, but she never responded. My guess is she was busy with work, school, family, etc. I should make it clear I also responded to what she said about excessive drinking and smoking being a turn-off, pets, and interests/hobbies. Sadly, I'm not on OKCupid anymore because of some bullshit with the staff accusing me of shit that wasn't true.

 

[TheMasterTouch]

I was on Match three years ago, and they had these predefined questions you can ask in your profile. One of them is "One thing I'd love to know about you". I had found that many people don't pay attention to what you write in your profile, so I decided to incorporate that in a playful way.

I asked "Are you ticklish? (Let's see who actually reads these.) 😏" Worked like a charm. One woman wrote me a message, "Good morning MT! I am ticklish, so beware, I've been known to kick when tickled!!" Another one replied to my message to her with "Nice to meet you MT. And yes I'm ticklish 🙂" My current girlfriend also saw it on my profile, but she didn't think I was serious. She knows now. 😈😁

 

[DebonairDavid]

I was on Match three years ago, and they had these predefined questions you can ask in your profile. One of them is "One thing I'd love to know about you". I had found that many people don't pay attention to what you write in your profile, so I decided to incorporate that in a playful way.

I asked "Are you ticklish? (Let's see who actually reads these.) 😏" Worked like a charm. One woman wrote me a message, "Good morning MT! I am ticklish, so beware, I've been known to kick when tickled!!" Another one replied to my message to her with "Nice to meet you MT. And yes I'm ticklish 🙂" My current girlfriend also saw it on my profile, but she didn't think I was serious. She knows now. 😈😁

I'm surprised many people don't read a person's profile first, considering I always do. That's awesome you were able to get women to respond to them without feeling uncomfortable.

 

[duderino84]

Just be as creepy as possible. Some people are looking for adventure.

 

[DebonairDavid]

Just be as creepy as possible. Some people are looking for adventure.

Are you honestly trolling?

 

[TheMasterTouch]

I'm surprised many people don't read a person's profile first, considering I always do. That's awesome you were able to get women to respond to them without feeling uncomfortable.

Honestly, I was surprised to discover that most of the women I connected with reacted with curiosity more than anything else. Had many conversations about why the female foot is so attractive to me, what kind of shoes I like on women, why tickling them or seeing them get tickled is such a turn-on, etc. One or two women weren't into it, but neither of them responded negatively or made me feel bad about enjoying it. Even if they did, so what? There are plenty of other women out there who WILL accept and enjoy this with us.

If you say something awkward, own up to it and move on to the next one. Sometimes you have to go through these difficult moments to grow and get to the next level. But never doubt that you CAN get there. Trust me, I know all about social awkwardness.

 

[Tickleslave83]

I have to admit I've been on sites like this for over 20 years and much like you I also realize that I am on the autism spectrum so I suspect that I will probably never find anybody who shares any of my fetishes. I would say the best place to go is a place where people share the fetishes so you're all in the same boat. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up in person honestly. But yeah I have been trying for 20 years to find somebody and it's just not happening so I've accepted the fact that I will probably die without ever experiencing intimacy or sexuality or anything with my fetish.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I have to admit I've been on sites like this for over 20 years and much like you I also realize that I am on the autism spectrum so I suspect that I will probably never find anybody who shares any of my fetishes. I would say the best place to go is a place where people share the fetishes so you're all in the same boat. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up in person honestly. But yeah I have been trying for 20 years to find somebody and it's just not happening so I've accepted the fact that I will probably die without ever experiencing intimacy or sexuality or anything with my fetish.

I don't know you personally, so I'm not going to pass judgment, but I am curious if you made an effort to work on yourself over the years so you can finally meet someone?

 

[Tickleslave83]

@DebonairDavid
"I don't know you personally, so I'm not going to pass judgment, but I am curious if you made an effort to work on yourself over the years so you can finally meet someone?"

I have been at this for 20 years and I just really haven't found anyone nearby who really shares my same interests, and I think most online are not genuine or show much interest. To be fair I am not particularly physically attractive, I don't really have much to offer, my life is kind of a wreck. At this point I would just like to find somebody who shares a mutual fetish and just wants to have fun with it. But I don't think that that's likely to happen, and as a person who doesn't really drive and can't host that also limits things. I realize that I am not much of a catch and that I would probably be more of a burden to others. Plus I have like zero self-confidence or self-esteem because I've come to realize that I had an emotionally toxic life basically.

 

[FFT32]

I think that's a better face to face conversation not a post....connect to her as a person with posts...leave kink chats for after.....

Exactly this, plus my personal contribution as follows:

Don't bring it up during the texting\phone call stage. If they bring it up, be calm and playful with your responses. Use this time and the initial few in person meetings to really get to know each other and see if you connect.

Your motivation should be building a friendship\relationship, not a tickling conquest. Once the topic does come up, most if not all of a creep factor will be gone, provided you don't go to fast once this door opens.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

During the OKCupid era I had I was looking for "bad bitches with ticklish feet" on my profile, and it seemed to work a lot better than you'd think.

By which I mean every so often, instead of never.

 

[SpookyZach]

I have to admit I've been on sites like this for over 20 years and much like you I also realize that I am on the autism spectrum so I suspect that I will probably never find anybody who shares any of my fetishes. I would say the best place to go is a place where people share the fetishes so you're all in the same boat. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up in person honestly. But yeah I have been trying for 20 years to find somebody and it's just not happening so I've accepted the fact that I will probably die without ever experiencing intimacy or sexuality or anything with my fetish.

Honestly, to me it sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on what the issue is, at least? I'm a little worried that sounds rude. For the record, I mean that in a "you've figured out what to work on", not "yes, you do suck" 🥺

All of that said, for most of my life I've found most of the issues came from when it was very obvious I was uncomfortable aboht it.

There's a couple things, in my experience at least, that I think are worth keeping in mind with bringing it up:

The first is just accepting that some people are just not going to be okay with it, and that's fair you know? Not everyone got to grow up and not be treated abusively with it.

That being said..the vast majority of people I've brought it up to reacted somewhere between neutral and positive? I mean, it's really only going to come up with someone that I've been talking to for a little bit and we end up talking about kinks or something. But the average answer is usually something like "I never thought of something being into that!" And oftentimes thinking it's cute or something. Someone I broke up with recently was not even close to into it, or her feet being touched when we met. After a while, and talking about it and such, deciding she wanted to try it turned into being very into it.

Just be patient and kind. Don't treat people like their sex objects. Bring it up when it's appropriate. Be honest and respectful, and willing to discuss a compromise. And, situationally, understand no means no.

 

[Tickleslave83]

@SpookyZach
I haven't really talked about any of these things with anybody outside of specific groups like these where I know everybody shares the fetish. Like I have zero social life whatsoever and have no romantic experience whatsoever. So unless I meet someone on a site like this I doubt anything's ever going to really happen. I have barely any contact with people and when I do it's like I would have no idea how to bring it up. Unless I already know the person is into something I am into I kind of feel awkward about initiating anything. I mean other than finding somebody on a site like this who shares my kinks who lives nearby or I just happened to meet somebody in person in that highly unlikely event and they bring up that they have a fetish for tickling. Again all very unlikely probably.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I have been at this for 20 years and I just really haven't found anyone nearby who really shares my same interests, and I think most online are not genuine or show much interest. To be fair I am not particularly physically attractive, I don't really have much to offer, my life is kind of a wreck. At this point I would just like to find somebody who shares a mutual fetish and just wants to have fun with it. But I don't think that that's likely to happen, and as a person who doesn't really drive and can't host that also limits things. I realize that I am not much of a catch and that I would probably be more of a burden to others. Plus I have like zero self-confidence or self-esteem because I've come to realize that I had an emotionally toxic life basically.

No one else can improve you except you, and while I know from personal experience that keeping up with self-improvement or self-love is challenging, you're life isn't going to get any better if you don't keep up with it. Some of the things I've done include:

• Getting out and taking walks around the block, as getting fresh air and exercise, especially after being cooped up inside for long periods of time, not only helps you feel energized but also refreshed and relaxed. I'm not sure how old you are, but doing this routinely is doing your body a favor as you get older. The only downside to this is when it gets too cold to go out.
  
  
• Catching myself getting into bad habits and letting my disappointment in myself force me to stop because I realize the problem is only going to get worse if I don't. Another thing is being more mindful of what I say or do and stopping myself before I repeat the mistake again. One example of this is making a habit of closing out this site so I don't let myself get addicted to it, especially when I don't have any notifications at the time.
  
  
• I'm not a huge 80's metal fan, but putting it on when I'm cleaning up around my apartment helps me stay focused
  
  
• Because I'm trying but struggling to become self-employed, I'm starting to become more mindful of distractions, such as this site, and I've made a mental note of going to the library more often so I can have a distraction-free space for my computer work. Playing full albums of metal through my headphones also helps.
  
  
• A somewhat distant goal of mine is to get a part-time job and sign up for a local dance class. Not only would this allow me to get out more and meet women, but it's another way to get and stay physically fit, I can learn a new skill (although I'm a fairly decent dancer already, but its good to brush up), and it improves my self-confidence and self-love

You can be completing some of these simple things right now. Yeah, it sucks you're not Brad Pitt, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is what qualities or values you bring to everyone's lives. Also (correct me if I'm wrong about this), if you're saying you've been using only this site for 20 years to find tickle partners and still haven't any success, then maybe this site isn't for you when it comes to that, and you should try other sites after you've made improvements in yourself. I at one point deleted my account on here because I found it to be emotionally and sexually frustrating for every female lee to not be in my area, but now I'm back because I want to participate in discussions like this or post my tickle/foot fetish stories and have a link for people to pay me in Bitcoin. Hopefully this has helped you to start turn your life around.

With all that being said, lets get back to talking about my issue because I don't want to deviate from it too much

 

[DebonairDavid]

Exactly this, plus my personal contribution as follows:

Don't bring it up during the texting\phone call stage. If they bring it up, be calm and playful with your responses. Use this time and the initial few in person meetings to really get to know each other and see if you connect.

Your motivation should be building a friendship\relationship, not a tickling conquest. Once the topic does come up, most if not all of a creep factor will be gone, provided you don't go to fast once this door opens.

Yes, I should be more focused on building relationships than tickle sessions, but considering I only had one session last year and wasn't getting into too much before that, it'd be nice to get my urges satisfied again (which is what makes this an awkward predicament for me)