Talking About Tickling on Dating Site Without it Sounding Creepy

[DebonairDavid]

I've been checking out vanilla dating sites lately, and before I left OKCupid, there was this one woman who said in her profile she liked to laugh. At the time, I thought about messaging her and telling her about my tickle fetish, but as man (particularly a man who has struggled with social skills because of high-functioning Autism), I didn't know how to say it in a way that would avoid getting me reported. I know how to flirt, but sometimes my excitement and impulsivity gets in the way of me being respectful when flirting, and then I end up coming off as socially awkward and unknowingly borderline creepy. Thankfully, I've gotten better with this as I've gotten older and learned things the hard way. It'd be helpful to hear from other men (with or without Autism) who have had experiences with this, while also having women give me tips on how to respectfully message a vanilla woman online.

 

[maniactickler]

All i can tell you is what my technique was. after chatting with the woman a few times, id steer the conversation to massages. then id say that i love to give foot massages and see if she mentions anything about being ticklish. if not, ill try to ask in a light hearted way. i might say, if i gave you a foot massage, id hope you werent ticklish so i get kicked in the face. might sound lame but it worked for me.

 

[DebonairDavid]

All i can tell you is what my technique was. after chatting with the woman a few times, id steer the conversation to massages. then id say that i love to give foot massages and see if she mentions anything about being ticklish. if not, ill try to ask in a light hearted way. i might say, if i gave you a foot massage, id hope you werent ticklish so i get kicked in the face. might sound lame but it worked for me.

True. I've learned to use talking about massages as a bridge to talk about tickling, mainly because it involves touching in a consensual but intimate way, whereas tickling is also intimate but playful.

 

[ThatPayPhoneGuy]

It's pretty simple, you're a guy, breathing makes us creepy. Just post about it. If it turns themoff then they clearly aren't the girl for you.

 

[DebonairDavid]

It's pretty simple, you're a guy, breathing makes us creepy. Just post about it. If it turns them off then they clearly aren't the girl for you.

I'm asking about what to say without being it random or too forward

 

[sman9000]

The key is to not be too forward about it.

 

[BlueLine7045]

As a guy who spent about 7-8 painful and incredibly depressing years on dating sites, I will tell you this. Back in my late high school (18+) and pre and post college years, I was kind of an awkward and immature idiot that had matches or exchanged messages with attractive girls online and similar to what you're saying, began getting a little too excited and thinking with the wrong head, if you know what I mean.

Needless to say, bringing tickling into the conversation too early, or keeping the conversation focused on tickling, were most likely the cause of losing quite a few potentially great matches. As I am now several years older, less horny all the time, and more clear headed, I realize how much of a cringe idiot I was. We all make mistakes and learn, right?

So, ask yourself, what are you ULTIMATELY looking for? Are you on dating sites for dating or tickle partners? My best advice to you is to be patient and to try to get to know the person first before jumping into a conversation about tickling. And while mentioning or asking about tickling may be harmless, any mention of a "fetish" or the word "fetish" brings it to another level that the other person may not be ready for yet.

If you just take the time to get to know someone, like really know them, and you guys become close, then bringing up tickling shouldn't be an issue. Introduce it casually, maybe with a joke or two about ticklishness. Maybe mention you think ticklish people are funny or something. Then weigh their response. If its positive, eventually drop the "by the way, I have a tickling fetish" thing. If their response is less than positive and tickling is that important to you, move on and find someone else.

Moral of the story/ TL;DR: Be patient and get to know the person before bringing up or mentioning tickling. Too soon will scare people away and make them think you're a weirdo. Remember, a lot of people hate tickling or think it's weird and don't like it the same way we do.

I dont say this to be mean or offend anyone, but I sometimes feel like being a part of this community puts people inside this safety bubble where conceptions of tickling in the outside world are skewed, if that makes sense. While there are everyday tickling incidents in the real world, I have also heard and seen online and in-person countless people that hate, despise, are disgusted by, etc. tickling and the very thought of it. This community is a bubble or a safe space for us fetishists, so it can be easy to forget that. Again, not trying to offend. Just some thoughts/feelings I've had/noticed after skimming through all these posts and discussions the past several years.

 

[MissSqweeler]

I think that's a better face to face conversation not a post....connect to her as a person with posts...leave kink chats for after.....

 

[DebonairDavid]

Are you on dating sites for dating or tickle partners? My best advice to you is to be patient and to try to get to know the person first before jumping into a conversation about tickling. And while mentioning or asking about tickling may be harmless, any mention of a "fetish" or the word "fetish" brings it to another level that the other person may not be ready for yet.

In the short-term, I'm looking for booty calls (or this case, tickle calls). In the long-term, I'm looking for companionships. Ideally, I'd like to have these booty calls eventually become companionships, but I'll get whatever comes to me. If you're wondering why I'd choose that over traditional dating, I'm a rebel and sadly every woman I've met or tried to date never shared my worldview. Not only that, but I've come to value my independence and don't think the drama that goes on in a traditional relationship is worth it.

I get what you mean by avoiding anything involving a fetish because of the stigmas attached to the word. Perhaps a better question is how can I talk about tickling with a woman in a way that's innocent, playful, flirtatious, and friendly?

 

[BlueLine7045]

In the short-term, I'm looking for booty calls (or this case, tickle calls). In the long-term, I'm looking for companionships. Ideally, I'd like to have these booty calls eventually become companionships, but I'll get whatever comes to me. If you're wondering why I'd choose that over traditional dating, I'm a rebel and sadly every woman I've met or tried to date never shared my worldview. Not only that, but I've come to value my independence and don't think the drama that goes on in a traditional relationship is worth it.

I get what you mean by avoiding anything involving a fetish because of the stigmas attached to the word. Perhaps a better question is how can I talk about tickling with a woman in a way that's innocent, playful, flirtatious, and friendly?

I see. There's certainly nothing wrong with that as there are a lot of people on dating sites looking for flings and affairs and no strings attached. It's been a while since I have used online dating though, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd ever want to go back. As I said in my above post, online dating made me extremely depressed and gave me a sense of low self-worth.

As for your second part, I'm honestly not sure. There isn't like a one-size-fits-all guidebook for how to discuss tickling with women. Everyone is different. Some women don't mind flirting and a little kink up front, while others may not get there for months.

At the VERY least, I would avoid any and all use of the word, or mention of, fetish for at least several messages until you're on a more friendly basis. And even then I'd be cautious. Tickling, while in many cases can be considered weird or cringe or frowned upon, can also be normal and playful if addressed in a seemingly silly manner.

Just don't lay it on too thick. It really depends on how you bring it up. If you're playful about it, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with joking with a girl who says she loves to laugh about whether that includes tickling.

Otherwise, I would strongly advise waiting to bring up tickling until you're on a more friendly basis or you may risk coming off as creepy. Then when you do bring it up, keep it light and playful like you're joking around. As you two get closer, you can casually or slowly mention that you enjoy tickling more than you initially let on. But take your time. Be patient. That's the key.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I see. There's certainly nothing wrong with that as there are a lot of people on dating sites looking for flings and affairs and no strings attached. It's been a while since I have used online dating though, and quite frankly, I don't think I'd ever want to go back. As I said in my above post, online dating made me extremely depressed and gave me a sense of low self-worth.

As for your second part, I'm honestly not sure. There isn't like a one-size-fits-all guidebook for how to discuss tickling with women. Everyone is different. Some women don't mind flirting and a little kink up front, while others may not get there for months.

At the VERY least, I would avoid any and all use of the word, or mention of, fetish for at least several messages until you're on a more friendly basis. And even then I'd be cautious. Tickling, while in many cases can be considered weird or cringe or frowned upon, can also be normal and playful if addressed in a seemingly silly manner.

Just don't lay it on too thick. It really depends on how you bring it up. If you're playful about it, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with joking with a girl who says she loves to laugh about whether that includes tickling.

Otherwise, I would strongly advise waiting to bring up tickling until you're on a more friendly basis or you may risk coming off as creepy. Then when you do bring it up, keep it light and playful like you're joking around. As you two get closer, you can casually or slowly mention that you enjoy tickling more than you initially let on. But take your time. Be patient. That's the key.

Elaborating on what I said to @maniactickler earlier, there was this other young woman who said in her profile that she wanted to be spoiled, pampered, and treated like a princess. Jokingly, when I messaged her, I teased her about that, saying "Because you want to be spoiled and pampered, I'll give you foot massages every so often. Does that make you happy? Be careful, I might sneak in a few tickles when massaging your feet! 😉 😛 Btw, who died and crowned you a princess? 😛". I sent that last night, but she never responded. My guess is she was busy with work, school, family, etc. I should make it clear I also responded to what she said about excessive drinking and smoking being a turn-off, pets, and interests/hobbies. Sadly, I'm not on OKCupid anymore because of some bullshit with the staff accusing me of shit that wasn't true.

 

[TheMasterTouch]

I was on Match three years ago, and they had these predefined questions you can ask in your profile. One of them is "One thing I'd love to know about you". I had found that many people don't pay attention to what you write in your profile, so I decided to incorporate that in a playful way.

I asked "Are you ticklish? (Let's see who actually reads these.) 😏" Worked like a charm. One woman wrote me a message, "Good morning MT! I am ticklish, so beware, I've been known to kick when tickled!!" Another one replied to my message to her with "Nice to meet you MT. And yes I'm ticklish 🙂" My current girlfriend also saw it on my profile, but she didn't think I was serious. She knows now. 😈😁