Talking About Tickling on Dating Site Without it Sounding Creepy

[DebonairDavid]

During the OKCupid era I had I was looking for "bad bitches with ticklish feet" on my profile, and it seemed to work a lot better than you'd think.

By which I mean every so often, instead of never.

Could you elaborate on what you mean by "it worked a lot better than you think"? What were their responses?

 

[Tickleslave83]

@DebonairDavid
I don't mean just on this website where I have been looking, actually I only recently came back after like a decade-long hiatus. I was actually active here until around 2015 and I guess I forgot about this place altogether because tickling isn't as big of a fetish as my other two major ones, CFNM and omorashi, but then one day I was coming across this on fetlife and I saw a link to this and I am like I think I remember being a member here and I sort of guess that my name and password and eventually found it so I was only recently active here after an entire decade but none of my posts got any activity in that time.

On fetlife is better because you can find people who are closer to you but even in my own local area I don't really find anybody and most people on the Internet really don't seem to care or they are sex workers looking for money. But when you have very unusual fetishes, a lack of physical attractiveness and social skills, and high support needs when it comes to autism the odds are pretty much against you. I mean I am considered high functioning I guess because I have high intelligence but I have extreme executive dysfunction where I am completely financially dependent, I don't drive, have no social life, zero sexual experience, and it's just like the odds don't seem like there ever going to be in my favor.

I do spend a lot of time devoted to my writing even if I haven't had a huge amount of success with that because I don't know anything about self-promotion and people who offered to self promote maybe it turned out to be scam artists so I don't know who to trust I don't really have anybody around me who can help me and I'm actually in a pretty toxic environment for someone with my and mental issues.

It's true that you can get very carried away with places like this and sometimes I go on what I call fetish binges where for 7 to 10 days at a time I can barely even think about anything else. And on top of that I am transgender so I have that on top of everything else. And I'm also chronically ill. So again my expectations are set pretty low, and after 20 years or more on the Internet going to websites like fetlife, numerous boards like this for my other fetishes as well I have just not found anything and haven't even really come close. I mean I'm now 41 years old and like the character from the movie the 40-year-old Virgin, at some point you have to say it's just not likely to happen and I think to some degree I have accepted that.

But I do find it is good to cut out as many distractions and such as places like this. I mean I do spend a lot of time working on my writing every day I mean pretty much from the time I wake up until shortly before I go to sleep I probably spend about 12 hours a day just writing pretty much or reading and editing stuff. So I'm very prolific writer but again I don't know anything about self-promotion or how to get a traditional publisher and I really don't have anyone around me who can really help me with that. I mean at some point you just have to realize it's probably not going to happen for you.

 

[Haptic513]

It's pretty simple, you're a guy, breathing makes us creepy. Just post about it. If it turns themoff then they clearly aren't the girl for you.

This was a good one. Whether you intended it to be a joke or not it made me laugh

 

[BlueLine7045]

Honestly, online dating today is a cesspool of frustration, depression, and filth anyway. I think even if my wife and I ended things and I somehow became single again, it's highly unlikely I'd ever go back to online dating. There were a few highs for me and adrenaline rushes when you see new messages and stuff, but I mostly remember lows and depression and questioning my self worth. Am I attractive enough? Am I interesting? What am I doing wrong? I am going to die alone. It made me incredibly depressed through my college years.

I talk to people today and they say dating isn't the same anymore. It's a nightmare. I'm happy I have a wife so I don't have to go through any of that anymore, but I feel for all the single guys and girls out there.

It sounds like many of you on here have had incredibly positive and lucky experiences though, especially in regard to feet and tickling which is pretty crazy because that's the complete opposite of my experiences. While there were a couple lost opportunities due to dwelling on tickling and/or bringing it up early, other times I either brought it up much later in conversations or not at all and shit still didn't work out. Like I said, incredibly depressing and demoralizing. Every time I was ghosted felt like a slap in the face or a stab in the chest. Yeah, screw that.

 

[kucheeku]

Since I'm only into M/M tickling, my view would apply to such tickle seekers, but maybe to more general ones.

I'm more on the side of being patient. What I would suggest is to have profiles on sites that openly allow for your tickling desires expressed in detail. People who are seeking out others into tickling will eventually find you as they themselves are searching, much like we were when we first started our journeys. That, honestly, filters out those who wouldn't consider it under any circumstances and will make lers/lees seem less "creepy."

 

[DebonairDavid]

@DebonairDavid
I don't mean just on this website where I have been looking, actually I only recently came back after like a decade-long hiatus. I was actually active here until around 2015 and I guess I forgot about this place altogether because tickling isn't as big of a fetish as my other two major ones, CFNM and omorashi, but then one day I was coming across this on fetlife and I saw a link to this and I am like I think I remember being a member here and I sort of guess that my name and password and eventually found it so I was only recently active here after an entire decade but none of my posts got any activity in that time.

On fetlife is better because you can find people who are closer to you but even in my own local area I don't really find anybody and most people on the Internet really don't seem to care or they are sex workers looking for money. But when you have very unusual fetishes, a lack of physical attractiveness and social skills, and high support needs when it comes to autism the odds are pretty much against you. I mean I am considered high functioning I guess because I have high intelligence but I have extreme executive dysfunction where I am completely financially dependent, I don't drive, have no social life, zero sexual experience, and it's just like the odds don't seem like there ever going to be in my favor.

I do spend a lot of time devoted to my writing even if I haven't had a huge amount of success with that because I don't know anything about self-promotion and people who offered to self promote maybe it turned out to be scam artists so I don't know who to trust I don't really have anybody around me who can help me and I'm actually in a pretty toxic environment for someone with my and mental issues.

It's true that you can get very carried away with places like this and sometimes I go on what I call fetish binges where for 7 to 10 days at a time I can barely even think about anything else. And on top of that I am transgender so I have that on top of everything else. And I'm also chronically ill. So again my expectations are set pretty low, and after 20 years or more on the Internet going to websites like fetlife, numerous boards like this for my other fetishes as well I have just not found anything and haven't even really come close. I mean I'm now 41 years old and like the character from the movie the 40-year-old Virgin, at some point you have to say it's just not likely to happen and I think to some degree I have accepted that.

But I do find it is good to cut out as many distractions and such as places like this. I mean I do spend a lot of time working on my writing every day I mean pretty much from the time I wake up until shortly before I go to sleep I probably spend about 12 hours a day just writing pretty much or reading and editing stuff. So I'm very prolific writer but again I don't know anything about self-promotion or how to get a traditional publisher and I really don't have anyone around me who can really help me with that. I mean at some point you just have to realize it's probably not going to happen for you.

Lets continue this conversation in PMs so we're not deviating too much from the original topic

 

[DebonairDavid]

Since I'm only into M/M tickling, my view would apply to such tickle seekers, but maybe to more general ones.

I'm more on the side of being patient. What I would suggest is to have profiles on sites that openly allow for your tickling desires expressed in detail. People who are seeking out others into tickling will eventually find you as they themselves are searching, much like we were when we first started our journeys. That, honestly, filters out those who wouldn't consider it under any circumstances and will make lers/lees seem less "creepy."

That's true. Maybe I can say something like "Into tickling, but willing to get to know you better first and be respectful of your boundaries".

 

[duderino84]

Are you honestly trolling?

The times I've been the most blunt I came across women that were just focused on wifing up that they'd shake it off before realizing I didn't care about any of that.

I don't know what to tell you, man. There may not be a light at the end of the tunnel. You may as well deal and present yourself as a legit guy who wants to go out and have fun.

It's a lot better of a time than psychological strategic analysis.

 

[ThatPayPhoneGuy]

This was a good one. Whether you intended it to be a joke or not it made me laugh

50/50 it was said sincerely, but in a humourous style.

 

[RoyalTickling]

If you just take the time to get to know someone, like really know them, and you guys become close, then bringing up tickling shouldn't be an issue. Introduce it casually, maybe with a joke or two about ticklishness. Maybe mention you think ticklish people are funny or something. Then weigh their response. If its positive, eventually drop the "by the way, I have a tickling fetish" thing. If their response is less than positive and tickling is that important to you, move on and find someone else.

I think that's a better face to face conversation not a post....connect to her as a person with posts...leave kink chats for after.....

Having mostly dated through online/swiping apps, I agree with these two comments. I feel it’s important to get to know the person you’re communicating with somewhat before bringing it up in any way. For all of us on TMF, tickling is our fetish so talking about it with a potential partner should be the same as a vanilla person who mentions hookups or sex. Instantly jumping to conversations about it probably makes the woman on the receiving end of the messages feel like she’s being valued based on if she can fulfill the fetish.

It’s important to consider that a vanilla woman who has never heard of a tickling kink wouldn’t know what makes for a good session, and could easily feel insecure about not being a good partner for it.

Especially during initial chat, I think it’s important to prioritize respect and connection. Finding some kind of common interest (traveling, sports, hobbies) and having a pleasant conversation about that will probably make the other person more receptive if the conversation progresses to more mature topics. Tickling in itself requires trust and comfort, and if we can’t build that with someone we’re messaging online then it would be very hard for that person to feel it when it comes to actual sessions.

I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all when it comes to how long to communicate back and forth before bringing up tickling. I would gage the other person’s interest in regular conversation. If they’re very responsive and engaged in the back and forth conversation and seem eager to communicate, then it may be a green flag to bring up tickling in ways others have suggested, such as mentioning massages. I think creepy vibes come from not taking the time to form a good first impression and establish compatibility with someone.

 

[duderino84]

Having mostly dated through online/swiping apps, I agree with these two comments. I feel it’s important to get to know the person you’re communicating with somewhat before bringing it up in any way. For all of us on TMF, tickling is our fetish so talking about it with a potential partner should be the same as a vanilla person who mentions hookups or sex. Instantly jumping to conversations about it probably makes the woman on the receiving end of the messages feel like she’s being valued based on if she can fulfill the fetish.

Beats me dude, one of my best woman friends (though due to ongoing stuff it didn't fly) I met on Tinder and things basically reached "so what are you looking for?" Where she told me "same thing as you, I guess" and I leaned into it with "so you're looking for TICKLING, huh?" And she found me funny enough to keep the conversation going.

 

[soletease]

I had a few years of online dating. I will say, out of the maybe 10 or so women I met (I’m a male), I can confirm 3 of them ended up tied down, on the bed or tickle table, with clothing on, and absolutely tickled head to toes.

All three were separate relationships at different times. All three found bondage tickling interesting and a fun experience. All three were fully restrained with leather straps. All three experienced tickling on bare feet/toes. Usually a good spot!


One girl in particular I met on plenty of fish lived about 42 minutes from me. She was curious about tickling and the first time she was restrained on her own bed, and wanted to experience what it was like. LOL! Her bare soles and hips were her best tickle spots she had no idea about until she tried it.
Turns out she liked the whole Netflix and tied her down for tickling sessions we had. She was especially fond of light tickling on her soles and actually enjoyed the tickling sessions with her strapped down. Honestly she admitted she was so happy I wasn’t into her for sex and she felt wanted and respected in our relationship. She was always barefoot for sessions, always fully restrained and sometimes threatened revenge, but mostly it was me tickling her.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I downloaded the Badoo app (I apparently used it years ago but forgot all about it), and had my profile description to this:
I'm looking for local women who are into the tickling kink like I am, particularly women who are lees (I'm a ler). For anyone unfamiliar, think of it like great casual sex, but without the mess, STDs, accidental pregnancies, and naked bodies. Obviously I'm a gentleman and respectful of women, but I have needs I'd like to have met in a consentual way. I've had other women accept me for it (even though they weren't into it themselves), so hopefully you're at least willing to try it.

I'd say I'm being clear and honest with what I'm looking for and what my intentions are, but I'm not describing it in a way that will scare women away.

 

[duderino84]

I downloaded the Badoo app (I apparently used it years ago but forgot all about it), and had my profile description to this:
I'm looking for local women who are into the tickling kink like I am, particularly women who are lees (I'm a ler). For anyone unfamiliar, think of it like great casual sex, but without the mess, STDs, accidental pregnancies, and naked bodies. Obviously I'm a gentleman and respectful of women, but I have needs I'd like to have met in a consentual way. I've had other women accept me for it (even though they weren't into it themselves), so hopefully you're at least willing to try it.

I'd say I'm being clear and honest with what I'm looking for and what my intentions are, but I'm not describing it in a way that will scare women away.

Yea but a lot of the time, with the exception of the STDs, women I've talked to seem to prefer the "dangerous" method. Or tickling is considered a 5 minute warmup.

 

[Brian-Makes-Friends 👋 🤞🙂]

I’ll be honest, I think people way over think it. I have 3 references to tickling in my Tinder profile now because of the success I had over the past few years. In the first year (before I put it in my profile) I would start with “Would you rather” and the third question I asked always involved tickling, about half of the women prefer tickling in the scenarios I make questions on and I would continue the conversation from there. In the first year of trying out Tinder I had 4 tied and tickled sessions on first dates with women I had introduced to it. I’ve also matched with two female lers and at least 3 lees, all who had more extensive knowledge on the kink. Yet another category are the women who are extremely open to it that I didn’t meet up with because I tend to not stay engaged but had discussed sessioning with them which is a much higher number. Finally there are the majority who match and are not perceptive of the references in the profile no matter how obvious I try to be because it’s just not on most people’s radar in that was. So it matters to the people you want it to matter with and the rest are none the wiser.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I’ll be honest, I think people way over think it. I have 3 references to tickling in my Tinder profile now because of the success I had over the past few years. In the first year (before I put it in my profile) I would start with “Would you rather” and the third question I asked always involved tickling, about half of the women prefer tickling in the scenarios I make questions on and I would continue the conversation from there. In the first year of trying out Tinder I had 4 tied and tickled sessions on first dates with women I had introduced to it. I’ve also matched with two female lers and at least 3 lees, all who had more extensive knowledge on the kink. Yet another category are the women who are extremely open to it that I didn’t meet up with because I tend to not stay engaged but had discussed sessioning with them which is a much higher number. Finally there are the majority who match and are not perceptive of the references in the profile no matter how obvious I try to be because it’s just not on most people’s radar in that was. So it matters to the people you want it to matter with and the rest are none the wiser.

Good insight

 

[SpookyZach]

Honestly, to me it sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on what the issue is, at least? I'm a little worried that sounds rude. For the record, I mean that in a "you've figured out what to work on", not "yes, you do suck" 🥺

All of that said, for most of my life I've found most of the issues came from when it was very obvious I was uncomfortable aboht it.

There's a couple things, in my experience at least, that I think are worth keeping in mind with bringing it up:

The first is just accepting that some people are just not going to be okay with it, and that's fair you know? Not everyone got to grow up and not be treated abusively with it.

That being said..the vast majority of people I've brought it up to reacted somewhere between neutral and positive? I mean, it's really only going to come up with someone that I've been talking to for a little bit and we end up talking about kinks or something. But the average answer is usually something like "I never thought of something being into that!" And oftentimes thinking it's cute or something. Someone I broke up with recently was not even close to into it, or her feet being touched when we met. After a while, and talking about it and such, deciding she wanted to try it turned into being very into it.

Just be patient and kind. Don't treat people like their sex objects. Bring it up when it's appropriate. Be honest and respectful, and willing to discuss a compromise. And, situationally, understand no means no.

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, I don't look at this site as often as I'd like. I didn't look at the rest of the thread, yet, but for what it's worth I figured I'd reply anyways. 💜

@SpookyZach
I haven't really talked about any of these things with anybody outside of specific groups like these where I know everybody shares the fetish. Like I have zero social life whatsoever and have no romantic experience whatsoever. So unless I meet someone on a site like this I doubt anything's ever going to really happen. I have barely any contact with people and when I do it's like I would have no idea how to bring it up. Unless I already know the person is into something I am into I kind of feel awkward about initiating anything. I mean other than finding somebody on a site like this who shares my kinks who lives nearby or I just happened to meet somebody in person in that highly unlikely event and they bring up that they have a fetish for tickling. Again all very unlikely probably.

Sorry for the slow reply. I didn't glance at the rest of the thread, yet, I'm not on this site as much as I'd like. For whatever it's worth I figured I'd reply anyways. 💜

I get what you're saying. I've felt that way before, too. Hell, I still do sometimes. What I want to get at, though, is I think you're overthinking this (understandably so) a bit. I haven't ever...like, just met someone out in the wild, for the most part. Certainly not anyone I've ever tickled or been tickled by. What's worked for me in the past is just trying to put that a bit to the side, and bringing it up when appropriate with somebody. I'm polyamorous, and have met the last 3 people I had any romantic interest in, or the two I'm currently dating, on a dating app. It's not that unusual for situations like that to eventually bring up spicy topics, and thats when you try and talk about it, assuming their enjoying talking about it as well, I mean.

What I'm trying to say is even if you don't go out much, there's ways to meet people and make friends, even online with the expectation of meeting up in person eventually. Being kind, respectful and caring will go a very long way. Plus, whenever that works out, you have all kinds of positive and fun experiences with this person and, with the right person, can do tickle stuff with them!

I know it can be hard and feel isolating. Just try and make some new friends, try and find a date on an app and take things slow and eventually the topic will be appropriate to bring up. 💜

You can do it. 💜

 

[Tickleslave83]

@SpookyZach
I definitely way over think things all the time, but I realize that that's because I am autistic which I am now realizing is probably a big reason why I have always been alone, I have extreme social deficits, like social situations are mind-boggling for me. But I have been trying stuff like this and trying to meet somebody online for like probably two decades I have never met anybody nearby enough to make meeting very possible and after talking with large numbers of people and being on large numbers of sites like this I just have not had any luck at all, I have never really been in any kind of relationship and that the age of 41 it seems very unlikely that I ever will. I'm not very physically attractive and I don't have social skills and I can drive so I have a lot of things and, roadblocks I guess you would say, in the way of actually meeting anyone. I mean I've talked to interesting people here and there but for the most part 20 years being on many websites like this is pretty much gotten me nowhere, so I think at some point you just have to realize it's probably not going to happen. When you have unusual sexual interests, no social skills, are not very physically attractive at all and can travel very far that pretty much is the nail in the coffin.

 

[brotherted]

My two cents:
Do one of two things:

Either don't bring it up at all until you've met and otherwise have conversational and personality chemistry. If that happens, then on a second or third date where you're obviously having fun together, a one second test poke usually feels a lot less creepy and a lot more organic to a normie, than entering a conversation about tickling. I do this maybe 80% of the time.

Or, 20% of the time, I'll say, "Want to play 5 questions?" to someone online. They almost always say yes. Then you mix together fun and intellectually interesting questions about their lives and values until I get to #4, which will be "How ticklish are you on a scale of 0-10?" It tends to not feel creepy to the other person, because they see it in the context of a question game, where the entire goal is to pose unusual, fun, creative, unexpected questions. But then, based on their response, it can produce an opening for me to ask them more specific follow ups, and it seems like I was just following the flow.

 

[Soles_Scream]

As a guy who spent about 7-8 painful and incredibly depressing years on dating sites, I will tell you this. Back in my late high school (18+) and pre and post college years, I was kind of an awkward and immature idiot that had matches or exchanged messages with attractive girls online and similar to what you're saying, began getting a little too excited and thinking with the wrong head, if you know what I mean.

Needless to say, bringing tickling into the conversation too early, or keeping the conversation focused on tickling, were most likely the cause of losing quite a few potentially great matches. As I am now several years older, less horny all the time, and more clear headed, I realize how much of a cringe idiot I was. We all make mistakes and learn, right?

So, ask yourself, what are you ULTIMATELY looking for? Are you on dating sites for dating or tickle partners? My best advice to you is to be patient and to try to get to know the person first before jumping into a conversation about tickling. And while mentioning or asking about tickling may be harmless, any mention of a "fetish" or the word "fetish" brings it to another level that the other person may not be ready for yet.

If you just take the time to get to know someone, like really know them, and you guys become close, then bringing up tickling shouldn't be an issue. Introduce it casually, maybe with a joke or two about ticklishness. Maybe mention you think ticklish people are funny or something. Then weigh their response. If its positive, eventually drop the "by the way, I have a tickling fetish" thing. If their response is less than positive and tickling is that important to you, move on and find someone else.

Moral of the story/ TL;DR: Be patient and get to know the person before bringing up or mentioning tickling. Too soon will scare people away and make them think you're a weirdo. Remember, a lot of people hate tickling or think it's weird and don't like it the same way we do.

I dont say this to be mean or offend anyone, but I sometimes feel like being a part of this community puts people inside this safety bubble where conceptions of tickling in the outside world are skewed, if that makes sense. While there are everyday tickling incidents in the real world, I have also heard and seen online and in-person countless people that hate, despise, are disgusted by, etc. tickling and the very thought of it. This community is a bubble or a safe space for us fetishists, so it can be easy to forget that. Again, not trying to offend. Just some thoughts/feelings I've had/noticed after skimming through all these posts and discussions the past several years.

I seriously have nothing to add, to this well thought out response.