The entertainment industry...Things that amuse me

[Dussicar]

Here we go.


1.How do one hit wonders justify going out on tour???


2.Ellen DeGeneres "comes out" and loses her show. However, she gains support from fans and others alike. Anne Heche sees this as an opportunity and suddenly becomes sooo gay it hurts. Obviously using this to further her own career. They court and when Anne figures that she has had enough exposure, she dumps Ellen and suddenly becomes straight. BAD MOVE! Ellen is now more popular than ever, and Anne....Well, when is the last time ANYBODY has mentioned Anne Heche? HA!!!


3.We've all seen a picture of Paris Hiltons face, right? I have an origin theory. Once, a long time ago, there was this girl named Paris. She had the widest, brightest eyes a lovely smile, and was cheery and hopeful. She dressed conservatively and often spoke of waiting for the right man to come along before she would give the oh-so tender flower of her innocence away....Then came the accident with the snow shovel.


4.Fifteen years ago, if you were to tell me that Harrison Ford's mind would snap like a toothpick, causing him to suffer a mid-life crisis, devorce his long time wife, move in with an annorexic washed-up TV actress, and waste his ailing movie career doing wannabe-hip buddy-cop movies to re-capture youth he'll never have again....I'D SAY YOU WERE FUCKING BANANAS!!!

 

[Dussicar]

5.Even though Milli-Vanilli were completely destroyed over 10 years ago, I still find their music catchy.


6.How is it in this day and age of movie entertainment, that people in films who commit unwarranted adultry are seen as flawed "shades of grey" complicated heroes instead of the fucking assholes they're supposed to be?

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

My friend, you should be a stand up comic. You've definitely got the material. You're really funny. Please keep them coming. LOL ^__^

 

[nessonite1]

LOL I dig your Paris theory. It's more plausible than anything I could come up with to explain the existence of that...um...person.

 

[Dussicar]

Thanks VLAD. This stuff has been batting around my head for years. But, it's hard to remember it all, so I have to post in spurts. As a matter of fact...


7.Once, in the middle of the night I woke up and the only thought running through my head was "Andy Kim is a musical genius". I soon had to recant my decision, when "Rock me gently" played on a contiuous loop through my head the following day.


8.Here's something to ponder: How popular do you think Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and Jim morrison be if they DIDN'T do lots of drugs and die young? Honestly, when was the last time you saw some burn-out teenager sitting in his basement with a guitar saying "WHOA DUDE! Steve Vai and Eddie VanHalen are DA BOMB!


9.TRAGIC HEROES: We make fun of Britany Spears because she's a complete idiot. However, her fans are angry with us because we don't look at her situation from both sides of the fence. They claim she is a tragic hero someone who started out with stars in her eyes and then ended up being chewed up by the industry and spat out without a second glance. They complain that there are other people who have done worse. Okay, lets be impartial. The next time you read Shakespeare, remember: Macbeth is a self-destructive attention-whore.

 

[Faramir]

see how the entertainment industry has affected me...!!

....and often spoke of waiting for the right man to come along before she would give the oh-so tender flower of her innocence away....Then came the accident with the snow shovel.

What accident? ...with what snow shovel?? ...and who the hell is Paris Hilton, or, is that really just a Hilton hotel in Paris??

....and most of all, ...why do I care?

😀

 

[Dussicar]

LOL I dig your Paris theory. It's more plausible than anything I could come up with to explain the existence of that...um...person.

You should check out CURRAHEE1974'S thread about the most hated celebrity to read my theory about Britany Speare's origins. 😀

 

[His Divine Shadow]

How DO one-hit wonders justify going on tour.....a conundrum.......

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

the hollywood brother loved the paris hilton thing but you got to give paris credit for beingable to market herself and be famous. you may like, her, lust for her, tickle her or hate her but you talk about her and that what makes her good at what shedoes according to the hollywood brother

 

[nessonite1]

The Paris Hilton is a fine establishment. Unfortunately they only let you in the back door....

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

it almost sounds as if we could get paris to join then the hollywood brother could referee a special hardcore tickle match between paris and ness. what suprises the hollywood brother is the hollywood brother always thought ness like a perfect little angel, but it seems there is a she devil type of side to ness as well. The hollywood brother find it very interesting to steal a line from Laugh In

 

[Dussicar]

Well, HB, I figure that if a match like that could occur, Ness would more than likely finish what the shovel started.

If I were ness, I would.

No tickling. Just destruction of a corrupt and evil force. That's Paris.

 

[lollercaust]

How do one-hit wonders justify going on tour? It has to do with the ebb and flow of the universe.

We all know that everyone is guaranteed fifteen minutes of fame. This does not refer to fifteen literal minutes, but some unknown length of time judged only by the cosmic forces of life themselves. Keep that in mind.

When a band makes a catchy song and it gets on the radio (my example will be "Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners), the band's cosmic timer starts ticking. They have to go on tour in order for their fifteen minutes to expire, because if they just released the song and didn't go on tour, they'd use up less than fifteen minutes of fame, and the universe would owe them some more. We can't be having that, because while some of us might like "Come On, Eileen" an equal number would just as soon be spared the wrath of the Macarena, "Livin' La Vida Loca," or "Mambo Number 5." A tour is the method of ensuring that the band achieves exactly fifteen minutes of fame, and not more, as per the great galactic way of things.

It's also my theory that bands who do not use up their full 15 minutes end up releasing a "followup 'hit'" that sounds exactly like their first one; as evidence I would point to Buckcherry ("All Lit Up Again"), Tantric ("Breakdown"), the Baja Men ("Who Let the Dogs Out") and a whole host of others. It is mandatory that this hit be the laughingstock of the music world for another fifteen minutes, at which point everyone forgets it and focuses on the fact that the band "used to have that one really popular song." And such a one-hit wonder is born.

If any of the songs or bands I mentioned have become stuck in your head, please allow me to point and laugh. This has been "The Music Industry" 101, thank you and come again next week when we study the mechanics of the most annoying songs ever.

Other one-hit wonders, you should NOT get stuck in your head: 99 Red Balloons, More Than Words Can Say, Blue (Ba Da Bee), What Is Love, More Than a Feeling, Talk Dirty To Me.

 

[Dussicar]

But...LOLLERCAUST...More than a feeling is pure musical insperation.

And 99 red balloons? Who hasn't revolved the entire principal of their life around a breathless German screeching punk chick?

 

[lollercaust]

Someone's in denial 😀

I do like several of the songs on my one-hit wonders list. I own a Boston CD, and I know Goldfinger's cover of 99 Red Balloons on guitar. However, they're still one-hit wonders, and the bands responsible are (in most cases) worthy of eternal shame.

 

[Dussicar]

10.Laughtracks: So, someone decided that M.A.S.H. and the FLINTSTONES needed a laughtrack. I'm honestly not that stupid as to have to be told when to laugh at Fred when he and Barney do something zaney. But, M.A.S.H.? This is a show about the Korean war. What the hell were they thinking? This is also not an isolated incident. Other shows have done the same. Now, take this principle and mix it with the entertainment industry today. There are a great many people in the western culture that are not as...Oh, let's just say savvy as people way back when. A lot of movie goers honestly do have to be told when something is funny, because they are completely dependant on what the industry tells them to do.
Here's the scary part: What if someone in the industry got the wrong idea. and added a laughtrack in a movie.

The thought of SCHINDLER'S LIST sweeping up at the American Comedy awards would keep me awake at night for weeks.


11. The BAJA MEN(inspired by lollercaust)- What do you do? praise or revile a musical group that gets women to sing along to a song that tells them to get on their hands and knees and take it up the ass by their sweaty, hairy boyfriends.

 

[Dussicar]

Someone's in denial 😀

I do like several of the songs on my one-hit wonders list. I own a Boston CD, and I know Goldfinger's cover of 99 Red Balloons on guitar. However, they're still one-hit wonders, and the bands responsible are (in most cases) worthy of eternal shame.

Yes, the eternal shame aspect is always going to be there.

But, if you want to have a really good laugh, then, I will give you the ammunition.

During spring break in 1990, I was so obsessed with Sinead o' connor song "Nothing compares to you" that I spent that entire week shut in my room with a second tape recorder by the radio, waiting to record it.
Now, mind you, I'm not talking about recording it once. I actually filled BOTH sides of a tape with that damn song playing over and over again.

I could not make this up if I wanted to. I ACTUALLY DID THIS!

 

[Cbarton]

Yes, the eternal shame aspect is always going to be there.

But, if you want to have a really good laugh, then, I will give you the ammunition.

During spring break in 1990, I was so obsessed with Sinead o' connor song "Nothing compares to you" that I spent that entire week shut in my room with a second tape recorder by the radio, waiting to record it.
Now, mind you, I'm not talking about recording it once. I actually filled BOTH sides of a tape with that damn song playing over and over again.

I could not make this up if I wanted to. I ACTUALLY DID THIS!

OK, Dussicar, it's time to take the blue pill now..... 😉 :weird:

 

[nessonite1]

awwww Hollywood! Me? An angel? I'm flattered enough to let you think that if you wanna. 😀
*is on her best behavior*

 

[Dussicar]

12.Somewhere out there, on this planet, there is at least one person who is so enamoured with Steve Buscemi, that they fantasize about him washing his car, in his underwear, while smeared in axle grease.


13.What do you think went through Rip Taylor's head when he first heard about the television special called "scared straight?"


14.KEITH RICHARDS...Bet I made you smile just by reading that name.

 

[Dussicar]

OK, Dussicar, it's time to take the blue pill now..... 😉 :weird:

*opens mouth, pulls tongue out. Waits for glorious bounty of sedation.*

*Thinks about it. Closes mouth. Turns around pulls down pants. Bends over.*

A valuable life lesson: Always try something new.

 

[lollercaust]

The blue suppository? Very inventive of you.

Back to the Baja Men briefly: my problem is not with the message, but with the delivery. Most guys have to finesse a girl for months or years to get to where they can timidly request a thing like that; the Baja Men scream it out in four and a half minutes of aural miscarriage. Hip-hop is so unrealistic 🙁

My own entertainment musing, which should not be news to anyone:
The recent popularity of reality TV has got me to wondering. Why are people so obsessed with watching reality on television, and what happened to actually going out and living it? If reality TV is so "real," why can't I vote my roommate out of the apartment, and when was the last time someone offered me $10,000 for lockpicking my way out of a coffin filled with worms?

Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[lollercaust]

Laugh tracks to Bush's re-election? That's quite the slippery slope you've got going there. However, although I'm always game for a good debate, I wouldn't like to ruin this hilarious thread with one here.

I suspect the real reason for reality TV's appeal has to do with the fact that it's far more extreme than what most of us experience. You think you have a bad roommate? Check out this OMG EXTREME bad roommate in "Big Brother." You think your co-worker grosses people out when he lets a string of spit drop to the ground and sucks it back up? Wait till you get a load of people biting the heads off scorpions in pursuit of big dough. The idea of people whoring themselves out for cash has been, and will continue to be, a major drawing power for those who have low self-esteem and seek to validate their existence by finding others worse off than them.

Plus trailer trash. It's hard to rule out the influence of trailer trash. Much as is the case with one-hit wonders, I don't penalize people for liking it, but I do question whether it's wise to be spending one's time on reality TV when the History Channel, the Discovery Channel, National Geographic, and international news (or their Canadian equivalents, etc) are broadcasting at the same time. The relation to one-hit wonders is that you shouldn't be listening to "Mambo Number Five" for the fiftieth time on your local radio station when there's intelligent and horizon-expanding material out there. Too many people are willing to stick to what they know and are comfortable with rather than do something that might challenge them.

Humor appears to have deserted me at the moment; I'll pick up with more cynical observations tomorrow when I've had some time to prepare ammunition.

 

[Faramir]

speaking of one hit wonders...Lindsey Lohan (Mean Girls) is on ABC's morning news show right now promoting her new CD. need I say more?

 

[Dussicar]

speaking of one hit wonders...Lindsey Lohan (Mean Girls) is on ABC's morning news show right now promoting her new CD. need I say more?

Tee hee hee. And she's dating "Fez." 😀 😀 😀