Have you ever asked yourself... "what would I do if my greatest fear BECAME my greatest fantasy?" Have you ever
thought that one day you might just have to deal with what's lurking in the closet before you can ever really enjoy all the things
that may or may not be going on in that nice tidy little bed of yours... If you ever wanted the anwer to those simple little questions, then by all means please come on in...
This tale deals with serious themes, so please stay after the credits for the full plot of what is to come. I hope you like the special features. To old friends, and new acquaintances I would like to cordially welcome you, to my DYSFUNCTION...
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The Perfect Monster
Written by: JJ82284
Glad to see that you could make it. I have been waiting for you. You’re just in time too; things were starting to become a bit boring. I can really use someone to help me pass the time. Don’t you just hate it when things aren’t ready when they are supposed to be? In case you hadn’t noticed, it really irritates me when things don’t go according to the plans I so meticulously put into place.
I came in to pick up my watch over half an hour ago and it’s still not ready. How long do you think it takes to put a new battery in anyway? Geez! Oh well. At least that gives us a nice chance to chat then huh? I’d rather spend a little time talking with you than be stuck here all alone watching the kid in the audio visual store stock shelves all day. Go ahead, have a seat. Judging by the events thus far I think we might be here a while so make yourself comfortable.
Soooooooooooooooo, what do you think we should discuss? The weather? The game this past Sunday? Would you like me to bore you with my career chronology? Or maybe you would actually like to talk about something real. (That certainly got your attention didn’t it?) You don’t have to feel awkward, I feel it’ a duty of mine to tutor the “aspiring.” I know that you have a lot of questions. (I remember I did when I first got that little itch that I might be “different” from all the other kids at school.) It’s just a matter of how best to answer them… Hmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh I know! Why don’t I tell you how I became what I call: The Perfect Monster... I’m sure that a person like you will find it quite enlightening.
“Monster!” It’s probably a little strange for you just to hear someone describe themselves that way isn’t it? Not something you hear everyday I know. I don’t blame you. To be honest, it took me a rather long time to get used to it myself. Allow me, if I may, to gently illuminate the insidious darkness that swims quietly behind these knowing eyes of mine.
Now, you might find what I have to say a little… DISTURBING. Don’t worry, though. I don’t bite. Trust me; there are much worse things to do to a person that prove to be lots more fun. HAHA.
In reality the world is full of people like me. There are people whose truest expression of love or caring is synonymous with almost inhuman cruelty: the likes of which is hard to fully articulate. There are people who use things like hate, anger, jealousy, fear, malice, panic, helplessness, despair, torment and sheer unadulterated EVIL to create a portrait of pleasure that most NORMAL people will never fully appreciate, let alone understand.
Does it frighten you to live in a world full of monsters? To know that the person you are talking to at any given moment might have some rather malicious intentions for the most vulnerable parts of you? Can you imagine someone literally feeding off of your deepest fears to feed their deepest desires? The very idea that some people fantasize about making you utterly helpless to the madness inside them. All those reprobate innovations swirling around their head while you are, regrettably, powerless to stop them from experimenting. Does that make you nervous… just a little? HAHAHA.
No worries though… Most of these people haven’t even come to grips with what they really are yet; let alone have the courage to share that level of depravity with this civilized world… (Take it from me I know…)But then there are people like me. People who finally have the strength to push past what other people expect us to do and finally embrace what we really want to do.
You see, it doesn’t take any real skill to be a Monster. It’s more or less the way people like me are born. The real skill begins when you master the art of boldly showing someone how truly “sick” you can be and create in them a nagging fervid hunger to suffer for your own pleasure. To create a willing eager little playmate longing to indulge in even the darkest parts of your insidious imagination (no matter how insufferable the consequences can be fore them). There is something so special about taking your time, slowly molding someone to crave your degenerate desires just as much as you do…
The first step that most of us miss is admitting to ourselves what those degenerate desires really are. Believe me, it can be a rather jarring experience, but you can never be strong enough to transform someone else if you are not first strong enough to be honest with yourself (remember that). No matter how hard you or how many times you try, any attempt at “connecting” with another person will always have those pesky little flies buzzing in the ointment unless you are fully in touch with that unique ruthless part of you.
That used to be me… but not anymore. I am going to tell you how that all changed. I am going to tell you how I took the power to teach someone how to experience their own deviant little frenzy in the wake of my unbridled malevolence. I’m going to tell you the story of how I became “Perfect!” Trust me it was a lot harder than you might think, but it was most definitely worth it.
Like most stories, this one has a princess- MY Princess. My sweet little Claire. But unlike most bedtime stories, this is the sordid little tale about how I finally mustered enough courage to leave the innocent little princess and all her attempts to control me behind. How I finally embraced the true creature of darkness that I am finding someone who loves all of me, not just the parts people see every day…
Don’t look so surprised. How often do both the Monster and the Princess both get to live happily ever after? Haha. Ironically enough, this is also the story of how I got this watch-and thus the reason that I am sitting here talking to you today. It’s funny how life works sometimes isn’t it?
Come on now… you must cheer up. It’s human nature to leave the princess behind for the Queen isn’t it? Can you really blame me? I’m sure that as you listen to the choice I had to make it will become very clear that I made the right decision. But don’t you worry though. In the interest of good storytelling, I will try to be as fair as possible to our recently departed little girl... (No matter how UNFAIR she was to me.)
“Mark Eddie Sadler” Whenever Mark comes to sit at his desk he always reads the entire name plate that she gave him. This brass ornament was one of many First Month anniversary presents from dear friend Claire in their numerous yet futile attempts at romance. After long days like today it always reminded Mark of the one great thing that he has in life, well almost has in life.
Thankfully for Mark, one of the many benefits to running the family business is: not having to change into more comfortable clothes when you get home. When your last name is on the sign outside then a pair of jeans and an un-tucked polo are good enough to spend extra hours making sure that all the trucking invoices for last month are in good order. That means that as soon as you get home you can just crash in your favorite chair, sit at your desk, turn on your computer, and see what has been going on in the world while you were swimming through the deep seas of commerce. You can just sit back comfortably and focus on all the latest news, forget about your long day, and be kindly reminded of your life’s greatest trudge: pinning for the girl next door as your favorite picture of her splashes delicately across your desktop.
Have you ever had that best friend of the opposite sex that always felt like more than a friend, but every attempt at fireworks would fizzle out when you tried to physically step outside the boundaries of just friends? You know the one who you always hang out with but somehow candle light and slow music never quite fit? Or the one that you always horse around with but every kiss just feels like a ritualistic greeting from your second cousin twice removed?
These are the plutonic doldrums that Claire and Mark have been stuck in for as long as either of them can remember. Best friends since they were in middle school, hopelessly asexual roommates in college, now horribly distant next door neighbors that spend almost every waking hour together.
The sad part for Mark is that he really honestly and truly loves Claire. He couldn’t imagine life without that little smile that she always has on her face. It’s not that they don’t have strong feelings for each other; it’s just that there has never been that spark that you need to take things to that next level (where the real magic happens.)
You know, you’d be surprised how hard it really is to make that kind of impression. When things have been so depressingly plutonic for so long it’s really hard to change the mood.
The only real comfort that Mark ever found was in time. By that I mean that Mark has always been of the opinion that it was only a matter of time before something would change between the two of them. One day he would magically be able to express to her what he had been feeling for so long but could never articulate through the touch of his hands or the kiss of his lips.
Unfortunately, change and comfort-oil and water.
Claire on the other hand was what you might call a Late Bloomer of sorts. She was always something of a tomboy. She never bothered with dresses or heels until well into her second year of college. She always found more comfort in watching a football game with her dearest friend than she ever did with the awkward staring of boys who she knew only had one thing on their mind. This was undoubtedly the source of Mark’s fervent belief that time was somehow on his side.
Claire had never really settled into her femininity. 5’8, very athletic, long silky jet black hair, long flowing legs, soft flowing contours that captured the gaze of every post adolescent male that she had come in contact with, firm ample breasts, slight neck, slender physique, pouting lips, and piercing hazel eyes that always seemed to look right into Mark’s soul whether he wanted them to or not. For some reason, she had never really been sensually expressive past her radiant appearance. There was always a quiet modesty that in truth only made her more alluring in Mark’s eyes. Naturally with every day that passes her every move became more elegant, delicate, graceful, and utterly intoxicating to Mark. It wasn’t that he was impatient, but even in their experiments with dating it always seemed that there was something a miss with her when their eyes closed and lips met.
Mark could never quite put his finger on it though… It always felt like there was some switch that needed to be flipped for all of Claire’s most intimate circuits to all fire in time. Mark thought that this was all just part of Claire’s natural development and that it wouldn’t be right to push her. After all, he is her best friend first. Whatever else happens will all come in due TIME, remember. As soon as she became more comfortable with her sensuality then the infant like romance that was always just beneath the surface would break through after all these years of unbearable waiting. Even within Mark’s patient demeanor, there was also a raging curiosity. Claire’s beauty only made the mystery of unlocking her hidden decadent desires an even more intense subject of Mark’s fervid imagination.
Little did poor Mark know, but his hourglass was finally starting to run out. All those long sleepless nights, lying in bed wide eyed staring at the ceiling bedeviled by his beautiful best friend, would all prove to be in vein with the events of the past few months. Mark had never stopped to think what would happen if someone else found sweet Claire’s secret little switch first…
Can you imagine the pain you feel when the person you love more than life itself finds someone else? Just imagine, the person who has been your greatest source of joy since you were a child, the person you feel safest around, the person who you always share your secrets with moving on and being that bedrock for another. How much do you think that would hurt someone? Trust me, in my Personal experience this is more intolerable than any form of physical torture that even my diabolical mind can think up. You can’t imagine what that does to a person. To have your heart ripped out day after day each time hurting worse than the one before. Then having to smile about it to the rest of the world and see that special someone every day you open your front door. That can drive a man to…. Well just use your imagination for now, that comes later… HAHAHA
As Mark logged into his MSN home page, that was the only thing that was on his mind. There was a time when there was nothing more thrilling than seeing the bold font of an unread message from his innocent little Princess. That wasn’t the case anymore. Not since she started talking to “Him.” Now the highlighted email only served to make his pulse rise with horrid anxiety of what damning new revelation might lurk inside.
Through the years of their frustrating friendship, Mark had from time to time had to deal with the reality of Claire dating (even a boyfriend or two here and there.) Usually though, she spent more time complaining to Mark that she wished her various suitors were more like him than speaking with any real reverence about them. (And truth be told, the relationships themselves were generally shorter than he and Claire’s romantic experiments.) As such, Mark usually took her occasional attempts at courting as an affirmation of their shared destiny more than a threat.
All that changed just a few days ago. That’s when Claire first told Mark that she had been chatting with someone new for the past few months (online of all places.) Much to Mark’s surprise, she made the revelation that now their interaction had progressed to the point of talking regularly on the telephone. Initially Mark thought it to be just another case of Claire experiment, but quickly her behavior began to suggest otherwise.
Even when Claire had been in committed relationships, there was always a certain part of her night that she reserved for Mark. She would share what had gone on in her day, how she was feeling, and just spend time chatting aimlessly with him (as usual). Now, with this new variable coming into play, the volume of their conversations has taken a steep decline and any communication past bedtime was completely out the window. Mark could not help but come to the realization that Claire must really be serious about this new person in her life. This is the first time in Mark’s life that he has ever actually had to consider what life would be like knowing in his heart that he and Claire wouldn’t be together.
The worst feeling in the world is finding out that safety is an illusion. Just imagine being on the top of the Empire State Building leaning against the railing and then all of a sudden it just up and disappears. Just imagine the state of unmitigated shock and terror you would experience in that one moment. Even if you don’t go over, just having it finally sink in that the fall is a reality it makes you look at the edge in a completely different way doesn’t it?
In some strange way, silence would probably have been bearable for Mark. Just being alone having to wonder what was being said or grappling with the idea of loosing his beloved might actually be something that Mark could stand, but that’s not the relationship that he has with Claire. Mark’s a much better friend than that (for now).
Ever since Claire experienced the cataclysmic tragedy of her first C in algebra class Mark has always been there to listen or in this case read. How could he abandon her when she was going through such an exciting new time in her life? That’s not what friends do, is it? As a reward for his unbending loyalty, Mark gets the grand prize of reading every one of Claire’s long emails raving on and on about this new person that she has brought into her life and this glorious new experience that he is leading her through. What else are friends for…?
“Come on Mark, you’ve been through this before. This isn’t any different than the others. A few months from now and things will be just like they were. This is nothing.”
Lying to someone else is bad enough, but you know that something is a little out of place when you have to start lying to yourself.
Mark was becoming of the opinion that putting “…” as a subject line should be outlawed. It leaves you with absolutely no idea what to expect. It forces you to brace yourself every time you see a message from a sender that has even a remote possibility of bad news. Even still, Mark had a sneaking suspicion as to the contents of his latest communicate from his gentle Claire (and for some strange reason, he opened it anyway.)
“Damn!” Mark couldn’t help but mutter to himself. The past few weeks he had been seeing less and less of Claire. Her absence just served to make his longing to be around her more and more intense. He always hates missing any opportunity to spend time with her, especially now. Every moment was precious… he didn’t know how many more he would have.
Always remember this; the cruelest thing that you can do to a dying man is to give him hope.
“Yesssssssssssss!” Maybe the positive affirmation was paying off after all. A long day at the ballpark, go shoot some pool, maybe see a movie. Things were looking up for Mark already… That is until:
Master: 1.) A person with the ability or power to use, control, or dispose of something: a master of six languages; to be master of one's fate.
2.) An owner of a slave, animal, etc.
3.) An employer of workers or servants.
4.) Being master; exercising mastery; dominant.
5.) The new bane of Mark’s entire fucking existence.
Just seeing that word used that way made Mark’s skin crawl. It symbolizes a fundamental level of familiarity with Claire that he was completely alien to. Mark had grown quite comfortable in the past few years knowing Claire better than just about anyone. Having that part of their relationship challenged with just a single word was too much to bear. From the first time that she used it referring to him the full weight of the emerging reality is beyond has been a terrible burden on Mark’s shoulders.
“How could I have let this happen…” With every word this is the question that Mark kept asking himself over and over again. The very secrets that he so desperately wished to possess were finally being revealed to him, but not nearly in the way that he had envisioned. In the dream it was always Mark leading Claire through her precious final leg of self discovery. The idea of someone else taking her to that special place by appreciating her femininity in a way that he hadn’t (or maybe even couldn’t) was an assault on the very foundations of Mark’s manhood. Mark felt tragically helpless to stop it sitting alone at his desk just reading. The only force stronger than his mounting hatred for this enigmatic figure she simply referred to as her Master was the undying curiosity about what really aroused that special part of Claire that had lied dormant for so long…
In my line of work you gain a different appreciation for the laws of nature. One of the most fascinating things in the world is the Moth’s natural attraction to the flame…
Mark tried to tell himself to just be happy that Claire was finding happiness. As you might have guessed, he failed miserably. That is his time with her, his place lying next to her, and that was his ear to whisper into. Who was this guy to infringe on that?
As a Man it is a melancholy truth when someone succeeds where you have failed. That pain is amplified with the intensity of a thousand suns when that failure is to understand the heart of a woman you love…
Mark had convinced himself. He was no longer reading just to be there for Claire. He wasn’t reading to understand. Whatever this person was showing her had to be something he could replicate (didn’t it?) Whatever discoveries that he makes, Mark would manifest in his own dealings with Claire. The idea of covertly spying on the enemy was a lot easier to contemplate than reading a series of his own death warrants.
Mark knew that if he died today that is exactly the way his headstone would read (It is the tragic story of his life thus far after all.) Why deny it? All the attempts at being sensitive, listening, caring, sharing, respecting boundaries yada yada yada and now the strong independent young woman that he has been dreaming about since puberty is drooling over someone else because he takes CHARGE. All that’s left is for the Bears not to make the playoffs to finalize Mark’s violent divorce from all hope.
This hurts, dear god it hurts. It seems like every word digs a little deeper right in the center of his heart and for some reason the wounds won’t heal. But as much pain as he has to endure, he has to finish. At least there was nothing stopping him from that victory… he had to finish.
It’s amazing how much pain love can help a person endure. Usually, the body will out before the heart does. The flip side of the coin for people like me is how much pain love can sometimes help you inflict…
Sometimes, the things that we want to hear and the things that we need to hear are two different things. The smart ones are the ones who can figure out which is which.
Mark couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen (no matter how much his heart was screaming for him to.) It didn’t make sense to him yet. Claire had always been so strong, independent, and self reliant. She never needed to ask anyone for anything. Just watching the attitude she has when she plays basketball or her football team looses always let Mark know that Claire is no push over. Why would a person like that have a need to be dominated… even punished?
The last time that they were dating, Claire had casually mentioned in passing that she sometimes experienced a curiosity about being restrained while making love. At the time Mark thought that Claire had just read an article in “Cosmo” or something and had an idea for the two of them to try and spice things up. The thought had never occurred to him until just now that this could be a deep seeded fantasy of Claire’s that she wanted or even needed fulfilled. She never insisted, just casually hinted. What changed? Mark had to know.
“How could I be so stupid?” In all the years that he had known Claire, Mark had always more or less operated under the convenient illusion that things would just naturally take their course. He never really made the effort to MAKE things happen. Now his own self consciousness was an unwitting accomplice to the girl of his dreams being taken charge of by a complete stranger (that was beginning to haunt Mark’s nightmares.)
Mark’s growing self hatred was only to be outdone by his racing pulse. As much as he hates the fact that another man is the cause of this whispered confession, he has been waiting his entire life to see Claire loose herself like this. To understand what excites her. To understand what gives her pleasure. To see her lost in carnal indulgence like she was in so many of his nighttime fantasies. To see her embrace how beautiful and intoxicating she truly is and let her sensuality flow like the living stream that it is. Just reading the way that she describes this forbidden fantasy made the blood race through Mark’s now pulsing veins. This was so wrong, but Mark couldn’t deny the growing conflict within him. Unable to bridle is carnal reactions to Claire’s titillating discoveries Mark tried to look on the Brightside: at least he was getting SOMETHING out of this subtle cruelty. Buried in the horrible words of this latest letter were the first real glimpses at Claire’s emotionally naked form and the sight was so engrossing that Mark dare not turn away and he would certainly never forget it.
Now this was just unfair. Claire has very beautiful feet. Whether it is sandals, barefoot on the beach, or later in her professional life with an unending supply of open toed heels this was always the one part of her body that Claire made sure everyone could see. The curse for Mark, who always had a special fondness for her silky soles and twitching toes, was that she never allowed anyone including him to touch them in the slightest way.
You see, this was my fault, all my fault. I had always been too afraid to take control of what I really wanted. My stubborn childish fears almost cost me my last shreds of sanity… almost.
To make things worse, Claire always made sure that they were perfectly taken care of. All of her toes were perfectly painted with an intoxicating rainbow of color depending on her mood. Every cell of olive skin was always dripping with alluring moisture from hours of attentive care. The idea that she had secretly always desired him to have those boundaries forcefully torn down and take control of such a tremendous vulnerability was yet another nail being driven into Mark’s coffin. This is what he gets for trying to respect his best friends BOUNDARIES.
I guess people are right when they say, “no god deed goes unpunished!”
“Specifically to be tormented in the worst way that you can imagine.” That was a line that Mark’s mind couldn’t keep from chewing on over and over again. What could she possibly mean? There are so many interesting things that you can do with a helplessly bound pair of highly sensitive soles. There could be ice cubes, drizzling hot wax from one of the lightly roaring candles, Claire might have a secret desire for a little playful (or not so playful) bastinado when her shoes came off. The possibilities were endless. The one that stuck out from all the rest brought an ironic chuckle to Mark’s face as a brief respite from his mounting desperation. She couldn’t possibly mean…
It’s perfectly normal for other people to express doubt concerning your most intimate desires. It’s perfectly sad when you doubt your own.
She can never know. She can never know what this does to him. She can never know the hurt that she made him feel. That would be too much for her. She wasn’t trying to hurt him. She just needed someone to talk to. She met someone new. She was learning things about herself. She was growing into a beautiful woman right in front of his eyes. He is her best friend. This is what friends do. They listen to what is going on in other friends lives. Mark promised himself that he would never burden Claire with the sea of emotions that her new relationship was plunging him into. No matter how bad it got, he had to be strong. He could be strong for Claire.
The worst thing in life is when a person stops really believing. Everyone has goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. Sadly, the reason that most people never reach those heights has nothing to do with lack of talent or knowledge. At a certain point, the adversity becomes too much. At a certain point, the star off in the distance fades to nothing and the belief that fuels those special little dreams dies. Then people start reasoning with themselves how much better their life is now that they are being Realistic. Is there any greater tragedy that can befall a person…?
The scary thing about human limitations is that sometimes, the only way you find them is to be faced with them. But by then, it is far too late to compensate.
Nothing in the world could have prepared Mark for that. Now it wasn’t about communication. It wasn’t about Claire growing up. It wasn’t even about this new guy, whoever he was. It was about him. No matter how he tried to slice it, he was a coward. This was his fault. He did it. He let his own fear get in the way of any shot he may have had at true happiness.
You see, most people go through their entire lives taking the easy way out. That’s blaming other people. When you take that option away from them, people show you who they really are. It’s not easy going through life on your own two feet, but real victories aren’t supposed to be.
Mark just sat at the computer stunned. He read that one line over and over again in his mind... slowly. He wanted it to sink in. He needed it to sink in. Ever since their first horseplay in his families pool all those years ago there was something about Claire’s smile, her laugh, feeling her squirming in his arms playfully fighting against him.
This was something Mark kept even from himself. He dare not tell Claire about it or heaven forbid act it out. Secretly, Mark had always fantasized about tickling and teasing his sweet Claire for hours on end wrestling around on the sofa letting her kick and fight helpless in his strong arms as she poured all the life she could into his growing love for her with every sweet unbridled peel of hysterical laughter. She always looked so beautiful when she smiled. He always wanted to be that source of uncontrolled joy that just made her smile for him like that perfect little princess that he knew she was… Why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t he been brave? Could he have been brave?
Just imagine realizing the long lost map to Camelot had been hidden on the back of your own hand. Now just imagine finding it just in time to watch the horror of another knight ascending the bell tower to whisk your fairy princess off to his own dark castle. What could anyone do to deserve a curse such as this?
The first of what would be many tears stained the oak desk in front of him at the revelation of his latest demise. His most cherished fantasy for the woman he loved would have been the mystical key to unlocking her deepest desires and he had been too afraid to use it all this time. Mark turned down the picture of Claire that he had on his desk next to his computer. In the feigning light he could see his reflection like a ghost in the dark glass. Mark couldn’t bear to look at himself right now…
You know really there is a thin line between love and hate. When you think about it, they are both just manifestations of a strong burning passion to do something. What that something is actually has very little consequence to the raw intensity of the sensations. The emotions themselves are both sides of the same coin. And the body, as it seems, doesn’t care which one of them put the coin into the slot.
Shame. That is the best way to describe what Mark was feeling right now. This was something that terrified him more than anything that he could ever imagine. Loosing Claire was something he never even allowed his male friends to joke about. Being confronted with the stark reality is something that he never prepared for. Yet, there was something else. No matter what aggravating circumstances surrounded Claire’s lucid sensual revelations Mark could not control the way his body was reacting to the intriguing news.
The reality of the Master was present in his mind, Mark couldn’t deny that. Even still, every line as Claire explained her need to be teased and tickled even more than Mark had dreamed began to manifest itself in Mark’s swelling loins. He felt himself becoming quite lightheaded just imagining her melodious laughter in response to his menacing touches. He felt the blood being reallocated to other parts of his body that were, despite his best efforts, being stirred to life by Claire’s every seductive word. Just reading the word Tickle had an affect that Mark never thought he would have to deal with from Claire and the intensity of the scene being set in front of him was too much to ignore.
Mark wished more than anything that this was a depiction of an evening that Claire had planned for the two of them than a conversation with the man who was taking all of this away from him one phone conversation at a time. He wanted desperately to be the one standing behind his bound lover while she was so utterly helpless. He wanted desperately to have the unmitigated power to explore every square inch of Claire’s sensitive tanned skin while she squirmed uselessly in a state of involuntary protest and squealed delightfully in sweet girlish laughter. The realization that it was not to be, sent Mark’s conscious mind into even greater depression in spite of the enthusiasm between his strong legs.
As we all move through life’s intricate maze we inevitably begin to loose things. That’s just part of life. With every day that passes, some men somewhere have to deal with the loosing the girl of their dreams. It’s another sad part of reality. But how many other men do you know that have to loose the girl and the dream all at the same time? Even to a self professed Monster like me that’s cold. No one deserves that, do they?
Through his watery eyes, Mark can imagine the smile on Claire’s face: that sweet smile, the one that always gives him comfort. No matter how hard things had gotten, no matter how depressed he was, no matter what tragedy had befallen him, no matter what parent he was saying his final goodbyes to in a dark hospital room, no matter the sibling that had abandoned his family and cursed his namesake, he could always count on Claire being right there holding his hand and comforting him with that smile. It was his eternal opiate.
The one thing he could always count on was Claire’s beautiful smile to rescue him, rescue him from whatever atrocities that life had placed before him. But now with someone else causing that smile, being that person that made her happy, that glorious ray of light itself has transformed into the atrocity racking Mark’s tortured mind endlessly without pity. Having his one symbol of safe refuge stripped away from him made Mark feel as though he was completely alone in the midst of the entire world buzzing past and leaving him desolate in his searing desert of utter despair.
More depressing than the reality of her new found affection for her, “Master” was Marks insatiable need to keep reading. Even though every word tore another piece of his aching heart to shreds, the grief alone was not enough to stop that dark part of him that hungered to read more and more about his sweet innocent princess being mercilessly tormented in his favorite way. As much as he hated to admit it, there was a part of him glad that Claire was sharing her new found awakening with him.
The only thing worse than having to see the woman that you have spent your whole life yearning for happy with someone else is to be excited by what you’re forced to watch.
Mark could not help but imagine what his sweet little girl would look like at this very moment. The one part of Claire that always eluded him was her fervent indulgence of the secret desires almost lewdly on display before him. He longed to see her mouth gaping open as her body struggled to endure the conflicting sensations of torment and pleasure beseeching her defenseless nervous system. He wanted to watch her slender fingers and curling toes fidget frantically in response to his cruel tickling torment. He wanted to hear her breath tremble as the blissful sensations caused her hips to lightly sinuate into him lost in her own world of erotic glee. He wanted to see her smiling at him drifting behind her blindfold wondering where his next attack would come from, but all that he was left with was the image of someone else living out his fantasy through the looking-glass of his computer screen.
He wanted to be there next to her. He wanted to hold her tightly while he whispered his evil promises in her ears. He wanted to hear her squeal in delight as his fingers lightly skittered along her exposed sides while he held her tightly in place. He wanted to feel her squirming against him while they cuddled tightly in his bed just enjoying the feeling of their bodies so close together. Mark wanted to be the one causing the light dew drops to form between Claire’s thighs but he had to confront the horrid actuality that his place at her side had been taken by someone else and that there was nothing he could do about it. Nor could he do anything about the physical sorrow that was variably streaming down his cheek.
Does it depress you, to know how frail hope is? It’s kind of like a butterfly’s wings: once touched it never really able to get off the ground again. Don’t feel too bad. If someone like me can have their hope smashed to pieces it can happen to anyone. In life it’s just a matter of time before you get knocked down. The real question is, “how many times are you going to keep dragging yourself off the mat and keep fighting for what you want.” I don’t mean to brag, but I have gotten up a LOT.
There’s going to come a point in life when you are going to have to decide to take what’s yours. I’ll never tell you it’s easy. I’ll just tell you that looking in the mirror gets a lot harder if you don’t.
“Finally together…” That was one of many lines from this haunting letter that would stick with Mark for a long time after his home screen faded to black. As much as he tried, he couldn’t block “him” out to focus on Claire in all her enraptured glory. At every turn, when Mark found the slightest bit of conscious joy reading about her mirthful torment he would be reminded that he was not the author of this romantic foray.
Worse yet, now Mark sees Claire’s clear intentions to meet this person at some point and consummate the dark fantasies that they have been sharing together since god knows when. Maybe she really was gone? Maybe he was too late? One thing was sure; this was certainly not like the others. If Mark wanted any chance he knew that this would be the fight of his life and right now it looked to have all the makings of an early round knock out. Now more than ever Mark knew that his TIME was running out…
Winning at anything is simple really, once you understand the rules. Thankfully, the controlling rule of life is a fairly predictable one. Life, more often than not, will give you one of two choices: what you are willing to fight for, or what you are willing to accept. The winners simply understand that the choice is ultimately up to them. The losers are the ones who hide behind the excuse that they just never seem to have the LUCK that other people do. The only real question is, “Which one are you?”
Mark just gave himself over to his raging emotions. He no longer tried to hold back the salty tears from flowing down his sullen cheek, or the urge to feed more and more on the idea of his Blushing Beauty suffering the ticklish fate that he never imagined she could desire. The duality was strange, but Mark couldn’t fight it right now. Somewhere those conflicting emotions would meet in the recesses of his now tormented mind, but the final mix was beyond his control now. He was finally starting to let go. He was finally being honest.
Then it started to happen. Part of it became too much. The grimace now contorting Mark’s now sinister face was evidence that the one thing that he didn’t want to happen was becoming inevitable. ANGER. The pleasure from her fantasized predicament and the horror of the Master’s intentions with his sweet delicate princess were beginning to manifest in the one emotion that he had always kept from Claire, his anger. Right now he was furious at her. How could she keep this from him for so long? How could she share this with someone else? How could she let a stranger come between them? How could she be so selfish? Right now Mark began to focus almost solely on the prospect of Claire’s limbs hanging tightly above her head as well. The only difference is that right now Mark wasn’t really thinking about anything resembling Claire’s pleasure.
You see for me, this is when the light finally turned on. Once you begin to accept the fact that a part of you just wants to watch that special someone suffer while they are helpless to stop you then you’ve taken your first real step to being honest about who you really are. The hard part is finally acting on that dark impulse and actually making the decision to force someone you love endure PAIN. But don’t worry. That gets a lot Easier over time… HAHAHA
A tiny part of Mark was truly glad for Claire’s breakthrough. This is something that Mark knew was inevitable, just like the gentle blossoming of the radiant flowers with the first signs of the new spring. The vast majority of him however was being besieged with wave after wave of grief that it was another shinning star instead of his rays of devoted sunshine that was lighting the path for Claire’s emerging vernal equinox.
Now just like Claire, Mark was working on his own breakthrough; even though the details were still hard to make out. Who does he hate more at this very moment: Claire, Her Master, or Himself? Somehow the answer to that question seemed extremely pertinent as the fires behind his broiling eyes and between his strong legs burned hotter and hotter with every lustful detail of his naughty neighbors little bedtime story.
You know I think that things like Anger and Hatred get a bad wrap. I mean look at all the good things that have made. I mean, people hate war right? Teams get angry because they loose so they play better the next time don’t they? Some people hate their job, so you know what-they go out and start their own business. Then they create more jobs, goods and services for everyone right? If I ever had to go in for surgery, I would want a Doctor who absolutely HATES to loose a patient. Anger… Hatred…. They’re not the problem. It’s all about how you use them. Even though that is rather tricky I will admit. But trust me, it can be done… Ask me how I know. You’ll see. One day they will make a museum or a monument just for the accomplishments from all mankind authored by normal people who just finally took ownership of how truly enraged they were.
Even in the midst of his growing despair Mark couldn’t help but laugh to himself as his own personal bottomless pit just kept getting deeper and deeper. Those are his shoes. They are the ones that HE is so fond of. First the girl, then the dream, now his shoes. What could possibly be next? At this rate he was a dead dog away from becoming a horrible reincarnation of a misguided country song.
Claire was a sight to see in her favorite pair of four inch heels. She was naturally a tall girl, but with her added elevation she could almost look Mark right in the eyes even though he was a very impressive 6’2. The thought of taking those perfect leather pumps off after Claire’s long days had crossed Mark’s mind on more than a few occasions. He always wanted the privilege of taking her beautiful soft soles in the palms of his strong hands and massage any tension or worry that she might have far away from her conscious mind.
Mark always relished the idea of lightly, ever so lightly, teasing and tickling Claire’s perfectly sensitized soles so that she could be that sweet little princess for him just one more time. So that he could see that smile that he craved more than anything, hear here musical laughter that always lifted his very soul to unimaginable heights, and look deeply into her piercing eyes while she bit her lip in delicious anticipation of all the wonderful things that he had in store for her and her pretty peds.
Those hazel eyes peering deeply into him seemed like such a distant wonderland in the midst of his current plight. The idea of someone else tasting Claire’s ticklish cherry tipped toes before he did was simply too much to contemplate. But the very idea of that most delicate skin being teased, tickled, and tormented in the way that it screamed out for so dearly still had the subconscious effect of making mark dizzy at the very thought. Despite himself, he still needed to read more. Now more than ever, anything to do with his beautiful princess being made to suffer had much added appeal in Mark’s ever twisting mind.
Mark really couldn’t grasp what was sicker: how much Claire was enjoying herself with someone she barely knew or the voyeuristic thrills that were shooting sharply through his strong body with Claire’s every word. Either way, he had long since come to the gruesome realization that there was little he could do to stop either one right now.
Everyone wants to fly, but so few are willing to let go of the rail. I know that it’s scary letting go for the first time… but you learn.
With every word from Claire’s scintillating midnight conversation, Mark’s naturally tame fantasies of playful teasing his Best friend began to take on a much more sinister tone. Now, Mark wanted nothing more in the world than to be the dark figure standing behind his Bound Beauty cruelly wielding the torturous implement of her ticklish demise. He could almost see Claire’s cherry tipped digits dancing aimlessly in fervent response to the malicious tantalizing touch of his feral feather. He could almost hear her high pitched squeals of forced glee. He could hear the violent ruffling as she struggled so mightily in her strict bondage unable to escape his mindless ticklish torture of her sweet trembling toes (the same toes that have teased him for so many long springs past.) The same set of wiggling digits that he has had the chance to tease and torment himself but was never brave enough to try. Two virulent strains of emotions were beginning to rage deep inside of Marks blackening heart, both threatening to destroy all that he was and transform him into something he had tried to hide for so long.
In this world, no one is going to give you anything. You have to stand up one day, make a decision and take it-sometimes very forcefully. Now sometimes, this may tack DRASTIC measures, but that’s a lot better than seeing someone else walking around with something that belongs to you. That’s the decision that I had to make, and one day so will you.
Mark could not help the deviant fascination that he was developing every time he read that one simple word: “Punished.” That’s all that he could think about to keep himself sane while reading the devastating e-mail before him. Even though he had to deal with the stark reality that it took the catalyst another man’s intrusion, he was quickly developing an iniquitous addiction to the carnal idea of erotically disciplining his pretty little princess while she was helpless to stop him. It wasn’t just about making Claire smile anymore. His secret fantasy of subjecting her to hours of prolonged ticking has taken on a much more merciless meaning in the back of his darkening mind.
Now, Mark wants to see a part of Claire suffer. He wants to make her feel the way that he feels at this very second. He wants to punish her. Punish her for being so beautiful, punish her for being so caring, so loving, so intoxicating, so comforting, being such a good friend, and causing the intense love that is now the foundation for his greatest sorrow. He wants to watch her ticklish toes strain, her toned muscles tense, her slender limbs thrashing against their bonds, and her beautiful svelte tummy burst with hysterical laughter flowing through her sweet cherry lips as physical manifestations of the unbearable anguish that he feels right now.
It can be a very scary experience the first time you REALLY take a good hard look in life’s mirror. You might not like what you see starring back through the glass. Believe me; it was especially tough in my case. To realize that there is this dark part of you that wants to watch the person you love squirm in intolerable anguish as punishment for being so distant from you-denying you what you have wanted for so long… The horrifying fantasies that you never knew you had bleeding through into your conscious mind. Your head filling with all kinds of questions: “Am I normal? Am I going out of my mind? Am I a…” Trust me… it’s a hard pill to swallow. But then again, the ones that really help to heal you usually are…
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” The intensity of Mark’s climax was only bested by the ferocity of his new found self loathing. How could he be so pathetic? How could he bring himself to orgasm reading about Claire’s inordinate sexual fascination with another man? How could he be that poor soul looking through the key hole at a life that he couldn’t have and be foolish enough to express gratitude for the privilege?
You know, a great man once said: “You have to walk through life’s deepest valley’s to appreciate the majesty of life’s greatest mountain tops.” I believe that. The problem is that when you are walking through the valley, that you can’t see the mountain top, just the rocks to climb.
“I know that we will always be friends…!” This is now the anthem of Mark’s suffering. Somehow, in the temporal maze of Mark’s relationship with Claire he had taken so many wrong turns, missed so many opportunities, been so blind that this was the only destination left to him. Even at the end of her scintillating soliloquy one last reminder that the source of her pleasure couldn’t be any more an antithesis to the teary eyed young man sitting shamefully at his computer screen still quaking from his glorious moment of weakness.
It’s bad enough to realize that you will never reach the Promised Land. It’s bad enough to realize that all your life’s dreams are currently tracing their inevitable way down life’s proverbial drain. But to have a life sentence of being caged just inches away from what you have wanted for so long to be reminded every day that you will never be able to possess it is just too much for anyone to take… regrettably, even for me. That’s when I knew that was it. As much as I loved her, as much time as I had spent with her through my life, I had to leave my sweet innocent little princess behind. There is no way that I was going to allow her to be the warden of my imprisonment just inches away from what I knew I wanted, what I NEEDED. That would be too much. Cheer up. As you can see, she will be well taken care of. She just won’t be My burden to bear anymore...
Mark just sat there. His body still shaking from the eruption of his manhood (inspired no less by the single greatest message of his life’s inescapable futility.) His heart was pounding in his chest. His hands trembling, his eyes are still reddened with the tears caused by Claire’s sensual journey with her new enigmatic figure. The knot in the back of Mark’s throat grew to the size of a watermelon. Holding back his free flowing sobs chokes all the air that he would normally use to breathe air into his now burning lungs. His entire body aches, not from physical pain, but from the pain of life’s great disappointment.
You see, the spasms in Marks hardened loins only relieved the pressure building in his aching scrotum from the sheer sensuousness of Claire’s detailed confession. The unbearable pressure caused by the depth of his sinking depression could not be quelled by even the most pleasurable of explosions. That relief would have to take on a different form.
Over the many years past, Claire’s beautiful smile had become his greatest sense of escape when life became far too great for MArk to handle. The euphoria that he found in the slightest pleasurable twinge of her perfect lips had helped guide him past the greatest tragedies of his adult life and shaped the man that he had become in ways that few would believe.
But now, in this dark moment, that symbol that had represented his deepest joy has been transformed into the immortal portrait of his insurmountable inadequacy. In that single moment having no option but to turn from Claire’s radiance Mark’s subconscious made a horrible promise that Mark’s conscience had no power over: Claire would be sorry… sorry that she didn’t have Mark around to listen so intently anymore.
Deprived of his greatest source of respite from the doldrums of painful despair Mark was forced to turn to an old friend that even Claire didn’t know about. This was someone who Mark had always kept with him ever since they met when he was a small boy. This was the first real friend that Mark ever had who really knew how to take his dreadful pain away. They met for the first time just after one of Mark’s father’s many tirades about how careless and forgetful Mark was. No matter how badly things became when he was a child this was the one friend who always knew how to make things feel so much better. Even through his long friendship with Claire, Mark made sure to keep this special friend at arms reach just in case something like this happened. After all, you never know what the future holds, do you? He even had a special place reserved for his special friend so that he would never forget…
Mark slowly opened the top drawer on the right side of his desk trying to imagine the merciful release to come. He took out the little black box that he had bought in secret all those many years ago. He took a deep breath. Just a few more minutes and all the pain from this hellacious actuality would be gone, gone from the tortured mind that right now could take now more. He wouldn’t have to feel ashamed anymore. His friend would take it all away.
He opened the shiny case to find his old companion, right where he had left it. He picked up the artists knife very carefully with a special reverence for the powers of healing that he knew it possessed. He studied it to make sure that it was still in good order. That was the one thing he was still capable of doing, making sure that things are in good order. Mark held his breath as he removed the transparent cap to expose the familiar sharp blade that had brought him so much comfort all those years before.
Mark held the blade in mid air with his right hand as he took the alcohol and cotton swab out of his special case with his left. He thought about pulling down his pants to adorn his thigh just like before, but then he thought to himself “what’s the point anymore?” He would never have to worry about his Mother seeing it in plain site again. There was no one else that he cared about right now. Besides, there was no way that he would ever be able to hide from this THING that had been set in motion, so why even try.
Mark placed his left hand on the desk and braced himself for the tragic euphoria that he knew was only seconds away now. Holding the handle between his trembling sweaty fingers, Mark brought the knife slowly to his wri……………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
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The hardest decision that you can make is to leave behind someone that you love. It’s never easy, but often necessary. This is the burden that I had to carry when I decided to leave behind the princess that I had known so well and blaze my own path into life’s tomorrows. The only thing that you can do to keep yourself sane when you choose to do something this unthinkable is to assure yourself that there is something truly worthwhile on the other side of the painful choice even if you can’t see it yet. That’s the only way that you can make yourself strong enough, even if just a moment, to survive the teary “So Long…”
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But don’t worry. As I will illustrate so clearly, we are very lucky to live in a world where fortune truly favors the bold. Imagine all the four leaf clovers it must have taken to allow this evil “monster” the rapturous duality of becoming the “Hero!”
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I wouldn’t go anywhere if I were you. You’ll miss the best part… HAHAHAHHAHA…
To be continued…
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I would like to thank you all for taking the time to read my gentle work. As a writer, our work dies to us the moment that we hit the send key and post for your enjoyment. We are the architects of the suspense or mystery and after we finish crafting we are only left with the percieved mistakes and questionable wordings. We are given new life when we get a chance to glimpse into the emotional journey that we were able to help you through with the magic of our written words. So please, even if it is short and in an instance, post a comment of what you think so that I can better understand the things that I helped you experience. Thank you again for reading...
And also, the concept of cutting is real and not a joke. I did not write this to disperage anyone who has experienced or maybe even is experiencing this affliction. In reality, it is to show awarness that there are people out there like this. I know for a fact that there are people on this board who have had to deal with it in the past or present. It is our job as people in a realm lending itself to sadomasochism that we are aware of the mental health as well as physical well being of the people that we play with. After care is great, but it doesn't stop 30 minutes after they drink a bottle of water. Take care of yourselves, learn to take care of eachother. Because in the real world, eachother is all we are going to have. Have a great night everyone.
thought that one day you might just have to deal with what's lurking in the closet before you can ever really enjoy all the things
that may or may not be going on in that nice tidy little bed of yours... If you ever wanted the anwer to those simple little questions, then by all means please come on in...
This tale deals with serious themes, so please stay after the credits for the full plot of what is to come. I hope you like the special features. To old friends, and new acquaintances I would like to cordially welcome you, to my DYSFUNCTION...
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The Perfect Monster
Written by: JJ82284
Glad to see that you could make it. I have been waiting for you. You’re just in time too; things were starting to become a bit boring. I can really use someone to help me pass the time. Don’t you just hate it when things aren’t ready when they are supposed to be? In case you hadn’t noticed, it really irritates me when things don’t go according to the plans I so meticulously put into place.
I came in to pick up my watch over half an hour ago and it’s still not ready. How long do you think it takes to put a new battery in anyway? Geez! Oh well. At least that gives us a nice chance to chat then huh? I’d rather spend a little time talking with you than be stuck here all alone watching the kid in the audio visual store stock shelves all day. Go ahead, have a seat. Judging by the events thus far I think we might be here a while so make yourself comfortable.
Soooooooooooooooo, what do you think we should discuss? The weather? The game this past Sunday? Would you like me to bore you with my career chronology? Or maybe you would actually like to talk about something real. (That certainly got your attention didn’t it?) You don’t have to feel awkward, I feel it’ a duty of mine to tutor the “aspiring.” I know that you have a lot of questions. (I remember I did when I first got that little itch that I might be “different” from all the other kids at school.) It’s just a matter of how best to answer them… Hmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh I know! Why don’t I tell you how I became what I call: The Perfect Monster... I’m sure that a person like you will find it quite enlightening.
“Monster!” It’s probably a little strange for you just to hear someone describe themselves that way isn’t it? Not something you hear everyday I know. I don’t blame you. To be honest, it took me a rather long time to get used to it myself. Allow me, if I may, to gently illuminate the insidious darkness that swims quietly behind these knowing eyes of mine.
Now, you might find what I have to say a little… DISTURBING. Don’t worry, though. I don’t bite. Trust me; there are much worse things to do to a person that prove to be lots more fun. HAHA.
In reality the world is full of people like me. There are people whose truest expression of love or caring is synonymous with almost inhuman cruelty: the likes of which is hard to fully articulate. There are people who use things like hate, anger, jealousy, fear, malice, panic, helplessness, despair, torment and sheer unadulterated EVIL to create a portrait of pleasure that most NORMAL people will never fully appreciate, let alone understand.
Does it frighten you to live in a world full of monsters? To know that the person you are talking to at any given moment might have some rather malicious intentions for the most vulnerable parts of you? Can you imagine someone literally feeding off of your deepest fears to feed their deepest desires? The very idea that some people fantasize about making you utterly helpless to the madness inside them. All those reprobate innovations swirling around their head while you are, regrettably, powerless to stop them from experimenting. Does that make you nervous… just a little? HAHAHA.
No worries though… Most of these people haven’t even come to grips with what they really are yet; let alone have the courage to share that level of depravity with this civilized world… (Take it from me I know…)But then there are people like me. People who finally have the strength to push past what other people expect us to do and finally embrace what we really want to do.
You see, it doesn’t take any real skill to be a Monster. It’s more or less the way people like me are born. The real skill begins when you master the art of boldly showing someone how truly “sick” you can be and create in them a nagging fervid hunger to suffer for your own pleasure. To create a willing eager little playmate longing to indulge in even the darkest parts of your insidious imagination (no matter how insufferable the consequences can be fore them). There is something so special about taking your time, slowly molding someone to crave your degenerate desires just as much as you do…
The first step that most of us miss is admitting to ourselves what those degenerate desires really are. Believe me, it can be a rather jarring experience, but you can never be strong enough to transform someone else if you are not first strong enough to be honest with yourself (remember that). No matter how hard you or how many times you try, any attempt at “connecting” with another person will always have those pesky little flies buzzing in the ointment unless you are fully in touch with that unique ruthless part of you.
That used to be me… but not anymore. I am going to tell you how that all changed. I am going to tell you how I took the power to teach someone how to experience their own deviant little frenzy in the wake of my unbridled malevolence. I’m going to tell you the story of how I became “Perfect!” Trust me it was a lot harder than you might think, but it was most definitely worth it.
Like most stories, this one has a princess- MY Princess. My sweet little Claire. But unlike most bedtime stories, this is the sordid little tale about how I finally mustered enough courage to leave the innocent little princess and all her attempts to control me behind. How I finally embraced the true creature of darkness that I am finding someone who loves all of me, not just the parts people see every day…
Don’t look so surprised. How often do both the Monster and the Princess both get to live happily ever after? Haha. Ironically enough, this is also the story of how I got this watch-and thus the reason that I am sitting here talking to you today. It’s funny how life works sometimes isn’t it?
Come on now… you must cheer up. It’s human nature to leave the princess behind for the Queen isn’t it? Can you really blame me? I’m sure that as you listen to the choice I had to make it will become very clear that I made the right decision. But don’t you worry though. In the interest of good storytelling, I will try to be as fair as possible to our recently departed little girl... (No matter how UNFAIR she was to me.)
“Mark Eddie Sadler” Whenever Mark comes to sit at his desk he always reads the entire name plate that she gave him. This brass ornament was one of many First Month anniversary presents from dear friend Claire in their numerous yet futile attempts at romance. After long days like today it always reminded Mark of the one great thing that he has in life, well almost has in life.
Thankfully for Mark, one of the many benefits to running the family business is: not having to change into more comfortable clothes when you get home. When your last name is on the sign outside then a pair of jeans and an un-tucked polo are good enough to spend extra hours making sure that all the trucking invoices for last month are in good order. That means that as soon as you get home you can just crash in your favorite chair, sit at your desk, turn on your computer, and see what has been going on in the world while you were swimming through the deep seas of commerce. You can just sit back comfortably and focus on all the latest news, forget about your long day, and be kindly reminded of your life’s greatest trudge: pinning for the girl next door as your favorite picture of her splashes delicately across your desktop.
Have you ever had that best friend of the opposite sex that always felt like more than a friend, but every attempt at fireworks would fizzle out when you tried to physically step outside the boundaries of just friends? You know the one who you always hang out with but somehow candle light and slow music never quite fit? Or the one that you always horse around with but every kiss just feels like a ritualistic greeting from your second cousin twice removed?
These are the plutonic doldrums that Claire and Mark have been stuck in for as long as either of them can remember. Best friends since they were in middle school, hopelessly asexual roommates in college, now horribly distant next door neighbors that spend almost every waking hour together.
The sad part for Mark is that he really honestly and truly loves Claire. He couldn’t imagine life without that little smile that she always has on her face. It’s not that they don’t have strong feelings for each other; it’s just that there has never been that spark that you need to take things to that next level (where the real magic happens.)
You know, you’d be surprised how hard it really is to make that kind of impression. When things have been so depressingly plutonic for so long it’s really hard to change the mood.
The only real comfort that Mark ever found was in time. By that I mean that Mark has always been of the opinion that it was only a matter of time before something would change between the two of them. One day he would magically be able to express to her what he had been feeling for so long but could never articulate through the touch of his hands or the kiss of his lips.
Unfortunately, change and comfort-oil and water.
Claire on the other hand was what you might call a Late Bloomer of sorts. She was always something of a tomboy. She never bothered with dresses or heels until well into her second year of college. She always found more comfort in watching a football game with her dearest friend than she ever did with the awkward staring of boys who she knew only had one thing on their mind. This was undoubtedly the source of Mark’s fervent belief that time was somehow on his side.
Claire had never really settled into her femininity. 5’8, very athletic, long silky jet black hair, long flowing legs, soft flowing contours that captured the gaze of every post adolescent male that she had come in contact with, firm ample breasts, slight neck, slender physique, pouting lips, and piercing hazel eyes that always seemed to look right into Mark’s soul whether he wanted them to or not. For some reason, she had never really been sensually expressive past her radiant appearance. There was always a quiet modesty that in truth only made her more alluring in Mark’s eyes. Naturally with every day that passes her every move became more elegant, delicate, graceful, and utterly intoxicating to Mark. It wasn’t that he was impatient, but even in their experiments with dating it always seemed that there was something a miss with her when their eyes closed and lips met.
Mark could never quite put his finger on it though… It always felt like there was some switch that needed to be flipped for all of Claire’s most intimate circuits to all fire in time. Mark thought that this was all just part of Claire’s natural development and that it wouldn’t be right to push her. After all, he is her best friend first. Whatever else happens will all come in due TIME, remember. As soon as she became more comfortable with her sensuality then the infant like romance that was always just beneath the surface would break through after all these years of unbearable waiting. Even within Mark’s patient demeanor, there was also a raging curiosity. Claire’s beauty only made the mystery of unlocking her hidden decadent desires an even more intense subject of Mark’s fervid imagination.
Little did poor Mark know, but his hourglass was finally starting to run out. All those long sleepless nights, lying in bed wide eyed staring at the ceiling bedeviled by his beautiful best friend, would all prove to be in vein with the events of the past few months. Mark had never stopped to think what would happen if someone else found sweet Claire’s secret little switch first…
Can you imagine the pain you feel when the person you love more than life itself finds someone else? Just imagine, the person who has been your greatest source of joy since you were a child, the person you feel safest around, the person who you always share your secrets with moving on and being that bedrock for another. How much do you think that would hurt someone? Trust me, in my Personal experience this is more intolerable than any form of physical torture that even my diabolical mind can think up. You can’t imagine what that does to a person. To have your heart ripped out day after day each time hurting worse than the one before. Then having to smile about it to the rest of the world and see that special someone every day you open your front door. That can drive a man to…. Well just use your imagination for now, that comes later… HAHAHA
As Mark logged into his MSN home page, that was the only thing that was on his mind. There was a time when there was nothing more thrilling than seeing the bold font of an unread message from his innocent little Princess. That wasn’t the case anymore. Not since she started talking to “Him.” Now the highlighted email only served to make his pulse rise with horrid anxiety of what damning new revelation might lurk inside.
Through the years of their frustrating friendship, Mark had from time to time had to deal with the reality of Claire dating (even a boyfriend or two here and there.) Usually though, she spent more time complaining to Mark that she wished her various suitors were more like him than speaking with any real reverence about them. (And truth be told, the relationships themselves were generally shorter than he and Claire’s romantic experiments.) As such, Mark usually took her occasional attempts at courting as an affirmation of their shared destiny more than a threat.
All that changed just a few days ago. That’s when Claire first told Mark that she had been chatting with someone new for the past few months (online of all places.) Much to Mark’s surprise, she made the revelation that now their interaction had progressed to the point of talking regularly on the telephone. Initially Mark thought it to be just another case of Claire experiment, but quickly her behavior began to suggest otherwise.
Even when Claire had been in committed relationships, there was always a certain part of her night that she reserved for Mark. She would share what had gone on in her day, how she was feeling, and just spend time chatting aimlessly with him (as usual). Now, with this new variable coming into play, the volume of their conversations has taken a steep decline and any communication past bedtime was completely out the window. Mark could not help but come to the realization that Claire must really be serious about this new person in her life. This is the first time in Mark’s life that he has ever actually had to consider what life would be like knowing in his heart that he and Claire wouldn’t be together.
The worst feeling in the world is finding out that safety is an illusion. Just imagine being on the top of the Empire State Building leaning against the railing and then all of a sudden it just up and disappears. Just imagine the state of unmitigated shock and terror you would experience in that one moment. Even if you don’t go over, just having it finally sink in that the fall is a reality it makes you look at the edge in a completely different way doesn’t it?
In some strange way, silence would probably have been bearable for Mark. Just being alone having to wonder what was being said or grappling with the idea of loosing his beloved might actually be something that Mark could stand, but that’s not the relationship that he has with Claire. Mark’s a much better friend than that (for now).
Ever since Claire experienced the cataclysmic tragedy of her first C in algebra class Mark has always been there to listen or in this case read. How could he abandon her when she was going through such an exciting new time in her life? That’s not what friends do, is it? As a reward for his unbending loyalty, Mark gets the grand prize of reading every one of Claire’s long emails raving on and on about this new person that she has brought into her life and this glorious new experience that he is leading her through. What else are friends for…?
“Come on Mark, you’ve been through this before. This isn’t any different than the others. A few months from now and things will be just like they were. This is nothing.”
Lying to someone else is bad enough, but you know that something is a little out of place when you have to start lying to yourself.
Mark was becoming of the opinion that putting “…” as a subject line should be outlawed. It leaves you with absolutely no idea what to expect. It forces you to brace yourself every time you see a message from a sender that has even a remote possibility of bad news. Even still, Mark had a sneaking suspicion as to the contents of his latest communicate from his gentle Claire (and for some strange reason, he opened it anyway.)
[email protected] said:
“Damn!” Mark couldn’t help but mutter to himself. The past few weeks he had been seeing less and less of Claire. Her absence just served to make his longing to be around her more and more intense. He always hates missing any opportunity to spend time with her, especially now. Every moment was precious… he didn’t know how many more he would have.
[email protected] said:
Always remember this; the cruelest thing that you can do to a dying man is to give him hope.
“Yesssssssssssss!” Maybe the positive affirmation was paying off after all. A long day at the ballpark, go shoot some pool, maybe see a movie. Things were looking up for Mark already… That is until:
[email protected] said:
Master: 1.) A person with the ability or power to use, control, or dispose of something: a master of six languages; to be master of one's fate.
2.) An owner of a slave, animal, etc.
3.) An employer of workers or servants.
4.) Being master; exercising mastery; dominant.
5.) The new bane of Mark’s entire fucking existence.
Just seeing that word used that way made Mark’s skin crawl. It symbolizes a fundamental level of familiarity with Claire that he was completely alien to. Mark had grown quite comfortable in the past few years knowing Claire better than just about anyone. Having that part of their relationship challenged with just a single word was too much to bear. From the first time that she used it referring to him the full weight of the emerging reality is beyond has been a terrible burden on Mark’s shoulders.
[email protected] said:
“How could I have let this happen…” With every word this is the question that Mark kept asking himself over and over again. The very secrets that he so desperately wished to possess were finally being revealed to him, but not nearly in the way that he had envisioned. In the dream it was always Mark leading Claire through her precious final leg of self discovery. The idea of someone else taking her to that special place by appreciating her femininity in a way that he hadn’t (or maybe even couldn’t) was an assault on the very foundations of Mark’s manhood. Mark felt tragically helpless to stop it sitting alone at his desk just reading. The only force stronger than his mounting hatred for this enigmatic figure she simply referred to as her Master was the undying curiosity about what really aroused that special part of Claire that had lied dormant for so long…
In my line of work you gain a different appreciation for the laws of nature. One of the most fascinating things in the world is the Moth’s natural attraction to the flame…
[email protected] said:
Mark tried to tell himself to just be happy that Claire was finding happiness. As you might have guessed, he failed miserably. That is his time with her, his place lying next to her, and that was his ear to whisper into. Who was this guy to infringe on that?
[email protected] said:
As a Man it is a melancholy truth when someone succeeds where you have failed. That pain is amplified with the intensity of a thousand suns when that failure is to understand the heart of a woman you love…
Mark had convinced himself. He was no longer reading just to be there for Claire. He wasn’t reading to understand. Whatever this person was showing her had to be something he could replicate (didn’t it?) Whatever discoveries that he makes, Mark would manifest in his own dealings with Claire. The idea of covertly spying on the enemy was a lot easier to contemplate than reading a series of his own death warrants.
[email protected] said:
Mark Eddie Saddler
1982-2008
“The Nice Guy Who Finished Last”
1982-2008
“The Nice Guy Who Finished Last”
Mark knew that if he died today that is exactly the way his headstone would read (It is the tragic story of his life thus far after all.) Why deny it? All the attempts at being sensitive, listening, caring, sharing, respecting boundaries yada yada yada and now the strong independent young woman that he has been dreaming about since puberty is drooling over someone else because he takes CHARGE. All that’s left is for the Bears not to make the playoffs to finalize Mark’s violent divorce from all hope.
This hurts, dear god it hurts. It seems like every word digs a little deeper right in the center of his heart and for some reason the wounds won’t heal. But as much pain as he has to endure, he has to finish. At least there was nothing stopping him from that victory… he had to finish.
It’s amazing how much pain love can help a person endure. Usually, the body will out before the heart does. The flip side of the coin for people like me is how much pain love can sometimes help you inflict…
[email protected] said:
Sometimes, the things that we want to hear and the things that we need to hear are two different things. The smart ones are the ones who can figure out which is which.
Mark couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen (no matter how much his heart was screaming for him to.) It didn’t make sense to him yet. Claire had always been so strong, independent, and self reliant. She never needed to ask anyone for anything. Just watching the attitude she has when she plays basketball or her football team looses always let Mark know that Claire is no push over. Why would a person like that have a need to be dominated… even punished?
[email protected] said:
The last time that they were dating, Claire had casually mentioned in passing that she sometimes experienced a curiosity about being restrained while making love. At the time Mark thought that Claire had just read an article in “Cosmo” or something and had an idea for the two of them to try and spice things up. The thought had never occurred to him until just now that this could be a deep seeded fantasy of Claire’s that she wanted or even needed fulfilled. She never insisted, just casually hinted. What changed? Mark had to know.
[email protected] said:
“How could I be so stupid?” In all the years that he had known Claire, Mark had always more or less operated under the convenient illusion that things would just naturally take their course. He never really made the effort to MAKE things happen. Now his own self consciousness was an unwitting accomplice to the girl of his dreams being taken charge of by a complete stranger (that was beginning to haunt Mark’s nightmares.)
[email protected] said:
Mark’s growing self hatred was only to be outdone by his racing pulse. As much as he hates the fact that another man is the cause of this whispered confession, he has been waiting his entire life to see Claire loose herself like this. To understand what excites her. To understand what gives her pleasure. To see her lost in carnal indulgence like she was in so many of his nighttime fantasies. To see her embrace how beautiful and intoxicating she truly is and let her sensuality flow like the living stream that it is. Just reading the way that she describes this forbidden fantasy made the blood race through Mark’s now pulsing veins. This was so wrong, but Mark couldn’t deny the growing conflict within him. Unable to bridle is carnal reactions to Claire’s titillating discoveries Mark tried to look on the Brightside: at least he was getting SOMETHING out of this subtle cruelty. Buried in the horrible words of this latest letter were the first real glimpses at Claire’s emotionally naked form and the sight was so engrossing that Mark dare not turn away and he would certainly never forget it.
[email protected] said:
Now this was just unfair. Claire has very beautiful feet. Whether it is sandals, barefoot on the beach, or later in her professional life with an unending supply of open toed heels this was always the one part of her body that Claire made sure everyone could see. The curse for Mark, who always had a special fondness for her silky soles and twitching toes, was that she never allowed anyone including him to touch them in the slightest way.
You see, this was my fault, all my fault. I had always been too afraid to take control of what I really wanted. My stubborn childish fears almost cost me my last shreds of sanity… almost.
To make things worse, Claire always made sure that they were perfectly taken care of. All of her toes were perfectly painted with an intoxicating rainbow of color depending on her mood. Every cell of olive skin was always dripping with alluring moisture from hours of attentive care. The idea that she had secretly always desired him to have those boundaries forcefully torn down and take control of such a tremendous vulnerability was yet another nail being driven into Mark’s coffin. This is what he gets for trying to respect his best friends BOUNDARIES.
I guess people are right when they say, “no god deed goes unpunished!”
“Specifically to be tormented in the worst way that you can imagine.” That was a line that Mark’s mind couldn’t keep from chewing on over and over again. What could she possibly mean? There are so many interesting things that you can do with a helplessly bound pair of highly sensitive soles. There could be ice cubes, drizzling hot wax from one of the lightly roaring candles, Claire might have a secret desire for a little playful (or not so playful) bastinado when her shoes came off. The possibilities were endless. The one that stuck out from all the rest brought an ironic chuckle to Mark’s face as a brief respite from his mounting desperation. She couldn’t possibly mean…
It’s perfectly normal for other people to express doubt concerning your most intimate desires. It’s perfectly sad when you doubt your own.
[email protected] said:
She can never know. She can never know what this does to him. She can never know the hurt that she made him feel. That would be too much for her. She wasn’t trying to hurt him. She just needed someone to talk to. She met someone new. She was learning things about herself. She was growing into a beautiful woman right in front of his eyes. He is her best friend. This is what friends do. They listen to what is going on in other friends lives. Mark promised himself that he would never burden Claire with the sea of emotions that her new relationship was plunging him into. No matter how bad it got, he had to be strong. He could be strong for Claire.
The worst thing in life is when a person stops really believing. Everyone has goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. Sadly, the reason that most people never reach those heights has nothing to do with lack of talent or knowledge. At a certain point, the adversity becomes too much. At a certain point, the star off in the distance fades to nothing and the belief that fuels those special little dreams dies. Then people start reasoning with themselves how much better their life is now that they are being Realistic. Is there any greater tragedy that can befall a person…?
[email protected] said:
The scary thing about human limitations is that sometimes, the only way you find them is to be faced with them. But by then, it is far too late to compensate.
Nothing in the world could have prepared Mark for that. Now it wasn’t about communication. It wasn’t about Claire growing up. It wasn’t even about this new guy, whoever he was. It was about him. No matter how he tried to slice it, he was a coward. This was his fault. He did it. He let his own fear get in the way of any shot he may have had at true happiness.
You see, most people go through their entire lives taking the easy way out. That’s blaming other people. When you take that option away from them, people show you who they really are. It’s not easy going through life on your own two feet, but real victories aren’t supposed to be.
Mark just sat at the computer stunned. He read that one line over and over again in his mind... slowly. He wanted it to sink in. He needed it to sink in. Ever since their first horseplay in his families pool all those years ago there was something about Claire’s smile, her laugh, feeling her squirming in his arms playfully fighting against him.
This was something Mark kept even from himself. He dare not tell Claire about it or heaven forbid act it out. Secretly, Mark had always fantasized about tickling and teasing his sweet Claire for hours on end wrestling around on the sofa letting her kick and fight helpless in his strong arms as she poured all the life she could into his growing love for her with every sweet unbridled peel of hysterical laughter. She always looked so beautiful when she smiled. He always wanted to be that source of uncontrolled joy that just made her smile for him like that perfect little princess that he knew she was… Why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t he been brave? Could he have been brave?
Just imagine realizing the long lost map to Camelot had been hidden on the back of your own hand. Now just imagine finding it just in time to watch the horror of another knight ascending the bell tower to whisk your fairy princess off to his own dark castle. What could anyone do to deserve a curse such as this?
The first of what would be many tears stained the oak desk in front of him at the revelation of his latest demise. His most cherished fantasy for the woman he loved would have been the mystical key to unlocking her deepest desires and he had been too afraid to use it all this time. Mark turned down the picture of Claire that he had on his desk next to his computer. In the feigning light he could see his reflection like a ghost in the dark glass. Mark couldn’t bear to look at himself right now…
[email protected] said:
You know really there is a thin line between love and hate. When you think about it, they are both just manifestations of a strong burning passion to do something. What that something is actually has very little consequence to the raw intensity of the sensations. The emotions themselves are both sides of the same coin. And the body, as it seems, doesn’t care which one of them put the coin into the slot.
Shame. That is the best way to describe what Mark was feeling right now. This was something that terrified him more than anything that he could ever imagine. Loosing Claire was something he never even allowed his male friends to joke about. Being confronted with the stark reality is something that he never prepared for. Yet, there was something else. No matter what aggravating circumstances surrounded Claire’s lucid sensual revelations Mark could not control the way his body was reacting to the intriguing news.
The reality of the Master was present in his mind, Mark couldn’t deny that. Even still, every line as Claire explained her need to be teased and tickled even more than Mark had dreamed began to manifest itself in Mark’s swelling loins. He felt himself becoming quite lightheaded just imagining her melodious laughter in response to his menacing touches. He felt the blood being reallocated to other parts of his body that were, despite his best efforts, being stirred to life by Claire’s every seductive word. Just reading the word Tickle had an affect that Mark never thought he would have to deal with from Claire and the intensity of the scene being set in front of him was too much to ignore.
Mark wished more than anything that this was a depiction of an evening that Claire had planned for the two of them than a conversation with the man who was taking all of this away from him one phone conversation at a time. He wanted desperately to be the one standing behind his bound lover while she was so utterly helpless. He wanted desperately to have the unmitigated power to explore every square inch of Claire’s sensitive tanned skin while she squirmed uselessly in a state of involuntary protest and squealed delightfully in sweet girlish laughter. The realization that it was not to be, sent Mark’s conscious mind into even greater depression in spite of the enthusiasm between his strong legs.
As we all move through life’s intricate maze we inevitably begin to loose things. That’s just part of life. With every day that passes, some men somewhere have to deal with the loosing the girl of their dreams. It’s another sad part of reality. But how many other men do you know that have to loose the girl and the dream all at the same time? Even to a self professed Monster like me that’s cold. No one deserves that, do they?
[email protected] said:
Through his watery eyes, Mark can imagine the smile on Claire’s face: that sweet smile, the one that always gives him comfort. No matter how hard things had gotten, no matter how depressed he was, no matter what tragedy had befallen him, no matter what parent he was saying his final goodbyes to in a dark hospital room, no matter the sibling that had abandoned his family and cursed his namesake, he could always count on Claire being right there holding his hand and comforting him with that smile. It was his eternal opiate.
The one thing he could always count on was Claire’s beautiful smile to rescue him, rescue him from whatever atrocities that life had placed before him. But now with someone else causing that smile, being that person that made her happy, that glorious ray of light itself has transformed into the atrocity racking Mark’s tortured mind endlessly without pity. Having his one symbol of safe refuge stripped away from him made Mark feel as though he was completely alone in the midst of the entire world buzzing past and leaving him desolate in his searing desert of utter despair.
More depressing than the reality of her new found affection for her, “Master” was Marks insatiable need to keep reading. Even though every word tore another piece of his aching heart to shreds, the grief alone was not enough to stop that dark part of him that hungered to read more and more about his sweet innocent princess being mercilessly tormented in his favorite way. As much as he hated to admit it, there was a part of him glad that Claire was sharing her new found awakening with him.
The only thing worse than having to see the woman that you have spent your whole life yearning for happy with someone else is to be excited by what you’re forced to watch.
[email protected] said:
Mark could not help but imagine what his sweet little girl would look like at this very moment. The one part of Claire that always eluded him was her fervent indulgence of the secret desires almost lewdly on display before him. He longed to see her mouth gaping open as her body struggled to endure the conflicting sensations of torment and pleasure beseeching her defenseless nervous system. He wanted to watch her slender fingers and curling toes fidget frantically in response to his cruel tickling torment. He wanted to hear her breath tremble as the blissful sensations caused her hips to lightly sinuate into him lost in her own world of erotic glee. He wanted to see her smiling at him drifting behind her blindfold wondering where his next attack would come from, but all that he was left with was the image of someone else living out his fantasy through the looking-glass of his computer screen.
He wanted to be there next to her. He wanted to hold her tightly while he whispered his evil promises in her ears. He wanted to hear her squeal in delight as his fingers lightly skittered along her exposed sides while he held her tightly in place. He wanted to feel her squirming against him while they cuddled tightly in his bed just enjoying the feeling of their bodies so close together. Mark wanted to be the one causing the light dew drops to form between Claire’s thighs but he had to confront the horrid actuality that his place at her side had been taken by someone else and that there was nothing he could do about it. Nor could he do anything about the physical sorrow that was variably streaming down his cheek.
Does it depress you, to know how frail hope is? It’s kind of like a butterfly’s wings: once touched it never really able to get off the ground again. Don’t feel too bad. If someone like me can have their hope smashed to pieces it can happen to anyone. In life it’s just a matter of time before you get knocked down. The real question is, “how many times are you going to keep dragging yourself off the mat and keep fighting for what you want.” I don’t mean to brag, but I have gotten up a LOT.
There’s going to come a point in life when you are going to have to decide to take what’s yours. I’ll never tell you it’s easy. I’ll just tell you that looking in the mirror gets a lot harder if you don’t.
[email protected] said:
“Finally together…” That was one of many lines from this haunting letter that would stick with Mark for a long time after his home screen faded to black. As much as he tried, he couldn’t block “him” out to focus on Claire in all her enraptured glory. At every turn, when Mark found the slightest bit of conscious joy reading about her mirthful torment he would be reminded that he was not the author of this romantic foray.
Worse yet, now Mark sees Claire’s clear intentions to meet this person at some point and consummate the dark fantasies that they have been sharing together since god knows when. Maybe she really was gone? Maybe he was too late? One thing was sure; this was certainly not like the others. If Mark wanted any chance he knew that this would be the fight of his life and right now it looked to have all the makings of an early round knock out. Now more than ever Mark knew that his TIME was running out…
Winning at anything is simple really, once you understand the rules. Thankfully, the controlling rule of life is a fairly predictable one. Life, more often than not, will give you one of two choices: what you are willing to fight for, or what you are willing to accept. The winners simply understand that the choice is ultimately up to them. The losers are the ones who hide behind the excuse that they just never seem to have the LUCK that other people do. The only real question is, “Which one are you?”
Mark just gave himself over to his raging emotions. He no longer tried to hold back the salty tears from flowing down his sullen cheek, or the urge to feed more and more on the idea of his Blushing Beauty suffering the ticklish fate that he never imagined she could desire. The duality was strange, but Mark couldn’t fight it right now. Somewhere those conflicting emotions would meet in the recesses of his now tormented mind, but the final mix was beyond his control now. He was finally starting to let go. He was finally being honest.
[email protected] said:
Then it started to happen. Part of it became too much. The grimace now contorting Mark’s now sinister face was evidence that the one thing that he didn’t want to happen was becoming inevitable. ANGER. The pleasure from her fantasized predicament and the horror of the Master’s intentions with his sweet delicate princess were beginning to manifest in the one emotion that he had always kept from Claire, his anger. Right now he was furious at her. How could she keep this from him for so long? How could she share this with someone else? How could she let a stranger come between them? How could she be so selfish? Right now Mark began to focus almost solely on the prospect of Claire’s limbs hanging tightly above her head as well. The only difference is that right now Mark wasn’t really thinking about anything resembling Claire’s pleasure.
You see for me, this is when the light finally turned on. Once you begin to accept the fact that a part of you just wants to watch that special someone suffer while they are helpless to stop you then you’ve taken your first real step to being honest about who you really are. The hard part is finally acting on that dark impulse and actually making the decision to force someone you love endure PAIN. But don’t worry. That gets a lot Easier over time… HAHAHA
[email protected] said:
A tiny part of Mark was truly glad for Claire’s breakthrough. This is something that Mark knew was inevitable, just like the gentle blossoming of the radiant flowers with the first signs of the new spring. The vast majority of him however was being besieged with wave after wave of grief that it was another shinning star instead of his rays of devoted sunshine that was lighting the path for Claire’s emerging vernal equinox.
Now just like Claire, Mark was working on his own breakthrough; even though the details were still hard to make out. Who does he hate more at this very moment: Claire, Her Master, or Himself? Somehow the answer to that question seemed extremely pertinent as the fires behind his broiling eyes and between his strong legs burned hotter and hotter with every lustful detail of his naughty neighbors little bedtime story.
You know I think that things like Anger and Hatred get a bad wrap. I mean look at all the good things that have made. I mean, people hate war right? Teams get angry because they loose so they play better the next time don’t they? Some people hate their job, so you know what-they go out and start their own business. Then they create more jobs, goods and services for everyone right? If I ever had to go in for surgery, I would want a Doctor who absolutely HATES to loose a patient. Anger… Hatred…. They’re not the problem. It’s all about how you use them. Even though that is rather tricky I will admit. But trust me, it can be done… Ask me how I know. You’ll see. One day they will make a museum or a monument just for the accomplishments from all mankind authored by normal people who just finally took ownership of how truly enraged they were.
[email protected] said:
Even in the midst of his growing despair Mark couldn’t help but laugh to himself as his own personal bottomless pit just kept getting deeper and deeper. Those are his shoes. They are the ones that HE is so fond of. First the girl, then the dream, now his shoes. What could possibly be next? At this rate he was a dead dog away from becoming a horrible reincarnation of a misguided country song.
Claire was a sight to see in her favorite pair of four inch heels. She was naturally a tall girl, but with her added elevation she could almost look Mark right in the eyes even though he was a very impressive 6’2. The thought of taking those perfect leather pumps off after Claire’s long days had crossed Mark’s mind on more than a few occasions. He always wanted the privilege of taking her beautiful soft soles in the palms of his strong hands and massage any tension or worry that she might have far away from her conscious mind.
Mark always relished the idea of lightly, ever so lightly, teasing and tickling Claire’s perfectly sensitized soles so that she could be that sweet little princess for him just one more time. So that he could see that smile that he craved more than anything, hear here musical laughter that always lifted his very soul to unimaginable heights, and look deeply into her piercing eyes while she bit her lip in delicious anticipation of all the wonderful things that he had in store for her and her pretty peds.
Those hazel eyes peering deeply into him seemed like such a distant wonderland in the midst of his current plight. The idea of someone else tasting Claire’s ticklish cherry tipped toes before he did was simply too much to contemplate. But the very idea of that most delicate skin being teased, tickled, and tormented in the way that it screamed out for so dearly still had the subconscious effect of making mark dizzy at the very thought. Despite himself, he still needed to read more. Now more than ever, anything to do with his beautiful princess being made to suffer had much added appeal in Mark’s ever twisting mind.
[email protected] said:
Mark really couldn’t grasp what was sicker: how much Claire was enjoying herself with someone she barely knew or the voyeuristic thrills that were shooting sharply through his strong body with Claire’s every word. Either way, he had long since come to the gruesome realization that there was little he could do to stop either one right now.
Everyone wants to fly, but so few are willing to let go of the rail. I know that it’s scary letting go for the first time… but you learn.
[email protected] said:
With every word from Claire’s scintillating midnight conversation, Mark’s naturally tame fantasies of playful teasing his Best friend began to take on a much more sinister tone. Now, Mark wanted nothing more in the world than to be the dark figure standing behind his Bound Beauty cruelly wielding the torturous implement of her ticklish demise. He could almost see Claire’s cherry tipped digits dancing aimlessly in fervent response to the malicious tantalizing touch of his feral feather. He could almost hear her high pitched squeals of forced glee. He could hear the violent ruffling as she struggled so mightily in her strict bondage unable to escape his mindless ticklish torture of her sweet trembling toes (the same toes that have teased him for so many long springs past.) The same set of wiggling digits that he has had the chance to tease and torment himself but was never brave enough to try. Two virulent strains of emotions were beginning to rage deep inside of Marks blackening heart, both threatening to destroy all that he was and transform him into something he had tried to hide for so long.
In this world, no one is going to give you anything. You have to stand up one day, make a decision and take it-sometimes very forcefully. Now sometimes, this may tack DRASTIC measures, but that’s a lot better than seeing someone else walking around with something that belongs to you. That’s the decision that I had to make, and one day so will you.
[email protected] said:
Mark could not help the deviant fascination that he was developing every time he read that one simple word: “Punished.” That’s all that he could think about to keep himself sane while reading the devastating e-mail before him. Even though he had to deal with the stark reality that it took the catalyst another man’s intrusion, he was quickly developing an iniquitous addiction to the carnal idea of erotically disciplining his pretty little princess while she was helpless to stop him. It wasn’t just about making Claire smile anymore. His secret fantasy of subjecting her to hours of prolonged ticking has taken on a much more merciless meaning in the back of his darkening mind.
Now, Mark wants to see a part of Claire suffer. He wants to make her feel the way that he feels at this very second. He wants to punish her. Punish her for being so beautiful, punish her for being so caring, so loving, so intoxicating, so comforting, being such a good friend, and causing the intense love that is now the foundation for his greatest sorrow. He wants to watch her ticklish toes strain, her toned muscles tense, her slender limbs thrashing against their bonds, and her beautiful svelte tummy burst with hysterical laughter flowing through her sweet cherry lips as physical manifestations of the unbearable anguish that he feels right now.
It can be a very scary experience the first time you REALLY take a good hard look in life’s mirror. You might not like what you see starring back through the glass. Believe me; it was especially tough in my case. To realize that there is this dark part of you that wants to watch the person you love squirm in intolerable anguish as punishment for being so distant from you-denying you what you have wanted for so long… The horrifying fantasies that you never knew you had bleeding through into your conscious mind. Your head filling with all kinds of questions: “Am I normal? Am I going out of my mind? Am I a…” Trust me… it’s a hard pill to swallow. But then again, the ones that really help to heal you usually are…
[email protected] said:
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” The intensity of Mark’s climax was only bested by the ferocity of his new found self loathing. How could he be so pathetic? How could he bring himself to orgasm reading about Claire’s inordinate sexual fascination with another man? How could he be that poor soul looking through the key hole at a life that he couldn’t have and be foolish enough to express gratitude for the privilege?
You know, a great man once said: “You have to walk through life’s deepest valley’s to appreciate the majesty of life’s greatest mountain tops.” I believe that. The problem is that when you are walking through the valley, that you can’t see the mountain top, just the rocks to climb.
[email protected] said:
“I know that we will always be friends…!” This is now the anthem of Mark’s suffering. Somehow, in the temporal maze of Mark’s relationship with Claire he had taken so many wrong turns, missed so many opportunities, been so blind that this was the only destination left to him. Even at the end of her scintillating soliloquy one last reminder that the source of her pleasure couldn’t be any more an antithesis to the teary eyed young man sitting shamefully at his computer screen still quaking from his glorious moment of weakness.
It’s bad enough to realize that you will never reach the Promised Land. It’s bad enough to realize that all your life’s dreams are currently tracing their inevitable way down life’s proverbial drain. But to have a life sentence of being caged just inches away from what you have wanted for so long to be reminded every day that you will never be able to possess it is just too much for anyone to take… regrettably, even for me. That’s when I knew that was it. As much as I loved her, as much time as I had spent with her through my life, I had to leave my sweet innocent little princess behind. There is no way that I was going to allow her to be the warden of my imprisonment just inches away from what I knew I wanted, what I NEEDED. That would be too much. Cheer up. As you can see, she will be well taken care of. She just won’t be My burden to bear anymore...
Mark just sat there. His body still shaking from the eruption of his manhood (inspired no less by the single greatest message of his life’s inescapable futility.) His heart was pounding in his chest. His hands trembling, his eyes are still reddened with the tears caused by Claire’s sensual journey with her new enigmatic figure. The knot in the back of Mark’s throat grew to the size of a watermelon. Holding back his free flowing sobs chokes all the air that he would normally use to breathe air into his now burning lungs. His entire body aches, not from physical pain, but from the pain of life’s great disappointment.
You see, the spasms in Marks hardened loins only relieved the pressure building in his aching scrotum from the sheer sensuousness of Claire’s detailed confession. The unbearable pressure caused by the depth of his sinking depression could not be quelled by even the most pleasurable of explosions. That relief would have to take on a different form.
Over the many years past, Claire’s beautiful smile had become his greatest sense of escape when life became far too great for MArk to handle. The euphoria that he found in the slightest pleasurable twinge of her perfect lips had helped guide him past the greatest tragedies of his adult life and shaped the man that he had become in ways that few would believe.
But now, in this dark moment, that symbol that had represented his deepest joy has been transformed into the immortal portrait of his insurmountable inadequacy. In that single moment having no option but to turn from Claire’s radiance Mark’s subconscious made a horrible promise that Mark’s conscience had no power over: Claire would be sorry… sorry that she didn’t have Mark around to listen so intently anymore.
Deprived of his greatest source of respite from the doldrums of painful despair Mark was forced to turn to an old friend that even Claire didn’t know about. This was someone who Mark had always kept with him ever since they met when he was a small boy. This was the first real friend that Mark ever had who really knew how to take his dreadful pain away. They met for the first time just after one of Mark’s father’s many tirades about how careless and forgetful Mark was. No matter how badly things became when he was a child this was the one friend who always knew how to make things feel so much better. Even through his long friendship with Claire, Mark made sure to keep this special friend at arms reach just in case something like this happened. After all, you never know what the future holds, do you? He even had a special place reserved for his special friend so that he would never forget…
Mark slowly opened the top drawer on the right side of his desk trying to imagine the merciful release to come. He took out the little black box that he had bought in secret all those many years ago. He took a deep breath. Just a few more minutes and all the pain from this hellacious actuality would be gone, gone from the tortured mind that right now could take now more. He wouldn’t have to feel ashamed anymore. His friend would take it all away.
He opened the shiny case to find his old companion, right where he had left it. He picked up the artists knife very carefully with a special reverence for the powers of healing that he knew it possessed. He studied it to make sure that it was still in good order. That was the one thing he was still capable of doing, making sure that things are in good order. Mark held his breath as he removed the transparent cap to expose the familiar sharp blade that had brought him so much comfort all those years before.
Mark held the blade in mid air with his right hand as he took the alcohol and cotton swab out of his special case with his left. He thought about pulling down his pants to adorn his thigh just like before, but then he thought to himself “what’s the point anymore?” He would never have to worry about his Mother seeing it in plain site again. There was no one else that he cared about right now. Besides, there was no way that he would ever be able to hide from this THING that had been set in motion, so why even try.
Mark placed his left hand on the desk and braced himself for the tragic euphoria that he knew was only seconds away now. Holding the handle between his trembling sweaty fingers, Mark brought the knife slowly to his wri……………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
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The hardest decision that you can make is to leave behind someone that you love. It’s never easy, but often necessary. This is the burden that I had to carry when I decided to leave behind the princess that I had known so well and blaze my own path into life’s tomorrows. The only thing that you can do to keep yourself sane when you choose to do something this unthinkable is to assure yourself that there is something truly worthwhile on the other side of the painful choice even if you can’t see it yet. That’s the only way that you can make yourself strong enough, even if just a moment, to survive the teary “So Long…”
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But don’t worry. As I will illustrate so clearly, we are very lucky to live in a world where fortune truly favors the bold. Imagine all the four leaf clovers it must have taken to allow this evil “monster” the rapturous duality of becoming the “Hero!”
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I wouldn’t go anywhere if I were you. You’ll miss the best part… HAHAHAHHAHA…
To be continued…
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I would like to thank you all for taking the time to read my gentle work. As a writer, our work dies to us the moment that we hit the send key and post for your enjoyment. We are the architects of the suspense or mystery and after we finish crafting we are only left with the percieved mistakes and questionable wordings. We are given new life when we get a chance to glimpse into the emotional journey that we were able to help you through with the magic of our written words. So please, even if it is short and in an instance, post a comment of what you think so that I can better understand the things that I helped you experience. Thank you again for reading...
And also, the concept of cutting is real and not a joke. I did not write this to disperage anyone who has experienced or maybe even is experiencing this affliction. In reality, it is to show awarness that there are people out there like this. I know for a fact that there are people on this board who have had to deal with it in the past or present. It is our job as people in a realm lending itself to sadomasochism that we are aware of the mental health as well as physical well being of the people that we play with. After care is great, but it doesn't stop 30 minutes after they drink a bottle of water. Take care of yourselves, learn to take care of eachother. Because in the real world, eachother is all we are going to have. Have a great night everyone.
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That was worth all the time and effort you put in to produce a great tale of sensual tickling...You must write another soon!
