I dunno, I think the Dude has a point; a lot of the warm, fuzzy feelings people claim to have for others may be based on fantasy, and sometimes, reality can be jarring. Unless you've had the opportunity to meet a TMF member and deal with them in person, or at least have a voice chat, where you can pick up on all the nuances of speech, you're really only getting a partial picture of who someone is, and a lot of bonds people think they've made are bonds with who they imagine these people to be, based on what they've shared in the forum. It's one reason a number of people have to deal with things like "OMG we're soulmates! I'm flying cross-country to meet you tomorrow, ok?". There are people here who I think I'd like if I met them in person; people with similar experiences or outlooks, or people whose posts seem to show traits I admire. But I'm only going on partial information.
Oh well, here is no different from any other website. If you make contact with people over the Net, you may be surprised when you finally meet them in real life. Exchanging photos can help mitigate the "appearance shock" (I, for one, absolutely do not look like my avatar, for instance
😉), and hanging on the General Discussion or even the P&R sections can help find out what a person is
besides the fetish we share.
I guess you're right though, fantasy does play a part: as is always the risk when exchanging messages over the Internet, you're always acting upon partial information, by default. Somehow though, I think this uncertainty precisely makes things exciting; I clearly remember my first meeting with a TMFer had sort of a "thrilling" flavor to it. In my experience, the few people I have met already have not disappointed; quite the opposite, in fact. There still are more than a few people I would
love to meet, especially some of our artists (wink, wink), and I am sure they would be just as great, civil and polite as they have been on the forum. Even those who don't particularly like me, I'd love to knock down a few beers with, precisely to find out more about them, and chat about various stuff.
But I admit I have an open mind about this because I have no particular stake in it. If I was trying to find love (god forbid!) or even a date here, I'd probably feel depressed too. Or at least nervous. Although I know some people who did successfully found their match on here; not my case though, but I was never particularly trying. Another thing is that the fact that I live so far away kind of shields me from potential annoyances. I mean, if I were living in the USA, I'd be cautious about not getting stalked or something, and I understand some people are trying to protect themselves (especially the females, although I've heard the half-hilarious half tragic case of a guy who was harassed by lesbians
), even though some tend to become overcautious as a side effect. In my case, even if I traveled to the US, if someone wanted to stalk me they would have to go through a lot of pain to follow me all the way back to Beijing.
Conversely though, I cannot attend many of our communities' events, even though I sometimes would like to, especially the smaller ones. Or simply message Bugman for a quick tour of Texas, which I'd really love to do some time. Or to sip a cocktail with CAB and Bohemianne on a Floridan beach. Or celebrate the upcoming St Paddy with our honored Irish members like Wolf and Chicago~ What an exciting life must you Americans live!
😀
