There's Only One 'First Impression'

[A_New_Level]

If you're like me, then you've sent at least fifty introductory messages to potential tickle partners, and they are usually formatted like this:

"Hi, my name is "so and so" and I am a tickler/ticklee/both. I was hoping (I could tickle you/we could chat some time/you could tickle me/we could meet up some time and have some tickle fun). Talk to you later."

It gets a little old after a while, I know. "If it's not broken, then don't fix it." Well, is it broken? Is this the wrong way to go about trying to talk to someone? I think for a tickler, any message is a miracle since there is usually a shortage of ticklees. For ticklees, is there a way to make your intro message stand out above the others?

 

[heroforhalos]

I think a good approach is usually one that begins as rather unrelated. If you talk about meeting up and tickling right away, it can be a huge turn-off because people will likely think that all you're interested in doing is tickling. Even if you are and don't even want to be friends, being otherwise friendly is still nice for most people.

Messages should be insightful and structured a bit personally, as opposed to being a stock thing that you say to everyone. What interests you about this person that you are messaging them? Do you have anything that you're curious about that you would like to ask their opinion on? Be friendly!

Here's a sample of what I might do.

"I saw on the forums that you said *this this this and this*. I think that *this*. *Pose a related question* *anything else that you think might be useful or fun*
Nice to meet you,
*name*

Personally, I always pose a question. A relatively innocuous one, one that usually receives an answer. This will guarantee at least one reply, making it more likely that conversation can continue and progress to where you want it to go. Also, politeness is important. It can be good sometimes to be blunt, but when speaking with people you don't actually know in real life (for the first time), it can be more worrisome than alluring.

That's my two cents anyway.

 

[socktickler86]

Maybe you need a different perspective. Say you're on a dating website. What you said is basically equivalent to:

"Hi, my name is *so and so* and I like sex. Would you like to have sex and be in a relationship with me? Talk to you later".

If you were on a dating website, that would be the equivalent of what you are saying. I assume you're a guy so take a moment to realize how that looks to a girl, who is probably flooded with messages everyday. Some random guy is messaging me just openly saying "hey lets meet up so i can tickle you". If that doesn't raise a red flag.... I'm not sure what to say.

Remember, everyone here is into tickling so there is no reason to immediately go into how you want to have a tickling session with someone. Your chances of finding someone through that brute-force method are 0. I'm sure, if this site is like any other place, most girls you talk to will never want to meet you. Just chill out and take part in the forum. You're most likely not gonna meet someone, but you might, just not the way you're doing it.

 

[Carsomyr]

Echoing what the others said, OP, you basically just summarized the typical PM a lot of the ladies here get on a regular, perhaps even daily, basis. So like you suggested yourself, it doesn't exactly stand out, and the 'lees here are kinda in a "buyer's market" and thus able to pick and choose to a very great extent. Perhaps not everyone is even interested in meeting a play-mate from here either, or they are nervous about being on the forum in the first place and get scared/nervous when a PM like that hits their inbox.

With that said I just want to give you props on keeping the PM's clean. If that is indeed how you present yourself then at least you don't come off as creepy like some people here do. You just come off as "another in the bunch", and I don't say that to in any way put you down - it is a mistake that a lot of good people make. 🙂 Instead, I suggest you mingle a bit on the forum rather than shooting out CTRL+V messages at random; don't be afraid to make friends with some people of your own gender too - it doesn't HAVE to be all about tickling, just have fun and be yourself, and eventually that might even make a 'lee here interested enough to contact YOU! 🙂

Keep faith, and be patient. At least you're on the right side of the pond, so your chances of meeting someone is considerably higher than, for example, mine. xD But even though my little corner of the world is basically a barren wasteland when it comes to female 'lees, I have had expressed interest about meeting up from several people in my area. In 50% of the cases they contacted me first because they had noticed me on the forum, and one of them I am even seeing on a regular basis today. 🙂 Basically, it might not happen over night, but post on the forum, present yourself in a positive way, and the ladies will warm up to you. For me it took almost a year, so again, don't lose faith. It DOES take time.

Best of luck!

 

[Morpheus72]

If you're like me, then you've sent at least fifty introductory messages to potential tickle partners, and they are usually formatted like this:

"Hi, my name is "so and so" and I am a tickler/ticklee/both. I was hoping (I could tickle you/we could chat some time/you could tickle me/we could meet up some time and have some tickle fun). Talk to you later."

It gets a little old after a while, I know. "If it's not broken, then don't fix it." Well, is it broken? Is this the wrong way to go about trying to talk to someone? I think for a tickler, any message is a miracle since there is usually a shortage of ticklees. For ticklees, is there a way to make your intro message stand out above the others?

It's broken.

Women are people, not just potential tickle partners. Think about that, and maybe you'll find the answer.

 

[BlackestLily]

Well, it may make me an a-hole for doing this, but I never respond when I get those kinds of messages. I flat out pretend I didn't even get them. To some degree I just get really irritated, because I assume they've copied and pasted that message to, oh, 20 girls, and they're waiting to see if the numbers are in their favor and at least one will respond. I assume it really has nothing to do with liking/enjoying me as a person, but with themselves and needing to satisfy their fetish.

I already know anyone on this site who messages me is already into tickling, so I hope they message me with something a little more interesting that can keep both our attentions. I like when people mention something I've said in a thread, which shows they are paying attention. I like when they want to be friends because it makes me more comfortable with them as a person. I play with people I know and trust.

So I would say telling a little about yourself, mentioning something you like that the potential person posted, and being your natural self is the best bet in my eyes.

 

[Snail Shell]

First of all,

It's broken.

Women are people, not just potential tickle partners. Think about that, and maybe you'll find the answer.

^THIS

Second, play partners are much easier to come by when you're not just about finding play partners. For me, personally, I don't play with anyone I can't have at least a 10 minute conversation with about stuff that isn't tickling/BDSM/play. When folks see that you've made four posts and have only been here a month and a half, they aren't going to know enough about you to really want to play. My recommendation is that you join in the conversations going about the forum. This will help you make friends and build relationships. Once you've made friends, if you ask nicely, your friends will more than likely indulge you in play.

Snail Shell

 

[tommytikl]

As far as Hello/Intro PM's go... I start with "Hi and this is why I like tickling? What brings you to TMF? Hope we can chat soon...about anything.


Also like others have said, Post in other forums or even in the main tickling board. People will read your posts and learn more about you.

 

[Adam]

Well, it may make me an a-hole for doing this, but I never respond when I get those kinds of messages. I flat out pretend I didn't even get them. To some degree I just get really irritated, because I assume they've copied and pasted that message to, oh, 20 girls, and they're waiting to see if the numbers are in their favor and at least one will respond. I assume it really has nothing to do with liking/enjoying me as a person, but with themselves and needing to satisfy their fetish.

I already know anyone on this site who messages me is already into tickling, so I hope they message me with something a little more interesting that can keep both our attentions. I like when people mention something I've said in a thread, which shows they are paying attention. I like when they want to be friends because it makes me more comfortable with them as a person. I play with people I know and trust.

So I would say telling a little about yourself, mentioning something you like that the potential person posted, and being your natural self is the best bet in my eyes.

Quoted for truth. Interacting with people on an internet fetish forum really shouldn't be that different from doing so face to face. Take your time and get to know somebody beyond the fetish. You may not gain what you seek, but at least you can look back and know that you did it the right way.

 

[A_New_Level]

I never thought of it that way. Now I feel bad for all those messages being formatted like that. They should be more personal, I realize. Thanks everyone for the comments. I really appreciate it.

 

[socktickler86]

Second, play partners are much easier to come by when you're not just about finding play partners. For me, personally, I don't play with anyone I can't have at least a 10 minute conversation with about stuff that isn't tickling/BDSM/play. When folks see that you've made four posts and have only been here a month and a half, they aren't going to know enough about you to really want to play. My recommendation is that you join in the conversations going about the forum. This will help you make friends and build relationships. Once you've made friends, if you ask nicely, your friends will more than likely indulge you in play.

+1

My first and so far only tie up/tickle session was with a girl who I would talk to for HOURS about stuff that isn't tickling and related stuff.

 

[Adam]

I never thought of it that way. Now I feel bad for all those messages being formatted like that. They should be more personal, I realize. Thanks everyone for the comments. I really appreciate it.

Hey man, don't feel too badly. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and realize that a different approach would be good. Heck, my first ever post on the TMF, way back in the day, was a personal ad. Nobody knew a thing about me, so perhaps I should have reconsidered. I've learned a lot since then. 🙂

 

[AmericaRocks]

Well, it may make me an a-hole for doing this, but I never respond when I get those kinds of messages. I flat out pretend I didn't even get them. To some degree I just get really irritated, because I assume they've copied and pasted that message to, oh, 20 girls, and they're waiting to see if the numbers are in their favor and at least one will respond. I assume it really has nothing to do with liking/enjoying me as a person, but with themselves and needing to satisfy their fetish.

This.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Post frequently and let them see you around is generally the best way to go about it, really takes away a lot of the "first impression" business if someone sees you around a lot and gets a good feel of your personality (or as much of a personality as internet text and maybe a radio show call in will allow). Someone who thinks you're a schmuck at first may warm towards you later on.

It'll take a lot longer than "Want Tickles Y/N", but in the long run it's generally the better bet.

 

[rhiannon]

Meeting for tickling shouldn't even come up in the first message! I think a pretty good approach is to tie the message to a posting the person you are writing to has made on the forum, telling them you like the way they think and start a discussion like that.

 

[Morpheus72]

I never thought of it that way. Now I feel bad for all those messages being formatted like that. They should be more personal, I realize. Thanks everyone for the comments. I really appreciate it.

Revisiting this thread, I think I should say something else as well. The reason that may reply was a bit harsh was because those types of PMs have farther-reaching effects for the men of this community in general. Women who receive bunches of those kinds of PMs both become "on guard" themselves and tell others to become more guarded. This has the effect, especially in chat, of causing a lot of walls to be built up. This is frustrating to someone such as myself, who isn't looking to the forum and chat as a "meet market" but rather as just a place to chat, share ideas, and have fun. Hence, the shortness in the reply. It wasn't anything personal, for sure.

Dave

 

[Morpheus72]

As far as Hello/Intro PM's go... I start with "Hi and this is why I like tickling?

Like socktickler said, on this site, this is equivalent to "hi and this is why I like sex." If you said this to a stranger in a bookstore or bar, you'd get slapped, and rightly so. You might get a marginally better reaction here, but not by a wide margin.

Dave

 

[c7_assassin]

I never thought of it that way. Now I feel bad for all those messages being formatted like that. They should be more personal, I realize. Thanks everyone for the comments. I really appreciate it.

I wouldn't sweat it. Figuring out that there was something wrong with your approach in the first place means you're more self-aware than most.

 

[BostonTickling]

It's broken.

Women are people, not just potential tickle partners. Think about that, and maybe you'll find the answer.

I couldn't have said it better myself. And in my personal experience, I think collectively I have sent maybe 6 pm's total to people on the forum that have intrigued me and caught my eye. Every time I sent the message it was personalized because I was interested who they were, not in what I could potentially get from them in the tickling sense. No one likes being objectified, it is an ugly feeling.

Incidentally one of the PM's I sent was last year to a member I had been wanting to message for awhile. I wrote her a sweeping epic message telling me that I saw some of her posts and thought she was interesting and admired her sense of humor. I was really hoping she would write me back. She did, but if I remember correctly it was like a two word reply. Ha. I thought the prospects of ever even talking to her were slim. But flash forward to now, and we have been in a committed relationship for the past seven months. And it has been wonderful. I guess what I am trying to convey, is whether you are looking for a tickle partner, a relationship, or a friend, it takes time. Anything that is worth anything takes time. You only get back from it whatever you put in.

 

[NonConTickler]

Question

Why do I then get no credit for not trying to meet up with any TMF females because I DON'T want anything more than to show up, get what I want & leave? Why does no one say "now NonCon over here, he's not interested in women beyond tickling them, which is perfectly fine, so he doesn't PM women here trying to meet, he just pays hookers or strippers; the women get what they want (the money) and he gets what he wants (tickling), everyone wins"

 

[c7_assassin]

Why do I then get no credit for not trying to meet up with any TMF females because I DON'T want anything more than to show up, get what I want & leave? Why does no one say "now NonCon over here, he's not interested in women beyond tickling them, which is perfectly fine, so he doesn't PM women here trying to meet, he just pays hookers or strippers; the women get what they want (the money) and he gets what he wants (tickling), everyone wins"

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[Skipadeedoodah]

It's been said by almost everyone who posted here. Show interest in them as a person.

In addition, you'd do well not to make your first message something negative about someone else. You'd be surprised how often I get those. Like, if I'm having a disagreement with someone in a thread and someone messages me I've never talked to before and says, "Wow, that guy's a douchebag, huh?" Um..no. Taking my side isn't going to make me want to talk to you, especially considering I frequently disagree with people who are good friends of mine, so you may very well be insulting someone I love. Not to mention, insulting other people just makes you seem like a negative and bitter person and I don't have time for that. Keep it light and positive. 🙂

 

[socktickler86]

Revisiting this thread, I think I should say something else as well. The reason that may reply was a bit harsh was because those types of PMs have farther-reaching effects for the men of this community in general. Women who receive bunches of those kinds of PMs both become "on guard" themselves and tell others to become more guarded. This has the effect, especially in chat, of causing a lot of walls to be built up. This is frustrating to someone such as myself, who isn't looking to the forum and chat as a "meet market" but rather as just a place to chat, share ideas, and have fun. Hence, the shortness in the reply. It wasn't anything personal, for sure.

Dave

Agreed! I think anyone who visits and contributes on a forum is someone who likes conversing with other people. When you start interacting with a girl privately who gives the 1 or 2 word replies, you know she's the type who has been harassed too many times. Plus it is extremely annoying when you actually try to have conversations with them and you can say one wrong thing and they're gone whereas sometimes they raise a dozen red flags themselves and you feel you need to be ok with it. I think people like that are just on the lookout against "those kinda guys".

I'm to a point where I do what they do. One or two red flags and I'm gone. The people I've had long term friendships or actually met up with were never the 2 word repliers and didn't seem to be on the lookout for "those kinda guys".

I personally have already talked to a girl on this forum that seemed a bit crazy. On our first conversation on yahoo she bitches for like 30 minutes about how someone wasn't playing by the rules for role playing in a thread. Not that there is anything too terribly wrong with complaining so much on a first conversation (though it is obviously a bad sign!), but she complained in a way that seemed to be meant as a warning to me too.... as if I had done anything. Then she never talked to me again so oh well, easy decision for me!

 

[Mephistopheles]

It's been said by almost everyone who posted here. Show interest in them as a person.

In addition, you'd do well not to make your first message something negative about someone else. You'd be surprised how often I get those. Like, if I'm having a disagreement with someone in a thread and someone messages me I've never talked to before and says, "Wow, that guy's a douchebag, huh?" Um..no. Taking my side isn't going to make me want to talk to you, especially considering I frequently disagree with people who are good friends of mine, so you may very well be insulting someone I love. Not to mention, insulting other people just makes you seem like a negative and bitter person and I don't have time for that. Keep it light and positive. 🙂

People are strange; I've never imagined people would use that as a way to break the ice.

But yeah, like others said, posting on the forum is a good way of getting to know people, and once you've made a connection you've got a reason to send somebody a PM. From there on, it's a matter of being a good conversationalist and having a real connection with someone.

Hell, I've even had some chats with lees who live less than 200 miles from me, which is exceptional, but I've turned it down because I seriously could not have a normal conversation with them.

 

[chicago]

I couldn't have said it better myself. And in my personal experience, I think collectively I have sent maybe 6 pm's total to people on the forum that have intrigued me and caught my eye. Every time I sent the message it was personalized because I was interested who they were, not in what I could potentially get from them in the tickling sense. No one likes being objectified, it is an ugly feeling.

Incidentally one of the PM's I sent was last year to a member I had been wanting to message for awhile. I wrote her a sweeping epic message telling me that I saw some of her posts and thought she was interesting and admired her sense of humor. I was really hoping she would write me back. She did, but if I remember correctly it was like a two word reply. Ha. I thought the prospects of ever even talking to her were slim. But flash forward to now, and we have been in a committed relationship for the past seven months. And it has been wonderful. I guess what I am trying to convey, is whether you are looking for a tickle partner, a relationship, or a friend, it takes time. Anything that is worth anything takes time. You only get back from it whatever you put in.

This.


PS. Its only been five months, bubs. 😛

<3