Naturally, you think that I burned the macaroni and cheese, but i had this all timed out and the food as fine when I returned from checking e-mail. However, the wooden spoon was left too close to the burner and was now on fire...
...I took the burning spoon by its handle, which wasn't on fire yet, shielded it from my wife's view, put out the fire in the dishwater and buried the charred spoon deep in the trash.
My wife never knew.
The end.