Trying to find legitimate friends

[Sandisk444]

This is pretty much going to be me complaining but hopefully i can get some insight from people who've experienced the same thing.

I recognized that I have a tickling fetish years ago and i've been wanting to meet people who are into the same thing as me and just share experiences and thoughts about it because I want to grow and learn as much as i can about this fetish, but it's been nearly impossible for me to meet people who want the same thing.

Like i started out on youtube, looking up clips and reading through the comments for people seem open to talking to me about it. I start to talk to them, exchanging a couple messages but that's as far as it goes, we both seem pretty happy about talking with each other but after a couple messages it dies down and eventually it's me asking questions and getting one word answers. Now don't think i'm being inappropriate in my messages, it's general conversation like "How did you realize your fetish? How long have you known about it?" and it's like the other person is realizing that i'm not giving them what they want and they just give up and lose interest without saying anything. It just seems to me like whoever i talk to has an idea of what they want from me before they talk to me and if i don't give them that then they just give up. And i'm not talking just one or two people, it's been a bunch of them and i've started thinking it was me. Maybe i was boring or just seemed really inexperienced when it comes to tickling but i tried a different approach, i tried being more forward and not really talking to the other person, mainly "You like this? I wanna do this and this to you..." which is okay but i wanted to actually just talk with them like a friend but it never went that way. And i've had this problem with people from any site i've used, whether it's youtube, dailymotion, here and tickle theater.

The only person i've met who actually wanted to talk to me is now my girlfriend, i met her on youtube, she was the first person i actually messaged there. I'm not saying i expect that kind of a relationship from everyone i meet and I don't expect the world to change because i want it to but it's just frustrating when you try to meet people and discuss something you're interested in with them and you get nothing back from them and they just drop you when they don't get what they want.

/rant

Anyone experience the same thing?

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Contrary to what many believe, 'tickling fetish' really isn't much to base a substantial relationship with. I understand what you mean, but that's really just how human interactions in general go, and trying to incorporate a tickle fetish as a major factor into it is just going to narrow down the field that much more.

For what it's worth, though, the ones you eventually find should be worth it.

 

[Psycho]

I'll be your illegitimat friend.

 

[Morpheus72]

Anyone experience the same thing?

I've never really felt the desire to talk too openly about my sex life with others, girlfriends being the exception of course. I get my outlet for chatting here.

I thought this thread was going to be about finding friends in general -- now THAT I can sympathize with. As I get older and older, it seems more difficult.

 

[rhiannon]

Contrary to what many believe, 'tickling fetish' really isn't much to base a substantial relationship with.

This. If someone contacts me over a tickling website, it is very unlikely that an actual friendship will develop out of this - because in my opinion, the friend-zone is sex-free. It would always be kinda awkward, always the fetish in the background.

 

[P[a]pi]

I understand where you're coming from. Try not to take it personally. Most people just don't want to talk about it a lot in real time. They'll post about it, or watch it, or do it, but to actually just talk about in detail, nope.

 

[Phineas]

IME, there are four kinds of people who come here.

One, people looking for a wank. They're here for the media.

Two, people looking to endlessly verbalize every fantasy they can possibly have on the topic. They're here to re-post "Which cartoon character do you want to tickle? over and over again.

Three, people who don't want to discuss tickling at all (on a tickling forum...?!) and spend their time posting "Ask me what I'm eating today?" in the Silly Stuff forum.

And four, people who have no idea what's going on and need to psychoanalyze themselves and everyone else. (That's you.)

Now, I'm being flippant when I say 'psychoanalyze', but you have to realize two things about this place. The first is that the vast majority of people here don't want to contribute in any way, shape, or form other than in the way they want to contribute. That means that the people just here for a wank aren't going to head over to Politics & Religion for a rousing debate on Obamacare once they've washed their hands. The second is that if they want to interact at all, it's generally only going to be with other people in the same category as they.

And yes, the vast majority of people here are in categories one and two, and they're just here to get off on what they see and/or read/type. The ones who've gotten sick of the other three categories... are off in Silly Stuff. Mostly.

That said, welcome to the Internet - it's retardedly difficult to make friends here. I've been trying since college (that's around 20 years). It doesn't work very often, but when it does, hooray.

That also said... you're not going to find many people in category four. Any of them who've been here for any length of time are tired of navel-gazing and are either jerking off or off debating Obamacare.

 

[kopfhorer]

...after a couple messages it dies down and eventually it's me asking questions and getting one word answers.

Methinks it's the nervosity factor. This forum is dedicated specifically to folks who are into tickling. Youtube is a lot more general (like the diff between a specialty boutique and a Wal-Mart). So I couldn't blame anyone for being reluctant to carry on the conversation beyond a few messages.

I know from first-hand experience on OKC and other such sites (as a f'rinstance) how frustrating it can be to message what looks like a promising prospect only to have her disappear off the radar for no apparent reason.

The only person i've met who actually wanted to talk to me is now my girlfriend...

Makes perfect sense to me! BTW, way to go!

I'm not saying i expect that kind of a relationship from everyone i meet and I don't expect the world to change because i want it to

A very wise attitude, IMO!

I thought this thread was going to be about finding friends in general -- now THAT I can sympathize with. As I get older and older, it seems more difficult.

Seems to me that it gets more difficult as your buddies from college settle down and get married, especially if they jet off to far-off locales. Work buddies are a fairly limited pool.

Yay, Internet!

 

[Mitchell]

Two observations:

One, Phin, I'm going to start this by saying that I consider you a friend, and I'm not making this statement to in any way attack you, but, I think your four reasons of why people come here, is a bit of an oversimplification.

How about.. my reason. A Number Five.

I've been here almost ten years: I share a common interest of tickling with people on this forum, and I come here to chat, and hang out with people who I consider my friends.

Now..to the OP...

"Finding Legitimate Friends" can be a challenging task in a forum such as this one, This is a very large, diverse, interesting, and sometimes.. difficult.. forum. You dont just say., "I have friends". It takes work, and time.

It can also be what you make out of it.. I'm not sure what you really mean by a "legitimate friend". I dont know if you read my posts, but.. my mom just (Hopefully God willing ) has beaten cancer. I had quite a few people on this forum, be very supportive to me, during that ordeal. I consider many people on this site my "Friends", but yet.. would be cautious in what i said to them, or asked them to do, in a one on one conversation, etc.

I read an article recently that said if a person has two real friends over the course of a lifetime, they are extremely lucky. Sometimes, those you think are your "legitimate friends", are the ones that end up hurting you the most, at the worst times. Not to start an old rant.. but.. in case you havent read my posts.. my now former best friend of 29 years, who I knew from the time I was 11, until our friendship ended in late 2010, when I was 40, decided that a good time to stab me in the back, was when my mom had cancer, just because he met a girl a couple of weeks earlier. Was he really a "legitimate friend" to me for 29 years? I dont know now.

Someone I once knew had a saying "People have different friends for different reasons". I'm learning this.

I would try to promote conversations with those who you can get feedback from about different things, and try to cultivate it from there. Try to find people with common interests.

I hope my post is helpful.

Good Luck.

Mitch

 

[Jagermeistered]

I like Mitch's number five reason. Win...

 

[Phineas]

One, Phin, I'm going to start this by saying that I consider you a friend, and I'm not making this statement to in any way attack you, but, I think your four reasons of why people come here, is a bit of an oversimplification.

You're right. It is. However, what I've personally found is that despite a common interest in tickling being what lumped me in with other members of the forum, it's not talking about tickling that made me the friends I have here. All of the people I've met through attending gatherings, etc. that I've become friends with, I've become friends with because we had more in common than tickling. It's like expecting to bond with another guy because he's straight.

"Dude, you like vagina? Bro, me too! High five!"

Derp.

Honestly, though, Mitch - what sort of interactions do you have with people on the forum? How much of it is tickling related? And I don't mean sharing experiences with the newcomers looking for advice... I mean, how much tickling do you talk with the people you consider friends here on this forum, and how much other stuff do you talk about?

Yes, what I said is an oversimplification, but there's enough truth in it to explain the OP's experience; most people here are here for one thing, regardless of what it is... and trying to interact with people who aren't here for that same thing is an exercise in frustration.

 

[rhiannon]

It's like expecting to bond with another guy because he's straight.

"Dude, you like vagina? Bro, me too! High five!"

LMAO! I loved that one! 😀

 

[GQguy]

it's not talking about tickling that made me the friends I have here. All of the people I've met through attending gatherings, etc. that I've become friends with, I've become friends with because we had more in common than tickling. It's like expecting to bond with another guy because he's straight.

"Dude, you like vagina? Bro, me too! High five!"

Derp.

So true. I honestly can't imagine talking about tickling with a guy friend I made here. We'd have to bond on FAR more things than just tickling. So making legitimate friends on here IS tough. One's best shot at making friends though would be in the general stuff forum. There people can bond over the things that make friendships.

 

[Coda]

Sandisk444 -- yes, I've experienced that a lot. I think that we're in a minority in just wanting to talk <I>about</I> fetishes -- a lot of people just want to enjoy them without being introspective. Which is fine; you're not doing anything wrong just because others happen to be different like that.

So you know, I have made a couple of really good friends on the TMF for whom text is our main method of communication, but those were so rare that they might not have happened at all. I would just keep being yourself around the forum and in the chat room, if you use it.

 

[Mitchell]

Phin, I see what you're saying. To answer your question, I talk about zero tickling with the real friends I have here. Those things were already talked about long ago. I talk about.. general things that have nothing to do with tickling, unless it's the occasional thread about finding out a female celebs ticklishness.


I'm glad jager likes my number five reason. That is primarially the reason I've stayed here, in spite of some of the friction I've gotten into at times.

Mitch

 

[Sandisk444]

@Phineas I realize the difficulty involved with forming a relationship on a field such as the internet and like i said, i don't expect an in-depth relationship with everyone i meet. I can't blame people for having apprehensions about opening up to someone they met randomly off a website, especially when it's on the terms of a fetish. But the frustration comes from those who will start out with the enthusiasm to actually carry a conversation with them but die down to one word answers and then nothing at all. Especially when those people are the ones to open the lines of communication with me. You're right, i do have a problem with analysing things with the frequency of it happening, it's hard not to think about the reasons why.

@Mitchell First off, I hope everything goes well with your mother, luckily i haven't been in that situation but i hope for the best.

Second, I agree and understand what you're saying. Though i think my intentions were a little misunderstood, by "legitimate friends", i meant people who i can consider a friend, not someone who i would open up completely to and confide everything to. Just someone who i can talk about anything too, not just about the single thing we have in common because you can't base an actual friendship on one interest. What i'm looking for is like what you share with people you've met off the forum from what it sounds like. You can consider them friends and you can explore other aspects than just tickling.

It's usually when i try to broadening the conversation outside of tickling that it falls apart. But i guess all that can be done is i keep trying. Thank you for putting in in a different perspective.

 

[Jagermeistered]

I like GQ's post... The general forum is a great place to connect with people outside of our fetish/sexual realm, and connect that way. From the SSF to general topics, and even the PR forum.

 

[ticklehound]

I try not to think of meeting friends here (though I've tried & made only a couple). I just think of this place as a different (& special) compartment of my life - that no one else knows about . . . kinda like Costanza's model for worlds & how you gotta keep them separated.

Coincidentally, I've been going through a really traumatic time for me & my family. My fiancee decided to end things just weeks before the wedding. Of course, I'm hurt; my family even more so. I'm better now because I take solace in knowing that it wasn't meant to me (no matter what I did) & better we break it off now that go through this & suffer through a marriage.

In any event, when times were tough, I leaned on my family first, my friends (real-life ones) second, BUT there was a place for the TMF - I came here as a way to get away from all this shit (as I have done when other crazy things have happened in my life), to distract myself even for a moment from everything else. What I'm trying to say is: you can take from this community what you want from it.

I say, try to make friends here like you would anywhere else. Discuss random things not assoc with tickling. Post as much as you feel compelled to, let your post tell others about you & see what floats your way.

Most people are here for themselves & keep taking. I say, keep giving & see what returns. Best

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you, sandisk. I appreciate your good wishes. I understand what you meant now, and I apologize if I misinterpreted your post.

Mitch