Vintage Scripts (a collection of original amateur screenplays).

[Low_Roads]

ooo i didn't know that...yippee..i'm so honored..i'll wait til you email them to me then...if it's not too much trouble..

Never a problem, Izzy! Hope you realize we've just heaped a couple of decades on the near-year left for the Low Roads! I was mighty prolific back then!

i'm glad you liked my poem..no one else seemed to appreciate it..ah well..

Don't take that personally. As a matter of course, story poems (the only kind I really find interesting) tend to garner little attention here. The personal, weepy, angst-filled stuff plays a bit better, but even for that there's a limited audience. If you're able to work "tickling" into the verse, you've got a better shot... that kind of procedural stuff bores me to tears, mostly.

 

[Low_Roads]

Part 2.​

INTERIOR. The throne chamber of Luneria.

Selenar: (to Graves) Your young, foolish friend forces me to use extreme measures. (to guard) Summon the insecti-soldier!

The guard takes up a horn and sounds a call. From a recess drift the clicking foot-falls of the insecti-soldier. The gangly emissary emerges, armed with a spear and battle-ax.

Selenar: (in a reverie) It is the last of its kind... the specially-bred defenders of Luneria. All others were killed by Monorb, at the dawn of our fall, long ago. (he wrests himself from painful memory. To the insecti-soldier) Go! Kill the alien!

The winged warrior flits up and out of the chamber.

Graves: Martin is no match for that creature’s insect strength and cunning!

Selenar: (with shaking conviction) He risked this threat the moment he defied me.

EXTERIOR. Martin and Lunesa on the lunar plain. The Princess looks up and screams.

Lunesa: Martin! Guard yourself!

Martin draws his sword to fend off the insecti-soldier's aerial attack. The creature dives again and again as Martin wards off its thrusts. It lands and stalks up to its prey. It jabs, and Martin grabs the spear shaft. He succeeds in wrenching the weapon free. The insecti-soldier counters with its battle-ax. Martin is not the equal of his adversary but fights bravely on.

INTERIOR. The throne room of Luneria.

Graves: Selenar, this submission to Monorb is shameful to the memory of Luneria’s past glory. An ultimate confrontation will renew your self-respect, even if you are defeated. (Selenar slumps on his throne, his head in his hands) What of your daughter? (the king perks up) She went with him, you know. The fate that finds Martin will befall her as well.

Selenar stands bolt upright.

Selenar: My daughter! No! She must be saved! Guards! Recall the insecti-soldier! Ready your weapons! Prepare the remnants of Luneria's old glory to march!

EXTERIOR. The insecti-soldier is about to deliver a killing blow when the horn sounds. It snaps to attention then rises into the sky, headed back to Luneria. Martin dusts himself off. He clutches his former foe's abandoned spear.

Martin: Let’s get moving. I want to find this Monorb before he starts wondering what flavor my brother is.

Cut to the Grand Gate of Luneria. Selenar leads a force of soldiers from of the city.

Meanwhile, Martin and Lunesa approach a small grove.

Lunesa: Take care, Martin. These trees are poisonous to touch.

Martin: (after a moment’s reflection) Wait here.

Martin gingerly hacks off a piece of bark, carefully bundling it in his jacket.

Martin: With luck, we won’t need this. But I've learned never to depend on luck.

The young pair continue their trek.

Cut back to Selenar and his Lunerian force. A dragon monster suddenly bars their path.

Selenar: One of the deadly dragon-beasts!

The Lunerians begin to retreat.

Graves: King Selenar! We can’t back down now. We must fight!

Selenar: Soldiers of Luneria! Cast your spears!

The Lunerians hurl a volley at the dragon. The animal crashes to the earth, its body twitching with death spasms.

Cut back to Martin and Lunesa. The terrain has become incredibly rugged. They see Monorb's stone stronghold perched on a cliffy outcropping. The gargantua sleeps before the cave’s entrance; below, in a canyon, gleam the bleached bones of a thousand past meals.

Martin: I could stomp on up there and face that colossus, for all the good it would do. No... I'll have to come up with a smarter plan than that...

Martin creeps to the edge of a plateau; dragons are grazing in lunar fields below. He waves to attract the attention of the nearest one. The giant saurian charges toward him with evil fury. Martin hides himself next to Lunesa. The creature's roars wake Monorb. The villain's single eye clicks open; its four brawny arms grow tense. It grasps up a spiked club and pounds its chest furiously, stalking away in combat mode. The two bestial adversaries lunge at one another. Martin sneaks up the natural stone arch which leads to Monorb’s cave. INTERIOR. The young officer's desperate search soon bears fruit: HERBERT MAXWELL is found crouching within a cramped wicker cage.

Martin: Herbert! (no response) Herbert!!!

The man slowly stirs. His eyes fall on Martin.

Herbert: Martin! In god's name, what are you doing here? How could you ever manage to find me?

Martin: Never mind that now, Herbert. I’m getting you out of this place, that's the important thing.

Martin cuts through the lashings.

EXTERIOR. The two fantastic beasts claw at one another. Martin and Herbert join Lunesa at the foot of the arch. As they prepare to escape, Monorb brings his club down on the dragon’s skull, finishing the fight. The brute pounds his chest with mad passion, then eyes the three departing creatures.

Herbert: His blood-lust won’t be satisfied until he crushes us as well.

Martin: Then it’s up to me to finish things, once and for all!

Martin breaks from his friends and makes his way to the brink of a deep ravine, Monorb close at his heels. He frantically wrings sap from the wrapped poisonous bark onto the spear's blade. Rising with his weapon, he faces the monster. Selenar and the Lunerian battalion have just arrived and survey the scene. Martin hurls the envenomed spear, which sinks deep into Monorb’s chest. The fast-acting poison causes Monorb to falter. Martin leaps out of the way, as the giant's momentum sends it hurtling into the chasm to its death.

Transition: hours later. Graves, Herbert, Martin and Lunesa stand before the Professor's silver space-craft. Selenar and his army bid them farewell.

Selenar: It grieves me to lose my daughter. But I am also joyous that she goes to Earth to become your bride, Martin Maxwell!

Martin: We won’t be gone long, King Selenar. Now that Professor Graves has perfected space flight, we can return with men from Earth to rebuild Luneria above ground!

Graves: I may even move here permanently. The climate seems to agree with me. But for now, everyone aboard!

The four travelers board the rocket, which Martin pilots into the sky. On the moon's surface, King Selenar salutes.

INTERIOR. Within the steel ship, the orb of Earth can be seen through the a port hole. The happy party streaks through the stars, headed home.

-FIN-​

Next: "A Gathering of Forces".

 

[Cbarton]

Excellent script, it definately captures the spirit of the time and genre! And, fortunately, Lunesa does not have on the standard Star Trek 'tin-foil' bikini costume...

Toss in the standard passionate "kiss for good luck" and the stereotypes are complete!

 

[Low_Roads]

Thanks for the kind vote of approval, Hawk! I've seen tons of similar gleefully cheesy sci-fi ("World Without End", Missile to the Moon", "Beyond the Time Barrier", etc., etc., ad nauseum), so I should be familiar with the conventions by now! Just goes to show, no knowledge is ever wasted. Only ill used.

Toss in the standard passionate "kiss for good luck" and the stereotypes are complete!

Damn! I wish I'd thought of that! Though at the time, even as much romance as I included bored me (Lunesa is in the script more because the Superfluous Female became a genre staple than because I actually wanted her there). The tin bikini isn't a bad idea, actually. Such a costuming would have been simple to produce and laudibly cost-effective. Dyeing an actress green... now that would have been a pain!

 

[His Divine Shadow]

A bit silly, the cowardly Lunerians defeating the dragon-beast with one volley of spears. Unless everybody poisons their spears on the Moon. :ggrin: Although I grant if you'd just had them slaughtered by the beast it would have ruined the flow.

Didn't Hercules do something akin to Martin with poison-dipped arrows? I seem to recall him using the poisonous blood of the Hydra to kill various things. I know he himself was undone by it and a vengeful centaur.


The Professor speaks to humans helping to rebuild Luneria; knowing human development habits I suspect what gets built will be less than splendid (subdivisions, anyone?).

 

[Low_Roads]

A bit silly, the cowardly Lunerians defeating the dragon-beast with one volley of spears. Unless everybody poisons their spears on the Moon. :ggrin: Although I grant if you'd just had them slaughtered by the beast it would have ruined the flow.

No argument with any of the points you make, sagacious HDS! Plus, Graves comes off a bit ripe, rallying everyone to courage after he'd run like a rabbit from the same type dragon only pages before. My primary aim in reforming the Lunerians was to have a ready audience for Martin's last-minute heroics: little point in daring-do unless you're doing it in front of a crowd. It also seemed like a good idea to insure that Selenar was worthy of the happy ending... the farewell scene would have been awfully awkward otherwise.

Didn't Hercules do something akin to Martin with poison-dipped arrows? I seem to recall him using the poisonous blood of the Hydra to kill various things. I know he himself was undone by it and a vengeful centaur.

I had to recheck sources on this: quite right, Hercules (Heracles, originally) dips arrows in the Hyrda's poisonous blood; he later uses these to shoot down Nessus the centaur, who was kidnapping his wife, Deianara; the dying Nessus plots revenge by gifting Deianara with his cloak (tainted with his Hydra-poisoned blood), which he claims will act as a marital aid; years afterward, a jealous Deianara attempts to stir up Herc's ardor by wrapping him in the fatal cloak; Herc bursts into flames and dies a lingering death. I'd read this account well before (in Edith Hamilton's Mythology), and would be darned surprised if it hadn't supplied some inspiration. Herc, frankly, comes off like an oaf in a lot of his stories... I was always more partial to Theseus.

The Professor speaks to humans helping to rebuild Luneria; knowing human development habits I suspect what gets built will be less than splendid (subdivisions, anyone?).

Hey, rely on foreign aid and you'll take what we offer and like it (carve your own damn columns, guys!) Seeing as Martin Maxwell was a '50s/'60s nostalgia piece, that probably would have included a lot of shoe-box housing... plenty of TV arials and two-car garages... 9 to 5 jobs... juvies in roadsters... weekend barbecues (with plenty of spare Monorb lying around, why not!) In short, paradise! The American dream, exported in the best American tradition!

 

[His Divine Shadow]

weekend barbecues (with plenty of spare Monorb lying around, why not!)

If your Herc revelation has any bearing on this the resulting sequel would be worthy of another of your long-running threads. Newly-minted colonists burst into flames after tranquil barbeque!

 

[Low_Roads]

Oh lord... I never thought of that. The whole race is doomed!!!

A darned lucky thing Martin brought Lunesa back for breeding purposes... we might otherwise lose every vestige of the noble Lunerian bloodline. I've always been fascinated by the ease with which interstellar humanoids produce offspring (Star Trek, He-Man, John Carter, etc.)... you'd think there'd be genetic barriers, but that never seems to be the case.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

A darned lucky thing Martin brought Lunesa back for breeding purposes... we might otherwise lose every vestige of the noble Lunerian bloodline. I've always been fascinated by the ease with which interstellar humanoids produce offspring (Star Trek, He-Man, John Carter, etc.)... you'd think there'd be genetic barriers, but that never seems to be the case.

Some series made attempts to look at that angle. There's the ever-popular idea that some ancient progenitor race scattered/had their empire dissolved/seeded the galaxy and the separate races evolved on their own but were still compatible. The Farscape universe is one such example. Some others, where they say humanoid is simply the logical evolutionary end, are less certain; evolution may lead the same way but why would it guarantee interspecies marriage?

And, of course, they could just adopt. :ggrin:

 

[Low_Roads]

Some series made attempts to look at that angle. There's the ever-popular idea that some ancient progenitor race scattered/had their empire dissolved/seeded the galaxy and the separate races evolved on their own but were still compatible.

Now that you mention it, I do remember the idea being floated on a TOS Star Trek episode (couldn't begin to tell you which one). There must have been a literary progenitor... no way Roddenbery came up with something like that on his own. And I've read similar stuff in selected Marvel comix from the '70s. That's the way I'm always alerted to heady SF concepts... via third generation!

And, of course, they could just adopt. :ggrin:

If it's good enough for Ma and Pa Kent, dadgum it, it's good enough for anyone!

 

[Low_Roads]

A Gathering of Forces.

Stephen Sommers was far from the first to mingle classic Universal monster archetypes with his Van Helsing movie. Universal Studios started the trend itself, via such in-house product as Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula. This beastly mix 'n' match continued strong amongst amateur filmmakers in the era of '70s super-8... the reason (apart from the natural dynamism of the concept) stems from the mini-renaissance of low cost monster masks and gloves at the time. Vinyl had recently replaced rubber as the medium of construction, making the finished product more durable and long-lasting than it had ever been before (rubber masks were thin and easily torn; the rubber compound itself had a tendency to disintegrate over time). Costume shops always had a plentiful supply of new designs: it was a rare enthusiast who didn't own all the basics (Frankenstein, Dracula, the Wolfman, the misshapen hunchback, etc.). I was no exception to this rule, and my de rigueur cinematic monster-fest (the script, that is, not a finished film. This came nowhere close to production) differed little from the usual offering... GM had already made a couple of one-reelers, very similar in terms of tone, period setting and the adversarial creature interactions. My only novel touch was to work my Argus character from Theseus and the Minotaur and Return of the Sorcerer into the mix. I'll dispense tonight's dose of dusty nostalgia painlessly as possible, all in one gulp with no pesky illustrations. You won't be so lucky next time... if A Gathering of Forces is would-be stately gothic drama, Alex in Wonderland is a spoofy, glutty monster-orgy, a two-week blare with loads of graphic accomplices. Enjoy the peace while you can:

A Gathering of Forces

a screenplay by
Foster Glenn Oakes​

CAST of CHARACTERS
Abraham Mason
Lillian Mason
Dr. Werner
Baron Veratus
Argus
Villagers

EXTERIOR. LS of Dr. Werner's villa in the Romanian mountains.

INTERIOR. DR. WERNER sits at an oak desk, gazing into an ancient book. He examines a crude wood-cut depicting the execution of a sorcerer.

Werner: Soon, my prince! Soon you will live again!

He is distracted by the sound of the door knocker. He quickly puts away the old volume and rises to admit his visitors. ABRAHAM MASON and LILLIAN MASON enter.

Werner: You are Mr. Abraham Mason?

Mason nods uneasily. Werner smiles slyly and motions for them to sit.

Mason: Dr. Werner, I hope that, as you said in your letter, you can cure my terrible disease. I have not even told you yet what illness I am cursed with.

Werner: Fear not, sir. I promise you that whatever malady afflicts you, it shall soon bother you no longer.

Lillian suddenly appears dizzy, taking her head in her hands.

Werner: Your sister seems fatigued after your long journey. I will have you conducted to your rooms.

Werner summons a dull-eyed servant, who carries the luggage to their chamber. He then leaves the brother and sister.

Mason: Why did you pretend to faint?

Lillian: That man! Oh, Bram! I had to get away from him! He is evil!

Mason: I know this has been unpleasant for you, Lillian dear. But this physician is renowned. My last hope to be cured of my...my...

Mason sinks into a chair.

Mason: ... lycanthropy!!!

Lillian comforts her brother. She pours him wine form a small decanter, then goes to the window. Suddenly she starts.

Lillian: Bram! The moon!!

The clouds clear to expose a looming full moon. Mason staggers from his chair, and the frightful transformation occurs. He bounds into the hallway and immediately encounters the servant who brought up their bags. The werewolf claws the unfortunate to shreds, then starts toward the parlor. There, he comes face to face with Werner.

Werner: Mason! You, a secret creature of darkness!

Mason advances, and Werner produces a revolver. A bullet buries itself into the beast's chest, and he runs howling into the night. Werner desperately rings for aid.

Werner: (to his minions) A werewolf! Follow him! Destroy him!

About the villa, various servants standing in trance-like stillness suddenly become animated. They pick up guns, knives, pitchforks, clubs, etc., and ramble after Werner in pursuit of their quarry. EXTERIOR. Mason makes his way through the dark forest. One of the servants appears before him with a pitchfork. Mason tosses him down the cliff face. Others are immediately drawn to the scene. The werewolf is struck by several bullets and stumbles away. As he collapses in a small clearing, BARON VERATUS steps from behind a tree and hefts the wounded creature onto his shoulder. The mysterious nobleman vanishes into the woods, just as Werner calls off the search.

Werner: We have lost him. Return at once, my slaves. We shall begin the ceremony.

Werner and his followers return to the villa. Dissolve. INTERIOR. A chamber in Baron Veratus's castle. Mason wakes to find himself once more human. The Baron sits at the piano, but stops his sonata when he sees that Mason has revived.

Veratus: Eat, Mr. Mason. The unlethal bullets that entered you as a werewolf have dissolved in your human body.

Mason tucks into the plate of blood sausage which has been prepared for him, washing it down with red wine.

Mason: You have saved me, sir. What your name?

Veratus: Men call me Baron Veratus.

Mason: Baron Veratus! Legends say that you are a human vampire!

The baron smiles grimly. He takes a large volume from a shelf.

Veratus: The legends do not lie. I have lived through the lives of twenty normal men. I have gained many enemies.

Veratus places the open book before Mason. We see the wood-cut execution from the opening scene. The vampire points to the victim in the picture.

Veratus: Of those, this fiend is the most terrible. His body is dead, but his soul still resides on earth. Dr. Werner serves him, along with the mind-slaves who used to be villagers. Tonight, they will try to raise their master from the dust he has become.

Veratus strides to the wall and removes an ornamental sword.

Mason: Then my sister is in great danger! We must save her at once. Soon, my lycanthropy will return. I won't think rationally...

Veratus: Silence! I know all this. Come! A tunnel connects this castle and the place of my enemy: Argus, the sorcerer!

Mason follows Veratus into the tunnel. They soon emerge through a linking doorway in Werner's abode. One of the dumb servants stands with his back turned. Veratus hands Mason the sword, then sinks his sharpened teeth into the mind-slave's neck. He rises, blood streaming down his face. The two continue until they reach a wide columned chamber. Within, Werner and a congregation of mind-slaves prostrate themselves before a pile of dust nestled into a red velvet cushion. Lillian is bound nearby.

Werner: Mighty Argus, take the blood that we offer from this innocent girl and let it pulse through your new body.

As Werner prepares to cut into Lillian's wrist, Mason leaps into the gathering, swinging the sword wildly. The numbers quickly overwhelm him. Veratus flies to his aid, parting the mind-slaves with is supernatural strength. Werner takes the sword (fallen from Mason's grasp) and holds it in front of the vampire, handle up in the image of the cross. The baron's power leaves him, and he too is overcome. Werner takes blood from Lillian in a golden cup and drips it over the dust. The dust writhes and grows, forming itself into a human being. Finally, ARGUS stands fully materialized.

Argus: I... I breathe! I feel! I live! I rise from my own ashes!

His fearful gaze falls upon Veratus.

Argus: An old friend, come to welcome me. Release him!

The mind-slaves comply. Veratus smoothes his clothes and assumes a stately posture before his enemy. Werner hands the sword to Argus.

Argus: I take back my powerful sword, with which you thought to undermine my resurrection. Come, Baron Veratus.

As Mason and Lillian watch helplessly, the two mighty adversaries depart. They enter a musty laboratory, its shelves crammed with vials of powder and liquid. The sorcerer procures a decanter and fills two chalices with thick red wine. He then takes down two unmarked vials of white powder. Into one cup, he stirs one powder; into the other, the second.

Argus: The chalice of diamond or the chalice of emerald... choose!

Veratus takes up the diamond chalice. Argus lifts the emerald. Eying one another warily, they lift the glasses to their lips. Veratus quickly falters.

Veratus: Poisoned!

Argus laughs demonically as Veratus sways. Suddenly, the vampire lunges at his tormentor. He and Argus grapple. Meanwhile, Mason feels the effects of his returning lycanthropy. The mind-slaves scatter, as the once docile human becomes a slashing beast. Mason goes directly for Werner and rends out his throat. As the doctor dies, the spell over the villagers is broken. They run in terror from the werewolf. Mason streaks down the corridors after Argus, followed by Lillian. The night-monster reaches the struggling super-humans, pinning the wizard from behind. Veratus takes the diamond challis and forces it to his foe's lips. Argus swallows the remainder of the evil liquid, then with a final violent surge of energy, thrusts his oppressors from him. His strength gone, he collapses onto the floor. Mason strikes the stone wall and drops, stunned. Once more, he reverts to his human form. Veratus painfully makes his way to the racks of alchemical agents. He mixes a steaming draught, then addresses Lillian.

Veratus: This mixture will cure your brother of his disease. Make him drink it.

Veratus hands the formula to Lillian, then crumples into a shining white skeleton. Lillian places the glass to her brother's lips, making him swallow the fluid. Recovering, Mason rises and the two turn to go. Argus, summoning his last ounce of strength, calls out to them.

Argus: I have died before... and I have arisen. Soon again, the world will tremble beneath the boot of Argus the Sorcerer!

Argus disintegrates back into a pile of dusty wreckage. Abraham and Lillian exit the chamber, headed for a better, freer life.

-END-​

Next: "Alex in Wonderland".

 

[Cbarton]

No lack of action or sub-plots here! Would be fun to see this one on film. Another great near-blast from the past, LBH!

 

[Low_Roads]

Thanks for the kind enthusiasm, Hawk! Glad the story entertained! It wouldn't have been particularly difficult to shoot; I already had viable sets, and actors were available for most of the leads. The crowd of dull-eyed villagers would have been no picnic to assemble, though not impossible (I did have a class-full of fellow drama students for ready recruitment). My primary regret is that the plot elements prove so pedestrian. Few of these screenplays offer any nuance beyond that borrowed from the genre classics that served as inspiration... imitation may be expected in fledgling efforts, but too much of it leads to zero growth. I like to think my current output has transcended these early limitations. It better have... if not now, when?! XD

 

[Low_Roads]

Alex in Wonderland.

Same idea as behind "A Gathering of Forces" (only with more monsters), right down to the never-seriously-considered-for-production status. The raucous car chase (on paper, the diciest sequence) wouldn't have been that hard to film... I'd already completed similar short projects using miniatures and stop-motion. Regardless, not worth the effort... the script's a whole lot less clever than it thinks it is...

(Note: forgot to include the illustrations at time of posting. They're in place now (below)... three for part 1, three more for upcoming part 2):

Alex in Wonderland

a screenplay by Foster Glenn Oakes​

Characters
Alex Kell
Prof. van Irving
Count Dracula
Dr. Frankenstein
Erick, the Phantom
Igor
The Mayor's Daughter
The Monster
The Wolfman (Larry Talbot)
The Mummy
The Fly
The Creature From the Black Lagoon
The Gorilla
The Zombie

parts not requiring actors
The Invisible Man
King Kong
The Beast From Twenty Thousand Fathoms
The Blob

INTERIOR shot of a laboratory. PROF. VAN IRVING checks the dials and controls of his inter-dimensional machine. Soon he is satisfied.

Van Irving: All is prepared. Come, Alex my boy... it is time.

Reverse shot of ALEX JAMES KELL.

Alex: I won't let you down, Professor van Irving. I'm ready.

Van Irving goes to a blackboard, upon which is written: "Alex James Kell"; and under that: "Entry into new dimension, May 8, 1971."

Van Irving: This is an honor for you, lad: the first man to travel to a newly discovered dimension! You should be proud! Do you have anything to say before this great journey?

Alex: Yeah. Why me?

Van Irving: Because it's the only way you're ever going to earn your doctorate. Now make sure to make a record of everything you see. (Alex glances at his pencil and notebook.) Good luck, my boy.

Van Irving pulls a lever and Alex disappears. For an instant, the young man is surrounded by strange colors and shapes. EXTERIOR, as he reappears on a lonely hill. He makes a few notes, then spies an old mansion not too far away. He walks to the house and examines the sign on the door, which reads "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here...and this means YOU!" The door opens slowly, revealing COUNT DRACULA.

Dracula: Good evening. I am Dracula. I bid you welcome.

Alex stands mute.

Dracula: Well, come!

Alex walks into the house. INTERIOR shot of inside of house, which is covered with the traditional spider-webs.

Alex: What do you want from me?

Dracula: (sizing him up) I was hoping for six quarts, but in your case four-and-a-half seems more likely.

Dracula starts to attack Alex, when DR. FRANKENSTEIN leaps between them with a crucifix. Dracula recoils.

Frankenstein: Out, vampire! You'll do no feasting under my roof!

Dracula: Blast you, Frankenstein! (Alex is wonder-struck.) You continue to interfere with me! (to Alex) Do not think you are safe, young fool. We shall meet again.

Dracula flees through the door and Frankenstein turns to Alex.

Alex: Are you really Dr. Frankenstein!

Frankenstein: Of course, my young friend. I am Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Come with me. I am about to give life to my monster.

The two enter Victor's laboratory. IGOR stands beside THE MONSTER, which is strapped to a table.

Victor: Now, Igor! Give the monster life!

Igor takes out an old issue of "Life" magazine and hands it to the monster, who in his enthusiasm knocks Igor to the floor.

Frankenstein: Count Dracula is my arch-enemy. He is determined to destroy me.

Alex: How could he do that?

Igor: Master! Master! Look!

Igor thrusts a newspaper into Victor's face. Victor reacts.

Frankenstein: This is how! The mayor's daughter has been kidnapped and is now being held at the abandoned atomic power station. Dracula's work... but I'll be blamed! Igor! Monster! Into the auto!

Alex: What are we going to do?

Frankenstein: Save the girl and clear my name! Hurry!

EXTERIOR shot of Victor, Alex, Igor, and the Monster inside the car. The Monster wears a chauffeur's cap, which is ridiculously too small for him.

Frankenstein: Onward!

The car zooms off at top speed. On a hill overlooking the scene, sits Dracula's car. At the wheel sits THE WOLFMAN (LARRY TALBOT) and beside Dracula sits PHARAOH IM PO TENT.

Dracula: After them, Lawrence.

Dracula's car streaks after Frankenstein's. His car plows into the back of Frankenstein's, attempting to run it off the road. A road battle ensues between the two. As Frankenstein's car goes spiraling out of the arena, it accidentally runs over THE FLY, who was trying to cross the street. It gets up and angrily buzzes at the car's window.

Igor: I think he wants to join us.

Frankenstein: Very well, let him in.

They open the car door, and the Fly enters.

Alex: I hope he's not one of those fly-by-nights.

Frankenstein: The driver of that car is Larry Talbot, the Wolfman. He's a demon at the wheel. And beside Dracula is the mummy Im Po Tent. But I have powerful allies as well! At this moment, one of them will attempt to rescue the mayor's daughter.

Cut to Dracula's car.

Dracula: Onward, my children! The mayor's daughter is well guarded. I have left her in the keep of the Invisible Man!


Next: Conclusion.

 

[Low_Roads]

Part 2.


Cut to INTERIOR of the atomic power plant. THE INVISIBLE MAN (his hat is all that can be seen) stands guard over THE MAYOR'S DAUGHTER, who is bound and gagged. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON creeps through a door and cautiously approaches the young woman. He begins to untie her bonds. The Invisible Man picks up a hammer and knocks the Creature cold.

Invisible Man: Thought you could sneak past me, did you? Gorilla! Zombie!

From a corridor enter THE GORILLA and THE ZOMBIE.

Invisible Man: Take this swamp slime away!

The two lackeys do so. Cut to EXTERIOR shot the two battling autos as they roar past the Empire State Building. From the pinnacle, KING KONG observes their progress. Then, THE BEAST FROM TWENTY THOUSAND FATHOMS enters the street from an alleyway. Frankenstein's car drives straight across his foot and he roars in pain. He snaps at Dracula's chase car, picking it up in his jaws and hurling it aside. Thus does Frankenstein beat his rival to the atomic power plant, which is perched high on a craggy sea-side cliff.

INTERIOR shot. Frankenstein's crew have found the mayor's daughter and are about to untie her.

Dracula: (voice-over) Stop, Frankenstein!

Frankenstein and his monsters turn to see the assembled minions of Dracula. Suddenly, the Creature stumbles in, making Frankenstein's gang complete. The two groups face each other, fully prepared to rumble. In a hidden alcove, mysterious hands come down on an organ keyboard with an explosion of music. This signals the beginning of a tumultuous fight. Riot and confusion reign. The Creature chases the Wolfman into a room where he is consumed by the waiting BLOB. Igor trips the Invisible Man, who falls out an open window to his doom. Alex finally manages to release the mayor's daughter, who embraces him amorously. Abruptly, the musical notes cease. A hush falls over the assembled as a panel slides up to reveal ERICK THE PHANTOM.

Dracula: What is wrong, Phantom? Have I not done as you instructed me?

Alex: You mean you're working for him?

Erick: Count Dracula, your task is now complete. The time has come for me to reveal my face!

All wait in trepidation, as Erick undoes his mask. They gasp. The Phantom's face perfectly resembles that of Frankenstein.

Erick: Victor Frankenstein... I am your long lost twin brother!

Frankenstein: Erick the Phantom, my brother!

Erick: It's true. I wanted your monsters destroyed so you would see the pointlessness of all these experiments. Give them up, Victor! Join my opera troop!

Frankenstein: Opera? (Igor tries clumsily to sing an aria.) Of course I will!

There is general rejoicing, except on the part of Dracula. Instead, he fumes with rage.

Dracula: No! All my work cannot have gone for this! (to Phantom) You have betrayed me!

Erick: Take care, vampire! Remember my secret weapon, the disintegrating gun!

Dracula: Of course I remember! I have stolen it!

Dracula reveals the gun

Dracula: Come to me, my children. (Dracula's monsters gather behind him.) Now you, Monster and Creature, and you, Fly: over the edge!

The monsters grudgingly leap over the railing of the power plant into the angry waves below. Alex makes a grab for the gun, but misses.

Dracula: Fool!

The vampire presses the trigger. The gun disintegrates.

Erick: I told you it was a disintegrating gun.

Dracula: It matters not! I have a host of monsters on my side. What do you have?

Frankenstein: Hah! You yourself are the greatest monster of all!

Dracula: My blushes!

Mayor's Daughter: Haven't we a friend in the world?

EXTERIOR shot of the Empire State Building. King Kong has heard these words. He breaks the spire from the top of the structure. After shaping it into a great iron stake, he sends it hurtling through the air. The mighty missile crashing through the wall of the reactor building, its point burying itself deep into Dracula's heart. As blood-drinker dissolves into a skeleton, his monsters flee in panic.

Erick: So, he's finally down for the count! Well, brother, we can settle down to business now. What do you think of "Falstaff" as our first opera?

Frankenstein: No, no! I'd rather do "Faust".

Erick: I was afraid of this.

Hand in hand, Alex and the mayor's daughter slowly wander away from the bickering siblings. As they do, they begin to fade from view. When they rematerialize, it's in Prof. van Irving's laboratory.

Van Irving: My boy, we've succeeded! You've been there and back! Quick, tell me everything that happened!

Alex: It's all in the notebook, Prof!

Van Irving scans through the notebook pages. He is amazed.

Van Irving: Nobel Prize material, Alex! You have earned your doctorate at last! This calls for a toast! (He fills three glasses with sparkling wine.) To Doctor Alex James Kell! Drink it down, Doctor J. Kell!

Discrete fade out.

The End​

Next: "The Kahlua Brothers Get the Creeps".

 

[scavenger]

Ooh! such a long time since I last checked back on this track. I very much loved the moon adventure script. Despite the retro-theme (or rather because of the retro theme) this would have been a film I'd greatly enjoyed watching as a kid. I mean , I remember fantasizing and imagining a lot about having adventures on a distant world - though perhaps not the Moon per se, but rather some strange robot planet (I'm a child of the 80's after all ;-)

Got to read through the others a bit more in depth, but that werewolf script would have made a very cool movie indeed. And a car chase in stop motion? Oh man, how I'd love to animate such a thing... so much fun! 🙂

On a different note; since you are a bit of a Lovecraft fan too, LBH, have you heard about "Die Farbe"? This is a project of some German film enthousiasts who are currently making a movie based on Lovecraft's "The Colour out of Space", and from the looks of the trailer, you can tell they have remained faithful to the typical Lovecraft suspense/mystery horror. You really have to check it out: www.die-farbe.com (hope your computer can handle flash websites...)

 

[Low_Roads]

Grateful thanks, Scav! So pleased you enjoyed the Martin Maxwell script! I'm rather sorry I never got around to doing anything with it... I suspect it would have been a kick to produce! As you're a child of the '80s, so was my infancy in the late '50s/early '60s... the moon was pretty fertile soil for nonsense fantasy back then! "Missile to the Moon" posited giant spiders and lumbering rock giants, while "Cat Women of the Moon" hinted at more alluring wildlife. Then again, H. G. Wells' astronauts encountered moon calves, lush greenery and breathable atmosphere... yesterday's cutting-edge inevitably becomes today's ridiculous! Damn it, I wanted the Apollo crews to find moon calves! Screw all that golf!

I did complete a silent car-chase short called "Speed Demons" (an anti road-rage piece) which featured nothing but stop motion elements, and it was indeed loads of fun to shoot! The central part of "Alex" would likely have looked identical (with the addition of spliced-in actor reactions). It's the only part of the project I regret not doing!

Hollywood's fumbled Lovecraft so badly (even entertaining stuff, like the Stuart Gordon oeuvre, manages to miss his tone and minimize his thematics), it's seemed that going outside of big budget studio product would be the only way to do him justice. What a refreshing development that such is finally being done: earlier this year, the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society put together a short, low budget but chillingly accurate film adaptation of "The Call of Cthulhu" (http://www.cthulhulives.org/store/store.lasso?1=product&2=8), and now comes this new interpretation of "Colour Out of Space", my all-time favorite Mythos tale! Thanks so much for the deliriously welcome news and for providing the link! This story's been officially filmed only twice to my knowledge: as a 1965 Boris Karloff vehicle "Die, Monster, Die!"... silly, but still fun; then once again in 1987 as "The Curse", a god-awful direct-to-video mess featuring Claude Akins. Needless to say, neither did the short story any favors. Alas, I wasn't able to view the trailer (short-comings inside my rather primitive computer system, most likely), but the still photos look wonderfully encouraging! The site itself is creepy and brooding... they certainly got the mood right! A search has revealed that the trailer's made its way onto Youtube... I'll try that next!

 

[scavenger]

Hollywood (which is -to my opinion- still an unlucky name to brand a certain "style" of movies, as there are several really great "Hollywood"-movies) has even tried doing a "Call of Cthulhu" movie lately, named "Cthulhu". As far as I can tell from the trailer it promises to be an awful, totally non-Lovecraftian gore-fest movie. Of all attempts at filming Lovecrafts works, this is going to be the single worst one.

The one you mentioned though (with the vintage poster) I've seen the trailer and it looked awesome. I don't know wether it'll be truly "Lovecraftian" in it's atmosphere, but still better than that modern day one I saw at Apple Trailers.

"The Colour out of Space" is my favourite story as well (and actually the first one I ever read from HP Lovecraft). I had heard about the one with Karloff, but "Die monster, Die..." indeeds sounds rather silly and very un-lovecraftian.
The choice of making this new film ("Die Farbe") in black and white is -to my opinion- a stroke of genius. Not only does it remind of the gritty German Expressionist-era movies, but also, how could anyone depict a "colour not from this earth" (=a colour that is unknown to us) in a colour movie?

 

[Low_Roads]

I found the official website for "Cthulhu" and was able to watch the trailer (fine! This one I could see!)... pretty laid-back and mundane looking for Lovecraft. Seems to actually be an adaptation of "Shadow Over Innsmouth" (lord knows why they're calling it "Cthulhu", then... someone must have thought that more exploitable). Stuart Gordon already sorta did one, called "Dagon" (again, no "Shadow Over Innsmouth"! What do people have against that title! I always thought it was pretty snappy!) It's rather humorless (atypical for a Gordon movie; it is, however, typically Gordon misogynistic), strays severely from the original story, and depends on lots of stunt makeup effects. This new one doesn't seem as noisy or flamboyant, but it doesn't look very interesting, either. I don't care for the present-day setting, a fault it shares with most Lovecraft cinema ("Call of Cthulhu" is almost alone in maintaining the twenties time period; hopefully "Die Farbe" will do so too). And the change of coast is inexplicable ("Cthulhu" takes place in Oregon!) Lovecraft is inextricably linked to New England... almost all the major landmarks (Arkham, Innsmouth, Dunwich) are located there. Lovecraft on the West Coast just feels wrong! (looks wrong, too... under-forested, nondescript [certainly non-Victorian] buildings, craggy coastline, etc.) It does, however, feature Tori Spelling in the cast. Shouldn't ever attempt toney vintage horror without Tori Spelling!

Hey, darned good point about the color! How would one depict Lovecraft's color-only-by-analogy in a color film! I'm expecting something pretty trippy, even in B&W! A similar dilemma occurs in Ambrose Bierce's "The Damned Thing", about a creature colored in hues beyond the range of human vision. It isn't invisible, exactly... one perceives a sort of a "null" area where it ought to be seen. How in blazes do you capture that on film!

 

[scavenger]

Here's the links to the youtube trailers of Die Farbe

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=u0lRP-00BgI&feature=related (teaser)
http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=4t-MxVyublk&feature=related (trailer)

They have shifted the region of the story to Swaben in Germany, a region probably as ancient and remote as New England in the States. Since they are basically a German crew and cast, it's a German spoken movie (though subtitled in English), so having it in New England would be kinda weird... Concerning the time period it is set in, I would think it's set in the 1950's, although the car that is briefly seen in the series might be of a more recent make. It is however in no way a present day setting... which is a good thing.

And it does promises to be pretty trippy, just check out the trailers! 🙂

 

[Low_Roads]

Thanks Scav! :ggrin: Those links did the trick! I've now seen both... the full trailer certainly does seem to indicate a period setting (you know you're on the right track when you see lots of guys in suspenders!) The visuals are quite creepy... black and white conveys a hard documentary edge that's ideally suited to Lovecraft's often epistolary narrative approach (some of those group setups look convincingly like vintage stock footage). Seems very, very promising indeed! Hope we'll be able to find this on dvd eventually. Probably the only way I'll ever get to see it. "Call of Cthulhu" is a similar obscure low-budget independent, but I have found copies in Best Buy.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Again, the HDS has much to catch up with so a list he shall make!

A Gathering of Forces
As the Hawk noted, a swashbuckling tale with nary a slowdown! Nearly everyone dies, although the ending does leave open the resurrection of Argus sometime in the future. Didn't we meet an Argus in a story long ago? One with an opponent named ... Xenobia? I dunno.

Alex in Wonderland, both parts
Im Po Tent, eh? That's cringe-worthy material there! That and "He's finally down for the count!", I'd say. The puns flew fast and furious with this one; must be a dimension of punnery. Some loose ends left too. Why the fearsome shadow in the last picture? Did the Mayor's daughter make the dimensional transition too? Mysteries about!

 

[Low_Roads]

A Gathering of Forces
As the Hawk noted, a swashbuckling tale with nary a slowdown! Nearly everyone dies, although the ending does leave open the resurrection of Argus sometime in the future. Didn't we meet an Argus in a story long ago? One with an opponent named ... Xenobia? I dunno.

Thanks for the kind words, HDS! And your memory serves you well... we have met Argus twice before: initially in "Theseus and the Minotaur", and later in "Return of the Sorcerer" (that's the one you had in mind! The name "Xenobia" was right on the button! Most impressive!) I'd like to be able to tell you that Argus can now rest in peace; unfortunately, he does feature in a fourth screenplay, the most pedestrian of the bunch. It does boast a few illustrations, so I do feel some pressure to present it. Not immediately, blessedly!

Alex in Wonderland, both parts
Im Po Tent, eh? That's cringe-worthy material there! That and "He's finally down for the count!", I'd say. The puns flew fast and furious with this one; must be a dimension of punnery. Some loose ends left too. Why the fearsome shadow in the last picture? Did the Mayor's daughter make the dimensional transition too?

Oh believe me, I've got more embarrassing stuff than that in my collection! XD (abominations no one's gonna get to see!) "Alex in Wonderland" is right on the edge of what I'd consider acceptable; that doesn't mean I don't find it personally cringe-inducing, though! The puns are pretty miserable (even after a touch of re-writing to clean up the text)... Im Po Tent is a genuine god-awful groaner, though not something I felt justified in replacing (I didn't have anything better, anyway). The Mayor's daughter was indeed supposed to return to Alex's dimension... after rereading, I see that was never made particularly clear, as she has nothing more to say following the transmission (she has precious little dialogue, period). And that business about the menacing, transformed shadow is the final pun outrage! The hero's name was James Kell, see... now, Doctor J. Kell (Dr. Jekyll), the shadow portending his own gothic monsterhood as Hyde! Well... I never said any of it was clever. Why should the closing bit be an exception... XD

 

[Low_Roads]

The Kahlua Brothers Get The Creeps.

I can take little credit for the following monsterama... it's almost exclusively GM's work, despite the wealth of attribution. A series of pre-script bull sessions produced much gab but very few usable ideas: my smallish contribution amounted to the hokey title lyrics (my answer to the equally insipid theme song from the long-running Penny Singleton "Blondie" series), the opening gag, and a later one involving a pickled brain. The other credited names provided even less material... ultimate fame/shame, then, attaches to my longtime friend and collaborator. All of us were to have on-screen roles: two rather tan guys from my college drama class were keen to essay the titular Hawaiian clowns (the film's humor was pitched at a "Three Stooges", "Bowery Boys" level... GM had always been a bigger fan of the Bowery Boys than me); GM would have taken on the Professor Pendergast part; I likely would have ended up with either Gocko or Ajax (possibly both). Despite high enthusiasm, we never got as far as filming (full schedules' worth of stage work intervened)... had we been able to do so, "The Kahlua Brothers" might have been recorded on VHS cassette rather than super-8. Videotape had just become available for home use, and its immediate-playback/rerecordability was making it irresistible for simpler, cheaper production. As it turned out, the growing popularity of the medium eventually killed off both easily available super-8 stock and the '60s-'70s boom in amateur movielettes; GM and I gave up our filmmaking aspirations, devoting our effort exclusively to public access TV. That didn't last forever either, though 10 years' worth of "Commander Duck" programs still survive in the VHS archives.

The
Kahlua Brothers
Get
The Creeps

A screenplay by
GM

Additional dialogue by
Foster Glenn Oakes

Original story by
GM
BF
RA
MT
Foster Glenn Oakes​

Opening song:

He's Kona! He's Maui!
When you see them, you'll say "Wowie!"
They're crazy and they're loony!
They're hazy and they're goony!
They're having a luauie! ("Wowie!")

He's Maui! He's Kona!
And they'll hit your funny-bona!
They are so nuts, they're cocoanuts!
They're Kona! And Maui!

Outdoor scene with palm trees and surf in the background. Close-up of a splotch of sand. Slowly, Kona enters the frame, crawling on his stomach. He is apparently dying of exposure.

Kona: Help me! Helllllllllp me! I'm dying! I'm starving to death!

He crawls on until he arrives at a pair of tennis shoed feet. Tilt up to Maui, who looks down at him with distain.

Maui: You having fun down there? (He bends down and sits next to Kona, his back against a palm tree.) Just what do you think you're doing?

Kona: Practicing starving to death. I want to be ready when the time comes.

Maui: Yeah. Our prospects are pretty slim. (Kona pulls out a banana from behind his back. He then obtains a machete in the same way and begins pealing the fruit.) But I don't give up easy. Hey, a newspaper. maybe I can find you a job. (Kona has just pealed the banana all the way. Maui, without looking up from the paper, grabs it from its peal and begins eating it.)

Kona: Hey!

Maui: Let's see. Underwater demolition. No experience necessary. Hmmmmm. Maybe. (He looks further.) Well, well, well. Pineapple pulverizers wanted. No I. Q. necessary. (Looking at Kona.) Better and better. (Kona pulls out a cocoanut and starts thumping it lightly with his machete. Close-up on Maui's face.) Hey, look at this! The Honolulu Sun-Sentinel will pay ten thousand dollars to anyone who can get an exclusive interview with recluse scientist, Professor Pendergast. Kona, I can't believe this! What luck! At last, a chance to make a real big splash!

There is the sound of Kona's machete coming down on the cocoanut. A torrent of cocoanut milk splashes all over Maui's face.

The Kalhua Brothers' rattletrap car laboriously edges up toward the camera. Finally it grinds to a stop directly in front of the camera. There is the loud pop of a tire blow-out. Maui and Kona climb out and run to the front of the car, looking down at the tire.

Maui: Oh fine! A blow-out. Kona, get the spare out of the trunk, or we'll never get out of here.

Kona: (opening the trunk and looking down) Hey, Maui. The spare tire doesn't look like a bunch of mangos does it?

Maui: Of course not, numbskull.

Kona: Then we're out of luck. That's all that's back here.

Maui: Well, that's just great. No sooner do we get clear out in the country, then this has to happen.

Kona: Maybe we could get some help at that old house, Maui.

Maui: What old house?

Kona: The one that says "Professor Pendergast, mad scientist" on the mailbox.

Maui: Oh, that old house--(Maui suddenly realizes where they are. He slaps himself on the head, then walks over to Kona, smiling.) Oh Kona?

Kona: Yeah?

Maui: (kicking him in the pants.) Get over there!

Cut to the inside of the house. A laboratory. All is in readiness for the big experiment. Gocko the hunchback looks on, as Professor Pendergast throws the switch. Blue electricity dances around the inert silver form of Ajax the robot. Then all is still. The Professor plucks up a microphone, as Gocko slips the electrical wires from Ajax's neck electrodes.

Prof: Ajax--can you hear me? (The robot nods.) Are you fully functional? (Again, the robot nods.) Then raise your left arm. (The robot does so.) Stand up. (Done.) Walk forward. (Done.) That's enough. Stop. (Done.) Return to the chair and sit. (Done.)

Gocko skulks over to the Professor's side.

Prof: (a trifle cuckoo) Did you see, Gocko, did you see?

Gocko: Arrgh-garch-a-harg.

Prof: My experiment is an unqualified success. Ajax the Robot is now completely operative. This phase proves the first part of my theory. In order to prove the second part, I must render the robot capable of independent thought, thus making him the most invincible engine of destruction the world has ever known. For this, I will need a human brain to transplant into the head of Ajax. Now, let's see--where can I find a brain so useless to society that it will never be missed?

Cut to close-up of Kona Kahlua. Cut to long shot, and we see that Kona and Maui approach the spooky house.


Next: part 2.

 

[Cbarton]

Ooooo....gonna love this one. Why bother with Spock's Brain (perhaps the worst Star Trek episode of all time) when you can have Kona's?

Very nice set-up. Can't wait to see part 2.