What is the best way to determine what type of person someone is?

[BlackestLily]

I have heard many theories on this, ranging from judging what someone says when they are angry, when they are drunk....how they treat animals, how they treat waitresses, the less fortunate, how they speak of others when that person isn't there, etc.

Do we trust our gut initially when getting to know someone and only tried and true experience with them will determine what type of person they are? Or are there tried and true indicators of the type of person someone is?

What type of person are you? Why do you do the things that you do? What red flags do you look out for when getting to know another, or what things do you look for that indicates a good friend? Do you embody what you look for?

 

[Capnmad]

I hope I embody what I look for. I try.

As for learning the nature of a person, do as Galdikas, Fossey and Goodall did: Live with the primate. There is no better way.

Less thorough but more expedient ways, however, include observing the behaviors you listed. Further, I'd say not to presume that a person's internet persona is who they are -- it's a 50/50 shot, really, because so much is hidden, edited and whathaveyou.

Calls on the phone -- maybe. That will reveal a little. But nothing beats face time.

And as I recommend to everyone, trust instinct and move in the direction of your doubt. If something feels "off", go with that feeling. That is a safer path than disregarding it. There are several times I can think of where instinct was telling me something was up about a person, but having little direct evidence, I convinced myself it was more valiant to work through it to befriend a person, and I wound up being very clearly wrong. I have since largely learned the art of identifying and distancing myself from volatile and damaging personalities. The identification starts with trusting your gut.

But frankly, shortcuts will only offer glimpses, and those glimpses can still be wrong. Time and real life interaction/observation have no substitute.

 

[Soda Bobinski]

Upon reading the original post , the words 'time' & 'observation' immediately popped into my head. Sure enough , good ol' Capnmad has already summed up pretty much my way of thinking about this topic quite nicely.

Seeing how someone acts when they're angry or when they're drunk or how they treat animals , etc. are all nice , neat little tricks to go about determining what type of person someone is , but you're only gonna be getting a sliver of what truly embodies that person. Since humans love to label each other , it's "convenient" to use these little short cuts as a means to do so.

Being witness to random moments & situations in a person's life can tell part of the story , but they won't tell you the whole story.

 

[Homer28]

Well there is always The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)

 

[maniactickler]

Im good at reading people. i can usually tell if someones a good person or not pretty quickly. i think alcohol can be a good truth serum as well. just by what i know about Purrr, i can tell shes hot for me.

 

[Lord Doctor]

I never trust my instincts about people. I should, they're always right and I regret not doing so bitterly, sometimes.

Hmm. I wonder if Purrbast is influenced in any way by Filmation?

 

[subtle_feather]

Experience is the best teacher, and I think it applies to this question two-fold. First, the best way to get to know someone is to be around them, to see how they behave in a variety of situations, to get to know their ideas, motivations, flaws, and strengths.

Experience is also useful, I think, to teach you about people in general. The more people you've known in your life, the more quickly you can guess whether someone new that you meet is someone whom you'd like to really know. Being a good judge of character is something that comes quickly and naturally to some people, but I think everyone can become a good judge of character by paying attention to the people they know.

I also think that the best way to misjudge someone else's character is to think of them only in terms of how they relate to you. People are complicated, and to really know someone, it takes a holistic approach.

Interesting topic, Purr--hope you enjoy my 2 cents 🙂

 

[Excess]

I never trust my instincts about people. I should, they're always right and I regret not doing so bitterly, sometimes.

I try to do that, it's usually right for me as well. Seems shallow and unlikely, but somehow we have a perception that goes behind what can be logically explained it seems. Maybe the human mind is capable of far more than we know. Of course, we know that, given that we barely use our full brain capacity.

 

[Mephistopheles]

The moment you really see what people are made of is in your hour of need.

 

[BlackestLily]

I hope I embody what I look for. I try.

As for learning the nature of a person, do as Galdikas, Fossey and Goodall did: Live with the primate. There is no better way.

Less thorough but more expedient ways, however, include observing the behaviors you listed. Further, I'd say not to presume that a person's internet persona is who they are -- it's a 50/50 shot, really, because so much is hidden, edited and whathaveyou.

Calls on the phone -- maybe. That will reveal a little. But nothing beats face time.

And as I recommend to everyone, trust instinct and move in the direction of your doubt. If something feels "off", go with that feeling. That is a safer path than disregarding it. There are several times I can think of where instinct was telling me something was up about a person, but having little direct evidence, I convinced myself it was more valiant to work through it to befriend a person, and I wound up being very clearly wrong. I have since largely learned the art of identifying and distancing myself from volatile and damaging personalities. The identification starts with trusting your gut.

But frankly, shortcuts will only offer glimpses, and those glimpses can still be wrong. Time and real life interaction/observation have no substitute.

Not to say you were assuming I do, but I never judge a person's internet persona by who they really are. People are so much different on so many levels in person. The internet makes talking easier I think...but...perhaps that's about it.

I like the way you referred to the "Live with the primate." In some faintly explainable way it reminds me of Gary Larson Farside comics. And whoever reminds me of that is aces in my book.

Well there is always The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)

Well, I guess I'll need my credit card...

just by what i know about Purrr, i can tell shes hot for me.

You found me!

I never trust my instincts about people. I should, they're always right and I regret not doing so bitterly, sometimes.

Hmm. I wonder if Purrbast is influenced in any way by Filmation?

The bits with the morals at the end? I always thought it was cheesy...yet...delightfully cheesy...

Experience is the best teacher, and I think it applies to this question two-fold. First, the best way to get to know someone is to be around them, to see how they behave in a variety of situations, to get to know their ideas, motivations, flaws, and strengths.

I agree with this completely.

I also think that the best way to misjudge someone else's character is to think of them only in terms of how they relate to you. People are complicated, and to really know someone, it takes a holistic approach.

Interesting topic, Purr--hope you enjoy my 2 cents 🙂

I like this, and oddly enough it's from studying teenagers. One slight against them means the person is the devil. But for me now, as time goes on and I become slighted, I've found I take it far less personally and much more in stride. My mantra now adays has been, 'It is what it is.' Never did much for me then, but now it's quite smashing.

And you know I always enjoy your two cents.

Upon reading the original post , the words 'time' & 'observation' immediately popped into my head. Sure enough , good ol' Capnmad has already summed up pretty much my way of thinking about this topic quite nicely.

Seeing how someone acts when they're angry or when they're drunk or how they treat animals , etc. are all nice , neat little tricks to go about determining what type of person someone is , but you're only gonna be getting a sliver of what truly embodies that person. Since humans love to label each other , it's "convenient" to use these little short cuts as a means to do so.

Being witness to random moments & situations in a person's life can tell part of the story , but they won't tell you the whole story.

Yes this is true, these things can be shortcuts. It's why I've always wondered if people telling me these things knew secrets I didn't. Or it was based on several experiences they've had that have come tested tried and true and are worth acknowledging. The thing I like about this forum is everyone's willingness to share their thoughts openly.

The moment you really see what people are made of is in your hour of need.

I've had this experience a few times, though only in reflection with how it ever served me and perhaps not them as a whole. I like this thought though.

 

[Canadian_Eh]

I think the only way to see what kinda person someone is, is to truly get to know them. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but there is nothing I hate more then someone I don't know trying to judge me based on an action they saw me make or a statement they may have heard. Just because you make a mistake that a complete stranger has seen, doesn't mean you should necessarily be labeled as that. It takes time to get to know people for who they really are!

 

[Big_Dogg85]

Nice topic Purr 🙂

It's tough to answer this question thoroughly because everyone has different criteria in how they determine what type of person someone is and why they are even choosing to make this determination in the first place. On top of that, our society has become very harsh and cynical to the point where few people are open about their feelings and attitudes: their "real selves". They use this mask to hide who they really are, for whatever reason and through this mask they can choose to pretend to be something that they are not. An example could be all of us hiding behind our SN. Few people know my real name but everyone here knows me as "Big_Dogg85" and nothing more. The truth of the matter is that I could be a loving and caring person online but a real asshole offline: all you would see is what I'd want you to see and that's the tough part in determining people.

I like the notion of instinct in making such determinations but, for something like seeking friendship, the possibility exists of having your instinct telling you a particular person is not of qualities you respect or admire completely but that the need for friendship or companionship may overrule said instinct, prompting you to "take a chance and see if you're wrong..." I don't remember where I heard, saw or read this but it was a notion that no human being can truly live and survive alone and be healthy in all aspects. Such a state of living, however, can result in a level of desperation when trying to forego said lonely living: a desperation that allows people to ignore their instincts in order to fulfill their needs.

One thing I think a lot of people overlook is timing. Any person could have a million and one things happening in their lives at any moment and any one of those things could easily alter the perception of that person to the rest of the public. If I'm having a really terrible day and I say something very harsh to someone out of frustration/venting, without having known me the person on the receiving end would most likely declare me a jerk and not seek to determine why I said such things. Bad timing: it happens more than we think and exponentially more than anyone is willing to admit. 😛

I agree with Canadian in that the best way to determine who someone is, if you want to get to know someone better that is, is time. Over time, you would be able to see how they handle whatever situation or lack thereof that arises and determine if the qualities that person shares is in line with yours. If it's just determining what kind of a person John or Jane Doe is, then I would probably do so based on whatever limited conversation is had or actions are done, as well as how both are perceived.

Sorry for the long two cents but I hope this opinion provides some sort continuation of discussion.

 

[Dialon]

Everyone judges off of first impressions. I find that when i first meet someone, my mind instantly tries to figure out the kind of person they are, and to my credit, im usually right.
Although i still do try and get to know them. From what i learn, my perception of them can change.

 

[BellaRisa]

I believe that only time and observation can tell you who a person really is and if they belong in your life. You need to share experiences with them and know how they are under various circumstances, how they relate to other people (and animals IMO), etc. Heck, I've always thought a couple should live together through illness, several times of the month, and at least one good fight before even thinking about getting married; see me at 5am with the flu before you talk about 'forever'

 

[Mephistopheles]

I think the only way to see what kinda person someone is, is to truly get to know them. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but there is nothing I hate more then someone I don't know trying to judge me based on an action they saw me make or a statement they may have heard. Just because you make a mistake that a complete stranger has seen, doesn't mean you should necessarily be labeled as that. It takes time to get to know people for who they really are!

I've been living with someone for 2 years now and she still does not know every aspect of me. So it depends a bit on the person.

 

[Rorschach Blues]

What type of person are you? Why do you do the things that you do? What red flags do you look out for when getting to know another, or what things do you look for that indicates a good friend? Do you embody what you look for?

I'm a pretty easy going guy... I may have a touch of the flash anger... but that's only when the damndable smilies are out to get me.

I do what I do, because it's there to be done... or it's fun... or someone calls me up and says 'hey let's do this'...

I don't really look for 'red flags'. I try to get to know people, then if I get on with them all the better, and if not, I try to be as civil as I can. That being said, some people do irk me, these people I avoid, so I can avoid conflict.

What do you mean by 'embody what you look for'? In terms of friends? Personality?

 

[Rorschach Blues]

I think the only way to see what kinda person someone is, is to truly get to know them. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but there is nothing I hate more then someone I don't know trying to judge me based on an action they saw me make or a statement they may have heard. Just because you make a mistake that a complete stranger has seen, doesn't mean you should necessarily be labeled as that. It takes time to get to know people for who they really are!

Oh yeah, one small objection to what you said here Canadian, haven't you called me bloody insane from day one?

 

[sasaxrah]

It's probably a little naive, but anyone who is liked by both of my animals is good people. It hasn't failed me yet.

 

[Canadian_Eh]

Oh yeah, one small objection to what you said here Canadian, haven't you called me bloody insane from day one?

Well Blues... somethings, you just know 😛

 

[fordtech30]

I stick to my theory which has never let me down yet.

People initially pretend when they are trying to make an impression. At least most do anyway. But no one can last over thirty days. I usually give it that long for someone's true self to come out.

I call it the thirty day money back guarantee. lol.

This mostly works for the mean people. lol.

 

[Rorschach Blues]

Well Blues... somethings, you just know 😛

I refuse to accept that... I'm not mad... you're mad... the whole world is mad!

 

[DLazarus]

It's probably a little naive, but anyone who is liked by both of my animals is good people. It hasn't failed me yet.

Could be right my friend. Animals are hard to bluff. Good answer>

 

[Homer28]

It's probably a little naive, but anyone who is liked by both of my animals is good people. It hasn't failed me yet.

I *heart* Benny!🙂

 

[Mister Scruff]

The Ted Bundy case tells us that trying to judge someone on first impressions is a bad idea. Don't do it, you might get CROWBAR'D.

I'd say a combination of background checks, emotional rear-guard and telepathy.

 

[Capnmad]

I like the way you referred to the "Live with the primate." In some faintly explainable way it reminds me of Gary Larson Farside comics. And whoever reminds me of that is aces in my book.

🙂 In that case, further citing Larson's relevance to topic, it's often hard to know what someone might be hiding from you, if they're motivated...: