In fifty years, Jesus will return!
...unfortunately, it'll be for like, the 69th time...
Y'see, the other 68 times He tried, He figured He'd do it the old fashioned way -- you know, born to poor peasants in third world living conditions, with no means to anything better except through offering The Word and gaining a following.
Problem is, despite being the Son of God, He's kind of a humble guy, so He doesn't go around blowing his own horn. He just shows people how to treat each other. But the church has so convinced the people that Jesus will be coming back, superpowered and beaming with light and resurrected with holes in hands and all that, that they don't really get the whole "thief in the night" bit, and only use it divisively as a justification of their own beliefs that only the ones who are true believers and are "Chosen" will be aware when he comes.
Turns out, they don't really know either. He's been rapturing up people by the anonymous handful in fits and starts since the whole thing began... Really, He'd love to do a mass exodus like they talk about, but it seems He can never get enough attention because no one gives a crap about the poor... Everyone's too busy paying attention to Paris Hilton and political sex scandals for the poor to get a word in edgewise.
He's given consideration once or twice to coming back as the wealthy heir to a media baron -- figures He might get enough attention that way -- but really, it's not His style... So for however long it takes, He'll keep coming back to the indigent, quietly takin' 'em two by two or however it works best, while the rest of The Chosen whittle away their lives on the newest incarnation of the XBOX360 and watching TMZ.
