When You Go To Friends/Friends Parent's Houses.., Do You Bring Gifts..?

[Mitchell]

Hopefully... not a big deal thread. Something I was discussing with a friend.. but not about myself..

My friend Adam and I were having a discussion when we saw each other today. He feels that when one goes to a friend.. or friend's parent's house.. visiting.. etc.. the visitor should bring a gift.. token.. for the hosts.

I try to subscribe to this. Earlier in the summer.. when my friend Barney and I, went to Adam's parents' house, for 4th of July, I brought a pie from our local bakery. The next time I went out there myself.. for Adam's bday.. I brought a pie from the supermarket bakery.

Adam and his parents were/are upset that when my friend Barney has visited them at Adam's parents house.. he did not bring any token of appreciation gesture.. etc. Barney joined me for 4th of July at Adam's parents house.. but insisted I pay for the pie we brought, because he was doing the driving, and it costs him for gas and tolls. When Adam heard this.. he was not happy.. and said that "gas" is a travel expense to sometimes get to a friend's house, and does not count as paying for a token for the hosts.

As a result of Barney's behavior.. it sounds like he is not welcome at Adam's parents house anymore.

Obviously, since its Adam's parents house, it s not my place to say anything.


I see Adam's family's point.

Thoughts on this?

 

[Candygirl]

Maybe if it were like a formal dinner party or something, or a celebration. I might bring a baked good, or a bottle of wine, something like that. Maybe I am reading it wrong. But it sounds like your friend and his parents think that everytime you come over you are supposed to bring a gift? Like, you can't just go over to hang out and watch the game, or a movie, or play video games without bringing something?

Then again, it may be some outdated gesture that is "before my time" so to speak. I never did that. If I was invited to come to dinner at a friends house, I went to their house. And I would always offer to clean up afterwards or do the dishes or something. But I didn't bring them anything.

 

[Angel_2]

If I'm just going to a friends house to hang out or watch a game I'm not going to bring something like wine, a pie or any type of gift.

however If I'm invited for dinner or a party ect I'd gladly bring something to show my appreciation for the kind invite.

 

[milagros317]

If I'm invited to anybody's house for a meal, then I will bring wine or a dessert item.

 

[maniactickler]

My gift to anyone is me. i bring happiness and joy to everyone. so no need for me to bring anything.

 

[Bohemianne]

Barney joined me for 4th of July at Adam's parents house.. but insisted I pay for the pie we brought, because he was doing the driving, and it costs him for gas and tolls. When Adam heard this.. he was not happy.. and said that "gas" is a travel expense to sometimes get to a friend's house, and does not count as paying for a token for the hosts.

Thoughts on this?

Just my reaction: IMO...at times, you don't really need to disclose to Adam/family or to a friend the details about the "behind the scene trivia" between you and Barney (like he shouldered the gas and you shouldered the pie). You really don't need to do that. See what happened here, it made someone unhappy and the service rendered by Barney by driving you to your destination became useless.

 

[unclebill]

Obviously, since its Adam's parents house, it s not my place to say anything.

Aye Carumba. For not being your place to say anything, you said plenty, Mitch. Like Bohemianne explained, just who brought the pie was trivial. Now there`s hard feelings, and you are to blame for spreading needless gossip.

 

[Mitchell]

boh, I see your point.

The quote by you, bill:

"I'm to blame for spreading needless gossip".

I don't appreciate the condescending tone of your post, like you're the big father talking to a two year old child. Yet another example of the type of posts you've been making toward me in recent months, which have really been pissing me off.

Just so this situation is explained "properly".

Adam sometimes views the TMF forum as a guest.. He visited the forum, saw this thread, and called me.

According to him, I didn't explain it properly. What Adam and his parents are upset about.. is that Barney has been to their house multiple times.. and never brought a gift. They feel he is cheap. I think two things happened here.. I misunderstood, thinking that they would have expected Barney to bring something each time he came.. which is not what they meant. What they are upset about is that he never brought a gift. I see their point.

Henceforth, I will be visiting Adam's parents myself. This makes it easier on all parties.. as I think Adam and his parents really don't like Barney, which I understand, and it causes less friction for me.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

Why does your friend Adam visit here as a guest? Is he a tickle fan?

 

[Mitchell]

Merciless, I don't know why he visits here as a guest. To my knowledge, he isn't a tickle fan. Maybe he wants to see what I post. I don't know, and it's not my business.

 

[unclebill]

The quote by you, bill:

"I'm to blame for spreading needless gossip".

I don't appreciate the condescending tone of your post, like you're the big father talking to a two year old child. Yet another example of the type of posts you've been making toward me in recent months, which have really been pissing me off.

Then stop acting like a two year old..... no one needed to know who brought the damn pie. Your gossip caused this misunderstanding.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

Did you tell him about this place, or did he find it on his own?

 

[Mitchell]

bill, whatever,. okay. I could tell you to stop acting like a critical, uncivilized person., I don't appreciate you telling me that I "Act like a two year old". If you've read my blog, and give a shit about anything, you'd know I have far more serious problems than this. I didn't see you post any supportive comments in my blog about the girl who I love, telling me she's going to marry someone else, or about the shit my father has been doing lately, yet you choose to criticize me about this.

Ler, I told Adam about this place. He knows I have a foot and tickling fetish.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

Does it bother you that he occasionally comes here to seemingly keep tabs on you, and then feels it appropriate to correct you on your posts?

 

[Mitchell]

Ler, I'm not thrilled about it, but.. I have so many other more important things to worry about, that I don't consider it to be the worst thing in my ,life.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

Understood. Just seems to me that you use this place as a solace; a safe haven for which to vent your anger and frustration. Having someone from your "normal" life seeing what you post inhibits that. I'm sure Adam is a trusted confidant, but I'd be worried information would get back to your father, other family, or friends.

I'm not sure what you could do about it outside of asking Adam to refrain from "babysitting" you, which is essentially what he's doing. Unless he's a closet ticklephile as well, in which case that's an entirely different discussion. 🙂

_______________________________

As for your OP, I tend to bring gifts of some kind when I am invited to somebody's house for the first time, if it is a holiday or some such, or if I have been specially invited. For example, a few years back, my friend discovered I was alone for the anniversary of my parents' death, so he invited me to his brother's bachelor party, even though I would know nobody outside of my friend. I bought a case of beer as well as a special bottle for the groom-to-be, in appreciation for his kindness.

 

[Mitchell]

I appreciate your concern, and I had to chuckle when I saw your post.. As to your concern about information getting back to my father.

That would never happen.. For this reason.

I'm a bit.. reluctant to admit this.. but it was a long time ago.

When I was younger.. in puberty.. Adam used to tell me stories of his sister getting held up by toe sucking bandits, while I.. you know.. with the lights off. We had a break in the 1980s, for a long time. I was worried that my parents were going to get a letter from Adam or his parents, saying something like "Your son asked me/ our son to tell him stories of our daughter getting held up by toe sucking bandits.. he's sick, get him help". It never happened. In fact,. Adam's mom tells me that Adam is the most closed mouth person she knows. There is no way he would tell my father anything.

Thanks for your post about my OP. I see your point.

My father knows nothing about me. The only thing he knows, is that I watch Jim Gardner online every night. Besides that, nothing. I plan to keep it that way. If I met a girl, and she ever told him about my foot or tickling fetish, I think I'd probably break up with the girl, because I wouldn't trust her then.

I have thousands of handwritten tickling bandit stories in my apartment. The only way my father would find those, is if I pre deceased him. When I was packing to move to NY from PA, he helped me, and I put them in a big box, marked PERSONAL in big letters. He didn't open the box.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Mitchell, I'm not going to comment on the drama portion of your OP (the disagreement over paying for pie vs gasoline, etc.) as those discussions never seem to end well.

As to the question in the Subject Field, I think it's a good one, so here's my answer. I don't generally bring gifts unless it's a birthday or Christmas celebration. However, if I'm invited to dinner at the home of a friend or relative, I try to bring something to contribute to the meal, such as a dessert, a bottle of wine, or perhaps a pheasant under glass.

 

[Mitchell]

DAJT, you just HAD to take a potshot, didn't you? (Figures, with your posting history with me). You COULD have just commented on the main, actual, topic that the thread was intended to be, , but, in spite of the fact that I rarely post personal info on the main forum anymore, and this wasn't even "personal",. it was a general question, you had to take a potshot, that it was "drama".

As for the part of your post that WAS actually in line with the topic of this thread... I agree with you, and try to do the same myself.

 

[unclebill]

bill, whatever,. okay. I could tell you to stop acting like a critical, uncivilized person., I don't appreciate you telling me that I "Act like a two year old". If you've read my blog, and give a shit about anything, you'd know I have far more serious problems than this. I didn't see you post any supportive comments in my blog about the girl who I love, telling me she's going to marry someone else, or about the shit my father has been doing lately, yet you choose to criticize me about this.

Ler, I told Adam about this place. He knows I have a foot and tickling fetish.

hmmm....I still check the blogs but I haven`t seen any from you for a few months, Mitch. Hopefully I`m not on your no-call list. And you know I`ve been one of your biggest supporters over the years. But this time I don`t agree. Sorry if I offended you.

 

[Mitchell]

bill, I don't have a problem if you don't agree with me. I appreciate you support, and even friends can disagree.

It's okay if you haven't checked my blogs. I understand. If you don't want to read some really long rants, I'd suggest you not go there. After the trouble I've gotten in over the years, posting personal threads about my father, etc, in the main forum, I now restrict such postings to my blog. Such seems to be working better, as even if people don't reply, at least I can vent without getting ripped.

 

[CaptainValiant]

I usually bring a towel.

 

[Mitchell]

LOL towel. I like that, hobo, it made me laugh.

 

[Candygirl]

To be honest, the whole thing sounds kinda silly, and there almost HAS to be something else going on with the guy to cause them not to like him and him to be unwelcomed at their house. I mean "we don't like the guy cause he didn't bring us a present." Sounds completely absurd to me.

 

[Mane'o]

Boy am I relieved. When I first saw this thread I misread it and thought it was asking, " When You Go To Friends/Friends Parent's Houses...Do You Bring Girls..?"
To which I would've replied, it depends.
And on reflection, that answer also works when what I may bring is a gift.
It depends.