When You Go To Friends/Friends Parent's Houses.., Do You Bring Gifts..?

[Bohemianne]

Aye Carumba. ...you said plenty, Mitch.

Adam sometimes views the TMF forum as a guest.. He visited the forum, saw this thread, and called me.

According to him, I didn't explain it properly. What Adam and his parents are upset about.. is that Barney has been to their house multiple times.. and never brought a gift. They feel he is cheap. I think two things happened here.. I misunderstood, thinking that they would have expected Barney to bring something each time he came.. which is not what they meant. What they are upset about is that he never brought a gift.

Mitch, you should not represent and be a spokesman of Adam and family. You will not be able to deliver their thoughts verbatim and properly. I'm sure of that.

 

[Mitchell]

Candy, I'm not sure what else the reason is. I know they don't like him, probably for other reasons.

Boh, I see your point. I don't intend to be a spokesperson for Adam and family. If Barney ever wants to know why he's not invited to Adam's family's house, I'm going to tell Barney to call Adam, and discuss it between them.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I'm glad you could trust Adam, although with this new information, now I'd be even more nervous that he's snooping around reading your posts.

Also, was what DAJT really a potshot? It sounded like he was just admitting that you two haven't gotten alone in the past, and so rather than continue that disagreement, he'd comment on the OP and move on. Sure he could have said nothing about it, but was it really worth continuing the negative energy?

 

[Mitchell]

Merciless, respectfully, I disagree with you..

DAJT's post:

"I'm not going to comment on the drama portion of your original post". Why say that? To me, that is a potshot. The appropriate thing would have been to comment on the main topic of the thread, and moved on. He didn't do that.

It's not worth fighting about. Whatever.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I'm all for respectful disagreement. If more people in Washington were like you and I, Mitch, the country would be a much better place.

Now, you said. . .

"It's not worth fighting about. Whatever."

Yet you chose to continue the battle, so obviously, to you, it is worth fighting about to some extent.

Look, I'm not here to join the nay-sayers, the trolls or the people who seem to revel in irritating you. That's not worth anybody's time.

All I'm saying is that I worry you are borrowing FAR more trouble than you need to be by falling into the traps of those here who are out to do you harm. There are obviously some people who are only wishing you ill, and by acknowledging them at all, you make them stronger.

A better tact, to me, would be to ignore the hate and focus on those people who care enough about you to respectfully respond to your posts.

Either that, or start a blog separate from the TMF (tons of websites offer blog services), use that as your diary, journal or however you view it, and then you won't have the haters.

Just my two cents. If you choose to ignore it and move on, I'll understand completely. In fact, it might be the first step towards a new outlook on posting. 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

I see your point. For the most part.. I try to place most personal things on my blog, and I have most of the people who I've had trouble with on a regular basis, on ignore. I make the mistake of looking at their posts.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I know that you're against "positive thinking" and all that, but you're just making things harder on yourself by giving any attention to those who want to bring you down. Make yourself a list of steps needed to get your business up and running, your dad out of your life, and yourself happy, and then put all of your efforts on those steps. The TMF will still be here when you're done, and many of us will be ready to raise a toast for your success.

In your blog, you mentioned that getting help is not going to solve any of your problems. I agree with you on the external ones. It won't help your business, or find you a job, or get your prick of a father off your back. What it will do, though, is help you internally, which is where (it seems, I'm not a shrink) some of your problems are.

You obviously have a lot of guilt about your mom, and you need some closure on that. You have a rocky relationship with your family, and you need to figure that out in your head before you can move on, too.

I'm a believer that you can't fix the world until you fix yourself. If you're "troubled" (which you admitted to being), then your business and your relationships with people will also be troubled, thus meaning they won't be the best they can be.

Alright, enough armchair psychology. I'll try to keep my nose out of your business from now on.

 

[Mitchell]

Merciless, thank you for your analysis, and support. I've tried approaching certain sources for my business that I thought would be very helpful, and been ignored. Now, I have to figure out other ways.

I still don't think therapy is going to solve my problems. I'm going to take one step at a time. I will look for a "job", which, with my job history, will be difficult. Even when I find one, I will still have abuse from my father, about his family.

What I need, is the break that I haven't caught. Hopefuily, a job that, even if low paying, would be no more than 35-40 hrs a week, so I can work on the business. Once I'm making enough money with the business, my father is going to be in for a very rude awakening. I'm either going to tell him to go fuck himself, permanently, or sit him down, and give him one warning. I will at that point tell him that if he doesn't go for help, stop his abuse, and keep his mouth shut about my dead mother, and his abusive relatives and friends, it will be sayanora, forever.

I don't like posting personal things in the main forum. It has gotten me into trouble in the past. So... I'm going to thank you for your analysis, let this thread hopefully die out, and go back to posting any personal things in my blog.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

If you say so, my friend. Best of luck.

 

[beach bunny]

When I was younger.. in puberty.. Adam used to tell me stories of his sister getting held up by toe sucking bandits, while I.. you know.. with the lights off. We had a break in the 1980s, for a long time. I was worried that my parents were going to get a letter from Adam or his parents, saying something like "Your son asked me/ our son to tell him stories of our daughter getting held up by toe sucking bandits.. he's sick, get him help".

So ... you had your best friend tell you your sexual fantasy involving his SISTER while you beat off?!? REALLY?!?
You realize that's phone sex (without the phone) with another guy, don't you?
Throw in the "sister" part and you are a therapists dream come true!

 

[GQguy]

If someone hosts a party/gathering ect, they should be GOOD hosts and expect to cover the costs of hosting the group. If they're unwilling hosts, then that's a different story. One shouldn't expect gifts for hosting the party. Or at the very least, their expectations shouldn't be made known to their guest! That is far more tacky than the individual that didn't contribute.

Would I invite the guy that goes behind my bar and chugs my patron? No. But I wouldn't not invite a guy that has a long history of friendship.

As for proper guest etiquette. It is proper to bring a gift and contribute to the festivities. Hosting people is expensive, and those hosts are far more likely to do it again if their guest were gracious enough to at least contribute, even if its symbolically. Even offering to clean up is a great way to show your hosts appreciation. Not everyone has the money to buy gifts.

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, first.. thank you for sticking to the original topic of the thread. It had gotten somewhat off topic, and I hope your post, and my reply, will get this back on topic.

If I'm reading your post right.. it sounds like you are saying that a host should not expect a gift for hosting the party... and should not make it known to their guest that they expect a gift.

Conversely, you seem to be saying that a guest who does the "right thing" should contribute in some way..

To be honest... until this situation, and this year.. this situation with Barney and Adam, Barney not bringing a gift.. or something.. and Adam being upset.. is the first situation like this that I've encountered.

I think.. what bothers Adam.. is more the fact that Barney didn't reciprocate in any way. Adam visited us in Forest Hills this year.. and Barney didn't so much as take Adam out for ice cream. Adam's problem seems to be that Barney is cheap. This I can attest to.

At one point in my life, friends like Adam, Barney, and even my ex best friend when I knew him, used to visit me every month at my old house where I lived with my parents, and the apartments I lived at with my mom during the years.. I know for a fact that none of us brought something every time. In fact, I may be "guilty" of visiting my ex best friend's house many times, when he lived with his parents in the 90s, and not bringing anything.

Without telling him why, because I didn't want to betray Adam's confidence.. I told Barney tonight that we wont be going to Adam's parents house for the rest of the summer. Barney seemed to accept that. As for next year.. I will worry about that when the time comes, as I try to take life one step at a time. If it comes up about Barney going to Adam's parents house then, I will have to come clean. or at least.. tell Barney to contact Adam, and discuss it with him. I wont worry about that now..

 

[GQguy]

Dude, you realize that you just took the topic off subject by mentioning your friends names. Just speak in generalities. We all know Barney, Adam ect ect....yet you know none of our friends names. You're making it personal by mentioning them. Not us.

 

[Mitchell]

I don't think I really took it "off topic", just mentioned the names. I see what you mean about speaking in generalities. However, what I meant is.. that..there were other comments that were off topic completely. The names aren't the thing to me, just the topic, and all I was saying is I'm glad you kept to the topic of the original intended thread.

 

[Mitchell]

Realistic, I didn't see your post.. sorry about that.

Without getting into everything you said, so as not to take this thread off topic again.. I'll just say thank you for being civil, and for your analysis and support. I hope and plan to do just what you said.

 

[unclebill]

I'm a bit.. reluctant to admit this.. but it was a long time ago.

When I was younger.. in puberty.. Adam used to tell me stories of his sister getting held up by toe sucking bandits, while I.. you know.. with the lights off.

hmmm.....It appears this thread is now well in hand.

 

[Mitchell]

LOL That post made me laugh, bill.

 

[beach bunny]

hmmm.....It appears this thread is now well in hand.

Haha! Good one! He's definitely got the upper HAND!! LOL! 😉