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Why seek others when your committed?

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Early in my relationship with Lazarus, I felt the same way. I wanted him to experience the fun and thrill and good time of a gathering, but I didn't know if I could get past the feelings of jealousy and possesiveness I felt each time I even thought of it. It was the same way for him when he toyed with the notion of others tickling me.

The reason we had those feelings was because we WERE still fairly new in the relationship and had not gotten to that point of total trust and belief in one another yet. Now we both are eager to attend or host our first gathering together as a couple, and engaging in tickling play with others...AS A COUPLE. Anything you do with your spouses/significant others knowledge and approval is NOT cheating. I could never and would never cheat on Lazarus. He is the ONLY one with the keys to my kingdom. And I can readily admit that tickling does arouse me, even when engaged in platonic play with fellow adult ticklephiles. That's just the way our bodies are geared to read and receive the sensations tickling provides. It does not make us adultering monsters. We have no control over that. What we DO have control over is whether we act on those feelings of arousal...or more specifically, if we react to them with anyone but our partner. That is where loyalty and faithfulness comes in...not in the act of engaging in tickling with someone else, but if you're capable of keeping your body and mind on your partner. If after a session with someone else (say at a gathering) you find yourself being attracted to or wanting to have sex with a platonic tickle playmate, then you have a problem. However, if the only thing on your mind is where the next play is taking place, or finding a private room for you and your partner to share in your excitement, then there is nothing unethical going on.

I can't see where having a relationship in which you don't or can't trust your partner to even tickle someone else could be considered healthy. If you are that jealous and possesive of your mate, perhaps the problem lies somewhere other than tickling. A good relationship should involve complete and total trust in your partner. Suspicions and worries of that sort will only destroy it.

Mimi
 
Mimi,

Your answer is very insightful and is appreciated. You and Lazarus sound like you have a happy and perfect relationship. I sincerely wish you both continued love and happiness.

I just can't share my man with anyone else for anythng of a physical nature. I want him to myself and I want him to have me to himself. I may seem miswired to some of you folks, but I'm just the type of person who doesn't want her man touching any other woman but me.

It may even seem jealous or untrusting or even not progressive, but I find relationships very intimate and am not willing to share that part of my life with anyone.

Thanks for your input and your willingness to share.
 
alrighty then!

I'm w/Knox on this one. No one is fit to judge anyone's situation. I'm with same guy 14 years, almost half my lifetime. (We've outlasted many of our more "stable" friends)

Why play with others? I love it, he's not into it. He has his dumbass dope smoking friends, his video games, his fantasy football, his porn, his occasional "night out at the strip club w/the boys", I have this, so what? I haven't done drugs in years and have been home every night by maybe one a.m. the latest ever. Judge me if it makes you feel better about yourself. At the end of the day, I answer to 2 people, God and myself, everyone else can kiss my ass...

XOXO
 
Actually, no Kis, I was responding to the judgemental attitudes that I see here. I was not responding to your question. If you will notice, I don't do that very often anyway.
 
Re: alrighty then!

steph said:
I'm w/Knox on this one. No one is fit to judge anyone's situation. I'm with same guy 14 years, almost half my lifetime. (We've outlasted many of our more "stable" friends)

Why play with others? I love it, he's not into it. He has his dumbass dope smoking friends, his video games, his fantasy football, his porn, his occasional "night out at the strip club w/the boys", I have this, so what? I haven't done drugs in years and have been home every night by maybe one a.m. the latest ever. Judge me if it makes you feel better about yourself. At the end of the day, I answer to 2 people, God and myself, everyone else can kiss my ass...

XOXO

I'm certainly hoping that my comments on this subject aren't causing these types of responses. I NEVER intended to turn this into some sort of pulpit for me to judge others on. If ANYONE feels that's what I did, I apologize for leaving that impression, but I am NOT sorry for the way I choose to live my life and relationships anymore than some of you who choose to live yours differently.

I've been invited to basically f**k myself, and now am being told to kiss off! This is very interesting from a forum that claims to express physical freedoms. You have your life, I have mine. Let's just go with that and keep the explicitives to yourselves, shall we?:sowrong: :wow: :sowrong:
 
This was not directed at anyone specifically, we generally agree. It was just my own two cents.
XOXO
 
Knox The Hatter said:
Actually, no Kis, I was responding to the judgemental attitudes that I see here. I was not responding to your question. If you will notice, I don't do that very often anyway.

I thank you very much for clarifying that. We've never had problems before, and hope to never have any. I was simply curious about some things and wanted to know for education's sake. Considering that my marriage didn't last and I'm living single, how could I judge how married people successfully stay married, even though I don't understand the process?

I'm not into voyeurism and I'm not interested in people's bedroom activity at all! I was talking about tickling and that only and wanted to know how couples operate outside their relationships. That's pretty much it and all! It's been said that the only stupid question is the one you don't ask, so I ask at the risk of the answers sometimes. What can I tell you? I lived a sheltered life as a child and I don't always know what's going on in today's world. I'm just trying to catch up to the last twenty years or so.
 
steph said:
This was not directed at anyone specifically, we generally agree. It was just my own two cents.
XOXO

:Kiss2: :twohugs:

Point taken and respected. I've gotten beat up by a couple of folks when this thread first started, and I guess I got a little punchy and defensive. I only wanted my curious mind educated, not to judge or finger point anyone's business.

I'd personally like to get some business in my own bedroom and don't have time to worry about anyone elses, if you know what I mean!😉
 
You, my dear, were one of the few people I noticed struggling to keep this ON TOPIC while others digressed. I held back on my response
but you know emotional me, it just got to much for me to shut my big Italian mouth. Who knows why these things work? We let each other be themselves...Been together too long for the jealous/insecurity thing. (he has a little of it, me, never...):Kiss2:

XOXO
 
I don't have this in mind when I started this thread. I was just wondering the answer to the question. In the end if it is agreed upon jointly no matter what the situation is than it's not cheating. I suppose I was asking in terms of for each of the people involved are you sure the other one is actually ok with it. Is it really a "sole" mate if they can't satisfy all your needs. Hmm its tough and I suppose I may've went in the wrong direction in terms of some of my posts afterwards. I like stephs posts alot and agree with her. I agree with Vamp, and Kis aswell. I feel like if you marry someone especially than between the two of you all the sexual desires can be met. That is if you took the time to really get to know one another than there should be no need for others. Just because this is my opinion doesnt mean anyone must agree. I figured we could debate this topic in order to create somewhat of a new type of conversation. I plan on showing others and myself that you can truly be happy with one person some how some way that is my wish. We are all friends here.
 
Okay, I'll try to address the original intention of this thread.

I am totally and completely happy and fulfilled with Lazarus. He satisfies my every need and is everything I could ever want in a partner. I am his dream realized as well. There is nothing I 'need' that I can not get from Lazzy, and would be completely content playing with and tickling him and only him, as well as being tickled by him and only him for the rest of my life. Ditto for him in terms of me.

So why seek tickling elsewhere?

Neither of us are 'seeking' it. We're only looking to have some fun and some laughs with some like minded people. It's like getting together with your friends and going out to the club for a night of drinking, dancing, and having a good time. That's all we see it as. When I attend a gathering I'm not looking to have any needs met or anything fulfilled that I'm not getting in my relationship. I'm just looking to laugh my ass off and have a ton of fun with a group of people who are as sadistically tickle geared as I am. It's GREAT!

Mimi 🙂
 
It's a good question babe. To call it "cheating" I think is in the eye of the beholder, or those who sit in judgement of them 🙄 In my 20s, I was a lot more insecure. As I approach 40 (yikes!) I just think I've become more realistic. I don't expect one person to be able to fulfill all my needs but I love that there are those out there who've found someone who does. Like Aqua said, to some people, going to a strip club/viewing porn, etc. is cheating. Me, I could care less. In my own myoptic little world, the more freedom we give each other, the happier we are...

XOXO

knogz said:
I don't have this in mind when I started this thread. I was just wondering the answer to the question. In the end if it is agreed upon jointly no matter what the situation is than it's not cheating. I suppose I was asking in terms of for each of the people involved are you sure the other one is actually ok with it. Is it really a "sole" mate if they can't satisfy all your needs. Hmm its tough and I suppose I may've went in the wrong direction in terms of some of my posts afterwards. I like stephs posts alot and agree with her. I agree with Vamp, and Kis aswell. I feel like if you marry someone especially than between the two of you all the sexual desires can be met. That is if you took the time to really get to know one another than there should be no need for others. Just because this is my opinion doesnt mean anyone must agree. I figured we could debate this topic in order to create somewhat of a new type of conversation. I plan on showing others and myself that you can truly be happy with one person some how some way that is my wish. We are all friends here.
 
I'm not really in a situation as above though this is my own .02 cents. I believe that if I was in a committed relationship with a partner that did share my love,passion for tickling,being tickled that as long as my partner and I communicated,set boundaries,agreed on them mutually and sharing the love of having others tickle my partner or myself with the other present watching or participating enjoying the tickling ,that it is not cheating .
Now if my partner and I share the love of tickling with each other as well as others on a friendly basis with ground rules on what is acceptable,inappropriate and a friendly Ler unknowingly or even knowingly crossed the ground rules that my partner and I had set up to be fair yet flexible with whichever one of us was the lee ..that situation would be dealt with in a calm,non confronting manner to not embarrass anyone or have anyone feel uncomfortable ..
Given as I said I am not in that situation and I am just offering my own opinion.

On a side note,I will add this..Having met and seen TTD/Shygirl as well as Venray/Venraya as a couple tickling one another as well as seeing them interact,tickle others that share the love for tickling that what they have is a devoted committed relationship being both ler,Lee and the other is not jealous,possessive of the other when one of them is being the ler and watching their mate at work tickling others 🙂 I find it very admirable and reassuring that a couple can share the love,passion for tickling with each other,as well as tickling,being tickled by others and I don;t see it in the way that they can;t ,don;t enjoy tickling one another every chance they get together but that they want to spread,share the love of tickling,being tickled with friends ..
OK,back to original programming 🙂
 
Are some of you settling with what you got? Do some of you think you can do better? I know some have spouses on this forum so this is something you can think about if you want too.
 
I think it totally depends on the couple and the situation... everyone is SO different. You can't just put one rule to it.
 
knogz said:
Are some of you settling with what you got? Do some of you think you can do better? I know some have spouses on this forum so this is something you can think about if you want too.

This site and others like it may help a bit:

http://www.faqs.org/faqs/polyamory/faq/

Not everyone who indulges in tickling and such with others besides our spouses is poly of course, but the ideas here may help explain some of what's being discussed here 🙂

Bella
 
Oh sure, make fun of the free love/hippy chick...🙂

And for the record, I really like the guy, I never feel like I'm settling. 😉In all other ways we're compatible...
XOXO

ticklingfeet4fu said:
Wow Steph. that is an excellent answer. Would have never thought of that. 😉
 
steph said:
Oh sure, make fun of the free love/hippy chick...🙂

And for the record, I really like the guy, I never feel like I'm settling. 😉In all other ways we're compatible...
XOXO
And Steph is really a hippy chick😛
 
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it's a SECRET hon! 😛
XOXO
 
hippy chick....?




bongs8jr.jpg
 
I think a lot of young people without a steady significant other look at such a relationship as a kind of "holy grail." They look at couples around campus and see them perhaps even kissing openly, and they feel such a desperate longing for a relationship. To consider jeapordizing the very thing for which they live by cheating is unconscionable. For most of these folks, achieving that relationship would represent the be-all end-all of human existance. They can't see beyond that achievement to the years of marriage that follow, when that relationship becomes so everyday and commonplace that once again the same person for whom cheating seemed so heinous, yearns for that spark of excitement that comes with "falling in love."

For me, the idea of cheating is very attractive, but only on the surface. It's like a delicious candy apple that's sweet and tasty on the outside but if you bite into it, there is rot and worms inside. I don't cheat for basically two reasons. First, when I get caught (and let's face it, nearly everybody gets caught eventually) it would devastate my wife. Our marriage would be over. Second, I don't really have a lot to offer another woman. I've already pledged my life, love, and finances to my wife. Giving what little is left to a mistress is no better than throwing a scrap of meat to a dog.
 
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