You can't get rid of me that easy :)

[aun_existe_amor]

Wow!!! So much support! Thank you! If I can ever do anything to repay you for your kindness please just let me know. I know they are just words on a screen but they are very kind words. Kind words that mean a lot to me. I haven't chatted before with some of you who have replied on this thread. I didn't even know that you had noticed me.

We've had such lovely sunny warm days here. I've been sat here looking at the clear blue sky through the window and sat in the garden feeling the heat from the sun on my skin and wondering if I'll still be here this time next year. I've been wondering what will happen to my daughter and bob and my brother and sister after I've gone. I'm just feeling a bit worried even though I have no more reason to worry than I had before. I've been feeling sorry for myself and wondering how we can have such lovely weather when I feel like a black cloud is hanging over me and smothering me.

I was brought up to believe that if you're bad you burn in the fires of hell, so that made the decision for me that I want to be burried. I read in the newspaper last night that our local cemetary is only taking cremations now. A six year old boy's family were refused and and 84 year old woman who was born here and lived here all her life was also turned away. Their families had to use another cemetary further away from where they live.The reason for them not accepting anymore burials is that they are using the existing space and extending to make room for a muslim only burial ground. All the graveyards are almost full. I feel so angry. What makes muslims so much better than me that they get a choice to be burried and I have to be cremated if I live another ten years or more with no choice? I don't know if it's part of their religion or not that they can't be cremated but I do think we all should have the same equal opportunities to have what we want after death, for whatever reasons. We should all be treated equally in life and death. I'm going to do something about this and make my views known to the government. It all just seems so unfair that I probably won't be able to be burried.

Anyway, apart from all that I'm feeling much better. I have no pain now. I'm not as weak. I can do more for myself again. Bob is the most wonderful man I have ever met in my life. He has done absolutely everything for me. I know I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I see all the good things and good people I have in my life. I'm still not ready to pop my clogs yet, you'll have to put up with me for years and years 😀

 

[kurchatovium]

You go girl. Keep fighting this with all your being. I know you will win. You and bob are always in my thoughts and prayers. Wuv you both.

 

[ChosenofMystra]

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles Aun. You and yours will be in my thoughts. Please feel free to pm me if you need to vent or talk.

 

[aurora5150]

aun i'm so sorry to hear about your illness. but i want to let you know that you have the best attitude and i know you are gonna fight until the cancer goes away. and just incase you haven't noticed you have a huge support system here. we all love you and are sending our prayers and positive thoughts your way.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

I read in the newspaper last night that our local cemetary is only taking cremations now. A six year old boy's family were refused and and 84 year old woman who was born here and lived here all her life was also turned away. Their families had to use another cemetary further away from where they live.The reason for them not accepting anymore burials is that they are using the existing space and extending to make room for a muslim only burial ground. All the graveyards are almost full. I feel so angry. What makes muslims so much better than me that they get a choice to be burried and I have to be cremated if I live another ten years or more with no choice? I don't know if it's part of their religion or not that they can't be cremated but I do think we all should have the same equal opportunities to have what we want after death, for whatever reasons. We should all be treated equally in life and death. I'm going to do something about this and make my views known to the government. It all just seems so unfair that I probably won't be able to be burried.

Its good to hear how your getting on and your thoughts about your loved ones and your entitled to feel a bit gloomy when you think over things. I understand what your saying with the cemetary and have to agree, I hope you are able to get this one sorted if its what you truly want (but not for a very long time yet)!

Keep us updated, and hope you continue to make progress day by day, take care

 

[kis123]

Aun;

I'm sorry for my delayed response; this is the first time that I've seen your thread. I'm very sorry to hear about your illness, but as so many others have already said. you're attitude towards your situation is beyond commendable. It's important to remain positive throughout your treatment, and I know it'll be hard to do at times.

My thoughts go out to you and your family to remain strong and be encouraged. If you ever need to talk, my PM box is always open.

 

[chickles_:)]

I'm home again now. I have to go back in two weeks time for more treatment. Thank you everyone for your support. I'm sorry I can't reply to all the emails and messages but I do read them all. Maybe in a few days time I'll feel well enough to type more. I have to keep going for more treatment every two weeks for the next twelve weeks. I'll beat this. I just won't have anymore news until twelve weeks time. Maybe I'll be able to have more surgery. I don't know yet but I hope so. Don't think I'm ignoring anyone if i don't reply. I honestly do read everything. It's just that sometimes I feel like my body is made of lead so it's hard for me to type and Bob is far too busy looking after me and my daughter and the house for me to bother him to type for me. I'm sure everything will be ok in the end. I just don't want anyone to think that I'm ignoring them.

Oops, I just realised that some people won't have a clue what I'm going on about. A couple of weeks ago I had surgery for renal cancer. Unfortunately I have more to get rid of now. I thought the surgery would be the end of it but it's not. I'm not ready to pop my clogs or start pushing up daisys yet though.

Anyway I'll stop typing now before I start moaning again. I am warning everyone reading this thread that I will use this thread for my moans and updates so you can't blame me if I start pissing you off for moaning too much. It's your own fault for reading it 😀

OMG Aun!!

Renal cancer?? That's awful!! Girl, I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to endure this dreadful twist in your life! My heart and soul are with you for a full recovery!

I know there's precious little one can do at this distance but please feel my/our Spirit-hugs from here!!

We're praying for you, hon, I hope that's okay!

Many blessings to you and all who are going through this with you. I'm sure you are well supported in love.

Chickles

 

[aun_existe_amor]

Thank you !!!!!!!!! You're all so very kind 🙂 I have such good friends here.

I don't mean to moan on so much but I did warn you at the start that this would be my moaning thread

I'm having a "scared" day today. I feel scared of the pain, scared of what will happen now, next and after, scared of everything really. I thought I was a strong person but I'm not. I think I'm just worrying about what MIGHT happen instead of concentrating on what IS happening. That doesn't do anyone any good. I know my thoughts and feelings are normal but I should have gone through this phase 5 months ago. I just carried on with my life as if nothing was wrong and didn't even think about it. I don't know why all of a sudden it's bothering me now. My Mum died of cancer and she was strong. She never complained. She just got on with it. She wasn't scared. She didn't cry. She didn't moan. I'm nothing like her. I'm just weak. My cancer can and is being treated. I'm scared that in ten weeks time the doctor will tell me that there's nothing more they can do for me. It probably won't happen. I'm glad Bob never reads anything on here. I don't tell him how I feel. He has enough to cope with. I haven't got any other relatives who can help out. He must be very tired. He never complains or moans about anything. He has a very good close supportive family but they all live thousands of miles away. I am able to look after myself again now. I half cooked a meal tonight but I couldn't manage to stand there any longer so Bob had to finish it for me. It shows that I'm getting better. A week ago I couldn't even manage to dress myself properly. I should just concentrate on the good things instead of the bad.

Well, thanks for reading my new moan. I feel much better for getting it out of my head. I can go back to being an empty airhead again 😀 Even if no one ever read this I'd still feel better. Sometimes it's good to get it all out.

 

[kis123]

You're not moaning or whining; you're ill and don't want to tax your family. Everyone has their opinion of what TMF is about; some say it's a forum, community, a place to get their free tickle clips and go on their way. I guess all of these answers are right depending on individual needs.

I feel that some of us are a community or a family of like-minded folks who come together on the internet. Having said that, you are welcome to express yourself any way you need to in order to get through. It's good that you don't hold your thoughts in; stress will hinder your treatment so don't hold anything back. I don't think anyone's concerned if you write about your feelings, but if you ever feel you're taxing the forum, you are more than welcome to PM me and let me have it. I'm big enough for the both of us!

I'm glad you're getting stronger; you and your family are in my thoughts.

 

[chickles_:)]

You're not moaning or whining; you're ill and don't want to tax your family. Everyone has their opinion of what TMF is about; some say it's a forum, community, a place to get their free tickle clips and go on their way. I guess all of these answers are right depending on individual needs.

I feel that some of us are a community or a family of like-minded folks who come together on the internet. Having said that, you are welcome to express yourself any way you need to in order to get through. It's good that you don't hold your thoughts in; stress will hinder your treatment so don't hold anything back. I don't think anyone's concerned if you write about your feelings, but if you ever feel you're taxing the forum, you are more than welcome to PM me and let me have it. I'm big enough for the both of us!

I'm glad you're getting stronger; you and your family are in my thoughts.

Hiya Aun,
As usual, Kis is right, hon. 🙂 Please feel okay about letting it out here. It's good that Bob has a place to go to let his inner stuff out, and you need that too. So whether it sounds like moaning or whatever, just remember this is becoming an important part of your recovery. And if we get the privilege of being here to stand with you in that then it's for us to be appreciative of your willingness to share with us. Remember, strength is not in being stoic at all costs through pain. True strength is knowing what you need to keep going and then having wisdom enough to seek the support even if it means being vulnerable.
You go girl! you have it in you. And God bless Bob who is being your awesome guy through all this!! 🙂

Many blessings, hon, we're with you!
Chickles

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

Aun...the best won fights are from those who NEVER throw in the towel....what you are feeling isn't a question of normalcy as it is simply how YOU are feeling about everything. It's perfectly okay to wonder, worry and even emote. But once you're done...keep the resolve to what the bottom line is....recovery; we can heal ourselves considerably by keeping our will alone focused to the task, along with whatever clinical help we may get.

....this is only my two cents on something else I'd seen you post....what you do with this tidbit is entirely up to you...my aim here isn't to change your mind, rather; to challenge it. THIS life we live...THIS very existence....IS Hell....as much as there is to say about the good we see and do as well as the experiences we have that generate smiles, happiness and laughter, it is ONLY here that we can also see the 180 of all that. Beyond this existence lies what had been promised to us with NO strings attached....that is, eternity. This life here, IS the trial by fire; after which, there are no more fires to face.

...there....again...take what you wish of that and leave the rest....ultimately, what matters more here is keeping you excited about your life and having the 'plus' signs outweighing the 'minus' signs.