Being accepted with the fetish

[FLBowler]

Sorry if there's already a thread for this.

I know a very common discussion is being accepted. Clearly the country is slowly developing into being more accepting to Gay marriage.

Have you noticed people have been more accepting to your fetish?
OR
Is there a certain group of people like best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends that are more accepting?

I learned about my fetish after having a girlfriend in High school you had it, and before I fully realized I had it I was very accepting. My girlfriend now, has opened up with open arms about my fetish and kinda developed one with me.

Thoughts, stories, objections?

 

[BBGuy5240]

Yes. An Ex Girlfriend of mine accepted my Bellybutton Fetish. This was Before I was into Tickling.

She thought it was Cute and Interesting, and let Me play with it whenever we were alone. And She liked how it felt.

 

[JohnM87]

Well, I look at it from the opposite viewpoint, rejection. Can't say I've been rejected for having this or any other fetish, even if people think I'm a little eccentric.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

People know about mine, and even if they think it's weird (and a lot do), I've never been ostracized for it.

 

[Phineas]

Thoughts, stories, objections?

Once again, with feeling;

Not everyone will accept your fetish, just like not everyone accepts broccoli or Mitt Romney. You will never change those people's minds, so don't stress over it.

On the other hand, a lot of people will, as long as you're not a creepy fucktard about it. Hell, my job recruiter knows. She sent me a picture of her feet from her honeymoon, fer Chrissake's...

 

[scorpionldr]

Sorry if there's already a thread for this.

I know a very common discussion is being accepted. Clearly the country is slowly developing into being more accepting to Gay marriage.

Have you noticed people have been more accepting to your fetish?
OR
Is there a certain group of people like best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends that are more accepting?

I learned about my fetish after having a girlfriend in High school you had it, and before I fully realized I had it I was very accepting. My girlfriend now, has opened up with open arms about my fetish and kinda developed one with me.

Thoughts, stories, objections?

I posted on a dating site forum that basically was about another topic but some people looked at my profile and noted it, but it went no further.

This on the record, I've met a few girls who would tolerate talking about it for a bit, and then one in particular was like "can you please shut the fuck up about it, I overlooked it to be nice.". Needless to say, she was done.

One guy friend I have "found me out" lurking online, having googled something about me, and basically still tries to hold it over my head.

Acceptance? I rarely find it in the area of tickling. Maybe if I just become some woman's puppy love interest or some unemotional robot I'd be more happy with my life, but this fetish? .........it seems impossible.

 

[24hourphil]

I'm pretty open about my fetish ...I wasn't always. You either have to really trust or just not care ..bc life is so short to be worrying about what other people think ...when there's possibly someone out there that will love you for it.

I've turned a lot of unacceptable into accepting ..and they thought it was: "Soooooo Weeeeiiiird" ..at first. Only to say, "That was so intense.. Too intense. I hated you, but nobody has ever touched me like that. Yes. I could do it again." So our fetish, perhaps, it's an acquired taste. The only thing to fear is fear itself!

I just go into the situation thinking, she's going to love it, but she has no idea yet.

 

[Phineas]

Okay dude, you're getting to be a broken record. Read what I'm saying and flippin' LISTEN.

I posted on a dating site forum that basically was about another topic but some people looked at my profile and noted it, but it went no further.

This is because, as one of the women who replied to you on that forum mentioned, you brought it up three times in your profile. Remember what I said above about "not being a creepy fucktard about it?" That applies here.

You're making the same mistake a lot of guys do when it comes to fetishes, or sex in general; they bring it up too early/too often, and hammer away at it until the girl gets creeped out and bails. Then they whine that "no one likes guys with fetishes" when it wasn't the fetish that drove her away.

To whit;

This on the record, I've met a few girls who would tolerate talking about it for a bit, and then one in particular was like "can you please shut the fuck up about it, I overlooked it to be nice.".

Too early, too often.

Seriously, are you at the stage with these women where you're comfortable communicating your 'bedroom desires' with them, or are you talking about X-frames and baby oil on your first coffee meet at Starbucks?

Needless to say, she was done.

This is the only part of what you posted that I support. As I said above, some women are mean, uncooperative, or simply incompatible with you and you shouldn't waste time or emotional energy on them. So, props to you for knowing what you want and pursuing it. HOWEVER, unless you're particularly prone to picking out snitty bitches to date, the fact that one of them felt the need to say "will you shut up already?" tells me you're coming off as a bit obsessed, and - read this twice, because it's important - women don't like guys who seem obsessive, regardless of what that obsession is.

I was on a date with a woman yesterday who told me the last guy she dated was a gamer. I'm a gamer too, so yay! But then she went on to tell me their first date was at Dave & Busters (a chain restaurant with an arcade in it), where he mostly ignored her to play games, then stuck around and played all night after she left. Can't imagine why she didn't go out with him again. *eyeroll* But she got a second date with me, despite my being a gamer... why? Because I didn't spend the whole date trying to impress her with my level 80 paladin.

Acceptance? I rarely find it in the area of tickling. Maybe if I just become some woman's puppy love interest or some unemotional robot I'd be more happy with my life, but this fetish? .........it seems impossible.

I don't normally try to psychoanalyze people over the web, but... get help. Talk to someone with a degree, because these two lines tell me that you have issues with yourself that lie a lot deeper than an unfulfilled fetish. My armchair therapist opinion is that you're unhappy with yourself and it's manifesting in focusing on your fetish both as a scapegoat for your general lack of fulfillment and a convenient excuse for why women don't like you. The fact that you're posting about this over and over here and elsewhere, repeatedly, tells me that you're wallowing in something that you need to figure out how to deal with. So, seriously. Talk to someone who can help you. And, ProTip: we're not it.

Once again, for those of you in the cheap seats; IT IS NOT YOUR FETISH. IT'S YOU. And in the cases where it is your fetish, then they weren't right for you. Not everyone likes baked beans, either. Accept it and move on.

 

[iloveddub]

Bottom line....don't be creepy.
As Phineas said....not all will like it.
I have been drove out of chat by "fuck-tards". Be civil, people aren't meat.

 

[scorpionldr]

Okay dude, you're getting to be a broken record. Read what I'm saying and flippin' LISTEN.

Let's review this; it was IN THE INTERESTS. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE DON'T READ THAT SHIT? ESPECIALLY when you have a lot of interests listed? Otherwise, I don't really mention it in the profile. But fine. I'll give you that point.

This is because, as one of the women who replied to you on that forum mentioned, you brought it up three times in your profile. Remember what I said above about "not being a creepy fucktard about it?" That applies here.
And then I find I get the clueless fucktards who have no clue who they're talking to, and then I get shot down either way over it. Maybe you also failed to read I've taken girls on dates without any mention of it, and tried the subtle approach, which, FYI, did not take.

You're making the same mistake a lot of guys do when it comes to fetishes, or sex in general; they bring it up too early/too often, and hammer away at it until the girl gets creeped out and bails. Then they whine that "no one likes guys with fetishes" when it wasn't the fetish that drove her away.

To whit;



Too early, too often.

Seriously, are you at the stage with these women where you're comfortable communicating your 'bedroom desires' with them, or are you talking about X-frames and baby oil on your first coffee meet at Starbucks?
Oh yeaa. Now we're talking. Saying "maybe I want to tickle your feet" is like saying "gee, I'm gonna drag my wet dripping cock up and down your feet until you can't handle laughing anymore". Give me a break. Subtle or practically beating someone over the head with it, no positive response.



This is the only part of what you posted that I support. As I said above, some women are mean, uncooperative, or simply incompatible with you and you shouldn't waste time or emotional energy on them. So, props to you for knowing what you want and pursuing it. HOWEVER, unless you're particularly prone to picking out snitty bitches to date, the fact that one of them felt the need to say "will you shut up already?" tells me you're coming off as a bit obsessed, and - read this twice, because it's important - women don't like guys who seem obsessive, regardless of what that obsession is.
Meanwhile a lot of girls come off snooty with "I'm looking for love" "I'm trying to avoid one night stands" or whatever retarded bullshit they stuff in their profiles to emphasize they aren't looking to get screwed/left. So a guy can't share an obsession of his own if this is the droning message that he gets from women? Real nice. Like I said. Unemotional. Robot.

I was on a date with a woman yesterday who told me the last guy she dated was a gamer. I'm a gamer too, so yay! But then she went on to tell me their first date was at Dave & Busters (a chain restaurant with an arcade in it), where he mostly ignored her to play games, then stuck around and played all night after she left. Can't imagine why she didn't go out with him again. *eyeroll* But she got a second date with me, despite my being a gamer... why? Because I didn't spend the whole date trying to impress her with my level 80 paladin.
Look, if looking around for 20 minutes of being indulged is too much for a girl, maybe I should walk away. Because clearly I'm so goddamn demanding I'd steal the thunder.


I don't normally try to psychoanalyze people over the web, but... get help. Talk to someone with a degree, because these two lines tell me that you have issues with yourself that lie a lot deeper than an unfulfilled fetish. My armchair therapist opinion is that you're unhappy with yourself and it's manifesting in focusing on your fetish both as a scapegoat for your general lack of fulfillment and a convenient excuse for why women don't like you. The fact that you're posting about this over and over here and elsewhere, repeatedly, tells me that you're wallowing in something that you need to figure out how to deal with. So, seriously. Talk to someone who can help you. And, ProTip: we're not it.
Unhappy with the fact that people attempt to analyze me without even associating me? Sure. Yea, I forgot, this isn't a social forum where people can talk/present others with questions. Maybe I should go to a psych and get pills shoved down my throat and told how I'm the best being to ever walk the earth. Yea, cuz being sedated and told how great I am makes such a difference in my reality.
Once again, for those of you in the cheap seats; IT IS NOT YOUR FETISH. IT'S YOU. And in the cases where it is your fetish, then they weren't right for you. Not everyone likes baked beans, either. Accept it and move on.

And not everyone's problem is brought on by themselves. Do their actions influence them? Sure. But before you go assuming everyone's perfect, maybe you should think about it.

 

[scorpionldr]

Bottom line....don't be creepy.
As Phineas said....not all will like it.
I have been drove out of chat by "fuck-tards". Be civil, people aren't meat.

I never said All should like it I said people should at least have the decency to accept it and move the fuck on.

 

[deadlywiffeathr]

No-one in my personal life knows about my fetish yet, its just something I keep on the down low. I used to be terrified of being outed, but now I just see it as a quirky aspect of my personality. If people can't accept it when they find out, thats their deal, its not like I've just told them I'm a serial killer thats escaped from prison. Generally speaking I think vanilla people are secretly more intrigued by it than anything else, saying its weird or creepy is just a knee jerk reaction to the unexpected nature of it.

The stigma of fetishism is disappearing quite quickly though I think. With things like 50 Shades of Grey floating around out there, its actually becoming kind of cool and attractive to have something different about you in the bedroom. Yay for us

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

I've had both good and negetive responses to my fetish but theres nothing i can do everyone is entitled to have an opinion

 

[Phineas]

Let's review this; it was IN THE INTERESTS.

...which is where it didn't belong. You don't put your turn-ons in your Interests, that's where hobbies n' shit are supposed to go. When someone asks you what you're into, you don't respond "anal".

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE DON'T READ THAT SHIT? ESPECIALLY when you have a lot of interests listed?

Yes, I'm quite aware that people don't read as deeply into someone's profile as you might often like. But some do, so it's a good idea to make sure that what you have written isn't going to scare off the people who take the time to actually see what you have to say.

And then I find I get the clueless fucktards who have no clue who they're talking to, and then I get shot down either way over it. Maybe you also failed to read I've taken girls on dates without any mention of it, and tried the subtle approach, which, FYI, did not take.

And, as I said before, not everyone likes broccoli or Mitt Romney. It's a bit of a Catch-22 in that being too forward about it scares everyone away, but not being forward enough fails to weed out the people who aren't into it no matter what. There's no 'net' you can cast that will do both, perfectly, because dating, Internet dating especially, is a friggin' circus of clueless fucktards. Of both genders.

Oh yeaa. Now we're talking. Saying "maybe I want to tickle your feet" is like saying "gee, I'm gonna drag my wet dripping cock up and down your feet until you can't handle laughing anymore".

You snark, but some people do that shit. Besides, in your own words, women have told you to shut up about it. That should tell you something.

Give me a break. Subtle or practically beating someone over the head with it, no positive response.

Then she doesn't like broccoli. That doesn't mean that broccoli is a horrible thing, it just means she wants a cheeseburger.

Meanwhile a lot of girls come off snooty with "I'm looking for love" "I'm trying to avoid one night stands" or whatever retarded bullshit they stuff in their profiles to emphasize they aren't looking to get screwed/left.

And those women are damaged goods that you shouldn't be touching with a ten foot pole if you want a healthy relationship.

So a guy can't share an obsession of his own if this is the droning message that he gets from women? Real nice. Like I said. Unemotional. Robot.

Right. Sink to their level. Act as damaged as they do and you'll get what you're looking for. How's that working out for you so far?

Also, you're falling into the fallacy that the only two choices are "unemotional robot" and "obsession". There's a happy medium in between - not that you'd know, given that you immediately leapt to the conclusion that I was accusing you of talking about your dripping cock.

Look, if looking around for 20 minutes of being indulged is too much for a girl, maybe I should walk away. Because clearly I'm so goddamn demanding I'd steal the thunder.

I have no idea what this has to do with what I said.

Unhappy with the fact that people attempt to analyze me without even associating me? Sure. Yea, I forgot, this isn't a social forum where people can talk/present others with questions.

You're not asking questions. You're whining about how people don't like your fetish, when the truth is more complex than that.

Maybe I should go to a psych and get pills shoved down my throat and told how I'm the best being to ever walk the earth. Yea, cuz being sedated and told how great I am makes such a difference in my reality.

That's not what getting help involves, but it doesn't surprise me that you jumped to that conclusion, either.

Here's what I see. I see a guy who's having difficulties getting the kind of relationship he wants, and jumping to all sorts of self-harming conclusions about why that is. I am not perfect. I have been in your shoes. Hell, just the other night I was talking about how I had a professional photographer friend of mine do a photo shoot for my OKCupid profile and my response rate has actually gone down since I posted the new pictures. Nine times out of ten, I can't get a date to save my life - but I have never had a problem getting the women I do eventually date to accept my fetish. I am not magical in this regard, and I highly doubt it's because I'm just so lucky that I keep meeting fetish-friendly women. There are female tickling enthusiasts out there. They're right here on this forum!

Then again, I could be wrong. They could all very well be snooty bitches who just hate tickle folk. Would that make you feel better to know?

Look, ultimately what I'm trying to say is that you can't make a woman who doesn't like you or your fetish, like you or your fetish - but you can drive away a woman who would otherwise have been open to the experience. The trick is to not worry about which is which, because you can't tell. Just try to be self-aware. That's all you can do.

Me, I want to meet a cute geek. Ironically, that's harder than finding a tickle-friendly girl...

 

[rhiannon]

There is a difference between being into tickling and being gay that I think is very significant:

If you want to lead a normal, open life with your sexuality, everybody will know that you are gay, because they will meet your partner.
Nobody needs to know what turns you on in your bedroom though, except your SO!

Therefore, it is totally irrelevant if anybody but them accepts your fetish. It is your and their business only!

 

[drnkntklr]

There is a difference between being into tickling and being gay that I think is very significant:

If you want to lead a normal, open life with your sexuality, everybody will know that you are gay, because they will meet your partner.
Nobody needs to know what turns you on in your bedroom though, except your SO!

Therefore, it is totally irrelevant if anybody but them accepts your fetish. It is your and their business only!

I couldn't agree with you more rhiannon. I am of the opinion that things such as fetishes and kinks need not be shared with anyone other than the person you are dating/seeing.

 

[rhiannon]

I am of the opinion that things such as fetishes and kinks need not be shared with anyone other than the person you are dating/seeing.

Exactly. There are a lot of things about a person to accept about them. What floats their boat is not one of them IMHO.

 

[jhop220]

I don't disclose the fetish part until I get to know a girl. There is no way in hell I would on the first date say "Hello, I get a boner from tickling." It is creepy and sends some awful signals.

If you allow your fetish to control your actions and words then you have some serious issues to deal with. If I ever get to the point where we're comfortable talking about sexual desires and such then I will be 100% open. It has never failed me in that degree. No girl that I ever got that comfortable with ever ran away or called me a freak...they usually were curious. Often...they had their own cup of tea too.

When you meet someone...you talk about simple things of likes and dislikes. You see what you have in common and if there is any spark so to speak. In NO WAY should one ever disclose a fetish upon meeting someone for the first time. It will not lead to anything positive for you. If your on a dating site (not a fetish site but a regular dating site) then you should not put your fetish in your profile. That is a big mistake!

Enjoy conversations and getting to know a person...then if things progress you talk about bedroom issues.

 

[iloveddub]

I never said All should like it I said people should at least have the decency to accept it and move the fuck on.

We're all in this together. Why be nasty?

 

[tickledorange]

All of my vanilla friends know, some of my family knows. No one really cares anymore, as long as I'm not being abused.

My kinky friends know too, but we may not share the same kinks, so I accept their kinks as part of who they are if they accept mine. Besides, I've gotten a few tickle play partners out of the deal, also.

 

[CuteJill143]

As a female its been easier for me to tell guys. One of my close male friends who is gay is especially more accepting. Also 2 straight heterosexual guys I am friends with know and are ok with it and think its different but great that I know what I want and like. There are also those in my life who I would never ever reveal that to simply to avoid trouble or conflict. None of my female friends know as most of them are conservative and old fashioned and traditional compared to how I am. I'm at a point where I don't care too much who knows but at the same time I am still not shouting it from the rooftop! Its kind of part of my intimate life so I don't share with everyone. A very selected few of my friends know. My boyfriend loves it and he's the only person who matters to me when it comes to be accepting of it. =)

 

[Mane'o]

rhiannon hit the nail on the head with this one. and while tickling covers a wide spectrum of behavior from sexual to non-sexual, if you overdo anything or obsess over it, people will tend to head the other way when they see you coming.

 

[FLBowler]

I mean, I've never had a problem being open about the fetish, because I feel everyone has little quirks and I'm open to hearing and not judgmental.

Luckily most people I have ever told or had those discussions have been okay and act like it's nothing.

My roommates makes fun of me, but that's in good fun. I make fun of him for his quirks.

 

[scorpionldr]

...which is where it didn't belong. You don't put your turn-ons in your Interests, that's where hobbies n' shit are supposed to go. When someone asks you what you're into, you don't respond "anal".

Maybe you should, tho. There used to be a time when "Honesty is the best policy" was regular. Maybe it's changed and I have to get with the times. OK.

Yes, I'm quite aware that people don't read as deeply into someone's profile as you might often like. But some do, so it's a good idea to make sure that what you have written isn't going to scare off the people who take the time to actually see what you have to say.

in all fairness tho (and I know this sounds pathetic) any time I see the word tickling mentioned anywhere on a profile, I get interested. maybe it's a bad thing. I can't really change that.

And, as I said before, not everyone likes broccoli or Mitt Romney. It's a bit of a Catch-22 in that being too forward about it scares everyone away, but not being forward enough fails to weed out the people who aren't into it no matter what. There's no 'net' you can cast that will do both, perfectly, because dating, Internet dating especially, is a friggin' circus of clueless fucktards. Of both genders.

agreed.

You snark, but some people do that shit. Besides, in your own words, women have told you to shut up about it. That should tell you something.

Let's honestly look at this in fairness. Women tend to be more reactive than men. On the other hand, some girls (a LOT in my area) it's almost like they're just waiting on the chance to pin you for wanting to fuck around.

Then she doesn't like broccoli. That doesn't mean that broccoli is a horrible thing, it just means she wants a cheeseburger.

Again, preference is subjective, but maybe if things were shared, there wouldn't be a problem.

And those women are damaged goods that you shouldn't be touching with a ten foot pole if you want a healthy relationship.

..............it seems like it's every girl tho. I meet (or used to meet) girls with problems like that that occurred at such a high rate of frequency it became a normality.

Right. Sink to their level. Act as damaged as they do and you'll get what you're looking for. How's that working out for you so far?

Also, you're falling into the fallacy that the only two choices are "unemotional robot" and "obsession". There's a happy medium in between - not that you'd know, given that you immediately leapt to the conclusion that I was accusing you of talking about your dripping cock.

because people make it seem like those are the two ends of the spectrum! Men have been generalized and normalized into this stereotype that we're lazy when we're uninterested, and viagra commercial hard when we're interested!

I have no idea what this has to do with what I said.

ask yourself this: is 20 minutes of tickling "playtime" really a lot to ask of anyone? Because that's all I want at a given moment.

You're not asking questions. You're whining about how people don't like your fetish, when the truth is more complex than that.

On the other hand, some deny the truth because their experience doesn't hold true to that of another.

That's not what getting help involves, but it doesn't surprise me that you jumped to that conclusion, either.

Ok. Let me offer a bit of a breakdown to this.

I once was evaluated. I was systematically (now that I recall) put in a position that I became negative about (this evaluation came through a social work pipeline as well, I'm not going to feed a lot of detail into this short story). I went in. Took all the testing. Got evaluated by a psychiatrist who strongly recommended drugs because "I have a dark side". Well when you're manipulated, of course you'll be! But then again, I have a history. Either way. My claim was threatened to be canceled if I didn't go for the whole drug/therapy regimen. Well, we know what I chose.
A month later I come into a free college mental health counseling office. Third question in, "are you on any drugs for ________"?

So why the focus on drugs? Because most "patients" are suffering a depression as a result of lost time. Their social skills are thrown out of whack, they have to become more docile to hearing people, letting people boost them up (and I've heard from people, so I know what I'm talking about). WHY? Because prime social skills are learned in grade school years and up to the end of high school and college. By that point, you either have it or you don't. The methods of true rehabilitation are a laborious process in which a person has to begin from square one and follow every step streamlined to get where he/she wants to be. Institutions, knowing they don't have the resources to provide, offer drugs and therapy, as a means to soften the blow.

Here's what I see. I see a guy who's having difficulties getting the kind of relationship he wants, and jumping to all sorts of self-harming conclusions about why that is. I am not perfect. I have been in your shoes. Hell, just the other night I was talking about how I had a professional photographer friend of mine do a photo shoot for my OKCupid profile and my response rate has actually gone down since I posted the new pictures. Nine times out of ten, I can't get a date to save my life - but I have never had a problem getting the women I do eventually date to accept my fetish. I am not magical in this regard, and I highly doubt it's because I'm just so lucky that I keep meeting fetish-friendly women. There are female tickling enthusiasts out there. They're right here on this forum!

Then again, I could be wrong. They could all very well be snooty bitches who just hate tickle folk. Would that make you feel better to know?

Look, ultimately what I'm trying to say is that you can't make a woman who doesn't like you or your fetish, like you or your fetish - but you can drive away a woman who would otherwise have been open to the experience. The trick is to not worry about which is which, because you can't tell. Just try to be self-aware. That's all you can do.

Me, I want to meet a cute geek. Ironically, that's harder than finding a tickle-friendly girl...

Look, I'm not so angry that I can't meet fetish women. I'm angry that I can't meet women in general. That generally, I'm stereotyped out to the point where I have to be either the hardass that doesn't give a shit or the dumb puppy that will follow every desire of a girl and try to make them met in order to get attention. And the fetish, while not a horrible thing, adds additional hamper to the situation. I really don't know how to make things work in a manner where I won't feel like I've been scammed over, because with every honest intention, even without mentioning tickling, it seems that girls just don't want to take me as is.

 

[scorpionldr]

We're all in this together. Why be nasty?

I don't see that. I see most people with an every man for himself attitude.