Hard hitting ethical tickle questions

[College]

Feeling a little philosophical. Let me pose some questions and share my thoughts, and I’d love to hear your rebuttals/alternate opinions!

So I never really tickle my friends at all. A few weeks ago a couple of my friends were tickling this girl and I did not join in or watch. For me, it’s an ethical issue. Tickling is a fetish of mine and seeing it turns me on. My friends don’t know this. Therefore, me tickling them would be me getting off to them without them knowing which is wrong in my opinion. This is different from just masturbating to the thought of them because there’s a physical aspect to it that they didn’t consent to. Imagining something shouldn’t require consent, but real life activity always requires consent. So here’s my question:

Is it right to tickle someone playfully if they don’t know about your fetish?

Here are a few others:
Is it right to watch someone get tickled if they don’t know about your fetish?
Is it right to tickle a significant other with whom you’re in a sexual relationship without them knowing about your fetish?
And here’s where it gets muddy.
Is it right to not fight back when someone tickles you if they don’t know it’s getting you off?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

 

[playjoe]

Yes Yes Yes and Yes as long as your not humping them or being creepy you should be able to separate playful platonic tickling and sexual tickling

 

[featheredfeet]

Question. Will your fetish allow you to compartmentalize tickling into non-erogenous and erogenous?

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[tickletherapist]

If I were you I’d just won’t hesitate to warn them in a light-hearted manner that tickling might arouse you so they should be careful You shouldn’t feel guilty about your physiology, as God created you

 

[RevyBL]

Yes. You know how many nonsexual things arouse people? Something as simple as a hug could turn someone on. Maybe its "unethical" but it's also unrealistic to think you have to inform people that this nonsexual activity excites you. Just don't go overboard and allow your desires to lead to a sexual assault and you'll be fine.

 

[OmahaTickler]

I personally can't compartmentalize. I view touching a woman's ticklish zones, wherever they are, as an inherently sexual act----regardless of how she views it. Now, for whether I practice what I preach---I used to massage a colleague's feet all the time after work, and sneak in tickles. I also view massage sexually, though not at the same intensity level. She didn't know; however, I did it anyway because she liked it, asked for the massages often, and as an adult, she had to know I got off on it, considering how often I did it. Thus, I think she got off on knowing I got off, etc. Why didn't we get together? We both knew we were not each other's types on several other levels Thus, I guess similar to how vanillas have "fuck buddies," I had a massage/tiickle buddy. Thus, sexual or not, you need not be "with" someone to do it with someone.

 

[robmic]

Ask a lawyer to draw you up a long and detailed contract in very small print that anyone you come in contact with has to sign. Then you're covered. Isn't that the way it's done today?

 

[Wolf]

If it doesn't feel right to you, you shouldn't do it, but I think you're overthinking this quite a bit. A lot of what you're describing is harmless.

 

[Yote]

1. yes
2. yes
3. I think it's fine to casually tickle them if they don't know but you should tell them about your fetish if you want to do serious tickling with them.
4. yes, as long as you don't make it obvious you're being turned on

I think you're good as long as you know how to separate casual tickling from sexual tickling. If it has to do with family, you should know how to control yourself from getting turned on or avoid tickling among your family/watching it if you can't control it.

 

[College]

Question. Will your fetish allow you to compartmentalize tickling into non-erogenous and erogenous?

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In the moment, yeah I can.

 

[kcantankerous]

I avoided tickling my female friends (I never tickled guys) as an adult once I realized tickling could be arousing to me.

 

[tickletherapist]

Ask a lawyer to draw you up a long and detailed contract in very small print that anyone you come in contact with has to sign. Then you're covered. Isn't that the way it's done today?

So right lol. And don’t forget to ask their parents permission

 

[duderino84]

As long as the trouser snake doesn't come out all is proper. Just don't be a freak and you're good.

 

[Sharkiegirl]

What a good convo to have!

First off, let me thank you for erring on the side of caution and actually THINKING about this sort of thing. Many don’t, tickling or otherwise. There isn’t any sort of moral reflection on behavior from many people I talk to, and it’s rare to find.

1.) I think just the fact that you used the terminology “tickle playfully” tells me you can discern between a sexualized touch and fun platonic tickle. If it is breaking out naturally and it would make sense for you to take part then no harm, no foul. If you are repeatedly setting someone UP to get tickled in a vanilla setting, that’s when you are leaning towards “indulging” a fetish without their knowledge. Still not wrong, as long is everyone is having fun, but I think that is walking the line of appropriateness that YOU are concerned with. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

2.) If you aren’t sitting in the corner panting with your dick in your hand while it’s going on, I’d say you are alright to watch tickling happen. I mean, say you are a butt man. Do you avert your eyes every time a female friend wears leggings or booty shorts? If you are a boob guy, do you warn your friends not to show cleavage or wear tight shirts as it may turn you on? Nope. As long as you have the tact and social awareness to know the difference between seeing something you enjoy and gawking (which it seems you do) every human is attracted to something specific!

3.) Any physical, affectionate, playful contact is generally expected in a romantic relationship. I will say, it is best to be relatively upfront with your sexual preferences if you are in a relationship (if nothing else, so you can have a fulfilling sexual connection) but tickling can turn people on even if it ISN’T their kink if they are attracted to the person involved. In a relationship, totally a green light, whether they know about the fetish or not. And of course if they don’t absolutely despise it!

4.) Hey, if someone is putting their hands on YOU non-consensually, your reaction is not your fault! Haha. Really though, again, judging the situation and knowing your own body and reactions is what’s important here. If you can enjoy the fun, flirty nature of being tickled and not behave inappropriately in an innocent situation then I’d say it’s fine. Massages (because I’m so ticklish) turn me on but if my friends want to do a massage circle, I am certainly not going to say no!

Thank you again for bringing the topic to light, and for being a thoughtful and introspective person! We need more folks like you

 

[College]

What a good convo to have!

First off, let me thank you for erring on the side of caution and actually THINKING about this sort of thing. Many don’t, tickling or otherwise. There isn’t any sort of moral reflection on behavior from many people I talk to, and it’s rare to find.

1.) I think just the fact that you used the terminology “tickle playfully” tells me you can discern between a sexualized touch and fun platonic tickle. If it is breaking out naturally and it would make sense for you to take part then no harm, no foul. If you are repeatedly setting someone UP to get tickled in a vanilla setting, that’s when you are leaning towards “indulging” a fetish without their knowledge. Still not wrong, as long is everyone is having fun, but I think that is walking the line of appropriateness that YOU are concerned with. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

2.) If you aren’t sitting in the corner panting with your dick in your hand while it’s going on, I’d say you are alright to watch tickling happen. I mean, say you are a butt man. Do you avert your eyes every time a female friend wears leggings or booty shorts? If you are a boob guy, do you warn your friends not to show cleavage or wear tight shirts as it may turn you on? Nope. As long as you have the tact and social awareness to know the difference between seeing something you enjoy and gawking (which it seems you do) every human is attracted to something specific!

3.) Any physical, affectionate, playful contact is generally expected in a romantic relationship. I will say, it is best to be relatively upfront with your sexual preferences if you are in a relationship (if nothing else, so you can have a fulfilling sexual connection) but tickling can turn people on even if it ISN’T their kink if they are attracted to the person involved. In a relationship, totally a green light, whether they know about the fetish or not. And of course if they don’t absolutely despise it!

4.) Hey, if someone is putting their hands on YOU non-consensually, your reaction is not your fault! Haha. Really though, again, judging the situation and knowing your own body and reactions is what’s important here. If you can enjoy the fun, flirty nature of being tickled and not behave inappropriately in an innocent situation then I’d say it’s fine. Massages (because I’m so ticklish) turn me on but if my friends want to do a massage circle, I am certainly not going to say no!

Thank you again for bringing the topic to light, and for being a thoughtful and introspective person! We need more folks like you

Thanks for your detailed reply! I think you’ve changed my mind

 

[00feather]

I have these moment in my life when tickling becomes weirdly prevalent out of nowhere. I had one spike at high school when I would have these stupid tickle fights and now again at work where all my female co workers seem to figure out I am ticklish at once (with me obviously returning the favour).

I have always been able to draw that line. Since I am not interested in that way in any of my friends back then or collegues now I don't see the issue. As long as they keep it up I don't see why I should not play along. That kind of tickling doesn't turn me on anyway so it is just as normal as someone without the fetish tickling his friends.

 

[Zeezil]

Everything Sharkiegirl said!

I would take it a step further and say that notifying a person who you are not in any sort of committed, sexual relationship with (like a friend, casual acquaintance, co-worker, etc.) that tickling is a turn on for you is unnecessary, WAY too much information and borderline creepy. You're putting a burden on the person you're telling this information to. Keep it to yourself, always. What goes on inside your brain is 100% your own damn business and no one else's. The only thing you are responsible for is your actions and words, which you DO have complete control over.

Bottom line, you are always always ALWAYS safe (and I would argue, in the right) if you just keep it to yourself. Hell, personally, I believe the only person it actually makes sense to tell is your eventual wife, but that's just me!

What a good convo to have!

First off, let me thank you for erring on the side of caution and actually THINKING about this sort of thing. Many don’t, tickling or otherwise. There isn’t any sort of moral reflection on behavior from many people I talk to, and it’s rare to find.

1.) I think just the fact that you used the terminology “tickle playfully” tells me you can discern between a sexualized touch and fun platonic tickle. If it is breaking out naturally and it would make sense for you to take part then no harm, no foul. If you are repeatedly setting someone UP to get tickled in a vanilla setting, that’s when you are leaning towards “indulging” a fetish without their knowledge. Still not wrong, as long is everyone is having fun, but I think that is walking the line of appropriateness that YOU are concerned with. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

2.) If you aren’t sitting in the corner panting with your dick in your hand while it’s going on, I’d say you are alright to watch tickling happen. I mean, say you are a butt man. Do you avert your eyes every time a female friend wears leggings or booty shorts? If you are a boob guy, do you warn your friends not to show cleavage or wear tight shirts as it may turn you on? Nope. As long as you have the tact and social awareness to know the difference between seeing something you enjoy and gawking (which it seems you do) every human is attracted to something specific!

3.) Any physical, affectionate, playful contact is generally expected in a romantic relationship. I will say, it is best to be relatively upfront with your sexual preferences if you are in a relationship (if nothing else, so you can have a fulfilling sexual connection) but tickling can turn people on even if it ISN’T their kink if they are attracted to the person involved. In a relationship, totally a green light, whether they know about the fetish or not. And of course if they don’t absolutely despise it!

4.) Hey, if someone is putting their hands on YOU non-consensually, your reaction is not your fault! Haha. Really though, again, judging the situation and knowing your own body and reactions is what’s important here. If you can enjoy the fun, flirty nature of being tickled and not behave inappropriately in an innocent situation then I’d say it’s fine. Massages (because I’m so ticklish) turn me on but if my friends want to do a massage circle, I am certainly not going to say no!

Thank you again for bringing the topic to light, and for being a thoughtful and introspective person! We need more folks like you

 

[schiller]

Strong no to all. Like, seriously. If somebody gets off on me without my awareness and consent, I'd consider that EXTREMELY problematic. Consent is sexy, man- don't test the boundaries of what is an isn't consensual. Get enthusiastic consent every time.

 

[VegLife]

You are not alone in your feelings and thank you for being considerate of your friends potential feelings becuase its something rarely encouraged, here too apparently.

My solution is that i simply found time in a non tickling situation to share that fact about me that i enjoy tickling and it is something i partake in sexually. So when these situations pop up its a simpler matter but then its still a matter of reading the room and just excersize caution but now i dont have to feel like im sneaking around and feel like i am manipulating cause i know they understand my situation and are free to avoid or engage in such an activity with me, cause it IS different than it would be with another vanilla.

Ive actually seen an influx of tickling since ive shared with them

 

[Zeezil]

STRONG disagreement here, Schiller, no offense.

By this logic every porn actress on the planet needs to be notified immediately of every single person that got off to them without their consent.
Heck, every Victoria's secret model as well. Every woman walking down the street who is extremely attractive to other people.

"Excuse me, miss? I just want you to know that your boobs are an extreme turn on to me and they make me horny. I thought it would be problematic if I didn't let you know that. I may pleasure myself later thinking about them. Can I have your consent to do that?" Now replace boobs with "act of tickling" or "feet." Do you see how this itself might be a bit "problematic"?

Seriously dude. "Notifying" or "announcing" to strangers / friends / acquaintances what your kinks are -- especially when they didn't ask -- is itself a form of harassment. Your kinks are your own damn business and nobody else's.

Strong no to all. Like, seriously. If somebody gets off on me without my awareness and consent, I'd consider that EXTREMELY problematic. Consent is sexy, man- don't test the boundaries of what is an isn't consensual. Get enthusiastic consent every time.

 

[Wolf]

STRONG disagreement here, Schiller, no offense.

By this logic every porn actress on the planet needs to be notified immediately of every single person that got off to them without their consent.
Heck, every Victoria's secret model as well. Every woman walking down the street who is extremely attractive to other people.

"Excuse me, miss? I just want you to know that your boobs are an extreme turn on to me and they make me horny. I thought it would be problematic if I didn't let you know that. I may pleasure myself later thinking about them. Can I have your consent to do that?" Now replace boobs with "act of tickling" or "feet." Do you see how this itself might be a bit "problematic"?

Seriously dude. "Notifying" or "announcing" to strangers / friends / acquaintances what your kinks are -- especially when they didn't ask -- is itself a form of harassment. Your kinks are you own damn business and nobody else's.

You equate friends and acquaintances with porn stars?

 

[Alliekat]

I love a lot of what has been said in this thread. I agree that it is very thoughtful of you to even reflect on this in the first place, but everything you have described is harmless. I will say that with regards to number three, in a romantic relationship, it is healthy in my opinion to eventually have that discussion about the things you like once you feel comfortable doing so. I know we are all different, but why withhold something you enjoy?

But as far as witnessing incidental, seemingly platonic tickling? Heck yes! Enjoy it! Many of of us witness innocuous everyday activities that spark something in our minds (or dare I say elsewhere.) Do I mind when I see men in a well tailored suit? What about oddly being somewhat attracted a skilled woodworker at our local farmers market? Is it unethical to appreciate that my cute young neighbor (and his friends) happen to skateboard shirtless near my driveway? Obviously not

So as long as you are not doing anything to make anyone else feel uncomfortable or unsafe, just enjoy life. You are young, curious and obviously around a fun group of people. Be safe and courteous and you will be just fine

 

[tklfeather10]

A very good and interesting question for me it would be question of degree and compromise, i think i would play it by ear just tickle or watch and treat it as a casual social friendly tickle, but if i felt it it was getting intense or involved then i would have to advise them that it was a little bit more than a social tickle and that i had a a weakness or passion for tickling, using the word fetish can start alarm bells going off with some people. ( its like when does a bit of banter turn into a full argument or intense confrontation)

 

[tickletherapist]

Strong no to all. Like, seriously. If somebody gets off on me without my awareness and consent, I'd consider that EXTREMELY problematic. Consent is sexy, man- don't test the boundaries of what is an isn't consensual. Get enthusiastic consent every time.

I’m really interested in trying to understand the position you have.
Could you please explain what extreme problems do people cause to you personally if they, for example, get off on some of your photos, without letting you know this. Let’s say the photos you showed in instagram.

This reminds me of an old cartoon, where one animal character came up with an idea to count all the animal characters in the wood. And he did this on his own, without warning them. So when these animal characters realized he has been counting them, they became very angry and began chasing him for that.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

So I use to have to contemplate this issue in my own mind for a good while. I realize something about my fetish though that I think might help you a bit as well. When is the tickling playful and when is it sexual? So i'lll give you an example. I had a friend once who was kinda getting on my nerves because she likes being annoying at work. So one day she decided to mess with so much to the point I was chasing her around the store (don't ask what I had in my hand lol) and i ended up tickling her to the ground. At this point I was still learning more about my tickle fetish, but there was no sexual attraction to her while I was tickling her at that time (despite having a small crush on her). It was fun, she ended up getting me back but it was just between friends. So I think for me, I know when its sexual and when its not sexual when tickling others, if that makes any sense to you at all?