Is it cheating

[indivision]

The answer would probably vary from couple to couple. It may be a tough conversation to start, but you might want to have a talk with your SO about this if you really want to go through with it.

 

[TKL_M28_LI_NY]

I define cheating as: anything you wouldn't want to be caught doing by a reasonable perdon.
Does it arouse you? If it does, it's cheating.

 

[boxleitnerb]

It's cheating. Do it with your partner.

Seconded.

 

[Cavum]

If you do stuff without your partner knowing, then YES!
My question is:
If you can't experience something you dream off with your partner, why are you together? If you can't communicate about it, what's the point of being together?

 

[nWo-Cowboy]

My wife would likely consider that cheating, as it would be a deliberate attempt to seek direct sexual gratification from another individual. No judgment there, btw. That's just us.

 

[Talamantes]

If you have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex, platonic, just talk and you don't tell her , is that cheating? No. And neither is just tickling. If the tickling leads to something else, that's a different matter.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

It's definitely NOT cheating. What's hilarious is that whenever this topic comes up, somebody will invariably say, "If you have to ask, then it's cheating!" as though they're expecting people to ooh and ahh with this great epiphany.

But the statement is entirely nonsensical. Cheating means to break the rules of the game. Asking if a particular move is breaking the rules has no bearing whatsoever on that move's legality.

Imagine a poker game in which the following conversation takes place

"Hey is it cheating if I make my opponents believe my hand is bigger than it actually is."

"Sorry, Clem. If you have to ask, it's cheating."

"But...I didn't HAVE to ask. I asked of my own free will."

"Doesn't matter. The fact that you asked is enough. It's cheating."

"But what if I hadn't asked? What if I'd just gone ahead and done it?"

"Then you would have been fine. It wouldn't have been cheating."

"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"That doesn't matter either."

"You know what? I withdraw the question! Hah!"

"Smart move. Now you're good to go!"

"High Five!"​

So there you have it guys. The key to guilt free extra-marital tickling is simple. Just don't ever ask if it's cheating. Cause if you have to ask?....well, you know the rest.

 

[nWo-Cowboy]

If you have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex, platonic, just talk and you don't tell her , is that cheating? No. And neither is just tickling. If the tickling leads to something else, that's a different matter.

I don't know about you, but I generally don't get a sexual thrill from lunch, nor do I add particular entrees to my spank bank.

 

[sirseaspraysr]

It's not cheating unless specifically agreed upon beforehand.

Arousal has nothing to do with it. If it did, millions of Miss Universe viewers would have to go to confession afterwards unless we henceforth switch to the Burqa Swimsuit Competition.

(Oh, I keep forgetting. We watch it for their Minds).

 

[Talamantes]

Tickling isn't automatically sexual

I don't know about you, but I generally don't get a sexual thrill from lunch, nor do I add particular entrees to my spank bank.

It can be. But just as with touch generally it depends on who, how and where for me anyway

 

[TripleH1]

I define cheating as: anything you wouldn't want to be caught doing by a reasonable perdon.
Does it arouse you? If it does, it's cheating.

So watching porn is cheating?

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

What I see it all coming down to is this question - Are we accountable to our partners for everything we do 24/7? Are we also obliged to divulge to our partners anything and everything that potentially turns us on? That's not a relationship. That's Big Brother.

If I found myself expecting this from a partner, I'd check myself into Belle Reve.

 

[sirseaspraysr]

The Cheating Question

(Depends on Both Partners' Opinion vs It Automatically Is), at this juncture, appears to fall:

16 -Yes, it is

20 -No, it's not

 

[Wobbuffet]

Yeah man, it's definitely cheating. I mean, let's be honest: most tickle encounters are sexual in nature, even if nothing else comes of it. Indeed, for many of us on here tickling is itself extremely sexual, for some of us maybe even the most sexual thing out there (I know for me I've never really fantasized about intercourse but the thought of tickling someone or even being tickled is a huge turn-on). So yeah, it's definitely cheating, just as much as having sex would be.

 

[Talamantes]

No

Yeah man, it's definitely cheating. I mean, let's be honest: most tickle encounters are sexual in nature, even if nothing else comes of it. Indeed, for many of us on here tickling is itself extremely sexual, for some of us maybe even the most sexual thing out there (I know for me I've never really fantasized about intercourse but the thought of tickling someone or even being tickled is a huge turn-on). So yeah, it's definitely cheating, just as much as having sex would be.

Sex is sex. Any one of a number of environmental cues can turn one on. Doesn't make it cheating through. I think the analogy of watching porn or getting turned by something your partner doesn't know about is apt.

The question itself is a pejorative. Why is this individual looking for extra curricular activity in the first place? Lots of answer to that one. And too complicated to assign blame based solely on whatever contact takes place. Is it cheating? If so, is it ethical? Different question.

T

 

[sirseaspraysr]

No

If it was cheating, the millions of Miss America TV viewers would first have to seek permission before committing adultery with their TV sets.

(What a nightmarish Thought-Control World that would be!

Very similar to ISIS' Veil-Burqa policy)


People need to learn that Thought Policing stops in between people's ears.

 

[Myriads]

"Cheating" a word we use to signify the concept of "Knowingly breaking the agreed rules of a game or agreement."

The key term in that definition is "Agreed".

Cheating implies that you know the rules of the game. And in the case of a relationship that means that the two partners have an understanding of where the other stands on the issue of how one interacts with others, the exact idea of what is sexual and is not sexual, what is intimate and not intimate, and so forth.

That the OP asks the question "Is X cheating" here implies that he is either a) Unknowledgeable of the rules of the relationship he is in, or b) Very aware of them and looking for 'permission' or 'loopholes' to squeeze his behavior through in self justification.

None of us can answer the question for him because all we can do is offer what cheating is to us in our own contexts. And we'll all have different definitions. What we can do is wave a warning flag that his behavior might be viewed by his partner in a negative light (which I think the OP suspects, as he wouldn't have come her asking if he was under the impression she didn't care a whit about anything in this realm of behavior on his part) Basically all we can do is say:

"Your partner might not be so cool with you doing this with another woman, given that it's a behavior for many of us that have this like that has sexual connotations, and she might view it as you sharing something intimate with someone outside the relationship."

Good luck. And learn the rules of your relationship before attempting operation of the unit.

Myriads

 

[Mitchell]

It's difficult to put my rather.. simplified opinion of the situation, directly after Myriads always insightful explanation of a situation, but I'll try.

To me: Cheating is something you do without your partner's knowledge, of an act that you know turns you on sexually.. or.. that your partner does with someone else.. without your knowledge., that they know turns you on sexually.

For example: Those who know me, know that I have a preference for womens feet and tickling women. So,,.,. when I do have a partner.. it would turn me on sexually to either play with their feet, tickle them, or have them tickle me.

If, without my partner's knowledge.. I made a date to play with another woman's feet, tickle another woman, or have another woman besides my partner tickle me, to me, that would represent cheating.

Conversely, if.. without my knowledge.. my partner told me "I let another guy tickle me, or play with my feet". That would constitute cheating, and to me, would be just cause to examine the relationship, and perhaps, end it for cheating, just as I would understand if the woman ended the relationship with me for such actions. I don't mean, of course, if my gf received a playful tickle from a long time friend, or family member, that isn't cheating, but the other explanation I gave of it is.

 

[b0xr]

Men and women that don't get the satisfaction from their spouse at home will usually cheat. That doesn't mean you fell out of love, it just means you'd have to go outside your relationship for what you need...what you were hard wired for. It is absolutly cheating. Just avoid getting caught.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Well I think it depends on how you look at it. I think if you do it behind your partner's back, then it could be considered cheating. If you tell your partner about it and they're okay with it, then it's not. As long as it's platonic tickling & your partner is fine with it, I don't see it as a big deal.