unable to talk to a psychologist

[kskiys]

...

 

[crydun]

you're in my thoughts. you may be going through an insatiable period. That time is rough. but you will get through it and it will become 'part of your life" not your "whole life" btw, I have a degree in psychology AND I'm a ticklephile..

 

[WorkInProgress]

Let me start with the easiest question first. The answer to whether the psychologist will laugh is: Not if the psychologist is competent at all. What you're struggling with seems out of the ordinary to you, but it won't seem out of the ordinary to any serious mental health professional.

The thing I think you've identified most clearly is, the fetish has taken over your life. That's the problem--not the fact that you have it, but that it is interfering with normal life. The reason I point this out is that I think (and not just because I'm in a fetish community) that it would be a mistake for you to try to make every last trace of the fetish go away. What you need, in my opinion, is to get more comfortable in regular social situations with or without the fetish. In fact, in my opinion, a psychologist who is determined to make the fetish go away completely is not whom you need, because you do not need to be told that you're abnormal and that you need to be made normal. You need help getting comfortable with yourself and with other people, so that the fetish doesn't get in the way of everything else.

An old friend of mine from a camp job when we were university-age is a psychologist in Spain. When I run his name through the search engines, I find evidence of presentations he's made, but I can't find contact information. I think he once lived in Pamploma. (My geography is vague; I've never been to Spain myself.) But if I could reach him, I'd gladly ask him for a referral to send you.

 

[me4o]

Actually, do you think it's possible to make a fetish go away? I don't think so. You should just try and be cool with it, and if a/the person you like becomes cool too, then you have no problem.

On the other hand, if the first thing you notice/think is feet and tickling, this might be a bit of a problem. You should just be able to control it until you see if that the right one, and then explain the situation...

I don't know dude, I'm not the best at giving advice. What I'm saying is you should be cool, and then everything will be cool. Good luck

 

[Mitchell]

I agree with what most said here. A fetish is okay, if you can place it into the proper perspective in your life.

I enjoy spending time on TMF, and thinking/fantasizing about tickling and female feet (Female feet is my other fetish, in addition to tickling). However, it doesnt monopolize my day, where I cant work, watch a ball game, movie, or go out with my friends. I usually spend some time on the TMF each day, but thats partially also because I like to post and talk to my friends online.

I feel it is perfectly normal to spend time engaging in a fetish you enjoy such as this one, but, if all you do is think about it constantly, and it overwhelms you, or takes over your life, then you are correct in seeking professional help. I have confidence that even if you feel you have a problem now, a professional can help you still be able to enjoy this fetish, while putting it into the proper place in your life.

Good Luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Mitch

 

[rhiannon]

Actually, do you think it's possible to make a fetish go away? I don't think so. You should just try and be cool with it, and if a/the person you like becomes cool too, then you have no problem.

A psychologist will not try to make the fetish go away, he will help the person live and deal with it so it does not cause suffering any longer. Go see a psychologist. You will not regret it.

 

[Desparting297]

I think I need to talk to a psychologist....having this foot/tickling fetish is not good for me any more, it causes me more anxiety than pleasure, but of course I can´t stop watching tickling videos, it's just like a f****** drug. Watching female feet getting tickled, sucked, etc, is the only way I can get aroused, my fetish is causing me serious problems to relate to other people, I really belive I´m begining to have social phobia or social anxiety, however you call it, and the fact of not being able to tickle any girls or to lick any female feet is so so frustrating ( I don´t have any female friends)....just feel like this fetish is starting to take over my life, and of course, that sacares me quite a bit. I know I should talk to a psychologist, but I just don´t have the courage to reveal my deepest secret to a stranger, don´t have the courage to expose something that I´ve never talked about with anyone....what will the psychologist´s reaction be? will he/she laugh? This fetish is such a private thing for me, I just don´t know how I´m going to manage to talk openly about it with a psychologist....
honestly, dont know what´s going to happen....

A psychologist will not laugh at you, that would be cruel and very unprofessional. To be honest, for all you know, many other people may have gone to shrinks to talk about their problems probably far worse than yours so I wouldn't be too worried about letting it all out with them because that's what they're paid to do. To listen and come up with solutions.

Good luck!

 

[Carsomyr]

A psychologist will not try to make the fetish go away, he will help the person live and deal with it so it does not cause suffering any longer. Go see a psychologist. You will not regret it.

This.

And also, I understand your fetish is a very private thing, but as far as I know foot fetishism is one of the most common fetishes a person can have. There's no reason why the psychologist should laugh; in fact, he/she has probably heard it several times before.

 

[usgrant]

I never see a sexual fetish as a problem...NEVER as long as you are not harming someone against their will. Gay, Straight, Bi, Tickling, feet, ears, Dom, Sub, switch, etc. Who really stigmatizes these preferences anymore?

 

[me4o]

A psychologist will not try to make the fetish go away, he will help the person live and deal with it so it does not cause suffering any longer. Go see a psychologist. You will not regret it.

Aaam, that's what I meant. I don't need a psychologist, I'm totally cool. Or should I say that I think it's absolutely aaawesome

 

[Libertine]

Men and women are closest when their peculiarities mesh, because no-one else can push those buttons unique to that couple. It's always very particular shared oddities and personality traits which bind a couple together, and there is nothing new in the catalogue of human desire. For every guy harbouring a guilty desire to rub broccoli on a girl's elbow, there's a girl shyly averting her eyes every time she passes the broccoli in the supermarket.

The problem is shyness, which prevents people from finding one another. There are many girls out there who like that sort of thing, to varying degrees. Look at this forum.

Your only problem is the lack of courage to go out there and find a playmate. Which is sad, because you are depriving quite a few girls who are worried about being abnormal of some very pleasurable experiences.

Quit worrying, and start chatting.

 

[porcelaindoll2]

^ What he said.

 

[NonConTickler]

I think I need to talk to a psychologist....having this foot/tickling fetish is not good for me any more, it causes me more anxiety than pleasure, but of course I can´t stop watching tickling videos, it's just like a f****** drug. Watching female feet getting tickled, sucked, etc, is the only way I can get aroused, my fetish is causing me serious problems to relate to other people, I really belive I´m begining to have social phobia or social anxiety, however you call it, and the fact of not being able to tickle any girls or to lick any female feet is so so frustrating ( I don´t have any female friends)....just feel like this fetish is starting to take over my life, and of course, that sacares me quite a bit. I know I should talk to a psychologist, but I just don´t have the courage to reveal my deepest secret to a stranger, don´t have the courage to expose something that I´ve never talked about with anyone....what will the psychologist´s reaction be? will he/she laugh? This fetish is such a private thing for me, I just don´t know how I´m going to manage to talk openly about it with a psychologist....
honestly, dont know what´s going to happen....

I can only get aroused by tickling a woman's feet, licking them, etc. I either go to strip clubs to tickle girls feet, or there's a hooker I've found who I have tickled once and in the future will probably do more with her than just tickle. Tickling the strippers is fun but they can't service me afterward like the hooker can. The only thing standing in the way of that is being able to afford it and for the moment anyway, I can. My fetish is very important to me, I want it indulged and I deserve to have what I want. So do you.

 

[kskiys]

Your only problem is the lack of courage to go out there and find a playmate. Which is sad, because you are depriving quite a few girls who are worried about being abnormal of some very pleasurable experiences.

Quit worrying, and start chatting.

With all respect, you don´t understand how my mind works. I am not worried about anything, and I have lots of courage....the problem is that I feel GUILTY when I even think about tickling a girl or sucking feet (which is something that I forgot to mention in my thread).....do you really think that going up to a girl who does happen to like this fetish and having a nice tickle session with her is going to solve anything for me? I personally don´t think so, because I´ll feel even more guilty when I do so, I´ll feel like I´m doind something bad.....what I need to do is stop feeling so guilty about it. I appreciate your trying to help, but I don´t think you got quite right what the basic problem is.

 

[kskiys]

Let me start with the easiest question first. The answer to whether the psychologist will laugh is: Not if the psychologist is competent at all. What you're struggling with seems out of the ordinary to you, but it won't seem out of the ordinary to any serious mental health professional.

The thing I think you've identified most clearly is, the fetish has taken over your life. That's the problem--not the fact that you have it, but that it is interfering with normal life. The reason I point this out is that I think (and not just because I'm in a fetish community) that it would be a mistake for you to try to make every last trace of the fetish go away. What you need, in my opinion, is to get more comfortable in regular social situations with or without the fetish. In fact, in my opinion, a psychologist who is determined to make the fetish go away completely is not whom you need, because you do not need to be told that you're abnormal and that you need to be made normal. You need help getting comfortable with yourself and with other people, so that the fetish doesn't get in the way of everything else.

An old friend of mine from a camp job when we were university-age is a psychologist in Spain. When I run his name through the search engines, I find evidence of presentations he's made, but I can't find contact information. I think he once lived in Pamploma. (My geography is vague; I've never been to Spain myself.) But if I could reach him, I'd gladly ask him for a referral to send you.

I you could get in touch with your friend, that would be very nice. But if he doesn´t live in pamplona it´s ok, I could try to talk to somebody else (although I can´t think of anyone right now).
Thanks alot.

 

[kskiys]

I saw a therapist recently for some of the same reasons. A friend of mine who've I've been having foot worship sessions and have been open about my tickling exploits, had suddenly cut the friendship off after a decade.
Worrying about a therapist laughing, they've seen it all, and they are professionally trained to listen and understand, and leave their personal stuff out of it. Actually, having studied psychology to get the PHD degree in the first place, they are the most sympathetic when it comes to problems of the psyche. They've studied a lot worse scenarios, trust me, your situation isn't off the map, considering how popular feet are as a fetish.
Anyway, with my therapist, I wanted a professional opinion, and yes, though I was nervous about opening up to a stranger, I was paying a professional good money for this information. There was no judgement. She initially asked I write everything out about my situation, so once we met, we'd have the basic groundwork covered, and she could ask questions to elaborate on certain points if need be. Her fear was I was going to throw something at her, as she's dealt with clients who've had violent tendencies to women to begin with, and who may not wanted to hear what she had to say.
There was no judgement from her, and as the sessions wore on, I found myself telling her things I had never told anyone about before. You have to imagine what a relief it was to finally be able to open up with someone about things that have followed me my whole life.
Granted, what she said in her analysis wasn't the most complimentary I would have liked, but upon further meditation, I had to agree she had hit the nail on the head.
As a result, the intense energy around tickling, or even seeing women's bare feet in public started to cool, so now if I spy pretty bare feet propped up on a chair in a coffee shop, soles out to the world, it no longer starts firing up the emotional turbine engines like it had for decades before. The therapy had helped in taking away the power the crazy making emotions had over me. Now I can be in the company of a woman friend who's in sandals, and not have that fear thing going on trying to catch glimpses of her feet and worry about being busted. Now they can even start talking about their feet, pointing out things happening to their toes, and I can look, without the heart started to pump harder and the palms starting to sweat.
Remember, therapists are professionals. Trust it. Do call around first and check to make sure they have some background in the kind of things you want to explore. There are therapists who do specialize in sexually related issues, and you should feel the most comfortable around them.
And if the opportunities come up again and I find someone to play with, I'm sure it's going to be okay. I just don't have that option right now, but I'm not going crazy about it either.

Thanks very much for telling me this. One of the problems is that I am a student so I don´t have lots of money, so I can´t pay a therapist, and I don´t want my family to pay for it (I don´t want them to get involved in this), so I´ll have to look for a plce in which they´ll do it for free (don´t know yet if such places exist).

 

[kskiys]

Just wanted to add something else: I don´t want my fetish to disappear, I just want to be comfortable with it, and not tortured by it. Just want it to let me live, and let me enjoy other things in life.

 

[Libertine]

Thanks very much for telling me this. One of the problems is that I am a student so I don´t have lots of money, so I can´t pay a therapist, and I don´t want my family to pay for it (I don´t want them to get involved in this), so I´ll have to look for a plce in which they´ll do it for free (don´t know yet if such places exist).

Just wanted to add something else: I don´t want my fetish to disappear, I just want to be comfortable with it, and not tortured by it. Just want it to let me live, and let me enjoy other things in life.

The underlying issue is simply your youth. You have no perspective, and very little knowledge of yourself, and more importantly in this case, other people and their desires. If your passions involved (for instance, but not limited to) breaking into houses to steal women's underwear, sexual attraction to little boys or old ladies, or an irresistible compulsion to murder people, then violate the corpses, THEN you'd have a problem.

Leave the 'therapy' to those who genuinely need it.

You are blessed with possibly the most harmless and most easily satisfied kink on earth. As you mature, you will understand this and be able to share it with an array of women who will be delighted that you, too, have the same secret pleasure as they do.

Meanwhile, just think of yourself as a fine cognac which still needs a year or two in the barrel before it reaches perfection.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Kykiys: Please see my private message with the name of my friend in Spain. I'm guessing that you can navigate search engines in Spain to find him better than I can.

Everybody: I very strongly disagree with being dismissive of the OP's concerns and of the idea of his talking to a therapist. You have your experiences, and sharing them is worthwhile, but your experiences are not the official answer key with which to correct everybody else's paper. I won't name names as to whom I'm addressing, but will only say, if the foo shits, wear it.

 

[NonConTickler]

I'm just telling him what any psychologist/therapist is going to tell him: as long as what you're doing isn't illegal or hurting anybody, there's no reason to feel guilty. You deserve to have your desires fulfilled, so go do it. Maybe he'll feel better hearing it from a professional.

 

[WorkInProgress]

You know what, though? I get the impression the struggle is a bit more complicated, because he describes the fetish as getting in the way of normal socializing. Maybe it's a simple matter of "accept it and don't feel guilty," or maybe it's a bit more. It certainly doesn't sound to me like a simple matter of needing to be told to have the right attitude about it.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

A psychologist is absolutely not going to laugh at you. Going in there and saying "I have a tickling/foot fetish" is probably one of the tamest things they're going to hear all day. They have to listen to people talk about hearing voices and hallucinating killing their own children, seeing bloody dogs chase their decomposing owners around a hospital waiting room, stealing wine from a liquor store because they thought they were Jesus, having imaginary boyfriends who beat and rape them...srsly, a tickling/foot fetish and the social anxiety that it may be causing you is NOT a big deal to them.

Second of all, you could always call around to different therapists or psychologists offices and, without giving your name, tell them you're looking for a fetish-friendly therapist. That should help remove any doubt or concern that you're going to get someone who doesn't understand or can't help you.

Good luck

 

[rhiannon]

You are blessed with possibly the most harmless and most easily satisfied kink on earth. As you mature, you will understand this and be able to share it with an array of women who will be delighted that you, too, have the same secret pleasure as they do.

Libertine, it is really great that you are getting all your urges and pleasures fulfilled, but it is not that easy for everybody, don't forget that! The majority of active men on this forum are not so lucky, and I know quite a few guys who never get to indulge in their fetish.

Leave the 'therapy' to those who genuinely need it.

If he suffers from this, then he DOES genuinely need therapy.

 

[Libertine]

Libertine, it is really great that you are getting all your urges and pleasures fulfilled, but it is not that easy for everybody, don't forget that! The majority of active men on this forum are not so lucky, and I know quite a few guys who never get to indulge in their fetish.

You think it was always easy for me? Talking to women's a daunting prospect, and always will be for any man, but if he applies himself and learns about the game by trying and failing and learning by his mistakes it gets easier. Even when you're somehow concealing your complete terror, as I had to do for years until I started to figure womankind out. Started to figure it out- I never completely succeeded. No straight man can.

But no matter how amazing a man is, unless he's a screen idol or rock star it never will be a question of simply strolling down the street collecting phone numbers- that's something the average woman can do far more easily. (When, Rhiannon, have you or any other woman ever had to ask a man out to dinner and the theatre, pay for it all, and be as perfect as possible all evening hoping that in spite of most of your previous experiences of this nature that he'll permit you to sleep with him?)

Luck's a factor, certainly, but as with anything in life, courage, a deep breath, and yet another attempt will get you further- even when you have to fake being brave.

 

[WorkInProgress]

What Skipadeedoodah says is true. The flip side, though, which she alludes to in her second paragraph, is that not all psychologists are equally "cool" on the subject. My own two-year association with a psychoanalyst in New York ended when I told him that the woman I had just started dating had taken me, along with some friends of hers, to a cheesey S&M bar in the East Village of New York. He was horrified that I had gone there; you'd think I had told him I molested a child, the way he freaked out (and even then, a good professional would have restrained himself more). I'm not sure what the outlook in Spain is; now I'm really getting interested in talking with my old friend in Spain, whose contact data I wish I had, so I can ask him what he thinks and put the OP in touch with him. (The OP of this thread knows both his full name and mine.)