"I learned something today."
- Kyle Broslovski, just about any episode of South Park
Those of you who know me have probably read a few postings of mine in the past regarding the fact that I married a woman who was not one of us. Not only was she not one of us, she did not have much interest in indulging my fetish. We divorced earlier this year. The divorce was not prompted by said lack of indulgence, but it sure didn't help.
Anyway, since then, I've done a lot of soul searching. Heck, I'd done a lot of soul-searching anyway, when things were bad and I was on my own in Seattle during the separation. I've come to several conclusions that I think are going to go a long way towards helping me make peace with myself and ultimately lead to a happier life. These things are important to anyone who shares our fetish, and it is for this reason that I am posting them here. I hope they help some of you, as they helped me... because it took me a long time to realize these truths.
Truth Number One: You cannot truly be happy if you try to be what you are not.
I have a tickle fetish. It's never going to go away.
End of story.
That may seem like a simple acknowledgement, but for many years I always felt like it was some kind of dirty little secret that I needed to suppress. After all, having a fetish is weird. Society says so. If you have one, you probably need therapy. Well, if you like spanking it's okay, because everyone knows that's kinky, but to hell with you if you like something else. Let's all point and laugh at the creepy foot guy, children.
So the logical thing to do is forget about it, right? Just control yourself and live a normal life.
The problem is, that doesn't work. Trust me; I tried to make it work for five years. My wife did not share my fetish, and she did not indulge me to keep me happy. This led to a lot of confusing, depressing feelings of self-guilt; I felt guilty that I wanted to "torture" the woman I loved. I felt guilty that I spent money on tickling videos and then hid them from her, watching them when no one else was around and hoping she didn't come home and catch me doing something "weird". I felt guilty that I spent time here on the TMF, hanging out in the chat room because I wanted to talk about things she couldn't understand. And finally, I felt guilty for socializing with people who shared my interests without her knowledge.
That's alotta guilt. Guilt I should not have had to swallow every time I opened my browser and typed in this URL.
And it all came from the fact that I was hiding something from her... something I felt was distasteful, that I wanted to shield from her. And I felt it was distasteful because it was something I wanted to do that she didn't like. Since I loved her, I shouldn't want that, right?
Truth Number Two: Be yourself. If you accept yourself, others will, too.
When I started dating again, I decided that I was finally going to be up front about my desires. Every time I place an ad in the personals (not here, in places where I have a shot in hell of people responding!), I specify "respondees must be ticklish", or "I have a foot fetish, respondees must be okay with that", or something similar. Why beat around the bush? It's what I want.
And here's the interesting thing - a lot more people will be accepting of your fetishes if you accept them. After all, unless the other person has it themselves, they won't know anything about it. If you're awkward about it and treat it like a dirty little secret, they will too. They're looking to you for guidance. If you're up-front, confident, and state your desires in a simple, matter-of-fact way, even people who aren't into it will be far more willing to experient than if you shuffle your feet, glance furtively around, and then mutter an admittance shamefully.
I didn't think this would work, but it does! If you present something to someone in a way that makes it seem fun and interesting, they'll be willing to try it more often than not. I met a lot of wonderful women who never had any idea how much fun tickling could be - and you know what? The fact that they had fun was the most indescribable of feelings. I mean, it's one thing for the TMF to accept my fetish. We're all in it together, right? But normal, average, everyday, gal-on-the-street type people were accepting it, too - not just accepting it, but wanting to experience it! I was at ease with it, and with myself, and it showed. They wanted to be a part of that.
As sappy as it sounds, you deserve the best out of life. The only way you're going to get it, though, is to go out and take it.
I'm a tickler - and finally, after more years than I'd like to count... I'm proud of it. The next woman I am with is going to be proud of it, too.
You know why?
Because there's no reason for her not to be. There's nothing wrong with it.
Phineas
- Kyle Broslovski, just about any episode of South Park
Those of you who know me have probably read a few postings of mine in the past regarding the fact that I married a woman who was not one of us. Not only was she not one of us, she did not have much interest in indulging my fetish. We divorced earlier this year. The divorce was not prompted by said lack of indulgence, but it sure didn't help.
Anyway, since then, I've done a lot of soul searching. Heck, I'd done a lot of soul-searching anyway, when things were bad and I was on my own in Seattle during the separation. I've come to several conclusions that I think are going to go a long way towards helping me make peace with myself and ultimately lead to a happier life. These things are important to anyone who shares our fetish, and it is for this reason that I am posting them here. I hope they help some of you, as they helped me... because it took me a long time to realize these truths.
Truth Number One: You cannot truly be happy if you try to be what you are not.
I have a tickle fetish. It's never going to go away.
End of story.
That may seem like a simple acknowledgement, but for many years I always felt like it was some kind of dirty little secret that I needed to suppress. After all, having a fetish is weird. Society says so. If you have one, you probably need therapy. Well, if you like spanking it's okay, because everyone knows that's kinky, but to hell with you if you like something else. Let's all point and laugh at the creepy foot guy, children.
So the logical thing to do is forget about it, right? Just control yourself and live a normal life.
The problem is, that doesn't work. Trust me; I tried to make it work for five years. My wife did not share my fetish, and she did not indulge me to keep me happy. This led to a lot of confusing, depressing feelings of self-guilt; I felt guilty that I wanted to "torture" the woman I loved. I felt guilty that I spent money on tickling videos and then hid them from her, watching them when no one else was around and hoping she didn't come home and catch me doing something "weird". I felt guilty that I spent time here on the TMF, hanging out in the chat room because I wanted to talk about things she couldn't understand. And finally, I felt guilty for socializing with people who shared my interests without her knowledge.
That's alotta guilt. Guilt I should not have had to swallow every time I opened my browser and typed in this URL.
And it all came from the fact that I was hiding something from her... something I felt was distasteful, that I wanted to shield from her. And I felt it was distasteful because it was something I wanted to do that she didn't like. Since I loved her, I shouldn't want that, right?
Truth Number Two: Be yourself. If you accept yourself, others will, too.
When I started dating again, I decided that I was finally going to be up front about my desires. Every time I place an ad in the personals (not here, in places where I have a shot in hell of people responding!), I specify "respondees must be ticklish", or "I have a foot fetish, respondees must be okay with that", or something similar. Why beat around the bush? It's what I want.
And here's the interesting thing - a lot more people will be accepting of your fetishes if you accept them. After all, unless the other person has it themselves, they won't know anything about it. If you're awkward about it and treat it like a dirty little secret, they will too. They're looking to you for guidance. If you're up-front, confident, and state your desires in a simple, matter-of-fact way, even people who aren't into it will be far more willing to experient than if you shuffle your feet, glance furtively around, and then mutter an admittance shamefully.
I didn't think this would work, but it does! If you present something to someone in a way that makes it seem fun and interesting, they'll be willing to try it more often than not. I met a lot of wonderful women who never had any idea how much fun tickling could be - and you know what? The fact that they had fun was the most indescribable of feelings. I mean, it's one thing for the TMF to accept my fetish. We're all in it together, right? But normal, average, everyday, gal-on-the-street type people were accepting it, too - not just accepting it, but wanting to experience it! I was at ease with it, and with myself, and it showed. They wanted to be a part of that.
As sappy as it sounds, you deserve the best out of life. The only way you're going to get it, though, is to go out and take it.
I'm a tickler - and finally, after more years than I'd like to count... I'm proud of it. The next woman I am with is going to be proud of it, too.
You know why?
Because there's no reason for her not to be. There's nothing wrong with it.
Phineas
