Why stay?

[tickletherapist]

Over the years Ive been here, Ive read so many stories of folk who feel stuck in a dissatisfying relationship because their s/o doesnt share the kink or worse, they are judgmental of it.

For those who this may apply, what drew you to your spouse and what makes you stay?

People have to understand that they should not be judgmental to their s/os, should accept each other.

 

[chicago]

Attempting to get the thread back on track...

The reason I choose to say can be summed up with a simple quote: "Beggars can't be choosers!"

As a guy, finding a girl who is a) into your kink and b) into you is extremely difficult. If I only had relationships with girls who were into my kink, I'd have 0 relationships. So I take the next best thing. Sure, it's not as satisfying but my options are limited so I go with the flow so to speak. I've had many great experiences with many great women over the years. Nothing will ever top being with a woman who actually has our fetish though. That is on a whole other level. It's something I crave but have never had. Maybe someday I will who knows.

Some of you have been more fortunate. Be grateful you have been and try to understand and do your best to listen to those who haven't.

Thats the thing. Relationships didnt fall into my lap from the sky. Brushing it off as luck is pretty lame. I worked hard to find happiness. Others should too before giving up defeated.

How dare you simply point out something like that!

Clearly being a young woman doesn't give you more options than being an old man. If you look at millions of porn searches done by men on PornHub, they search for 50yo women EXACTLY AS MUCH as 18yo women because age doesn't matter. Also men and women with a tickle fetish have the EXACT SAME odds of finding play because the number of men with a tickle fetish are EXACTLY equal to the number of women.

Next time, if you dare to simply point out that there might be any differences whatsoever, I will get offended and whine about it endlessly while hilariously labeling YOU as the one that's whining!

This is not very nice. People are more than what they look like. The internet is not always a great indicator of real life. Women dont typically watch porn.

Now, i know its easier to look at what everyone else has and think you dont deserve it too or you dont have what it takes to achieve, but you do. Life is too short. Dont give up because your self esteem is low.

Now weve kind of exhausted that off topic shit, lets get back to the main point of this thread.

Thanks for all the replies.

 

[Wolf]

Thats the thing. Relationships didnt fall into my lap from the sky. Brushing it off as luck is pretty lame. I worked hard to find happiness. Others should too before giving up defeated

"You're so lucky, because you're pretty!"
"You're so lucky, because you're a girl!"
"You're so lucky, because you're young!"

Bullshit.

I usually get,

"You're so lucky because you're in a committed relationship with a woman who likes a lot of things you like."

I believe the correct response is, Fuck Dat Shit.
I worked for what I have.

 

[FootballGuy]

Also I love the topic of this discussion. I often wondered since I joined as well how people deal with partners that wont indulge their fetish or just aren't ticklish. I never asked because I didn't want to come off like I was judging them for the decisions they made since my opinion on the subject is wildy different(dealbreaker). But Chicago broached the subject perfectly before it got derailed.

Another interest dynamic I wonder about is what it would be like if two people with this fetish dated but had different specific different likes about it. Like if a foot guy dated an upper body lee etc. That's a pretty interesting dynamic Id like to know about. Would she eventually be into her feet being played with or would she simply tolerate it because she knows the guy will eventually pin her down and tickle her as per her request. Ive only dated one beautiful woman from here for about a year but she enjoyed being tickled everywhere so I did not see that dynamic come into play.

Interesting question. Are you yourself an upper body guy or more of a foot guy? or both maybe?

At first, I was strictly upper body and wasn't into feet but over time it grew on me and now I like it all. I wonder if something similar would happen in your hypothetical scenario.

 

[ISUmark]

Interesting question. Are you yourself an upper body guy or more of a foot guy? or both maybe?

At first, I was strictly upper body and wasn't into feet but over time it grew on me and now I like it all. I wonder if something similar would happen in your hypothetical scenario.

I'm a foot guy but definitely an equal opportunity tickler. If the spot is ticklish ill tickle it lol. If I was with a woman who was really into upper body I would definitely focus my efforts there to satisfy her, but would still need to get a little feet in as well. Definitely would be an interesting dynamic to be sure.

 

[meangry]

Chicago brings up a lot of correct points.

The perception is, if you're an attractive female...you'll have limitless opportunities. That's not the case. As a dude, it's not easy to understand, but then again, I and a lot of ys, don't have to look at every interaction we have with other people under a critical lens because someone is playing a game to try and get in our pants. We don't have a sort of societal view on what role and how we feel about sex beaten into our heads. And...also...just like anyone...finding the right notes that completely satisfy and make you feel comfortable and valued...that's all hard work.

Having been around the community, let me tell you...there's a metric crap ton of extraordinarily beautiful women. It's insane...actually. But they're also...you know...people. Some spent and still spend their lives not feeling comfortable with the aspects of this that they want. Some? They end up in not great relationships and are treated like crap. Yeah...some get play. But knowing them? They all deserve that partner that's going to be their right match...because outside of looks...there's so much more to them that makes them stunning.

 

[FootballGuy]

Well that didn't last long...

The perception is, if you're an attractive female...you'll have limitless opportunities. That's not the case.

Nobody said this. I said it's *easier*. Not easy or "limitless opportunities".

They all deserve that partner that's going to be their right match...because outside of looks...there's so much more to them that makes them stunning.

Again, nobody said otherwise. Looks matter. They do. It's biology. Nobody is claiming personality doesn't matter simply because looks also matter. There are many factors. Looks are absolutely one of those factors. They help. Do you deny that looks matter?


But I'll tell ya what. You and one of your female friends on here should both post in the personals section looking for play and we'll see who has better luck. I'll bet my life she gets 20x the responses you will. This isn't some complaint. I'm just speaking matter-of-factly here. To assert that males and females have exactly the same chances is silly. That's just not the case.

 

[Wolf]

Well that didn't last long...



Nobody said this. I said it's *easier*. Not easy or "limitless opportunities".



Again, nobody said otherwise. Looks matter. They do. It's biology. Nobody is claiming personality doesn't matter simply because looks also matter. There are many factors. Looks are absolutely one of those factors. They help. Do you deny that looks matter?


But I'll tell ya what. You and one of your female friends on here should both post in the personals section looking for play and we'll see who has better luck. I'll bet my life she gets 20x the responses you will. This isn't some complaint. I'm just speaking matter-of-factly here. To assert that males and females have exactly the same chances is silly. That's just not the case.

I wonder if you'd think it was easy, hearing guys whine all the time about how easy you have it.

Let's say your hypothesis (based on the personals section of the TMF and 9th-grade biology) is correct.
What do you suggest be done, to correct this heinous disparity in the search for sexual play?
How should the few women who are, clod and heartless wielders of such awesome power, make it up to you and the thousands of other men here?


BTW, according to your own sig pic, your...approach works roughly 66% of time,
so what's going wrong?
If looks are so important, how come your kickin' bod isn't sealing the deal?

 

[meangry]

Well that didn't last long...

Nobody said this. I said it's *easier*. Not easy or "limitless opportunities".

Actually...you have.

Multiple times.

Maybe not using those words. But you've all but phrased it this way, and feel strongly enough to KEEP posting it while also saying you're not saying it.

Again, nobody said otherwise. Looks matter. They do. It's biology. Nobody is claiming personality doesn't matter simply because looks also matter. There are many factors. Looks are absolutely one of those factors. They help. Do you deny that looks matter?

See...you're already doing it right after you said you weren't.

I'll put it to you this way; see your little signature picture? Why is it your body can look like that yet you still struggle and settle, whereas I, who most of his adult life is at or above three bills, haven't had or felt like I needed to settle in regards to my partners and tickling?

Why would it be, at a gathering, some girl would not hesitate to plop their feet in my lap while they wouldn't for you?

Looks are not everything, nor are their standards.

This is about a psychology and about how you carry yourself. It's how you engage with it. It's how you approach this with a vanilla partner. Every relationship I've ever been in has involved a partner who ends up not only digging tickling, but kinda craves it.

But I'll tell ya what. You and one of your female friends on here should both post in the personals section looking for play and we'll see who has better luck. I'll bet my life she gets 20x the responses you will. This isn't some complaint. I'm just speaking matter-of-factly here. To assert that males and females have exactly the same chances is silly. That's just not the case.

No.

This is a ridiculous experiment. And it doesn't matter. Why would I do that when I can literally pull up my phone and call up someone who I met who hated the very notion of tickling and ask if she wants to get tied up and tickled?

See...here's another thing; this superficial forum comnunication stuff, like going to personals...why would I? The personals section doesn't give me what I want. You think it gives women that feel? I mean...if they want to feel like a piece of meat on the butcher block.

 

[FootballGuy]

I wonder if you'd think it was easy, hearing guys whine all the time about how easy you have it.

I would. Because a lot of my vanilla female friends often calmly point out that guys have it easier in the vanilla dating game and I agree with them. There are more quality women out there in the vanilla world than quality men. Instead of minimizing their concerns and being a dick by telling them they're whining, I tell them I understand (more than they'll ever know) and to keep on trying!

Let's say your hypothesis (based on the personals section of the TMF and 9th-grade biology) is correct.
What do you suggest be done, to correct this heinous disparity in the search for sexual play?
How should the few women who are, clod and heartless wielders of such awesome power, make it up to you and the thousands of other men here?

WTF? "Make it up to me"? LOL. What? Are you unaware of the title of this thread? I pointed out that fact to answer Chicago's original question. Not because I want sympathy or to have it "made up to me". Holy shit dude.

BTW, according to your own sig pic, your...approach works roughly 66% of time, so what's going wrong?
If looks are so important, how come your kickin' bod isn't sealing the deal?

It's a line from How I Met Your Mother. It's a joke.

 

[FootballGuy]

Actually...you have. Multiple times.

Actually, I haven't. Can you quote where I said that even once?

I'll put it to you this way; see your little signature picture? Why is it your body can look like that yet you still struggle and settle, whereas I, who most of his adult life is at or above three bills, haven't had or felt like I needed to settle in regards to my partners and tickling?

Why would it be, at a gathering, some girl would not hesitate to plop their feet in my lap while they wouldn't for you?

To be clear, I have no problem finding women who want to be with me. Just can't find ones who like tickling enough or who have a tickling fetish which is the entire reason I posted in here in the first place before it got derailed because apparently I gave a "wrong" answer to the original question. And for another thing, looks matter less for men than for women. Men and women, in general, do not have the same attraction triggers in the same order.

Looks are not everything, nor are their standards.

I never, ever, EVER said they were. I said they matter.

This is about a psychology and about how you carry yourself. It's how you engage with it. It's how you approach this with a vanilla partner. Every relationship I've ever been in has involved a partner who ends up not only digging tickling, but kinda craves it.

Congrats dude. You've been luckier with finding women into tickling than I have. For some reason, I end up with ones who like it at first and then get sick of it after awhile. Hasn't stopped me from trying. Never will.

No. This is a ridiculous experiment.

LOL! C'mon man, you know damn well who would get more responses.

 

[Wolf]

You've been luckier with finding women into tickling than I have.

Maybe it's not luck.
Maybe it's something different than luck.
Something that takes effort, intelligence, perception, and consideration.

For some reason, I end up with ones who like it at first and then get sick of it after awhile.

Think about that. There's one constant in those scenarios, isn't there?

You know, there's a great quote from Elmore Leonard (via Raylan Givens):

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

 

[FootballGuy]

Maybe it's not luck.
Maybe it's something different than luck.
Something that takes effort, intelligence, perception, and consideration.

Think about that. There's one constant in those scenarios, isn't there?

You know, there's a great quote from Elmore Leonard (via Raylan Givens):

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

I give this troll attempt a 0/10. Not your best material Wolf. Very disappointed.

I'll try this quote on my female friends the next time they bring up their relationship troubles though. I'm sure they'll find it equally helpful.

 

[Wolf]

I give this troll attempt a 0/10. Not your best material Wolf. Very disappointed.

I'll try this quote on my female friends the next time they bring up their relationship troubles though. I'm sure they'll find it equally helpful.

Why do you assume it would be different for women?
If they're whining about the same issue, and whining that the other gender is soooo lucky, and steadfastly refusing to do anything different, it might be good advice.
But you keep doin' what you're doing, I guess.
You may be alone, but at least you're with someone who thinks you're right about everything.

 

[Haptic]

Re the original post though. My boyfriend doesn't share my enthusiasm for tickling. He knows about it, and he thinks its cute (the lee-tending side anyway) but it's not his thing and never will be. It's hard for him to tickle me the way I want him to because he hates being tickled/experiences it as pain and doesn't want to do that to me. So he indulges me with the occasional quick, playful tickle or slow sensual tickles as foreplay and I love those things but there's a part of me that isn't satisfied. He also has sexual interests that I'll never be comfortable following through, but I know about them and accept them as part of him and also try to meet him halfway like he does for me. So I guess both of us are kind of 'settling' and both of us might feel frustrated or unhappy sometimes but I feel like that must exist to some extent in any relationship? Like you're never gonna meet someone who shares your enthusiasm for everything you love (and I'm speaking broadly here, not just sex and tickling) but you're hopefully gonna meet someone who you can share the important stuff with and who loves you for all your quirks even if they don't share them. So I guess for me I stay because I prioritise the other stuff.

 

[duderino84]

Chicago brings up a lot of correct points.

The perception is, if you're an attractive female...you'll have limitless opportunities. That's not the case. As a dude, it's not easy to understand, but then again, I and a lot of ys, don't have to look at every interaction we have with other people under a critical lens because someone is playing a game to try and get in our pants. We don't have a sort of societal view on what role and how we feel about sex beaten into our heads. And...also...just like anyone...finding the right notes that completely satisfy and make you feel comfortable and valued...that's all hard work.

Having been around the community, let me tell you...there's a metric crap ton of extraordinarily beautiful women. It's insane...actually. But they're also...you know...people. Some spent and still spend their lives not feeling comfortable with the aspects of this that they want. Some? They end up in not great relationships and are treated like crap. Yeah...some get play. But knowing them? They all deserve that partner that's going to be their right match...because outside of looks...there's so much more to them that makes them stunning.

People? Naw, ya don't say. Nobody deserves anything, and unlike Chicago, I go by "seeing is believing"; everybody is exactly what you see. Actions over words removes the need for anything to be said, people can clearly display their worth by applying diligence to how they allow themselves to be perceived. Impaired judgment a lot of people have, yet don't know they have it, don't care, and are still looking. Don't believe me? Don't care, let's try to apply it to something, like say, palletizing (work on the brain). You have to stack boxes. You work and see nothing more than a shit load of boxes. You try to stack them and you realize each one fits differently, weighs differently, is taller, narrower, longer, etc. Yet they're still "all boxes" just you never cared until you had to stack them.

I've had plenty of girlfriends who were down for tolerating tickling for me. Did they love it? No; they liked me. Did I get some jollies? Sure. Did I lose a few because personality negated the deal? Of course. Were there days I didn't feel like "performing"? Ya.

One thing I'm realizing is if someone cares, and I mean cares enough to actually show it because your glow will show, who gives a shit how sensitive their feet are. Maybe there's something else in the bag.

 

[P[a]pi]

Hmm... weell beyonce says girls run the world, and in the music video they are all hot chicks, so I'm going to agree that [hot] girls run the world. Now footballguy and chicago are both hot based off their pics, but again all the answers are in the music video.

The guys that beyonce is [dance] battling? against in the music video are also hot, so again hot girls run the world and this includes hot guys. Case closed.

When dealing with this kind of scientific theory it's best to stick to the facts instead of lean on personal experiences. My sources include Dr. Manhattan (he also has abs, so he would know), and Dr. Octopus (has been struggling in the furry scene for a long time now).

 

[tickletherapist]

Re the original post though. My boyfriend doesn't share my enthusiasm for tickling. He knows about it, and he thinks its cute (the lee-tending side anyway) but it's not his thing and never will be. It's hard for him to tickle me the way I want him to because he hates being tickled/experiences it as pain and doesn't want to do that to me. So he indulges me with the occasional quick, playful tickle or slow sensual tickles as foreplay and I love those things but there's a part of me that isn't satisfied. He also has sexual interests that I'll never be comfortable following through, but I know about them and accept them as part of him and also try to meet him halfway like he does for me. So I guess both of us are kind of 'settling' and both of us might feel frustrated or unhappy sometimes but I feel like that must exist to some extent in any relationship? Like you're never gonna meet someone who shares your enthusiasm for everything you love (and I'm speaking broadly here, not just sex and tickling) but you're hopefully gonna meet someone who you can share the important stuff with and who loves you for all your quirks even if they don't share them. So I guess for me I stay because I prioritise the other stuff.

So where do you get the satisfaction that you lack?

 

[dskodj]

Since I been "out of the closet" so to speak, i've not been with anyone that wouldn't accept my foot tickle fetish. That's part of me and my sexuality, if ya can't accept it, you can't accept me. Same for non-sexual aspects about me that someone can't accept.

I was in a relationship once with a gal who was not ticklish at all on her feet, however, cause she knew what my fetish was and wanted to keep me happy sexually, she pretended and did a good acting job during our bedroom time. Now that's meaningful and dare I say a form of love! Sadly, we had to split from each other eventually for reasons beyond our control...other wise, this gal may have very well became my 2nd (and final for life) wife.

 

[piyr]

I stayed to be able to live with and raise my children. I can go on and on about our history leading up to the marriage, mistakes, emotions, likes and dislikes, good times and bad, accommodations or lack thereof, but ultimately it all comes down to the same reason - kids.

 

[Wolf]

I stayed to be able to live with and raise my children. I can go on and on about our history leading up to the marriage, mistakes, emotions, likes and dislikes, good times and bad, accommodations or lack thereof, but ultimately it all comes down to the same reason - kids.

What happens when the kids are grown and moved out?

 

[piyr]

What happens when the kids are grown and moved out?

I honestly can't say. I can answer why I'm doing something now easier than I can answer why I'll do something in the future. At times I've planned in my head to leave but I've also gone the other way. The complexities of a relationship go beyond the sexual relationship but often manifest themselves through the sexual relationship.

 

[PianistBill]

Lucky me my s/o is not ticklish at all and she refuses to tickle me. It sucks. I have to find it elsewhere or not at all and I don't think I could live without tickling

 

[CapturedDoll]

The complexities of a relationship go beyond the sexual relationship but often manifest themselves through the sexual relationship.

Well said.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

why stay???? Well there could be a number of reasons. money, children, no opportunities etc. I'm sure some would leave if there were no consequences with the decision. Sometimes having half of something is better then all of nothing.