Ch-Ch-Changes....

I cry alot.

No really, at least once a day, twice on good days. Thing is, it's not a sad cry. If I see something that particularly affects me, I cry. Yesterday I went to the bookstore and came across a book called "Fireproof". The words in that book were associated with good memories for me, and I cried right there in the store.

I've been shown the ugly side of Tamia. And it is ugly. You know why I think I cry? I think those walls I built up around myself are finally coming down. Trust me, this isn't my own doing. God's been at work here. Little by little, the ugliness is fading.

I couldn't see past that ugliness at one time. I always felt as if I was cruel, hateful, selfish and mean, I was told this as well. Yes, I admit there were many times when I was this way, but that is not who I am. I'm still having a hard time not seeing myself that way. My pastor, my counselor, my friends and family have all separately used the words compassionate, tender-hearted, and caring to describe me....but I still can't see it. I'm so afraid of turning into that person again, and disappointing myself and so many others who have helped me reach this point.

I'm healing, friends, but it's such a struggle. Keep me in your prayers....

Love,
--T