Love confuses me I don't understand it! I also wasted years going after a gay boy!

I feel so naive when it comes to love. I feel people hit on me all the time and I'm too dumb to notice. I'm 22, alone, and would love to have a relationship.Of course one of the main problems is the fact that I was pining over a boy I could never have. He was my best gay friend we did everything together. We had been friends for 7 years and 3 of those years he claimed he was straight. I wanted to ask him out, but I loved him so much I was afraid to ask. I was scared about rejection and him never wanting to see me again. When he came out of the closet I cried a river, but decided I would still be best friends with him, but I still loved him. I didn't try to find any potential mates. I was happy with him. He hadn't had much luck with finding a boyfriend. I had this dumb fantasy that he was one day going to realize he had this gorgeous girl that loved him and we were going to have hot passionate sex. Our friendship was getting really rocky and I was getting really depressed. I loved him so much plus we had been friends for so long I didn't want it to end. I went to counseling to get help. I had started to take Zoloft and right when I was starting to feel better he ended our friendship. I found out he was doing all this stuff with me because he felt he had too. He said I had gotten so depressed and he felt so sorry for me. He said I was too demanding on him and I was draining the life out of him. I do realize I probably was because I was so in love with him. It hurt like hell when my counselor told me I was basically in a sexless relationship with him. I loved him, so much I didn't care if we never had anything romantic. I just wanted to be with him forever. Well I now realize him dropping me was a good thing, but my concept of mating feels seriously fucked up! I'm so lost and confused. It also doesn't help that most of the guys that did hit on me were creepers or jerks. Just thinking about this makes me cry. I need a copy of courtship for dummies. Ugh!