Answer me honestly, gentlemen....

[Mastertank1]

As a man who has had a LOT of female friends who were not lovers,

I have always tried to notice the details of their appearance, and to comment on the changes. If the comment is a compliment, I back it up with details of what change I noticed and why it works better than what she was doing before.
If I really thing the change was not an improvement, quietly and in private I'll explain why I don't think it's an improvement.
I've never gotten a negative reaction from either type of comment.
I think they were mostly happy to know that I was paying that much attention.
I also make a real effort to encourage my women friends not to wear anything that hurts, just to look good.

Mastertank1

We who play and dance are thought mad by they who hear no music.

 

[isabeau]

I have always tried to notice the details of their appearance, and to comment on the changes. If the comment is a compliment, I back it up with details of what change I noticed and why it works better than what she was doing before.
If I really thing the change was not an improvement, quietly and in private I'll explain why I don't think it's an improvement.
I've never gotten a negative reaction from either type of comment.
I think they were mostly happy to know that I was paying that much attention.
I also make a real effort to encourage my women friends not to wear anything that hurts, just to look good.

Mastertank1

We who play and dance are thought mad by they who hear no music.

ahh another perfect gentleman... i am in love..

isabeau

 

[MrPartickler]

Stutter...stutter....stutter. Well ok then. Does it matter if she can form a sentence?

LOL. As easy as it is to make fun of maniac's statements. We know there are plenty of guys who really do want a trophy wife/gf--even if they don't admit it.

As for me I can't add much to this discussion. It's mostly been said. I'll just say (again) that, unless the guy's a "metrosexual," most guys tend only really notice changes/improvements that are <i>significantly</i> different (better or worse)--separated into pretty coarse, general categories.

For instance (being a bit facetious):
1) Excellent (Give wide-eyed stare and perhaps a compliment or more)
2) Good (Say nothing)
3) OK (Say nothing)
4) Bad (HIM [thinking]: <i>How can I say gently this w/o hurting her feelings? Naah, probably not worth it. Just deal.</i> Say nothing. LOL)
5) Awful (HIM: "Can you wear something else?" HER: "Why?" HIM: "I just like the other one better." )

So when ladies do 100 things that only get them from "OK" to "Good" or even from "Bad" to just "Pretty Good".... well, our senses aren't keen enough to detect it. Give it a few million more years of evolution, k? 😀

 

[Italian_Touch]

Apparently I notice many things (so I have been told). So, yes: men do care.
I also realized that, yes, the whole package sometimes take over the slight detail so you cannot always tell what is the specific "detail" that makes the difference.
On the other hand, over makeups that make a girl looking not even human, like a Barbie doll, are quite disturbing.
How a girl wants to "look good" reflects her personality. And this definetly applies for guys too.
So, I step out from the "commercial" idea that you "sell yourself" and that someone else "appreciate" (i.e. "buys") what you show. I do believe this is an unfortunate common culture in dealing with personal relationships. You represent who you think you are at your best. Some people will like you, others not. But it is for what you are (and how you express yourself) and not just for how you look.
If you look fake, you'll be approached that way. If you look self-aware, the same. Lame, the same.

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

Appreciate it!?? Hell...I grew UP with it....

My mother NEVER left the house without having herself fully together....and by fully together, I'm talkin' about head to toe....she would begin prepping the night BEFORE if she knew she had to be somewhere the next day. She liked taking her time, and she did it for herself. And by the time she was finished, you'd never guess she was a woman of her age who'd had 5 children.

That woman made men HALF her age look twice and wince reverently....so...believe me, I more than appreciate the trouble any woman goes through to make herself beautiful...PROVIDED she is doing it for herself FIRST..and everyone else after the fact. Those are the ones who look damn good without that air of 'Am I impressing you?'

 

[Italian_Touch]

PROVIDED she is doing it for herself FIRST..and everyone else after the fact. Those are the ones who look damn good without that air of 'Am I impressing you?'

Precisely!

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

Precisely!

The same could be said for weight loss....I mean...alright...here it is...my PSA for the day...right here...my first for this forum:

LADIES OF THE TMF...LEND ME YER EARS (EYES....you know what I'm sayin'...):

For those ladies here who maybe fret or worry or concern themselves with their weight....do me (if for NO ONE else in your lifetime) a solid favor.....STOP IT.....just STOP IT.....the ONLY REASONS I'd accept for such a concern would be:

a) It's becoming a clinical health concern
b) who can afford all those new clothes!!!???

...the addendum to 'b' would be....if you lose weight, yeah...you might be spending money on new clothes anyhoo.....but, that tends to feel a bit better.

.....regardless, there have been TOO many women in the last 2 decades who've tried in vain to lose whatever weight they've gained in the hopes to gain the eye or affections of a love interest. It's ONE thing to have that as an 'in-the-back-of-my-mind' motivation, maybe....but as a TOTAL motive!?? Uh-uh....guess what...it's doomed to failure before you've picked up that first carrot stick or fished out yer purses to pay for that gym membership.

So...STOP IT....recognize your worth AS YOU ARE....even if you DO feel a smidge less than perfect......guess what....EVERYONE has imperfections...it's how we deal with our OWN that enables/disables us from dealing with everyone else's. If YOU feel beautiful.....you ARE....and if you DON'T.....ya better start finding it in yourself to obtain that feeling....'cuz that's what radiates to the world around you. Feel it for yourself, and it IS for yourself....and if someone else sees that in you? A splendid bonus.... 🙂

 

[isabeau]

The same could be said for weight loss....I mean...alright...here it is...my PSA for the day...right here...my first for this forum:

LADIES OF THE TMF...LEND ME YER EARS (EYES....you know what I'm sayin'...):

For those ladies here who maybe fret or worry or concern themselves with their weight....do me (if for NO ONE else in your lifetime) a solid favor.....STOP IT.....just STOP IT.....the ONLY REASONS I'd accept for such a concern would be:

a) It's becoming a clinical health concern
b) who can afford all those new clothes!!!???

...the addendum to 'b' would be....if you lose weight, yeah...you might be spending money on new clothes anyhoo.....but, that tends to feel a bit better.

.....regardless, there have been TOO many women in the last 2 decades who've tried in vain to lose whatever weight they've gained in the hopes to gain the eye or affections of a love interest. It's ONE thing to have that as an 'in-the-back-of-my-mind' motivation, maybe....but as a TOTAL motive!?? Uh-uh....guess what...it's doomed to failure before you've picked up that first carrot stick or fished out yer purses to pay for that gym membership.

So...STOP IT....recognize your worth AS YOU ARE....even if you DO feel a smidge less than perfect......guess what....EVERYONE has imperfections...it's how we deal with our OWN that enables/disables us from dealing with everyone else's. If YOU feel beautiful.....you ARE....and if you DON'T.....ya better start finding it in yourself to obtain that feeling....'cuz that's what radiates to the world around you. Feel it for yourself, and it IS for yourself....and if someone else sees that in you? A splendid bonus.... 🙂

well that is a fantastic answer..however i always try to keep my weight down, but i do that for me, and no one else.. you are a true gentleman

isabeau

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

..however i always try to keep my weight down, but i do that for me, and no one else..

isabeau

....and THAT, dear Izzy.....is the key. All the most successful weight loss stories were direct results of one who was simply sick and tired of being overweight and just up and did something about it.

....and in all fairness...I've seen/known many women who were plus-sized that were absolute stunners.....in AND out. My wife and I have been taking measures to 'lose some measurements....' lol....but I can honestly tell you this....regardless of how SHE sees herself, my eyes just don't see it the same way. To me, she's a goddess; just as she easily overlooks my added pounds.

....and...for the record....we're losing weight together so we can be even closer (bodily) when we're....err...well...you know... 😉

 

[isabeau]

....and THAT, dear Izzy.....is the key. All the most successful weight loss stories were direct results of one who was simply sick and tired of being overweight and just up and did something about it.

....and in all fairness...I've seen/known many women who were plus-sized that were absolute stunners.....in AND out. My wife and I have been taking measures to 'lose some measurements....' lol....but I can honestly tell you this....regardless of how SHE sees herself, my eyes just don't see it the same way. To me, she's a goddess; just as she easily overlooks my added pounds.

....and...for the record....we're losing weight together so we can be even closer (bodily) when we're....err...well...you know... 😉

well hon.. good luck to you both.. i always try to stay slender, but i do it for myself and not what others think of me....... i'll be thinking of you both. xoxo

isabeau

 

[Italian_Touch]

I know I will get unpopular...

recognize your worth AS YOU ARE....even if you DO feel a smidge less than perfect......guess what....EVERYONE has imperfections...it's how we deal with our OWN that enables/disables us from dealing with everyone else's. If YOU feel beautiful.....you ARE....and if you DON'T.....ya better start finding it in yourself to obtain that feeling....'cuz that's what radiates to the world around you. Feel it for yourself, and it IS for yourself....and if someone else sees that in you? A splendid bonus.... 🙂

I agree with the spirit of the first part of your post but, sorry, I really do not agree with the quoted part.

You mentioned two points:
health concerns: this is a solid rational motivation. Guess what? It doesn't work for the most. If it was, nobody would smoke cigarettes, AIDS wouldn't kill anybody at all, alchool addiction would not exist.
money: well, I take as *almost* a joke (even if it is true).

I read some sneakiness behind that *smidge less than perfect* statement. If you really think it is a smidge less you would not worry. If you worry it is because you look at the mirror and you do not recognize yourself as the person you think you are. I said "think you are", not "want to be", which is a completely different story and that could lead to self destructive behaviors (like: I want weight this much, have the hair of this color, the lips so big, the nose this way, etc.).

Being overweight (with rare exceptions, which are usually medical conditions), as well as smoking or other habits, is not something that God sent you and that cannot be dealt with. IF it is something that you REALLY want to deal for YOURSELF, not for other ones (i.e. to feel more accepted, to please somebody or something, to show off how good you are in achieving self imposed goals, etc.), it can be done.
You don't have to do that, as well as you don't have to force in reassuring yourself that you SHOULD feel good for it: it would be like trying to get control over one of your own deepest feelings (the self perception) and try to bend it to your will ("cause I know I can feel good!"). It is wrong. You can run but you can't hide: if you are not truly and naturally satisfied your insatisfaction will come out in other aspects of your personality and it could be bad for you. This is a general thought, it applies to many things.

I have friends who are struggling with overweight (and other ones that are perfectly fine with it and just laugh at it!). I have never dealt with weight gain/loss myself but I did with smoking. It took years of self training and self awareness. But at last I won, after many defeats.

These are steps that might require many many many years. Sometimes, some shocking event to get started. Also because there is nothing bad being over/under weight per se, and people can be very happy with it, as well as there are people that are attracted to it. But it does not mean that if you feel good, you should expect that everybody will like you.

I can feel like George Clooney (really, I try hard!) but I do not get as much success as he does!

Said all that, of course, there are other very important factors (and actually more important factors), than "n" more or less pounds (more or less than WHAT? ... but that's another story...) that matter in personal relationships.

 

[unit5610]

I've always admired women who obviously care about their appearance and I try to do the same myself. I think that's one of the most important and sexy traits a women can have, right up there with a great sense of humor. It's one of the reasons I ended up with my wife...she was always concientious of her appearance. The fact that she was quite heavy when we met and married was of no consequence whatsoever because she looked good anyway and was (and remains) a wonderful and caring person after 20 years of marriage. She makes a special effort to look good for me, in addition to for herself, which I really appreciate.
So yes, I think men do care about this perhaps more than people realize.

 

[maniactickler]

Stutter...stutter....stutter. Well ok then. Does it matter if she can form a sentence?

as long as she can carry on a reasonable conversation, that works for me. high intelligence isnt that important to me.

 

[BellaRisa]

as long as she can carry on a reasonable conversation, that works for me. high intelligence isnt that important to me.

And

i need a woman who wants to look good 24/7. even when shes sleeping. shallow you say? probably yes, but thats what i like.

You were in that thread from awhile ago about how TMF girls don't answer personal ads and how hard it is to find a hot girl into tickling. There's a shock 🙄

Bella

 

[slacker2114]

Want proof that we notice? Stop doing it for awhile and watch how fast the "what the hell happened to you?" comments start rolling in. Believe me, we notice. Men just tend not to think of how much effort goes into such things since we don't do anything of the sort. Me, I shower, shave, dress, throw on cologne and I'm ready to rock. We're clueless creatures. Cut us some slack, will ya?

Oh and Jami, the next time someone says you're too fat to be seen in public, do me a favor...kick'em square in the crotch and tell them slacker sends his regards.

 

[Italian_Touch]

Oh and Jami, the next time someone says you're too fat to be seen in public, do me a favor...kick'em square in the crotch and tell them slacker sends his regards.

I pledge my regards too if you feel like a second kick

 

[Redmage]

Do you REALLY appreciate all we women do to try and look good?

I ask cause guys never seem to notice.

I notice. I try to say something too, but I'm reasonably sure that I don't notice everything a woman is doing (actually I think that some of it I'm not supposed to notice).

I seem to recall a white nightgown that got a pretty good reaction from me.

On the other hand I can think of women who've actually gotten upset with me when I told them I thought they were sexy. 😛oke3:

We've been talking about complimenting women for looking good, and I think it's important to understand that compliments from (straight) men and women are qualitatively different.

"My God, you're beautiful" comes to mind for me. But I was inspired then so I may not be typical. And strictly speaking I'm not straight.

 

[ElephantEye]

Do you REALLY appreciate all we women do to try and look good?

I ask cause guys never seem to notice.

I'm sitting here right now with some of that "at home chemical peel" stuff on my face to reduce the size of my wrinkles and help clear up the acne and it got me thinking - do men know or care that we do this stuff? Sure, we do it partly to make ourselves feel good, but we also do it for you.

We wax - sometimes extremely tender areas.

We shave.

We pluck.

We dye.

We wear uncomfortable shoes that make us want to cry.

We spend money we don't have on products to burn off the top layer of skin, fry off our hair, on pedicures, manicures - and some of those nail care people are REALLY rough, I've gone away crying. Hot wax dips.

And if we get any praise at all, it's a grunted "Hm, nice" and that's it.

Do you guys like it? Or shall we all just give up?

You know, just once it would be nice after I've spent a great deal of time on makeup, and pre-makeup beauty treatments like the peel, to have a guy come up and say, "I'm not saying this to come on to you, but I appreciate the time you took to try and look pretty, and you succeeded."

Well, maybe not those exact words, but something along those lines sure would make me feel good and make me more likely to do it in the future rather then just shower, shampoo, and pretty much otherwise go out "as is."

I appreciate it! However, other than the waxing, I think most women look best when the don't go overboard on the makeup, hairspray, & wacky fashions, haircuts, diets, etc. See Lindsay Lohan as anorexic, pancaked blonde, rather than curvy, glowing, natural redhead. So, I guess this a bit of a contradictory answer.

Sure, dress up for special occasions, and there's nothing quite like a sexy business suit combined with an expensive haircut, manicure, and pedicure. And please keep waxing! 😉

But, I think most guys think most women look best healthy, active, confident, & casual. Hard to beat tight T-shirts & jeans on a fit body(and there are all kinds of fit bodies), topped off by a big smile. I see dozens of girls every day at the park or bookstore, that are far more attractive than the high-maintenance Hollywood queens. No one would look twice at most of them if they weren't famous.

As for giving women compliments on their looks that aren't come-ons; I've done it but it's a minefield. You have to be very careful in a work environment. In other situations, I've gotten both positive & very negative reactions.

But in a relationship, there's no excuse for a guy not noticing, and giving lots of non-sexual compliments & affection.

Hope this helps!

 

[Stugots]

While I do appreciate the effort women put forth into making themselves look good, it isn't for us guys. Honestly, I think women put forth the effort to out-do other women.

 

[Redmage]

While I do appreciate the effort women put forth into making themselves look good, it isn't for us guys. Honestly, I think women put forth the effort to out-do other women.

Out-do other women by what measure? I might be wrong, but I think the standard they go by is how attractive men find them.

 

[toneus79]

Flashy coloration among males in the animal world is a way of indicating reproductive fitness: good genes, and good health. Modern human males show their "reproductive fitness" in other ways: more like confidence, power, social status, and money.

Whisper Psst..... Lindy, that comment was shallow and creepy, take it back while you still can

 

[maniactickler]

And

i need a woman who wants to look good 24/7. even when shes sleeping. shallow you say? probably yes, but thats what i like.

You were in that thread from awhile ago about how TMF girls don't answer personal ads and how hard it is to find a hot girl into tickling. There's a shock 🙄

Bella

They must all be intimidated by me.

 

[maniactickler]

Out-do other women by what measure? I might be wrong, but I think the standard they go by is how attractive men find them.

Stu is right, its all about impressing other women.

 

[Fidji999]

hey, great topic and lots of very interesting replies here. I really enjoyed reading through this and most of the comments 100% reflect the experiences I made so far. Guys do appreciate nice looks but I believe they go for the overall package much more than for details, which most of them honestly don't notice. I had guys in my office telling me they like my new hair colour 2 weeks after I had changed it. 🙂 Or one thing I will never forget, a very good male friend of mine whom I saw almost every day - I had started to wear contact lenses instead of eyeglasses about a month before one day he looked at me and said: did you change your eye make up?
But I also had guys telling me, hey, you look great today when I did nothing special at all, but I was in a great mood that day and obviously "glowing" from the inside and to be honest, those are the compliments I appreciate the most.
I, for example pay special attention to having perfect nails all the time, just because I really like that and I do get lots of compliments for my nails - but only from women. But this is nice too, isn't it?
On the other hand, I would never wear makeup, I would never leave the house without eyeliner and mascara, but for no event ever would I put on makeup. I just can't stand that stuff in my face and no matter how good it would possibly make me look, it would make me feel uncomfortable, so I wouldn't even do it if I knew a guy likes it.
So my bottom line, like many others' before - do what YOU feel good about, don't do anything just for others and definitely don't do anything eagerly expecting reactions, that will unfortunately most of the time leave you disappointed. 🙂

fidji

 

[Knox The Hatter]

high intelligence isnt that important to me.

Right. It shouldn't be.

It would seem that one of the "metrosexuals", as bandied about on "Queer Eye", would truly appreciate everything a woman puts into her appearance, since they make that effort themselves. However, you know what's sexy to me? Jeans and a sweatshirt, and Converse All-Stars. If I saw you making that effort for me, that's very nice indeed, but the truth is, my tastes are very down to earth...