Carsomyr's Lost Journal

[Carsomyr]

DUDE, FREAKIN EPIC!!!!!

Please continue this! For the sake of my ability to genuinely laugh, I implore thee. Deal with the pain and write!

EDIT: BTW, what exactly qualifies as a "mating signal"? If a signal could be that the fire hydrant is blushing a bright red or is geting very wet by your presence then I think those would qualify. 😛

Haha, thanks man! XD

I'll try my best, I mean I already rejected my sanity LONG before this month, so there's not much else that the lack of alcohol can take away from me anyway! 😀

As for your edit... LMAO!
Yes, those would be clear mating signals, I suppose... XP

Yep. 😛 What do you mean when you say it sounds convenient?
lol. xD Sorry, but I'm not against the song. 🙂 I like it, I just don't like the fact how easy it can get stuck in your head.

Yeah, I saw that. 🙂

Well to put it another way, I can only imagine when Joseph Smith tried to sell that pitch to his followers: "...and uh, some more prominent Mormons, uh, like myself of course, should be allowed to marry several women and establish our personal harem! Why, you ask? Because... well... God wills it, now shut up and pray!"
But then again, I just think it's obvious that Mr. Smith made the whole religion up to achieve personal wealth and success. He also had several wives, so it's fairly clear he just put that polygamy thing in there simply because he could. While I don't like the idea of polygamy myself, if he's going to teach it then at least say it's ok for everyone. What REALLY rubs me the wrong way is that it's reserved for more "prominent" Mormons and that only they have the "right". Sounds just like the excuses that rich people use to claim that they shouldn't be taxed: "We provide the jobs for everyone else, so we're more important than you."
Sorry for the mini-rant, but you asked. 😛

As for the song, you'll get tired of it eventually! 😀

Holy shit this is just about the single greatest thing I've ever read!


Oh my poor poor twinny...you never cease to amaze me. XD

And you do look quite dashing in that picture, although the look on your face suggests to me that you saw the spawn of Satan. 😉

I didn't see the spawn of Satan! D: I AM the spawn of Satan! Or well actually, I'm too badass for that. When I get out of bed in the morning and put my feet down on the floor, Satan looks up from Hell and goes "Oh crap, he's awake!" 😎

xD

this is why I never plan on drinking

Eh, that's what I used to say too. Give it time... 😉

But seriously, it doesn't have to be either or. Just because you drink you don't have to drink all the time, and you don't have to get insanely drunk either. My escapades have actually led me to make a lot of new friends, and given me memories for life, so again, I advice you not to look at it in black and white. 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

Day 18
Ok, today I would like to address the FAKE entry which was put out there by a certain tricksy Canadian... (I have attached the fake entry below)

First of all, I have never been to jail (well, not voluntarily at least), and I would never, EVER rape a fire hydrant! It's all consensual with me, and so unless the fire hydrant gives me clear mating signals then I won't go there!

I would also like to remind you that Mr. Carlsberg is no longer with us, so there is no way I could have "licked his label" (dude, Snail Shell is such a perv!) without getting glass shards all over my tongue. So don't listen to that vile Canadian; he is just trying to discredit me as usual!

That is all. Thank you.

I disagree.



Snail Shell

 

[Sweed]

Well to put it another way, I can only imagine when Joseph Smith tried to sell that pitch to his followers: "...and uh, some more prominent Mormons, uh, like myself of course, should be allowed to marry several women and establish our personal harem! Why, you ask? Because... well... God wills it, now shut up and pray!"
But then again, I just think it's obvious that Mr. Smith made the whole religion up to achieve personal wealth and success. He also had several wives, so it's fairly clear he just put that polygamy thing in there simply because he could. While I don't like the idea of polygamy myself, if he's going to teach it then at least say it's ok for everyone. What REALLY rubs me the wrong way is that it's reserved for more "prominent" Mormons and that only they have the "right". Sounds just like the excuses that rich people use to claim that they shouldn't be taxed: "We provide the jobs for everyone else, so we're more important than you."
Sorry for the mini-rant, but you asked. 😛

As for the song, you'll get tired of it eventually! 😀

Haha, I see. xD But as I said, I haven't heard anything about that. 😛 ^^ Maybe they've just hidden that part from me? X'P

How do you know? 😀

 

[Carsomyr]

I disagree.



Snail Shell

Bah, what do you know, Canadian?

😛

Haha, I see. xD But as I said, I haven't heard anything about that. 😛 ^^ Maybe they've just hidden that part from me? X'P

How do you know? 😀

Sounds like another mystery to solve! 😀 😛

And I know, because I think I've got you figured out by now...



Day 19
Long day at the university today. Afterwards I figured I deserved a reward, so on the way home I stopped by the store to buy some precious, heavenly, and utterly delivious m&m's! (Obvious plug for our anti-skittle movement is obvious) Unfortunately, this meant a small detour, and I had to walk by the liquor store as well...

Outside were these douchy high school kids, there were three of them sharing ONE can of beer, and they were all acting like they were about to pass out or something. Is there a word for people like that? There should be, because it's fucking embarrassing... I didn't care about that in the moment though, because well, they had BEER! Apparently they had never seen a bearded man laugh manically and then starting to take strides towards them, because despite their supposed drunkedness they seemed rather upset. Ah well... Then I spotted the brand on their beer-can. It made me stop dead in my track... 'twas was the dreaded Carlsberg again!

Damn it! I thought I had killed the bastard! But before I lost my cool I decided to swiftly retreat back home. I'm fine now, but my body was still shaking when I reached for some soothing m&m goodness, so opening the bag proved more difficult than expected... I'm probably going to find random m&m's in my house for years now; those things sure know how to roll!

 

[Sweed]

Sounds like another mystery to solve! 😀 😛

And I know, because I think I've got you figured out by now...

Yep. 😎 xD

Oh really? And what does that say about me getting "tired" of it?

Day 19
Long day at the university today. Afterwards I figured I deserved a reward, so on the way home I stopped by the store to buy some precious, heavenly, and utterly delivious m&m's! (Obvious plug for our anti-skittle movement is obvious) Unfortunately, this meant a small detour, and I had to walk by the liquor store as well...

Outside were these douchy high school kids, there were three of them sharing ONE can of beer, and they were all acting like they were about to pass out or something. Is there a word for people like that? There should be, because it's fucking embarrassing... I didn't care about that in the moment though, because well, they had BEER! Apparently they had never seen a bearded man laugh manically and then starting to take strides towards them, because despite their supposed drunkedness they seemed rather upset. Ah well... Then I spotted the brand on their beer-can. It made me stop dead in my track... 'twas was the dreaded Carlsberg again!

Damn it! I thought I had killed the bastard! But before I lost my cool I decided to swiftly retreat back home. I'm fine now, but my body was still shaking when I reached for some soothing m&m goodness, so opening the bag proved more difficult than expected... I'm probably going to find random m&m's in my house for years now; those things sure know how to roll!

LOL!

 

[Carsomyr]

Oh really? And what does that say about me getting "tired" of it?

It means it will just take a while 🙂p), but trust me, you will be... 😎

 

[Angel77]

New journal entry!

Day 17
I've found a way to get drunk without alcohol! Yes! SERIOUSLY!!! You sit down in the computer chair and spin it around, fast! Do this repeatedly and you'll get real' sick too, just like you had one too many! Awesome, I spent all day doing this, until I lost coordination entirely; what happened was... I stepped out of the chair, and then I somehow managed to stumble into the wall face-first. My head hurts like a bitch now...

I hate imaginary hangovers.

LOLOL! You're a goof!

 

[Big_Dogg85]

ROFLMAO!!! I hate when something explodes out of a bag... We should seriously begin an "Anti-Childproof Seals" movement for your M&Ms fiasco! 😛

MY NAME IS BIG AND I AM OPPOSED TO CHILD-PROOF SEALS FOR ADULTS: EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY'RE NEEDED, THEY'RE STILL A GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS BEFORE AND AFTER THE RIP!

😀

 

[Sweed]

It means it will just take a while 🙂p), but trust me, you will be... 😎

Nope, I won't. 😉 😎

 

[Carsomyr]

LOLOL! You're a goof!

Thank you most kindly! XD

ROFLMAO!!! I hate when something explodes out of a bag... We should seriously begin an "Anti-Childproof Seals" movement for your M&Ms fiasco! 😛

MY NAME IS BIG AND I AM OPPOSED TO CHILD-PROOF SEALS FOR ADULTS: EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY'RE NEEDED, THEY'RE STILL A GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS BEFORE AND AFTER THE RIP!

😀

The best humour is building up scenarios that you can relate to! 😀 😉 But yes, it truly DOES suck! XD That's why I usually use a scissor or a knife these days. You know, just in case... XD

But yeah, we should start like a facebook group or something!

Nope, I won't. 😉 😎

Dum dum dum?

 

[Sweed]

Dum dum dum?

*sings along* 😀

 

[goddess_nemesis]

You're so weird. 😛

 

[Carsomyr]

*sings along* 😀

You just wait... 😉 XD

You're so weird. 😛

Really? I am?!?

 

[Sweed]

You just wait... 😉 XD

What? xD Aren't I even allowed to sing along with you?

 

[Carsomyr]

What? xD Aren't I even allowed to sing along with you?

What I meant is you'll get tired of it anyway - ESPECIALLY if you start singing it! 😛 But no, that's right, you're not!



Day 20
Right, well, I have finally managed to collect my thoughts! That WAS Mr. Carlsberg I saw out on town yesterday, no doubt about it! I've spend the day on Wikipedia, and it looks like Mr. Carlsberg is part of a Danish conspiracy of some sort. I'm not sure of it's exact nature or purpose, but they are situated in Copenhagen. I couldn't care less about the Danish conspiracy at the moment, but I'm pretty sure that Carlsberg fellow is out to get me... Gotta be a personal vendetta or something!

Anyway, I know what needs to be done now. I need to stop this problem at it's root, or that asshole is just going to come back again and again! At first I thought of blowing up the Carlsberg brewery so he can't reincarnate, but my brilliant mastermind has just come up with an even better plan; I am going to Denmark to kidnap MRS Carlsberg!

I shall leave first thing in the morning. Until then I must start packing! As we all know, Danish people suffer from chronic shortness and speaking in tongues. I wonder if I'll have to bring oxygen tanks to avoid infection, or if it's enough with a simple gas mask. I considered one of those cloth thingies you cover your mouth with, but that sure as hell doesn't seem to have helped the Chinese...

 

[Carsomyr]

...and so the plot thickens:

Day 21
I now realize the scope of what I’ve gotten myself into. I will need help... Luckily, as I hitchhiked down to Copenhagen today I got picked up by a guy who calls himself Adam. He looks eerily familiar, but I can’t quite place him in a context… I told him about my quest, and apparently he knows all sorts of things about “the Carlsberg Group” as he calls them. He has hinted that this conspiracy goes deeper than I had thought, but he has agreed to help me search for the evasive Mrs Carlsberg.

Adam tells me that the Carlsberg Group is made up by evil corporate CEO’s, and if we cross their paths I must never, EVER look them in the eyes or they will feed on my innocent soul, turned frail and weak by the many social welfare programmes of my country. I must admit I’m a little scared now...

Above: Your average member of the Carlsberg Group, as described by my new friend Adam. I still can’t believe anyone who drinks would be that evil!

As I write this we are approaching the Danish border. I assume we’ll get checked in customs, so I shall end my entry for today. Let it be known, though, that I fear for my life. I don’t want to die in Denmark. Denmark fucking sucks! And I can’t believe I got into all of this just because I refused to drink alcohol for a month!

Somehow I’m sure this is all Sweed’s fault.

 

[Sweed]

Crazy as usual. xD

And hey, how could it be MY fault? You're just, once again, trying to find non-existing excuses to blame me! 😛
Hmm, I shouldn't be surprised really. 😱 xD

 

[AmandaBear]

I didn't see the spawn of Satan! D: I AM the spawn of Satan! Or well actually, I'm too badass for that. When I get out of bed in the morning and put my feet down on the floor, Satan looks up from Hell and goes "Oh crap, he's awake!" 😎

xD

Does he really now?

 

[ticklishangel52]

Insane asylum! How may I help you?

 

[Carsomyr]

Crazy as usual. xD

And hey, how could it be MY fault? You're just, once again, trying to find non-existing excuses to blame me! 😛
Hmm, I shouldn't be surprised really. 😱 xD

I've figured it out now... 😛 Remember how I said Danes are short and speak in tongues? Well, YOU'RE short, and make almost no sense at all when you open that tooth-box of yours!

You're a Dane posting under a cleverly disguised username! 😱 This HAS to be you're fault! You're working against me!

Does he really now?

Yah, he's scared shitless of me!

Insane asylum! How may I help you?

Never drink Carlsberg, that's how you can help! 😛 Because, people... get ready for something terrible... I just did some further digging... prepare for my next entry! 😱




Day 22
We got past the Danish border unharmed! Foreigners aren't allowed in Denmark, but we looked as confusing and incomprehensible as we could to be taken for natives. You may think this seems rather prejudiced of us, but hey, it worked! Besides, the Danish situation has been on international news in the past, I know because I saw it on youtube.

Anyway, after reaching Copenhagen we immediately started our investigation outside the Carlsberg brewery. I was dressed in a clever disguise, but Adam unfortunately hadn't prepared a secondary outfit...

Above: Me and Adam outside the brewery's main gates. Yes, they have two frickin' ELEPHANT statues for decoration! Anyway, what we found will both shock and disgust you...

OH MY GOD! SWASTIKA! A swastika on the elephant! And that's not all!

The pieces are falling in place... As you can see in the first picture, there is a latin saying written on the top of the gates (because again, Danish is less comprehensible than Latin). "Laboremus pro patria" roughly translates as "let us work for the fatherland"... The Carlsberg group is clearly much more sinister than even Adam had thought! My friends, I have found myself right in the middle of a Danish Nazi Capitalist (and possibly Hindu) conspiracy! I will try to uncover even more, but... pray for me.

 

[Sweed]

^

I've figured it out now... 😛 Remember how I said Danes are short and speak in tongues? Well, YOU'RE short, and make almost no sense at all when you open that tooth-box of yours!

You're a Dane posting under a cleverly disguised username! 😱 This HAS to be you're fault! You're working against me!

Lol. xD And why would that tease me? There's nothing wrong about Danes, plus there's nothin logical in your arguments. X'P Or maybe the first one about being short, but not otherwise. 😉

 

[AmandaBear]

The Danes are Nazis? 😱

 

[Carsomyr]

Lol. xD And why would that tease me? There's nothing wrong about Danes, plus there's nothin logical in your arguments. X'P Or maybe the first one about being short, but not otherwise. 😉

That's what a member of a Danish beer-conspiracy WOULD have said! I'm on to you...

The Danes are Nazis? 😱

At least the guys at Carlsberg, yes! 😱

 

[Carsomyr]

Day 23
Alright I admit, me and Adam are stuck. The police won’t let us near the Carlsberg gates anymore after we began stalking everyone who walked through them. Now we need to look for leads elsewhere, but we just don’t know where to start!

I mean, the swastikas are there for the naked eye to see, but I think we need some additional expertise to crack this case. We need a code-breaker who can see patterns and conspiracies even when there seemingly are none. A man so skilled that he seems to create proof out of nothing, if you will.

We must acquire the assistance of Glenn Beck!

 

[Carsomyr]

Day 24
After quickly booking a flight (that Adam fellow sure has a lot of money) we crossed the American border today. Honestly, I don’t understand why people make such a big deal out of the US airport security… They just asked for our nationality, and after we had replied that we were “definitely not Canadian” they let us through.

We tried contacting Mr Beck through his job, and I was surprised to learn that Fox News has their headquarters located in New York City, right in the middle of all the latte-drinking, volvo-driving gays and liberals. I guess it is a defiant stance against the enemy? In any case, we eventually found Mr Beck in his room. He must've been upset over something, because the poor man was crying. We didn't have time for that though, but told him of our situation and showed him all our pictures for proof! He was just as horrified as we were, and gave us some interesting input.

Mr Beck tells us that the roundness of a Carlsberg bottleneck EXACTLY correlates in shape and size to those caste dots that people from India have on their foreheads. Hindu’s are definitely involved in this conspiracy, just like we had suspected! Furthermore, Mr Beck suggests that the “hind” in “hindu” means that they will probably be the first ones to try and HINDER our investigation; could the Hindu's actually be the masterminds behind all of this?

Mr. Beck did not have time to talk to us any longer, because he said that he had to "go back to practicing for TV", whatever that means... But we booked another meeting with him for tomorrow!