Dolls, Diplomas, and Diplomacy.
Ok guys, I thought I might chime in here. So far it seems like I may be the only non-Christian (but was not always that way) that has posted anything, with the exception of Mairead. The basic rule that I live by is "hamr non and do as you will". In my path, the Goddess empowers us to make our own decisions and, basically, take responsibility for whatever comes of that decision. I'm totally fine with that. But we take great pride and enjoyment out of celebrating things, spending time with each other, making each other laugh, etc. I don't think that any amount of playful tickling could really do any harm, unless of course, the 'lee doesn't want it. But as has been said before by many, as long as the adults are consenting, could it really do any harm? I wouldn't feel that, if I were actually able to tickle someone, that I'd need to go to my altar and beg for forgiveness from the Goddess. In my mind and my belief, she'd probably wanna give me a high five! Just my thoughts, as scattered as they may be.
Of course it could. It's a concept so basic that it approaches absurdity. The world is not localized to just TWO people or however many are engaged in the activity although they may consent for a time. Just because something feels good at the time does not make it good. If it was then I have about 20 pounds that I should be able to get back from the Ice Cream man.
Tickling it is simplest playful form is inherently neutral. The way in which we approach any activity with the motives and convictions in our hearts is what makes most things (not obviously wrong or obviously right) right or wrong and can ratify that which may seem evil, and can condemn that which may seem holy. Well Pastor, what do you mean by that? Well if you kill someone because they were about to rape and murder a child, then you are not committing an act of murder. But even if you offer a sacrifice in abundance to glorify self over the lord you are doing wrong. Another more secular example would be to say that you support uplifting the impoverished when your true heart motive is to consume and consolidate power and you really don't give a flying flip about anyone but yourself.
Now the Question before us is: “Can Ticking between two consenting adults be harmful?” The answer is, YES. It can be very harmful. If the person is married and the person that is consenting to tickle in a way beyond casual playfulness devoid of any sexual connotation with them is not the person that they are married to then yes it is VERY DAMAGING. Two people unmarried engaging in involved tickle play is damaging.
To consider the damage or harm caused by sexual actions of any kind outside the context of marriage it is first necessary to understand the IMPORTANCE of the foundation of fidelity in society. Not the PERCIEVED importance, but the Actuall importance. You can believe all you want that you can fly but step off the side of a building and see what happens.
The rearing of children is fundamentally incumbent on the presence and participation of two fulltime parents, period. Modern Psychology confirms this for us over and over and over and over again. I read a very detailed secular poem today entitled "Dolls to Diplomas" about the effects of being deprived of a parental relationship through the dissolution of the marital relationship and the external factors that it brings to bear on the child. Far too often in This country there are too many children that from the time they are playing with dolls and action figures to the time that they graduate high school are deprived of one or more parents.
Well Pastor, what does this have to do with Tickling. The fundamental premise of the marital relationship is to provide sexual covering. The secondary function is to provide the aforementioned emotional, psychological, and monetary covering to the eventual offspring. To disrupt the flow of the marital relationship is to invite and sow dysfunction into a family unit and/or into society. The fabric of fidelity is what holds any marriage together. The emotional bond forged through a mature sexual relationship between two people that receive mutual gratification from each other and no one else to sustain compatibility over the long-term of the marriage. Any sexual gratification outside this marital relationship is inherently damaging to the relationship itself. So much so that even to think of it seriously (or lust after it) is dangerous in and of itself.
Well why is it damaging to the relationship pastor? The first thing that you have to do to understand that is to look at the emotional component of sex. It's damaging to the relationship because sex is the lifeblood of an intimate relationship. The emotional component of a relationship fades naturally as newness wares off and obstacles in the relationship arise. Sexual interaction serves as a vital circulation system constantly restoring the positive neurochemical relationship in the brain that someone has with a person in a committed sexual relationship. This is essential in maintaining a relationship that at certain times defies logic. "He doesn't take out the trash, She doesn't look the way he used to, He forgot the anniversary of our fist lunch date that we drove in one car to a place outside the state on a Friday, She doesn't understand football" etc. Like oil lubricating an engine sex lubricates the process of integrating the two most complex machines on the face of the planet the male and female sides of consciousness.
Also it is impossible to maintain a relationship Clothed. If there are certain parts of you that you don't share with your mate then you are hiding behind fake clothing that only adds to the distance of the relationship. The two most intimate times in a relationship with the highest degree of emotional nudity is sexual intercourse and during passionate argument. It is no wonder why these two generally go together, not necessarily in that order. Being emotionally dishonest and not sharing your true feelings, even if it manifests itself as an argument is building an emotional wall between you and your spouse. To derive sexual gratification from outside the relationship is to build a Wall between you and your spouse. This increases the hostility in the marriage and makes life a living hell for the children.
Sexual morality was so important that in one reference to adultery in the Greek the apostle Paul used the word Pornia to signify a divorceable offense under Christian law. This means Sexual immorality of ANY kind. Again going back to understanding the emotional components of sexuality any time that you even fantasize of think about sexual relations of any kind outside the context of marriage then you are building an emotional wall higher and higher between you and your spouse. You are exposing yourself to information and sexual expectations that she is 1.) Not aware of, and 2.) Usually unable to duplicate like the paid coed that we are looking at.
So even if two people may be consensually engaged in tickle play it can be very damaging if that is in direct conflict with a marital relationship.
What about the people themselves. What is the long-term effect on someone’s self esteem when engaging in such activities outside the context of a long-term relationship? It varies from person to person but there are psychological consequences.
Even a situation with a couple that is courting, to be married, is mutually enthusiastic about tickle fetish, and have a serious sexual/tickling encounter before they are married, the effects may be small but on a subconscious level they have established a familiarity outside the context of marriage that inherently in their minds Cheapens the sacrament itself because they achieved sexual gratification devoid of its comfort. so that means that the finite sense of courtship can be transposed onto their marital relationship and when the rubber meets the road, someone looses a job, someone gains a couple of pounds, the girl at the office looks better than you think your wife does that it is easier to pack a suitcase because you didn't fully partake of the covenant of marriage and that commitment.
What about the adulterers who are never caught pastor? Surely that is localized to them and not transferred to their spouse. When you violate the covenant of marriage the familiarity that you get with living outside of it can never be fully regained. And in the case of females especially the self esteem associated with short term sexual relationships and inevitable rejection (usually coinciding with the estrangement of intimacy from the sexual process) is usually devastating. it may not show up right there, but the little part of themselves that five year old girl inside of them that just wants to be loved and told how pretty she is dies a little, and is replaced with a being who doesn't see themselves as a whole person and derives their self esteem solely from their sexual perception.
I could go on and on all day about the psychological impact of sex outside the confines of marriage, or sexual gratification in all its forms outside the context of marriage but I will squeeze it off here. Just remember that consequences are not localized to the people engaged in an act or to the time period between the arousal and the spasm. Just because you don't perceive a consequence to exist does not mean that is doesn't. Just because something feels good doesn't make it right. Just because something doesn't hurt right now doesn't mean that it won't.
As an example there are many in this country suffering from an addiction to what is called CUTTING. It’s where you have the urge to literally CUT yourself with a sharp object to bring forth blood. Now to an outside person this just doesn't seem logical, why would anyone cut themselves? It defies all logic. Well when you talk to someone with experience in this horrible condition you realize something. At the time they do it, it doesn't hurt. Their is a euphoric release associated with the incision. It is almost comparable to the release we feel during ORGASM. Just because it doesn't hurt then, doesn't mean that there is no pain from the wound, when the Euphoria, Passes. And unfortunately the scars will always... be there.
Well pastor that sounds grim, I guess are should never tickle anyone or desire to tickle anyone. What do you mean? It brings you joy, it brings you happiness, do it all you want. Just do it in a context that helps yourself and others long-term. I'm spoiled. Corinthians 7 talks about in order to avoid sexual immorality of any kind every man should have a wife and every wife should have a husband so that their bodies should not belong to themselves but each other and that they should only be apart for times of fasting and prayer, any other time its going down in my house. Touch your neighbor and say.. It’s going down in my house. That's a promise that you can look forward to. That’s how you can be sane and stay a virgin for 23 years. Song of Solomon teaches us about the inherent joy and passion of the courtship process. That is to be cultivated and preserved not thrown away but everything in proper time place and context.
What if my partner isn’t reciprocal and we got together before I knew that I liked tickling. Reciprocity is a fundamental law of mature love. I your partner doesn’t have a fundamental desire you please you before self and vice versa then sexual incompatibility is not the PROBLEM, it is the SYMPTOM of the deeper problem of SOCIOPATHIC behavior. If you are a lee and your partner doesn’t fully engage in trying to satisfy you then that’s a symptom… there’s a bigger problem. If you’re a ler and you partner doesn’t try to fulfill your fantasies to the limits of her physical capabilities and comfort level with certain scenarios then that’s a symptom… there’s a bigger problem.
Along with this promise there the inherent responsibilities to sow seeds in balance. It’s foolish to plant corn seeds and expect to get red peppers. It makes no sense to hide a fetish from someone through the entire dating process and then spring it on them on your wedding night and expect full understanding. I have already talked in this thread at length about the importance of the courtship process in developing functional and mature long-term relationships.
Well why are you telling us all this? Why did you take the time to write all that (I bet he just likes to here himself talk) I wrote it because, none among you have sinned as great as I. none amongst you have committed the wrongs in this very area that I have committed, and it is my most dear and sincere prayer that none of you have to bear the burden of guilt a messenger from Satan that is a thorn in my flesh as a result of the things that I have done and to amplify my humility. I would not wish this upon my greatest enemy. I pray forgiveness everyday for the hurt and pain that I have caused in this very discussion over and above anything that I can personally imagine, and hope that none amongst you have to carry that burden. The only thing that helps me through it is to understand that all are fallen, Christ rose, that I will have a wife that will give her body unto me as I unto her and that for my children I will be there from "Dolls to Diploma's."
