Do I Have A Right To Feel Like I Want To Blow A Gasket At This?

[Mitchell]

This is more.. an incident telling.. than a rant. I was reluctant to post it at first.. but something happened yesterday. Its not about my father.. so hopefully it wont get the same type of feedback as those situations did.

I've posted in the past how my assistant is a vile, miserable human being.. who says the most vicious, and outrageous things. Yesterday.. I think he may have topped himself.

Everyone knows how on October 21st, 2011, my mom was declared "Cancer Free". The two wonderful doctors.. with whom I credit saving her life, Dr B, and Dr C, told us to go home, and live life as if she doesnt have cancer. She has a blood work appointment On Dec 12, and then.. The Scan.,. on Tuesday January 31 2012, just to check. That's a day we dont even talk about.

I didnt post it, because it wasn't important at the time.. but.,. my mom had an appt with our internist in Lancaster a couple of weeks ago, and he thought she looks "wonderful". (Trust me, he is not someone who flatters you. If she looked bad, he would have told us). In fact, I havent been for a BP appt since Feb, because I'm trying to lose weight, and hes more concerned right now with seeing me, with all I've been through this year.. at this point.

Anyway.,. to the point of my post. My mom hasn't had any chemo or radiation.. since July. Dr B clearly told us.. he doesnt want to do anymore.. and just wants to let things sit. The Scan.. he said.., is.. Please God.. to be doubly sure that all is clear in there. On Oct 21, the day of the meetings with Dr B and Dr C, I clearly told my fucknoid assistant this.,. when we came out of the office.

So.. yesterday.. as we're driving.. he out of the blue says to my mom "Will any more treatment be required?". I swear.. if punching someone was legal.. I would have belted the Son Of A Bitch.. We've been home.. 3 months.. We were told to go home. and live life, as if there';s no cancer. Since we've been home from Lancaster General in Sept, my mom is.. Please God.. showing no symptoms of illness. Oh, her breathing isnt always great, which is something we intend to ask Dr B on Dec 12th.. but.. the woman is living life.. as she was told.. as if she doesnt have cancer.

I know that someone just saying something cant cause illness to come back.. but.. now that this fuckface said what he did.. I'm sure it will be crossing my mind between now and Jan 31 if God Forbid theres something there. GRRRR!

Can people see what I'm saying.. or am I overreacting?

One other thing that I didnt post at the time my mom was told she was cancer free.. because I didnt think it relevant, because things worked out. On October 14, Dr B, the chemo Dr, admitted to us that he moved up the body scan, because he was afraid the cancer had grown back, and spread. He said he didnt want to tell us that, unless he God Forbid had confirmation, because of all we had been through already to that point. Dr C, the radiologist, wanted to wait longer for the scan.. for his radiation to work more. The point is: Dr B is our Dr. He can say anything he wants to me. I wasnt angry when he said on 10-14 that he was worried it had spread. That's his expertise. My reply was. "Dr B, I completely understand why you moved it up. You had every reason to, and thank God mom is okay". End of story.

My mom was unfazed by the driver's question.

So, whats the opinion.. Innocent question on his part.. or inappropriate,. considering she hasnt had any treatment in four months, and we clearly told this guy she is cancer free.. and that we are to live life as if she doesnt have cancer.

Thoughts? Thanks.

Mitch

 

[stroker]

The answer to this in my opinion lies in wether this person asked the question A) In an atempt to wind you up, or B) as an innocent but possibly tactless inquiry . If the answer is A then yeah you have the right to be angry . But if B then you should maybe give them the benefit of the doubt . I say this because a very dear friend of mine has survived lung cancer and although she has been clear for a few years I still ask her if she is ok and to be honest it never occurred to me that my concern would be in any way upsetting to her.

 

[Persephone]

Well firstly I get that you are very protective over your mother after all she (and you both) have all gone through. However, this man is not a member of your family or even (as you seem to so eloquently put it) a "friend of the family." He is just an assistant. A person you employ. I have plenty of people I work with who tell me stuff all the time that I forget. Not because it isn't important just that it isn't very relevant to my own personal day to day life, so it just drops out of my head. Therefore I am sure he didn't mean any harm in asking. Was it even bad he asked? It seems he is showing some type of concern, and god forbid, human compassion?

My sister was in chemo treatments all spring, summer, and early fall of this year. She stopped having them in mid-October and yet I STILL have people asking me "how are her treatments going?" Not to be assholes or fuck with my mind or jinx her condition, but because they are just trying to show empathy. So before you get the urge to punch someone or whatever try to look at things from many angles and not have tunnel vision.

 

[Leo tickles]

You have the right to be pissed at the sidewalk if you want.

However, if you built said sidewalk, you lose that right.

Point being, you have allowed and to this day allow this assclown to be around. There are many assistants around, find one.

 

[Mitchell]

Here are my replies, and I thank everyone for the participation.

stroker, my belief is it was a tactless inquiry. I would hope he's not doing it to wind me up. With all the vicious things he's said to me about my own personal life over the years, I would think and hope he's not saying it to make me think my mom's cancer is God Forbid growing back.

Per, I see what you're saying. Maybe he was showing "human compassion". It's just.. it seemed an inopportune time to ask.

Leo,. I know what you're saying, and you are right. Problem is: My mom hasnt gotten rid of him, because she says she needs someone to drive us to NJ, and shes not sure if we can find someone willing to go that far. She CLAIMS that if God Willing everything is okay in January, that we are going to deal with the DMV, and let him go in the spring.

I spoke to my friend Adam on the phone tonight. Without telling him I had posted it here, I told him what the assistant said yesterday. Adam's thought was something like "Maybe he just wants to find out when he needs to take you to NJ, for his schedule". I know that as my friend, Adam was probably just trying to calm me down.

I'll be okay. I know that my mom hopefully God willing remaining cancer free, has nothing to do with what this guy says. It just pissed me off is all.

One last thing: Per, first let me say that I pray your sister's cancer treatments turn out that she is cancer free, as we have been told my mom is. I see what you're saying about people still asking to show empathy, and to look at things from many angles. Maybe its also this guy's history, that got me a bit riled, and such.

Mitch

 

[LD_Tickler]

I think you're over-reacting, personally. Maybe it was indelicate to bring it up if she's trying to put it all out of her mind, but other than that... seems like a pretty harmless, simple question.

 

[Angel_2]

I know this guy is a first class jerk but I don't see his asking the question to be that bad. It might of been asked at the wrong time, or maybe he did ask it to wind you up I don't know and we won't know but I feel it was more bad timing/forgetting what you'd told him or maybe just asking to ask. I can see you being ticked off, but upset? eh....idk its hard to say

 

[Mitchell]

LD, while I see what you're saying, you also dont know the history. This is a guy who has said mean, malvolent, stupid things many times in the past, about my work, my love life, etc etc.

I'm not saying that I concretely believe that he wants my mom to die. He's a scumbag, in many ways.. but I dont think he goes that far. His comment.. I believe.. was more stupid., and maybe to wind me up.. as someone else said.

Angel, I see what you're saying. It's just.. it gives me the creeps is all.

Hopefully, my mom's scan will, God Willing turn out fine. She and I have an agreement about him. If all is fine.. he goes.. in the spring.. After everything we've been through.. I'm hoping and praying that can happen.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

So the guys whose responsibility to drive your mom to her treatments asks " will anymore treatments be required?". Isn't it his job to know this information? Looking at it objectively his life revolves around your mom and her needs.... It is a courtesy and show of a healthy work environment to give people a heads up on things that effect their lives. Barring leaking classified information I keep my subordinates as informed as possible on all things that effect their work. It's the fair thing to do. I expect that from my superiors and I'd guess you want that same respect at your job too.

Now if he asked it in a weird way I could see your frustration. But even then he still needs to know. Is he employed full time with you guys or part time? Does he have a second job? If you guys are his only source of income and he works full time with you guys the question doesn't mater as much...but still valid. If he works part time and makes supplemental income elsewhere then I think it's pretty insensitive to assume this guy should be on call at all times and not have any idea when he might be needed.

It's likely time to find a new driver....the employer employee relationship sounds toxic.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for the insight, GQ.

The problem I have is this: There are no appointments currently. The question wouldnt have upset me so much, had I not clearly told him on October 14. "The Xrays are clear, the Drs said no more treatment.. we dont have to come up here for quite a while".

He doesnt have another job. We are his only source of income. The guy is 73 years old, and not a nice person. Anyone else would have let him go, long ago.

I've wanted to find a new driver. My mom is the reason we still have him.

I'm hoping that if her scan goes well, we wont need a driver. I plan to drive myself, and as for getting up to NJ, if she needs to go for checkups, I can either take her myself, or we can hopefully find someone else to do it.

Mitch

 

[c7_assassin]

Mitch, you're obviously projecting all your anxieties onto this guy, and letting yourself get mad over nothing. I mean, you said yourself your mom didn't care (and P.S. why would she? It was a straightforward question that involves his work and your mom's not an idiot), and your big problem is now that he's said it, it's going to be 'crossing your mind.' This isn't about your mom, and it's not about him. It's about you.

 

[Mitchell]

c7, I didnt have anxieties until he said this. I hadnt even been thinking about "cancer". Our discussion with the Dr at our next appt with him on Dec 12 is going to be about my mom's breathing from the radiation, and not about "cancer".

My mom often doesnt care about things he says, because he's not a close family member or friend, and she doesnt consider that his opinions count. When he wished the girl I liked to cheat on me, or my business to fail, I was infuriated with him, and my mom had no reaction. My business partner in the business this guy wished to fail, wanted me to fire him back then, because he felt it was bad vibes to keep him around, but my mom wouldnt do it.

I'm not going to think about this anymore, once this thread goes away, but I'll say this.. if he asks again about treatment being required, before my mom's Jan 31st scan, he will hear it from me.

Anyhow, thats all. Hopefully, the subject will die out, my mom's scan will be fine, and life can go on.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

She doesn't know if anybody else will go that far?

Look.

:/

 

[Mitchell]

Yes,, because its 300 miles round trip. I want to look.. but.

I have an agreement with her that we are going to work on getting him out of our lives.. God Willing, if her scan comes back okay in Feb, believe me, I'm going to hound her about the subject. The man is a nightmare, and I dont want to keep him any longer than needed.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

You don't work on getting an employee out of your life. You say "you're fired".

Your mom is running your life more than she should, especially if it's to your detriment.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, in this case, I have to go to the DMV and get a license, and car, before I fire him. Plus.. we need him to drive her to NJ.

You're mistaken that my mom runs my life. We share an apartment, but trust me.. she doesnt run my life. I'm very strong headed, too much at times. I've made very bad decisions on my own, like allowing my situation with my father, and ex best friend, to go on for far longer than either circumstance should have. Sharing an apartment with someone doesnt mean they run your life. My mom and I are more roommates, and I aid her with shopping, cleaning, trash, etc.

Assuming her scan God willing turns out okay, he will be fired in the spring. I want him gone, believe me. I cant stand the man.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Leo, in this case, I have to go to the DMV and get a license, and car, before I fire him. Plus.. we need him to drive her to NJ.

You're mistaken that my mom runs my life. We share an apartment, but trust me.. she doesnt run my life. I'm very strong headed, too much at times. I've made very bad decisions on my own, like allowing my situation with my father, and ex best friend, to go on for far longer than either circumstance should have. Sharing an apartment with someone doesnt mean they run your life. My mom and I are more roommates, and I aid her with shopping, cleaning, trash, etc.

Assuming her scan God willing turns out okay, he will be fired in the spring. I want him gone, believe me. I cant stand the man.

Mitch

I agree with Leo. If I were in your situation where my parents decisions effected my happiness I'd be doing my darnedest to get out of it. Objectively(knowing that i'm just a dude on a tickling forum) you'd benefit ALOT from liberating yourself from your mother. Go to the DMV tomorrow and start the process to get your license. Start saving up for a car. My first car was a $1,200.00 off of Craigslist. You can use what you'd normally pay the driver to subsidize the cost of the car. The main idea here being...."you can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do". Taking this attitude is guaranteed to improve your life. Getting the car WILL make your new dating life 100times easier! Good luck.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for your advice, GQ. I know you are sincere.

I dont pay the driver, she does.

Also, I need to go for a medical appt before going to the DMV. They require a form. Right now I'm 10 lbs overweight. (My own fault) I cant go anywhere near my internist until that comes off. I'm working on losing the weight.

As I said, as long as God Willing my mom's scan turns out okay, he's gone in the spring. I've already liberated myself from almost all the abusive people in my life. (Father, ex best friend, etc), and I made the right decision to get back in touch with a friend on Facebook, and we have become really close again. The driver is the last step, and that will be taken care of, soon enough.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

You can't go to the DMV because you're overweight? Explain that one because I think I misunderstood.....

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, let me explain this.. slowly.

To take one's driving test in PA, they have to have a recent medical form filled out by a doctor. This is the rule, for whatever reason.

I havent been to see my Dr since last Feb, because of all that is going on with my mom. Thus, he cant and wont fill out a medical form for the DMV, unless I've had a recent visit.

As you know, I have high BP. I'm supposed to be 175 lbs or less., or my BP goes up. I need to go see my doctor, to get my BP checked, and I dont want to do until Ive lost some weight, because I dont want him to tell me my BP is high, in which case he would have to see me every month. With all Ive been through with my mom, I dont want to do that.

If I lose weight, my BP will go down. Thus, he can then sign the medical form, and I can avoid seeing him for 6 months to a year, which is how I like it.

I'm hoping to have my weight down by the 1st of the year, so I can go. Once I see my Dr, and he signs the medical form, I can then go to the DMV, make the appt for my driving test, take it, and let the driver go.

Does that explain it?

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

So.... you want to get better on your own so you don't have to see your doctor for a year..... even if you need it... and that is a good excuse not to go to the DMV?

My doctor tells me to come in every 3 months. Before last month when I was really sick, I haven't seen him in like 3 years.

The point is, you need to quit putting important things to the side in favor of other things. Your mom getting cancer shouldn't make your world stop. :/

Just do yourself a favor and get out there more, you'll find life much more aggravating... er.. I mean better. 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

Leo.. with all due respect.. you havent been through what I had been between March 2010 and October 2011.

My mom got cancer and almost died.. I had a seizure and almost died, AND I lost my relationships with my father, and my best friend of 29 years.

I needed a bit of time just to chill, and not worry about anything, which is what I've been trying to do since my mom was told she's (God willing) cancer free.

I always get to see him. I will go. Its not like I'm saying., "I'm not going". Trust me, my mom is after me to get the weight off, and I'm working on it. As soon as I drop a few pounds, whenever that is, I will make an appt. For now, I'm trying to have a short stress free period, after nineteen months of non stop worry.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other thing:

Everyone forgets,. except my mom's doctors, who were completely aware.

I was all alone, dealing with my mom's problems. I had no father, best friend.. or even aunts.. to deal with it with me. Every doctor visit, hospital visit, setback with my mom, etc, etc,. was all handled by me alone.

I'm sure I was walking around at fever pitch between March 2010, and October 2011. My mom's cancer and dealing with it alone was bad enough, even if the other relationships hadnt ended.


I just didnt feel like listening to a lecture from my Dr about being 5 lbs overweight, or about my BP. I had been through enough.

I'm one who believes that people cant understand unless they are standing in someone's shoes. I want to go to the Dr after I lose weight, but before my mom's scan. That will hopefully be in early-mid Jan. Trust me, I know what I have to do, and I will.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Another indication of how I'm trying to stay calm. I wasnt going to post this.. but now I dont care.

In August, when we came home from NJ, I got into an altercation with my father on the phone, about why he didn't contact me when he found out I had my seizure. His reply to me was "I spoke to your mother", Yeah, but that still wasnt contacting ME directly. Instead of apologizing, the SOB hung up the phone on me. In the past three months, I could have written him a "You Son Of A Bitch, how dare you not contact me, and hang up on me" e-mail, but i've chosen not to, because I wanted to focus first on my mom's illness and scan, and now I want to remain calm, and try to get back to myself.

Except for work, and the usual day to day things,. I want to try and have as little stress as possible, to come back to myself after what my mom and I went through in NJ. Again, only if one has stood in my shoes, can they understand how I feel.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Right. Bluntly:

I've been on my own for 22 years. And considering I've been alive for only 22 years, I've had plenty of time to go through shit people wouldn't get because the average person doesn't have to deal with it.

Well, my dad was abusive, gramps was a perv, mom a moron, etc etc etc. Guess what. I have my license. I work, I punt people out of my life when I need to, all while having a good old time playing Xbox and interacting with other humans, even if it is just to tell them to fuck off and die.

The moral of the story is that everybody goes through shit. From the day we are born we go through shit, all of us, even the rich folks you see on TV and envy.

It's the ones that can go through everything and come out on top that succeed.

I've had 22 years, most of which I spent as an idiotic tween, and seemingly even more that I spent as an idiotic adult. Now, after finally realizing what's important, I'm doing okay for myself.

You're older than me, you should be, too.