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How Blonde Was She?.......
- Thread starter venray
- Start date
Blonde's 710 Cover
A blonde walked into an auto accessory parts store asking for a "710 cover" for her car engine. The man at the counter looked puzzled and told her he had never heard of a 710 cover. She explained that her car had always had one since new, but she noticed it was gone after the last servicing.
After spending an hour checking everything in the parts catalogue and consulting several other staff members, one of the service agents asked her if she could draw a 710 cover.
She held up her hands and made a circle about 2 ½ inches. He still didn't understand and patiently asked her to draw a picture for him (by that time there were several employees watching the proceedings).
The woman drew a circle (with an edge like a flower) and wrote 710 inside the circle… All the employees started to laugh - why did they laugh?
A blonde walked into an auto accessory parts store asking for a "710 cover" for her car engine. The man at the counter looked puzzled and told her he had never heard of a 710 cover. She explained that her car had always had one since new, but she noticed it was gone after the last servicing.
After spending an hour checking everything in the parts catalogue and consulting several other staff members, one of the service agents asked her if she could draw a 710 cover.
She held up her hands and made a circle about 2 ½ inches. He still didn't understand and patiently asked her to draw a picture for him (by that time there were several employees watching the proceedings).
The woman drew a circle (with an edge like a flower) and wrote 710 inside the circle… All the employees started to laugh - why did they laugh?
One day a blonde boss was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
A blonde is visiting Washington, D.C. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.
"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "How do I get to the capitol building?"
The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and sure enough the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "How do I get to the capitol building?"
The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and sure enough the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
TicklishLurker
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venray said:That's priceless...one blonde announcing the winner of a blonde joke match where the other blonde didnt even stick to topic....😛 😛 😛 😛 😛
Obviously you're the "dumb blond" here, Venray - the entire point is NOT to post blond jokes, but to COUNTER every blond joke with a MAN joke. Hence my first post of this nature in this thread called REVENGE OF THE BLOND! I'm getting vengance on you for prepuating a stereotype about blonds, by telling the truth about men!
DUH! Men! Oy vey!
If you're offended by testicle jokes, you must be nuts!
Q: Did you hear about the 150-pound man who had 75-pound testicles?
A: He was half nuts.
If you're offended by testicle jokes, you must be nuts!
Q: Did you hear about the 150-pound man who had 75-pound testicles?
A: He was half nuts.
Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand?
A: His undivided attention.
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Wants and Needs (wontz and nedz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer. Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strapfastener on a woman's bra.
Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.
Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.
Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.
Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.
Butt (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning (and farting).
Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.
Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male: An endless source of enterainment, self-expression and male bonding.
Making love (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy that a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.
Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
Taste (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
TicklishLurker said:Obviously you're the "dumb blond" here, Venray - the entire point is NOT to post blond jokes, but to COUNTER every blond joke with a MAN joke. Hence my first post of this nature in this thread called REVENGE OF THE BLOND! I'm getting vengance on you for prepuating a stereotype about blonds, by telling the truth about men!
DUH! Men! Oy vey!
Obviously you dont know how to stick to the topic of a thread.....but that is what one expects from a blonde.......
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were running along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three gunnysacks. They could hear the cops approaching, so the brunette suggested that they get in the sacks. So they got in the sacks right before the cops arrived.
A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it, and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it's only a dog."
He kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow." He said, "Oh, it's only a cat."
Then, he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"
A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it, and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it's only a dog."
He kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow." He said, "Oh, it's only a cat."
Then, he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"
venray said:
oooooooo ok venray.. damn it if this doesn't make me wish i could attend nest i don't know what will.. i mean grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you need some revenge against you for posting jokes about us sweet, sexy, innocent yet naughty and might i add extremelyyyyyyyyyyyyy intelligent dammitall i speak for all blondes it is time for revenge..
isabeau
TicklishLurker
4th Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2006
- Messages
- 1,949
- Points
- 0
venray said:Obviously you dont know how to stick to the topic of a thread.....but that is what one expects from a blonde.......
Newsflash, Ven - REVENGE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ON TOPIC!
How many times do I have to tell you that before you get it? Geez!
The Real Man Test
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all diseases, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. What about hugging another male?
A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
(1) He is legally within the base path,
(2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.
5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.
7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
9. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.
10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
11. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. The remote control.
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it.
She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize.
She pulls off the tab and yells, “I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!”
The waitress runs over and says, “That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!”
The blonde replies, “No - I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”
By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, “You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!”
Again the blonde says, “No - no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!”
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL”.
<center>
She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize.
She pulls off the tab and yells, “I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!”
The waitress runs over and says, “That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!”
The blonde replies, “No - I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”
By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, “You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!”
Again the blonde says, “No - no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!”
The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL”.
<center>
luvgirlsfeet
Verified
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2004
- Messages
- 42,656
- Points
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She was so blonde when she looked in a mirror she said "hey I have a twin sister"
unclebill said:Venray, you are amazing.If I didn`t spend so much money tickling celebrities, I would give you a weeks pay for all your efforts.
you are going off topic here.. unless you have a blonde joke, please refrain from posting and venerating venray , thanks much.. o and btw in your dreams.. adopt a puppy ok? hehehe
isabeau
isabeau said:you are going off topic here.. unless you have a blonde joke, please refrain from posting and venerating venray , thanks much.. o and btw in your dreams.. adopt a puppy ok? hehehe
isabeau
Uncle Bill has already adopted a pussy 😉 (I believe it is blonde....)
