How Do I Come Across?

[Excess]

You seem to be very nice to your friends on the forum, but you come across as very abrasive to other members. And the girl in your sig pic is twice as bad. Over the last year, the younger generation has clearly taken over this forum. While I agree that they`ve injected new life into the place, it has come with a price. Many long time middle aged members have left or rarely post because of the pissing matches and attack dog behaviour that goes on. One of the most popular females in the history of the TMF no longer posts for that very reason. I just exchanged emails with her over the weekend, and she says she feels like she no longer fits in. I may be wrong, but I really believe we`ve seen the last of her and thats a damn shame. She lit up this place. I find it odd that Crystal is still getting the snot kicked out of her by members in threads. She has matured so much over the last few months. Its been a pleasure to watch, and I wish some of you would follow her example.

THIS! FUCKING THIS RIGHT HERE!!! This is the thing that has been at the center of much of the controversy here. Well said sir.

Love to! 😛

We should set up a schedule for a buddy system! 😀 I wonder if we can get anyone else in on this? Gah, I'm thinking too much.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

You know that scene in the Lion King, where the young Simba tries to scare a bug by roaring at it, but can't?

😉

o......m.......g

p.s. cutest analogy EVAR!!

 

[kis123]

You seem to be very nice to your friends on the forum, but you come across as very abrasive to other members. And the girl in your sig pic is twice as bad. Over the last year, the younger generation has clearly taken over this forum. While I agree that they`ve injected new life into the place, it has come with a price. Many long time middle aged members have left or rarely post because of the pissing matches and attack dog behaviour that goes on. One of the most popular females in the history of the TMF no longer posts for that very reason. I just exchanged emails with her over the weekend, and she says she feels like she no longer fits in. I may be wrong, but I really believe we`ve seen the last of her and thats a damn shame. She lit up this place. I find it odd that Crystal is still getting the snot kicked out of her by members in threads. She has matured so much over the last few months. Its been a pleasure to watch, and I wish some of you would follow her example.

I have pretty much felt the same way and have gone as far to consider leaving myself. But an older member and sage mod pulled my collar on it and he got me to thinking......I hate it when people get me thinking sometimes! It's the kind of thinking that makes me look at my ceiling at 3am and sometimes it drives me nuts!

I came to the conclusion that when the smoke settles, dust clears, and day is done, I've been a forum member for several years. Why should I leave because the forum is transitioning? Why should I let anyone force me out? I have just as much right to be here as anyone else and they'll drag me outta' here kicking and screaming before I let anyone push or force me out.

What bothers me is that you can't have a debate or disagreement with one without having to take on a group. But I decided that this is not just a problem with the younger set; I've gotten into more scrapes long before they got here with groups of friends and buddies I managed to offend. I'd love to see more requests for verification/clarification before groups of people started jumping on an individual. That would be sweet.......really!

Not everyone can take that stance, nor should they have to. But I know exactly how some of the older members are feeling. I recently remember an "act your age" thread posted awhile ago; that thread sparked my ire, but I chose to come in at a backdoor approach. I wanted to know if it was a way to further divide the forum or just someone venting. It ended up the latter of course, but there are a lot of wounded people here and I hope the older and younger generations find some sort of peace and balance so we can all continue to enjoy this forum.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I have pretty much felt the same way and have gone as far to consider leaving myself. But an older member and sage mod pulled my collar on it and he got me to thinking......I hate it when people get me thinking sometimes! It's the kind of thinking that makes me look at my ceiling at 3am and sometimes it drives me nuts!

I came to the conclusion that when the smoke settles, dust clears, and day is done, I've been a forum member for several years. Why should I leave because the forum is transitioning? Why should I let anyone force me out? I have just as much right to be here as anyone else and they'll drag me outta' here kicking and screaming before I let anyone push or force me out.

What bothers me is that you can't have a debate or disagreement with one without having to take on a group. But I decided that this is not just a problem with the younger set; I've gotten into more scrapes long before they got here with groups of friends and buddies I managed to offend. I'd love to see more requests for verification/clarification before groups of people started jumping on an individual. That would be sweet.......really!

Not everyone can take that stance, nor should they have to. But I know exactly how some of the older members are feeling. I recently remember an "act your age" thread posted awhile ago; that thread sparked my ire, but I chose to come in at a backdoor approach. I wanted to know if it was a way to further divide the forum or just someone venting. It ended up the latter of course, but there are a lot of wounded people here and I hope the older and younger generations find some sort of peace and balance so we can all continue to enjoy this forum.

I understand and respect that this is an issue some of the older members feel they're facing, but it's not the topic of this thread, and since the topic of this thread is really important to me, especially considering some of the feedback I've gotten, I would appreciate it if we could get back on track 🙂

 

[Knot Amewzed]

I just exchanged emails with her over the weekend, and she says she feels like she no longer fits in. I may be wrong, but I really believe we`ve seen the last of her and thats a damn shame. She lit up this place.

First and foremost, anyone who feels that they are unhappy should not be a part of something that makes them miserable. Do we really know if it is the younger crowd making the older crowd feel out of place? Was it the older crowd who made the younger crowd feel out of place initially? We do not know the answer to that question. You are speculating, Sir.

And if you add pushy, obnoxious, judgemental, and patronizing to the above statement, that was my initial thought based on a couple of threads we've posted on. It has made me avoid your threads because it's one thing to have a differing opinion, it's another when it appears that there is a personality issue between us. So naturally I stayed out of your threads because of the risk of derailing them with an arguement.

Inconsiderate name calling exposes a side of you that you should have intelligently kept to yourself. Isn’t a difference in opinion based on at least two arguments? Some people who feel threatened or concerned about the strength of their argument usually avoid the situation. Personality issues can be a false perception due to the failure to recognize proper tone; this happens quite often in electronic correspondence.

openly admit it gets even worse when it's from someone young enough to be my child. I am fully aware that you're not my child, or even a child at all; you guys are young adults trying to find your place in a less than pleasant world. Please understand that everyone has a hot button and that one is mine. I try to handle things in a more mature fashion or just completely ignore the poster that pisses me off. But I'm a work in progress who is going through a really hard time and has been more prickly and touchy than normal lately. That's no one's problem but my own and it's my responsibility to work more diligently to fix it and keep it under control.

Seriously, you need to work out that issue; it is unhealthy to feel that way about people who are younger than you. I cannot see myself, as a professional, in an environment with older employees who are willing to throw the age card at me. In my eyes, you have lost credibility through naivety within the abovementioned statement.

THIS! FUCKING THIS RIGHT HERE!!! This is the thing that has been at the center of much of the controversy here. Well said sir. – regarding uncle bill’s remarks…

Controversy is what you make of a situation. Personally, I do not see a disagreement of age within the forum. People do get older; younger people are always introduced; however, it is the responsibility of the old crowd to make the new crowd feel welcome as well as it is the responsibility of the new crowd to have respect for the old crowd. Change, fresh ideas, and new outlooks are always welcome in my book. It keeps one’s mind open, adaptable, and intellectual with a diverse group of individuals.

What bothers me is that you can't have a debate or disagreement with one without having to take on a group. But I decided that this is not just a problem with the younger set; I've gotten into more scrapes long before they got here with groups of friends and buddies I managed to offend. I'd love to see more requests for verification/clarification before groups of people started jumping on an individual. That would be sweet.......really!

Perhaps, a group of individuals who are on one side of an issue pose a stronger argument. It is possible and plausible. Having an opinion should not make an individual pushy or judgmental. There will be disagreements, arguments, and agreeable opinions or views on specific topics. Everyone has the right to argue about their beliefs; without facts, they are merely beliefs.

Skip, to me, you have never come across as abrasive, aggressive, harsh, etc…you have been a sweetheart who is warm, sincere, and very accepting. Never change; it is the one attribute of many that I love about you.

 

[kis123]

First and foremost, anyone who feels that they are unhappy should not be a part of something that makes them miserable. Do we really know if it is the younger crowd making the older crowd feel out of place? Was it the older crowd who made the younger crowd feel out of place initially? We do not know the answer to that question. You are speculating, Sir.



Inconsiderate name calling exposes a side of you that you should have intelligently kept to yourself. Isn’t a difference in opinion based on at least two arguments? Some people who feel threatened or concerned about the strength of their argument usually avoid the situation. Personality issues can be a false perception due to the failure to recognize proper tone; this happens quite often in electronic correspondence.



Seriously, you need to work out that issue; it is unhealthy to feel that way about people who are younger than you. I cannot see myself, as a professional, in an environment with older employees who are willing to throw the age card at me. In my eyes, you have lost credibility through naivety within the abovementioned statement.



Controversy is what you make of a situation. Personally, I do not see a disagreement of age within the forum. People do get older; younger people are always introduced; however, it is the responsibility of the old crowd to make the new crowd feel welcome as well as it is the responsibility of the new crowd to have respect for the old crowd. Change, fresh ideas, and new outlooks are always welcome in my book. It keeps one’s mind open, adaptable, and intellectual with a diverse group of individuals.



Perhaps, a group of individuals who are on one side of an issue pose a stronger argument. It is possible and plausible. Having an opinion should not make an individual pushy or judgmental. There will be disagreements, arguments, and agreeable opinions or views on specific topics. Everyone has the right to argue about their beliefs; without facts, they are merely beliefs.

Skip, to me, you have never come across as abrasive, aggressive, harsh, etc…you have been a sweetheart who is warm, sincere, and very accepting. Never change; it is the one attribute of many that I love about you.

This is one of the problems unclebill addresses in the first place; as soon as a differing opinion is given, here comes everybody to shout them down. That doesn't change the person's opinion, it only solidifies it!

I"m aware she's you friend and all, but she asked what was on people's minds. When someone asks a question they should expect an answer and I gave her mine. If you don't like it.....that really sucks for you but it certainly doesn't doesn't change my INITIAL opinion. I said what was on my mind at the time. You totally ignored that my opinion has since changed and referred to myself as a work in progress; maybe you should work on a few things and not fly off the handle just because I said something that upset you.

You obviously have problems/issues with me; I suggest using the PM function to address them and stop with the nonsense because it really has gotten old!

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

This is one of the problems unclebill addresses in the first place; as soon as a differing opinion is given, here comes everybody to shout them down. That doesn't change the person's opinion, it only solidifies it!

I"m aware she's you friend and all, but she asked what was on people's minds. When someone asks a question they should expect an answer and I gave her mine. If you don't like it.....that really sucks for you but it certainly doesn't doesn't change my INITIAL opinion. I said what was on my mind at the time. You totally ignored that my opinion has since changed and referred to myself as a work in progress; maybe you should work on a few things and not fly off the handle just because I said something that upset you.

You obviously have problems/issues with me; I suggest using the PM function to address them and stop with the nonsense because it really has gotten old!

No mas, ya'll..seriously. I don't want fights starting cause of this. I'm just trying to better myself..honestly.

 

[kis123]

No mas, ya'll..seriously. I don't want fights starting cause of this. I'm just trying to better myself..honestly.

I know you were trying to accomplish something and I do respect you for it. But this is not the first time and it doesn't look like it will be the last. I won't stand by and let anyone crap on me without a response, especially in public. So I apologize, but that opinion should've been a PM, not a public berrating. Not everyone is afraid to stand up for themselves around here-I certainly am not.

 

[Mephistopheles]

I know you were trying to accomplish something and I do respect you for it. But this is not the first time and it doesn't look like it will be the last. I won't stand by and let anyone crap on me without a response, especially in public. So I apologize, but that opinion should've been a PM, not a public berrating. Not everyone is afraid to stand up for themselves around here-I certainly am not.

Well, for me a "LOL, internet" always suffices in the case of shitstorms.

But as for you and skip, I just don't know you enough to have an opinion at all.

 

[Knot Amewzed]

This is one of the problems unclebill addresses in the first place; as soon as a differing opinion is given, here comes everybody to shout them down. That doesn't change the person's opinion, it only solidifies it!

I wasn’t shouting anyone down; I was merely addressing a point of view within the thread. Nothing was solidified; again, a difference of opinion was concentrated on, detailing my point precisely and accordingly. Do you mean to tell me that a different opinion solidifies yours?

I"m aware she's you friend and all, but she asked what was on people's minds. When someone asks a question they should expect an answer and I gave her mine. If you don't like it.....that really sucks for you but it certainly doesn't doesn't change my INITIAL opinion. I said what was on my mind at the time. You totally ignored that my opinion has since changed and referred to myself as a work in progress; maybe you should work on a few things and not fly off the handle just because I said something that upset you.

Regardless of her being a friend or not, this thread has not influenced my opinion to either side of the argument. I was also stating what was on my mind at the time; we have a freedom to do that. I would never want to change your opinion; my intentions were to only disagree with it. Perceptibly, your outlook has not changed; it is my opinion that you still have plenty of work ahead of you. I do not see the lack of understanding in this.

You obviously have problems/issues with me; I suggest using the PM function to address them and stop with the nonsense because it really has gotten old!

I absolutely, have or had no problem with you whatsoever; I have addressed other individuals within this post not exclusive of you. Perhaps it is not the opinions that get old, maybe it is the audience.

 

[kis123]

I wasn’t shouting anyone down; I was merely addressing a point of view within the thread. Nothing was solidified; again, a difference of opinion was concentrated on, detailing my point precisely and accordingly. Do you mean to tell me that a different opinion solidifies yours?



Regardless of her being a friend or not, this thread has not influenced my opinion to either side of the argument. I was also stating what was on my mind at the time; we have a freedom to do that. I would never want to change your opinion; my intentions were to only disagree with it. Perceptibly, your outlook has not changed; it is my opinion that you still have plenty of work ahead of you. I do not see the lack of understanding in this.



I absolutely, have or had no problem with you whatsoever; I have addressed other individuals within this post not exclusive of you. Perhaps it is not the opinions that get old, maybe it is the audience.

If you really cared about your friend, you'd respect her wishes and knock this off. If you can't manage the PM function, how about the ignore?? At this point, I don't care what you do but you can address me privately from this point and stop derailing your friend's thread.

 

[Knot Amewzed]

If you really cared about your friend, you'd respect her wishes and knock this off. If you can't manage the PM function, how about the ignore?? At this point, I don't care what you do but you can address me privately from this point and stop derailing your friend's thread.

Skipp - I do care about you. Please understand that I was simply in disagreement with a few of the other members.

kis - please show no hard feelings, I was not targeting you in any way. You have a right to your opinion, I am sure that we agree with each other on some things.

 

[BlackestLily]

Well, to be honest, I'm kind of in that neutral zone? One of the first interactions I had was in a thread posted about a conversation she had with a guy and posted it as a sort of "Guys, fyi, don't act like this." But it kind of hit a sour note with me. When I saw you defending it I associated you with that sour note.

But I don't like thinking in those contexts or terms so in another thread you spoke about how people who have been doing your job longer than you brush you off because of the experience, casting off your good ideas. I posted there and it was fun sharing experiences/opinions with you. I guess I've been seeing a lot of discord threads lately where I see you jumping in so my natural instinct is to associate you with them. But I know better because a lot of them involve people you care about and it seems your natural instinct to defend.

Soooo having not really known you and not being here very long...I'm in that weird purgatory zone.

 

[Homer28]

Bitchy and a huge pain in the ass quite frankly, but thats mostly off the forum🙂

 

[wishfoot88]

live and bubbly, those words come to mind.
in the time you have been here you have easily slotted into the community.
you seem like a big part of the TMF and that this place would be poorer if you were to leave.🙂

 

[unclebill]

No mas, ya'll..seriously. I don't want fights starting cause of this. I'm just trying to better myself..honestly.

I forgot to mention in my original post that you do seem sincere about this. And I apologize if I got off track in your thread, but sometimes I need to go outside the lines to make my point.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Well since you asked...

I think that you seem okay but what bothers me about you is that I feel you are one of those "in your face, tell it like it is" people and sometimes I like that and sometimes I don't. I do feel that you mean well in a sense but you are abrupt and abraisive at times. Since you are the kind of person who is brazen enough to tell someone to fuck off, I honestly don't like that in your personality.

Maybe if I met you in person like this coming NEST for example, I'll feel different.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I think that you seem okay but what bothers me about you is that I feel you are one of those "in your face, tell it like it is" people and sometimes I like that and sometimes I don't. I do feel that you mean well in a sense but you are abrupt and abraisive at times. Since you are the kind of person who is brazen enough to tell someone to fuck off, I honestly don't like that in your personality.

Maybe if I met you in person like this coming NEST for example, I'll feel different.

I think that's a totally fair and accurate interpretation of my personality. I am very "tell it like it is." I don't feel the need to mince words, and I think there a good many people in this world who can use a good "fuck off" every once in awhile. I'm aware that that type of personality isn't going to jive with everybody, but I really appreciate that you're willing to acknowledge that that's only part of who I am 🙂

 

[xionking]

I think that's a totally fair and accurate interpretation of my personality. I am very "tell it like it is." I don't feel the need to mince words, and I think there a good many people in this world who can use a good "fuck off" every once in awhile. I'm aware that that type of personality isn't going to jive with everybody, but I really appreciate that you're willing to acknowledge that that's only part of who I am 🙂

You are a very "tell it how it is" girl, and I respect that in anybody. Even if that person is someone I'm arguing, the trait of "telling it how it is" is something I always dig in people, because that's how I try to be.

You seem like a loyal friend, well that's the impression I've gotten on the TMF anyway.

I just think that if you're gonna have the "people deserve a good 'fuck off' once in a while" attitude, you gotta be able to take a smartass comment as a smartass comment, and not a personal attack. Because others are going to take a 'fuck off' very much to heart.

-Xionking

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

You are a very "tell it how it is" girl, and I respect that in anybody. Even if that person is someone I'm arguing, the trait of "telling it how it is" is something I always dig in people, because that's how I try to be.

You seem like a loyal friend, well that's the impression I've gotten on the TMF anyway.

I just think that if you're gonna have the "people deserve a good 'fuck off' once in a while" attitude, you gotta be able to take a smartass comment as a smartass comment, and not a personal attack. Because others are going to take a 'fuck off' very much to heart.

-Xionking

Honestly - you don't know how much I appreciate this. I think it's probably the best "negative" response I've gotten so far. And by that I mean you're not a good friend of mine who I know adores me. We even were in a pretty heated thread going back and forth what...24...48 hours ago?? And yet you came at me being completely respectful and constructive in your criticism, and I honestly and truly respect and appreciate that

When you say take a smartass comment like a smartass comment...do you mean smartass like...playing around being sassy smart ass?? Or more like...mad or pissed off and just need to vent being a smartass? It seems like a really constructive comment, so I just want to understand it completely 😀

Thank you!

 

[Strider]

Honestly, you can be something of a smartass, but I don't personally see that as a negative.

Smartassery can be quite endearing if it's not obviously malicious. You don't seem to have a malicious impulse in you.

 

[xionking]

Honestly - you don't know how much I appreciate this. I think it's probably the best "negative" response I've gotten so far. And by that I mean you're not a good friend of mine who I know adores me. We even were in a pretty heated thread going back and forth what...24...48 hours ago?? And yet you came at me being completely respectful and constructive in your criticism, and I honestly and truly respect and appreciate that

When you say take a smartass comment like a smartass comment...do you mean smartass like...playing around being sassy smart ass?? Or more like...mad or pissed off and just need to vent being a smartass? It seems like a really constructive comment, so I just want to understand it completely 😀

Thank you!

Sassy smartass, I guess. That thread you speak of, I was being a smartass sometimes, but in the heat of the moment, I'm not an idiot...I can totally see how that smartass comment can be taken the wrong way by another person. So, yeh...I think when someone is being a 'mad or pissed off smartass', you have every right to argue back and put them in their place.

That thread is hard to really use as an example because there was so much going on there. I just think the more you get to know somebody, you learn how to take them, and how not to take them And you totally throw yourself out there amongst the community and get to know people, so I don't think you'll have a problem.

I appreciate your kind words, but I really don't have anything against ya, so yeah, just take whatever I've said on board, if you'd like, Skip.

-Xionking

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Honestly, you can be something of a smartass, but I don't personally see that as a negative.

Smartassery can be quite endearing if it's not obviously malicious. You don't seem to have a malicious impulse in you.

Thank you! 😀

Sassy smartass, I guess. That thread you speak of, I was being a smartass sometimes, but in the heat of the moment, I'm not an idiot...I can totally see how that smartass comment can be taken the wrong way by another person. So, yeh...I think when someone is being a 'mad or pissed off smartass', you have every right to argue back and put them in their place.

That thread is hard to really use as an example because there was so much going on there. I just think the more you get to know somebody, you learn how to take them, and how not to take them And you totally throw yourself out there amongst the community and get to know people, so I don't think you'll have a problem.

I appreciate your kind words, but I really don't have anything against ya, so yeah, just take whatever I've said on board, if you'd like, Skip.

-Xionking

So true!! That might be something we all need to learn. You can't know how to take somebody if you don't have an idea of what their personality is like. Very good point 🙂

 

[LindyHopper]

One of the most popular females in the history of the TMF no longer posts for that very reason. I just exchanged emails with her over the weekend, and she says she feels like she no longer fits in. I may be wrong, but I really believe we`ve seen the last of her and thats a damn shame. She lit up this place.

I recognize the sentiment, and possibly the individual. 😉 Unfortunately, if one needs to be the feminine center of the (TMF) universe in order to be happy, one might feel unwelcome in the presence of younger blood. But as other posters have already stated, that's one's own problem, one's own choice, and no one else is to blame.

Anyway Skip, I think you come across as someone who values honesty more than diplomacy. Being such a person myself, I understand and admire such tendencies, while recognizing they come with a price. 😛

 

[Miss Serendipity]

Never personally met you in person so I don't feel like I can contribute

however, before I got to know you, I thought you were a very opinionated person with a good head on your shoulders and while the shit talking set me a little off to you at first. I quickly learned that is was just a part what makes you the awesome person you are. 🙂

First impressions are not always correct and It's really is hard just what a person's mood is by just what they type!