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How many tickling friends do you have online?
- Thread starter #1shyguy
- Start date
TickledToDeath
2nd Level Violet Feather
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LMAO!! Bring it on gals...as I am both LER and LEE, I can take it as well as I can dish it out!
Let's PLAY!!!!!!!!!!
TTD
Let's PLAY!!!!!!!!!!
TTD
TickledToDeath
2nd Level Violet Feather
- Joined
- May 30, 2001
- Messages
- 7,477
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I am READY!!!!!! Bring IT ON!!!!!!
😛 😀
However, you all may want to save me for the main event cause IF, and I mean IF you and your cohorts DO manage to break me, I will be seeking a dish of revenge
😛 
TTD
😛 😀
However, you all may want to save me for the main event cause IF, and I mean IF you and your cohorts DO manage to break me, I will be seeking a dish of revenge
😛 TTD
Oh Man. TTD AND DAVE? I think I'm going to be in Heaven this weekend! heheheheh
And TTD...I've broken many! Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it.
(note to self - Be sure to get nails redone before Friday! My Grizz Scratchers have to be in Tip Top shape for this weekend!)
And TTD...I've broken many! Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it.
(note to self - Be sure to get nails redone before Friday! My Grizz Scratchers have to be in Tip Top shape for this weekend!)
"How many tickling friends do you have online?"
Temporarily steering this thread back to its original topic for a moment . . . I hate to admit this, but this question has really been bothering me for the past few days. I won't bore you with the long and complicated version, but suffice it to say that I used to have a small group of on online tickling friends about five or six years ago from a previous web site: NTCWeb. Now, I should say up front: I have high expectations of my friends and I always have-- that's what differentiates them from acquaintances. It's just the way I am wired. So by my own very narrow definition, I'm not going to have many online friends to begin with.
Add in a few years, being in a real life romantic relationship where insecurities on BOTH sides of the fence made maintaining such online friendships problematic, and the typical things such as people moving on and losing touch . . . and the number of people I consider my online friends grows even smaller. Virtually non-existent, even.
So, when that real-life romantic relationship suddenly ends without warning and I try to create new online friendships in TMF Chatroom here, I discover from repeated personal experience the ugly phenomenon of "chat room cliques." I don't think I've seen anyone else post about this phenomenon on the forums because, in my opinion, there is a tendency to boil in oil anybody who says anything even remotely critickle . . . er, I mean, critical, about the TMF. Case in point, when I posted my honest feelings and opinions about multiple negative experiences I had in the TMF chatroom on my *personal web site*, three separate people emailed Myriads about it to complain about things I said there. Hello? Myriads is in charge of the TMF, but he has nothing to do with my personal web site. If you don't like something I say on my personal web site, you should contact ME via email and we can have a discussion about it. But the last time I checked, I have a right to express my feelings on my own personal web site as long as they are not libelous or untrue.
But I digress . . . let me jump back to my previous point: the Chat Room Clique. In my personal experience, there are very definite social cliques in the TMF chatroom.
If you happen to click with the members of one or more of those social cliques, you are in for a wonderful time. I know because I have seen it happen in the instance of a real life friend who is also a member of this group-- I don't want to embarrass them by singling them out, but you all have done a wonderful job of making them feel welcome in the few short months that he or she has been coming here.
If, on the other hand, you don't measure up to the standards of these cliques, you will be (at best) ignored and (at worst) made a target of harrassment and ridicule. Case in point, on Christmas night in the TMF chat room, people pretended to pour a bucket of vomit over my head, pretended to pull my pants down as a joke to impress a girl in the room and more. All of this took place, by the way, in the public room and in front of a moderator who never bothered to lift a finger. I'd also like to point out that not a single person who was in the room and witnessed this made any effort to step forward and stand up for me. If I had known this was the kind of treatment I was going to receive on one of the lonliest nights of my life, I would have probably thrown my computer out the window and seen a shrink to get hypnotized and rid myself of this tickling fetish. I have had maybe two or three people talk to me privately several weeks after this happened and tell me how sorry they felt that I was treated this way . . . Gee, thanks, I feel so much better about myself now . . . but to the best of my knowledge no one has bothered to bring this out in a public venue for discussion.
Now, why is it all right to harrass mischief in the public chat room in front of a moderator, for Christ's sake . . . but the second someone harrasses (Lite, SummerDaez, insert popular member of chat room clique here) in a private chat, the moderators are suddenly more than happy to help and people in the chat room are holding "town meetings?!" In my opinion, the simple answer is this: there is an unspoken rule about who you can and cannot pick on in the chat room. Picking on a member of a clique is taboo, but you can go after anyone who doesn't fit in as much as you like and no one will care. Just out of curiousity, is anyone here old enough to remember Kitty Genovese? Those of you who are old enough to understand the historical reference will see my point.
Just last night, I came into the chat room and asked one simple question: "Has anyone seen Drew?" (Drew, btw, is one of the few people I still consider an online friend from my NTCWeb days). All of the sudden, someone I've never even chatted with online is asking me why do I want to see him and am I going to take him out back. There were no smileys attached to that comment or any other indicators that this was a joke, so I replied "Excuse me?" At this point, the other person involved, says "Oh, Nothing." Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?" Suddenly, when I put this person on the spot in the public room . . . they claim it was a joke, that I am taking it all wrong and that I am acting inappropriately. All I did was come into the chat room looking for a friend of mine. In less than 10 seconds, this complete stranger is publicly getting my face, trying to make insinuations about me . . . and yet, I am the one who is acting inappropriately??? Needless to say, this person is now on my permanent ignore list. If I wanted to be treated this badly, I can get it in real life-- I don't have to come online for it.
I don't think this speaks very well of the online tickling community. We are all people . . . with feelings! . . . who share this strange penchant for tickling or being tickled, in one degree or another. If there are so many of us that we can now afford to establish a "pecking order of abuse", please count me out! Frankly, it makes me want to lose hope in meeting any fellow ticklephiles in real life-- because if this is the way I am going to be treated on line, I'm afraid there will be some jerk more than happy to bring it into real life as well. I think it was DVNC who said in another thread that a person is a member of the online tickling community when they say they are. With all due respect, I couldn't disagree more . . . if you are not made to feel welcome because you don't measure up to the cliques standards, it doesn't matter how nice you are, you will never be considered "part of the family."
So, to answer your question, Shy Guy-- "how many online tickling friends do I have?" I don't know, but I think by airing my feelings in this public forum, and seeing the responses that I will find out very quickly who my real friends here are. It's kind of like facing a terminal illness-- it has a tendency to separate your true friends from everyone else. It should make for some very interesting discussion, at least.
Temporarily steering this thread back to its original topic for a moment . . . I hate to admit this, but this question has really been bothering me for the past few days. I won't bore you with the long and complicated version, but suffice it to say that I used to have a small group of on online tickling friends about five or six years ago from a previous web site: NTCWeb. Now, I should say up front: I have high expectations of my friends and I always have-- that's what differentiates them from acquaintances. It's just the way I am wired. So by my own very narrow definition, I'm not going to have many online friends to begin with.
Add in a few years, being in a real life romantic relationship where insecurities on BOTH sides of the fence made maintaining such online friendships problematic, and the typical things such as people moving on and losing touch . . . and the number of people I consider my online friends grows even smaller. Virtually non-existent, even.
So, when that real-life romantic relationship suddenly ends without warning and I try to create new online friendships in TMF Chatroom here, I discover from repeated personal experience the ugly phenomenon of "chat room cliques." I don't think I've seen anyone else post about this phenomenon on the forums because, in my opinion, there is a tendency to boil in oil anybody who says anything even remotely critickle . . . er, I mean, critical, about the TMF. Case in point, when I posted my honest feelings and opinions about multiple negative experiences I had in the TMF chatroom on my *personal web site*, three separate people emailed Myriads about it to complain about things I said there. Hello? Myriads is in charge of the TMF, but he has nothing to do with my personal web site. If you don't like something I say on my personal web site, you should contact ME via email and we can have a discussion about it. But the last time I checked, I have a right to express my feelings on my own personal web site as long as they are not libelous or untrue.
But I digress . . . let me jump back to my previous point: the Chat Room Clique. In my personal experience, there are very definite social cliques in the TMF chatroom.
If you happen to click with the members of one or more of those social cliques, you are in for a wonderful time. I know because I have seen it happen in the instance of a real life friend who is also a member of this group-- I don't want to embarrass them by singling them out, but you all have done a wonderful job of making them feel welcome in the few short months that he or she has been coming here.
If, on the other hand, you don't measure up to the standards of these cliques, you will be (at best) ignored and (at worst) made a target of harrassment and ridicule. Case in point, on Christmas night in the TMF chat room, people pretended to pour a bucket of vomit over my head, pretended to pull my pants down as a joke to impress a girl in the room and more. All of this took place, by the way, in the public room and in front of a moderator who never bothered to lift a finger. I'd also like to point out that not a single person who was in the room and witnessed this made any effort to step forward and stand up for me. If I had known this was the kind of treatment I was going to receive on one of the lonliest nights of my life, I would have probably thrown my computer out the window and seen a shrink to get hypnotized and rid myself of this tickling fetish. I have had maybe two or three people talk to me privately several weeks after this happened and tell me how sorry they felt that I was treated this way . . . Gee, thanks, I feel so much better about myself now . . . but to the best of my knowledge no one has bothered to bring this out in a public venue for discussion.
Now, why is it all right to harrass mischief in the public chat room in front of a moderator, for Christ's sake . . . but the second someone harrasses (Lite, SummerDaez, insert popular member of chat room clique here) in a private chat, the moderators are suddenly more than happy to help and people in the chat room are holding "town meetings?!" In my opinion, the simple answer is this: there is an unspoken rule about who you can and cannot pick on in the chat room. Picking on a member of a clique is taboo, but you can go after anyone who doesn't fit in as much as you like and no one will care. Just out of curiousity, is anyone here old enough to remember Kitty Genovese? Those of you who are old enough to understand the historical reference will see my point.
Just last night, I came into the chat room and asked one simple question: "Has anyone seen Drew?" (Drew, btw, is one of the few people I still consider an online friend from my NTCWeb days). All of the sudden, someone I've never even chatted with online is asking me why do I want to see him and am I going to take him out back. There were no smileys attached to that comment or any other indicators that this was a joke, so I replied "Excuse me?" At this point, the other person involved, says "Oh, Nothing." Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?" Suddenly, when I put this person on the spot in the public room . . . they claim it was a joke, that I am taking it all wrong and that I am acting inappropriately. All I did was come into the chat room looking for a friend of mine. In less than 10 seconds, this complete stranger is publicly getting my face, trying to make insinuations about me . . . and yet, I am the one who is acting inappropriately??? Needless to say, this person is now on my permanent ignore list. If I wanted to be treated this badly, I can get it in real life-- I don't have to come online for it.
I don't think this speaks very well of the online tickling community. We are all people . . . with feelings! . . . who share this strange penchant for tickling or being tickled, in one degree or another. If there are so many of us that we can now afford to establish a "pecking order of abuse", please count me out! Frankly, it makes me want to lose hope in meeting any fellow ticklephiles in real life-- because if this is the way I am going to be treated on line, I'm afraid there will be some jerk more than happy to bring it into real life as well. I think it was DVNC who said in another thread that a person is a member of the online tickling community when they say they are. With all due respect, I couldn't disagree more . . . if you are not made to feel welcome because you don't measure up to the cliques standards, it doesn't matter how nice you are, you will never be considered "part of the family."
So, to answer your question, Shy Guy-- "how many online tickling friends do I have?" I don't know, but I think by airing my feelings in this public forum, and seeing the responses that I will find out very quickly who my real friends here are. It's kind of like facing a terminal illness-- it has a tendency to separate your true friends from everyone else. It should make for some very interesting discussion, at least.
giggleygirl25
2nd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2001
- Messages
- 1,311
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- 0
friends
i have a few friends on here that are ticklephiles(some i haven't heard from in awhile), but most of the people i talk to don't know how much i love tickling (love being on the other end of the feather/fingers)...anyway thats all folks 😀
i have a few friends on here that are ticklephiles(some i haven't heard from in awhile), but most of the people i talk to don't know how much i love tickling (love being on the other end of the feather/fingers)...anyway thats all folks 😀
Whoa Micheif hold on....
This will not be a bash on you Mischief...
I was there last night when you came in and asked about Drew.
You came in at a very busy time, and the person you speak of was in a sarcastic mood.
"":Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?""Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?" ""
Mischief you were in and out of the room in 5 minutes...
The person who did not use smilies was quite upset that you were offended. Actually we were all wondering just what happened...
And as a matter of point, Drew did come in about a half hour after you left and we pointed out right away that you were looking for Drew.
Mischief you came in at a busy time and left in a hurry before anyone could explain... Sorry you feel the way you do, but you didn't give us a chance to respond.
This will not be a bash on you Mischief...
I was there last night when you came in and asked about Drew.
You came in at a very busy time, and the person you speak of was in a sarcastic mood.
"":Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?""Again, no smileys or ANYTHING to indicate that this was a joke. So as far as I know, this complete stranger has publicly insinuated that I want to harm Drew. Now, I'm sorry, but at this point I lost my patience and said: "If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it?" ""
Mischief you were in and out of the room in 5 minutes...
The person who did not use smilies was quite upset that you were offended. Actually we were all wondering just what happened...
And as a matter of point, Drew did come in about a half hour after you left and we pointed out right away that you were looking for Drew.
Mischief you came in at a busy time and left in a hurry before anyone could explain... Sorry you feel the way you do, but you didn't give us a chance to respond.
Mischeif, I'm sorry you felt this way. In fact we HAD chatted a day or so before, and you were very playful and fun. I don't know why you wouldn think I was anything BUT joking. And then to go on and attack me...well it was upsetting to say the least. I would NEVER want to make someone uncomfortable in the forum. But to turn around and lose your temper instead of discussing it maturely, that makes you no better, or nicer then me. Again I'm sorry for making you feel attacked, but I think I deserve the same apology.
Dave2112
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2001
- Messages
- 10,293
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- 0
Mischief, if you have a problem in the Chatroom, make sure that you talk to one of the Mods about it. I wasn't there and don't know what happened, but many times, I let things go depending on the context. Sometimes people kid around harshly, and everyone involved is having fun. Sometimes it's just a small thing and someone gets riled up. So, let us know if something is bothering you, and we'll take care of it diplomatically, regardless of "cliques".
As for those cliques, yes they do happen. I myself have certain people I talk to on a regular basis, and some I don't. But I eventually try to talk to everyone. Many people are like this. You may have just gotten in on a bad night. It's the Internet, these things happen.
On the other hand, I would personally like to discourage any "ganging up" on an individual, if the purpose is merely humiliation. This isn't in reference to the above incident, as again I wasn't there to comment, but in reference to behavior in general. The TMF chatroom is a nice place for us tickle-philes to hang out, so let's keep it friendly, ok?
Thanks all.😎
As for those cliques, yes they do happen. I myself have certain people I talk to on a regular basis, and some I don't. But I eventually try to talk to everyone. Many people are like this. You may have just gotten in on a bad night. It's the Internet, these things happen.
On the other hand, I would personally like to discourage any "ganging up" on an individual, if the purpose is merely humiliation. This isn't in reference to the above incident, as again I wasn't there to comment, but in reference to behavior in general. The TMF chatroom is a nice place for us tickle-philes to hang out, so let's keep it friendly, ok?
Thanks all.😎
TickledToDeath
2nd Level Violet Feather
- Joined
- May 30, 2001
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- 7,477
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QBWeaver said:
The Pearly gates are OPEN, Step through my dear!!
😀 TTD
TickledToDeath
2nd Level Violet Feather
- Joined
- May 30, 2001
- Messages
- 7,477
- Points
- 0
QBWeaver said:
Take notes. MAKE notes. Don't forget your notebook😛 😉 😀
TTD
(Please note, I am making a very concerted effort to set aside my feelings and remain objective as I write this post. This is not easy for me, but I am trying to do so because this means a lot to me. Quite possibly more to me than any of you here, including someone who has been quite close to me, will ever know.)
Before I say anything, I would like to thank tcrew, bickee, and Dave2112 for their responses. I may disagree with you, but at least you have taken the time to respond to what I have said here publicly. The fact that you have made that effort means a lot to me.
(taking a deep breath) I would like to respond to some items that were said. As the expression goes, there are three sides to every story-- my side, your side and the truth. So, in no particular order, here are my responses:
TO TCREW:
"You came in at a very busy time, and the person you speak of was in a sarcastic mood."
Ok, that is a puzzle piece I did not previously have. Thank you. However, that does not (in my opinion) excuse or explain how I have been treated by people in that chat room for the past four months. I really wish some people who have been in the chat room and seen what I have put up with would have stepped forward and responded to my post to confirm how I have been treated . . . but that obviously isn't going to happen.
"Mischief you were in and out of the room in 5 minutes... "
Actually, it was FAR less than 5 minutes. I have gotten burned so many times in that chat room that I have learned not to stick around and get kicked around. Once I feel that I am under attack, I leave.
"The person who did not use smilies was quite upset that you were offended."
(taking deep breaths to relax) I will have to take your word on this. It obviously took place after I was no longer in the room. There is more I would like to say on this, but I do not trust myself to not become upset or to be able to successfully put what I am trying to say into words that would make sense here. Rather than say something wrong and make the situation worse, I choose to bite my tongue.
Secondly, thank you for not naming this person in your response. I know no one is going to believe this, but I deliberately made an effort not to include any nicknames because I'm not trying to hurt anyone. The *sole* reason I made this post was because I am tired of the way I have been treated in the chat room on a fairly consistent basis and I want to "clear the air." This is important to me because I am at a point in my personal life where I have to make a decision about my fetish-- and whether I should continue to try to reach out for help and emotional support from fellow ticklephiles or whether I should lose all hope of ever meeting someone that will understand me.
"Mischief you came in at a busy time and left in a hurry before anyone could explain... Sorry you feel the way you do, but you didn't give us a chance to respond."
(being very serious) I also didn't want to give anyone the chance to kick me while I was down. Don't think for a minute I am being a smart aleck when I say that-- I have been ganged up on in that chat room before and I will not be someone's verbal punching bag. By posting this in the forum publicly after the fact, I have given you and others the opportunity to respond and explain. It may not have been the ideal solution, but it is the best I can manage under my present personal circumstances.
TO DAVE2112:
"Mischief, if you have a problem in the Chatroom, make sure that you talk to one of the Mods about it."
I have attempted to speak to chat room mods when incidents like this have occured. The responses I have received have been less than encouraging. Every time I have come to a moderator with a legitimate complaint, I have been summarily dismissed with something along the lines of "you're being too sensitive" or "everything that happens in the chat room is make believe anyway, so why are you upset?" Let me give you a very specific example, but without names. I was cyber tickling with a person once about two weeks ago and they asked me to do something I felt uncomfortable with. I politely refused and explained why I wasn't comfortable with it. Instead of respecting my boundaries, this person became verbally abusive to me in private chat. I made several efforts to calm this person down and explain to them once again why I felt uncomfortable with their request . . . I even offered a compromise to make up for my boundaries, but the verbal abuse simply escalated further. When I finally went to the moderator, I was specifically told that I should have honored this person's request and that I needed to stop being so sensitive. When I compare and contrast this with the responses other people have received from moderators under very similar circumstances, I cannot help but feel that there is a double standard. The rules do not apply to all of the people in the chat room. Once again, that is just my feeling/opinion-- but I do know other people have seen it happen first hand, and I really wish they would respond to my post and confirm what I am saying is true. I'm tired of being told I am just too sensitive and that it is always just a misunderstanding, like I am some hysterical person who needs to be patronized.
"Sometimes people kid around harshly, and everyone involved is having fun."
I disagree. I wasn't having fun on Christmas night when people ganged up on me. That was simply mean, vicious and cruel behavior. There was no excuse for the way I was treated that night. I was lonely and down and people went out of their way to kick me and make me feel worse. I think it is very interesting that no one has bothered to respond to this incident from my previous post. It is much easier to pick a single isolated incident and proclaim it a misunderstanding, than to look at a pattern of behaviour and admit that there is a genuine issue here.
"Sometimes it's just a small thing and someone gets riled up. So, let us know if something is bothering you, and we'll take care of it diplomatically, regardless of "cliques"."
I really wish I could believe you, but I have several months of personal experience in that chat room that contradict what you are saying.
"As for those cliques, yes they do happen. I myself have certain people I talk to on a regular basis, and some I don't. But I eventually try to talk to everyone. Many people are like this. You may have just gotten in on a bad night. It's the Internet, these things happen."
I have no problem with cliques, per se. If people don't want to talk to me, that is fine. There are now people I will not say hello to based upon how they have treated me. Where I draw the line, is when I am treated badly because I am not part of "Clique X." Where I draw the line is when I am following the chat room rules and trying my best to show other people respect . . . but I am not shown the same courtesy by others.
"The TMF chatroom is a nice place for us tickle-philes to hang out, so let's keep it friendly, ok?"
I wish it were a friendly hang out for me. You have MO IDEA how BADLY I want for this to be true, but for me . . . it simply isn't. It's hard enough when your real-life ex of three years is here . . . and you are trying to remain friends while still going through the grief and loss of the relationship . . . then throw into the mix the fact that she is welcomed warmly and I am not. I'll admit it, I'm jealous and I resent it. I've actually had one or two people try to tell me that I should not come here because she is here, even though I signed up at the TMF before she did and have been in the chat room on a semi-regular basis at least since October (which coincided with my Montreal trip). These "helpful" people did not suggest alternative places for me to meet people who share my fetish, by the way-- they just suggested I should stop coming to the TMF. What NERVE!
The TMF is the largest online community web site-- why should I be denied this because my ex-GF happens to be here? Don't I have the right to try to meet fellow tickle-philes? This site has 3000+ members and I cannot believe I am the only person who has their former significant-other here. I have as much right to be here as anyone.
TO BICKEE:
(DISCLAIMER: this is not meant as an attack. I deliberately did not include your name in my previous post because I wasn't trying to "get you back." I was simply trying to show what I feel to be an ongoing problem in the chat room environment, and this incident seemed to be the latest in an ongoing pattern. I wish I had the time and emotional reserves to give you the kind of fair response that you deserve here, but I have to get ready for work soon and to be quite honest I have found the last two days to be emotionally nerve wracking. I should have responded to you first, but I guess I subconcsiously put the most difficult one off until last.)
PEACE OFFERING: my email address is [email protected]. If you prefer to discuss this further privately, I would be honored to do so. However, there is one string/condition attached: please try not to be sarcastic with me until I know you better. I'm just really not good with sarcasm these days. I don't know how to process it emotionally.
"In fact we HAD chatted a day or so before, and you were very playful and fun. I don't know why you wouldn think I was anything BUT joking."
Bickee, I hate to disappoint you, but we have never spoken before. Please understand-- I'm not calling you a liar! But I think you have either mistaken me for someone else, or perhaps you spoke with someone else who uses the same nick that I did. (I have been told that there is a female who uses the same nick in chat that I do.) I would have remembered chatting with you because you are a female ler, and since I am a male lee/ler . . . well, let's just say that junkies never forget the names of their potential dealers. (sad grin) I would definitely have remembered you.
I didn't know you were joking because there were no smileys and I didn't know you. I swear to God I didn't know you were being sarcastic. I really thought you were getting in my face, because it seemed that you came out of nowhere just as soon as I came into the room to ask about Drew.
"But to turn around and lose your temper instead of discussing it maturely, that makes you no better, or nicer then me."
(deep inhale, exhale) I don't think I've ever claimed to be better or nicer than you, or anyone else in here. Trust me, if you had any idea of my . . . situation right now and how I felt about myself, you would never doubt what I said in that previous sentence.
"Again I'm sorry for making you feel attacked, but I think I deserve the same apology."
Thank you for your apology. It means a great deal to me.
You have attempted to set things right. You are right, you deserve the same apology in return.
I am sorry I mistook your sarcasm for a personal attack.
I am also sorry that I lost my temper with you.
I hope you will forgive me for this mistake.
Mischief
Before I say anything, I would like to thank tcrew, bickee, and Dave2112 for their responses. I may disagree with you, but at least you have taken the time to respond to what I have said here publicly. The fact that you have made that effort means a lot to me.
(taking a deep breath) I would like to respond to some items that were said. As the expression goes, there are three sides to every story-- my side, your side and the truth. So, in no particular order, here are my responses:
TO TCREW:
"You came in at a very busy time, and the person you speak of was in a sarcastic mood."
Ok, that is a puzzle piece I did not previously have. Thank you. However, that does not (in my opinion) excuse or explain how I have been treated by people in that chat room for the past four months. I really wish some people who have been in the chat room and seen what I have put up with would have stepped forward and responded to my post to confirm how I have been treated . . . but that obviously isn't going to happen.
"Mischief you were in and out of the room in 5 minutes... "
Actually, it was FAR less than 5 minutes. I have gotten burned so many times in that chat room that I have learned not to stick around and get kicked around. Once I feel that I am under attack, I leave.
"The person who did not use smilies was quite upset that you were offended."
(taking deep breaths to relax) I will have to take your word on this. It obviously took place after I was no longer in the room. There is more I would like to say on this, but I do not trust myself to not become upset or to be able to successfully put what I am trying to say into words that would make sense here. Rather than say something wrong and make the situation worse, I choose to bite my tongue.
Secondly, thank you for not naming this person in your response. I know no one is going to believe this, but I deliberately made an effort not to include any nicknames because I'm not trying to hurt anyone. The *sole* reason I made this post was because I am tired of the way I have been treated in the chat room on a fairly consistent basis and I want to "clear the air." This is important to me because I am at a point in my personal life where I have to make a decision about my fetish-- and whether I should continue to try to reach out for help and emotional support from fellow ticklephiles or whether I should lose all hope of ever meeting someone that will understand me.
"Mischief you came in at a busy time and left in a hurry before anyone could explain... Sorry you feel the way you do, but you didn't give us a chance to respond."
(being very serious) I also didn't want to give anyone the chance to kick me while I was down. Don't think for a minute I am being a smart aleck when I say that-- I have been ganged up on in that chat room before and I will not be someone's verbal punching bag. By posting this in the forum publicly after the fact, I have given you and others the opportunity to respond and explain. It may not have been the ideal solution, but it is the best I can manage under my present personal circumstances.
TO DAVE2112:
"Mischief, if you have a problem in the Chatroom, make sure that you talk to one of the Mods about it."
I have attempted to speak to chat room mods when incidents like this have occured. The responses I have received have been less than encouraging. Every time I have come to a moderator with a legitimate complaint, I have been summarily dismissed with something along the lines of "you're being too sensitive" or "everything that happens in the chat room is make believe anyway, so why are you upset?" Let me give you a very specific example, but without names. I was cyber tickling with a person once about two weeks ago and they asked me to do something I felt uncomfortable with. I politely refused and explained why I wasn't comfortable with it. Instead of respecting my boundaries, this person became verbally abusive to me in private chat. I made several efforts to calm this person down and explain to them once again why I felt uncomfortable with their request . . . I even offered a compromise to make up for my boundaries, but the verbal abuse simply escalated further. When I finally went to the moderator, I was specifically told that I should have honored this person's request and that I needed to stop being so sensitive. When I compare and contrast this with the responses other people have received from moderators under very similar circumstances, I cannot help but feel that there is a double standard. The rules do not apply to all of the people in the chat room. Once again, that is just my feeling/opinion-- but I do know other people have seen it happen first hand, and I really wish they would respond to my post and confirm what I am saying is true. I'm tired of being told I am just too sensitive and that it is always just a misunderstanding, like I am some hysterical person who needs to be patronized.
"Sometimes people kid around harshly, and everyone involved is having fun."
I disagree. I wasn't having fun on Christmas night when people ganged up on me. That was simply mean, vicious and cruel behavior. There was no excuse for the way I was treated that night. I was lonely and down and people went out of their way to kick me and make me feel worse. I think it is very interesting that no one has bothered to respond to this incident from my previous post. It is much easier to pick a single isolated incident and proclaim it a misunderstanding, than to look at a pattern of behaviour and admit that there is a genuine issue here.
"Sometimes it's just a small thing and someone gets riled up. So, let us know if something is bothering you, and we'll take care of it diplomatically, regardless of "cliques"."
I really wish I could believe you, but I have several months of personal experience in that chat room that contradict what you are saying.
"As for those cliques, yes they do happen. I myself have certain people I talk to on a regular basis, and some I don't. But I eventually try to talk to everyone. Many people are like this. You may have just gotten in on a bad night. It's the Internet, these things happen."
I have no problem with cliques, per se. If people don't want to talk to me, that is fine. There are now people I will not say hello to based upon how they have treated me. Where I draw the line, is when I am treated badly because I am not part of "Clique X." Where I draw the line is when I am following the chat room rules and trying my best to show other people respect . . . but I am not shown the same courtesy by others.
"The TMF chatroom is a nice place for us tickle-philes to hang out, so let's keep it friendly, ok?"
I wish it were a friendly hang out for me. You have MO IDEA how BADLY I want for this to be true, but for me . . . it simply isn't. It's hard enough when your real-life ex of three years is here . . . and you are trying to remain friends while still going through the grief and loss of the relationship . . . then throw into the mix the fact that she is welcomed warmly and I am not. I'll admit it, I'm jealous and I resent it. I've actually had one or two people try to tell me that I should not come here because she is here, even though I signed up at the TMF before she did and have been in the chat room on a semi-regular basis at least since October (which coincided with my Montreal trip). These "helpful" people did not suggest alternative places for me to meet people who share my fetish, by the way-- they just suggested I should stop coming to the TMF. What NERVE!
The TMF is the largest online community web site-- why should I be denied this because my ex-GF happens to be here? Don't I have the right to try to meet fellow tickle-philes? This site has 3000+ members and I cannot believe I am the only person who has their former significant-other here. I have as much right to be here as anyone.
TO BICKEE:
(DISCLAIMER: this is not meant as an attack. I deliberately did not include your name in my previous post because I wasn't trying to "get you back." I was simply trying to show what I feel to be an ongoing problem in the chat room environment, and this incident seemed to be the latest in an ongoing pattern. I wish I had the time and emotional reserves to give you the kind of fair response that you deserve here, but I have to get ready for work soon and to be quite honest I have found the last two days to be emotionally nerve wracking. I should have responded to you first, but I guess I subconcsiously put the most difficult one off until last.)
PEACE OFFERING: my email address is [email protected]. If you prefer to discuss this further privately, I would be honored to do so. However, there is one string/condition attached: please try not to be sarcastic with me until I know you better. I'm just really not good with sarcasm these days. I don't know how to process it emotionally.
"In fact we HAD chatted a day or so before, and you were very playful and fun. I don't know why you wouldn think I was anything BUT joking."
Bickee, I hate to disappoint you, but we have never spoken before. Please understand-- I'm not calling you a liar! But I think you have either mistaken me for someone else, or perhaps you spoke with someone else who uses the same nick that I did. (I have been told that there is a female who uses the same nick in chat that I do.) I would have remembered chatting with you because you are a female ler, and since I am a male lee/ler . . . well, let's just say that junkies never forget the names of their potential dealers. (sad grin) I would definitely have remembered you.
I didn't know you were joking because there were no smileys and I didn't know you. I swear to God I didn't know you were being sarcastic. I really thought you were getting in my face, because it seemed that you came out of nowhere just as soon as I came into the room to ask about Drew.
"But to turn around and lose your temper instead of discussing it maturely, that makes you no better, or nicer then me."
(deep inhale, exhale) I don't think I've ever claimed to be better or nicer than you, or anyone else in here. Trust me, if you had any idea of my . . . situation right now and how I felt about myself, you would never doubt what I said in that previous sentence.
"Again I'm sorry for making you feel attacked, but I think I deserve the same apology."
Thank you for your apology. It means a great deal to me.
You have attempted to set things right. You are right, you deserve the same apology in return.
I am sorry I mistook your sarcasm for a personal attack.
I am also sorry that I lost my temper with you.
I hope you will forgive me for this mistake.
Mischief
Hmmm.
Mischief, I am sorry you have had bad experiences with the chat room.
And I am actually a little concerned that moderators are not taking requests seriously. If you didn't want to go past a certain boundary that is your right(even in a private chat) and I am rather suprised that your were told to stop being sensitive!
I hope the Mods arent' thinkig oh its a guy, no big deal he can handle it, well guess what Mods, guys need help too sometimes...
Well if your ex is on the board and more liked than you, then you might be looking at the problem. The people that wrongly attacked you probably had some connection with your ex, be it friend or otherwise. Your ex may have not have even said anything bad about you, just that you are seperated from each other and "they" are friends of hers...
I hope this is not the case but...
Anyway, I do understand your frustration but I wanted to make clear also that you didn't give us much time to respond.
Also, I don't think you should consider cold turkey on the tickling thing. It will not "go away", and I have had the same thoughts, gee if only I was a boob man...
It can seem like you can't find anyone and of course your issues with your ex(being on this board) make finding someone a bit more difficult.
Oh and I dont' know your ex either...
Anyway, I am done now.
Please consider coming back, you actually missed some good tickling discussion that night... and Drew.
Hope to see you,
tcrewme
Mischief, I am sorry you have had bad experiences with the chat room.
And I am actually a little concerned that moderators are not taking requests seriously. If you didn't want to go past a certain boundary that is your right(even in a private chat) and I am rather suprised that your were told to stop being sensitive!
I hope the Mods arent' thinkig oh its a guy, no big deal he can handle it, well guess what Mods, guys need help too sometimes...
Well if your ex is on the board and more liked than you, then you might be looking at the problem. The people that wrongly attacked you probably had some connection with your ex, be it friend or otherwise. Your ex may have not have even said anything bad about you, just that you are seperated from each other and "they" are friends of hers...
I hope this is not the case but...
Anyway, I do understand your frustration but I wanted to make clear also that you didn't give us much time to respond.
Also, I don't think you should consider cold turkey on the tickling thing. It will not "go away", and I have had the same thoughts, gee if only I was a boob man...
It can seem like you can't find anyone and of course your issues with your ex(being on this board) make finding someone a bit more difficult.
Oh and I dont' know your ex either...
Anyway, I am done now.
Please consider coming back, you actually missed some good tickling discussion that night... and Drew.
Hope to see you,
tcrewme
TickledToDeath
2nd Level Violet Feather
- Joined
- May 30, 2001
- Messages
- 7,477
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Mischief
While I do not have a clue as to the occurances on the night mentioned allow me to say this which is a blanket statement I would give to anyone having a problem similar to yours whether it be in a chat room or out in the real world.
Don't let the wrongdoings and or comments of a few deter you from being who you are. There are MORE who care than don't care and it is better to have half a dozen GREAT friends then a hundred fair weather friends and certainly better than those who are of the caliber or lack thereof than who treat you without respect.
The opinions of those who care for you and whom you care for are far more important than anyone elses so don't let this get to you.
Trust me my friend, for a two year period I have taken more flames and crap from a certain person or two that would pale in comparison to what happend to you and I scraped it off and moved on and I am still here and loved my my friends and love all of them in return.
You are better than that to let this get to you.
Sincerely,
TTD
While I do not have a clue as to the occurances on the night mentioned allow me to say this which is a blanket statement I would give to anyone having a problem similar to yours whether it be in a chat room or out in the real world.
Don't let the wrongdoings and or comments of a few deter you from being who you are. There are MORE who care than don't care and it is better to have half a dozen GREAT friends then a hundred fair weather friends and certainly better than those who are of the caliber or lack thereof than who treat you without respect.
The opinions of those who care for you and whom you care for are far more important than anyone elses so don't let this get to you.
Trust me my friend, for a two year period I have taken more flames and crap from a certain person or two that would pale in comparison to what happend to you and I scraped it off and moved on and I am still here and loved my my friends and love all of them in return.
You are better than that to let this get to you.
Sincerely,
TTD
