Incubo Magnifico based on a Musical

[Journia]

Thank you for the kind words concerning wier and the ending of the paragraph. Gotcha is a fuinny comic, which I am going to send the address of in your pm. Make certain you open it.

 

[Journia]

I came to, the sun was going down below the mountains, in front of me, the wood was cracked and splintered, only a few inches from my face. Like a dagger, sticking toward me. Below me Yarmeli stared in complete, silence. Her eyes wide and her mouth drawn back to her ears in a frightened grin. Gloria sat forward, I reached over and turned her head. Blood. Upon looking further, I found just what I had feared. Gloria’s temporal lobe had been impaled. She was dead. I let her head rest back on the seat. Yarmeli began sobbing now.
“Is-Is she dead?” She asked between sobs.
“Don’t worry, it’s alright.”
“She is dead isn’t she?”
“I ain’t saying nothing.”
“Yep. She’s dead.” another voice replied. I looked in its direction, and otside of the carriage, stood a man in a dark brown cape. His face was long, and tapering. One eye was green, the other black, he must have been punched earlier also, because the green one had a dark, purplish black circle around it.
“Can you help us sir?” I asked.
“Yes. Hand me the girl, she needs to be released first.” He stretched out his hands. I moved so she could get into his grasp. The man then began to carry her off.
“So long Corpus! The girl will die if you don’t wake up!” He shouted as he leapt from the aqueduct bridge. Yarmeli screamed as she fell with the man.
“No!” I shouted as I scrambled out of the carriage. I hit the ground with a thump, everything went blurry, and then, I realized, I was still in the carriage. I woke from my dream, the wood was as it had been before, but Gloria was alright, I checked her head to make certain of it. Yarmeli was not in my lap however. She had wriggled outside. She stood on the edge of the aqueduct bridge. Looking at the moon. I crawled out and made my way over to her.

“Another carriage is coming to get us.” She told me. “The carriage driver is dead.”
“And you aren’t sad?”
“I don’t deal with death the way most people do.” She said in a most emotionless tone.
“Well, atleast you aren’t crying.”
“I didn’t cry when my sister’s and brothers were burned alive in an orpahanage.” The image from my dream a few days before resurfaced.
“You are an orphan?”
“Not anymore. My family was almost killed by the Insidi.”
“The Insidi?”
“The Insidi, it is a cult that still holds clout in some areas of the world. The remnants of a long dead religion.” The Insidi burned down my family’s residence, and killed my mother. I saw them myself.”
“How long ago was this?”
“Eighteen years.”
“How old are you?”

“Twenty-Three?” Gloria exclaimed as she looked at the girl who stood on the edge of the bridge, staring into the moonlight. “That little girl is twenty-three?”
“I am not a little girl. I merely have the appearance of one. I am Yarmeli Valmons, the last carrier of the Valmons family line for the moment.”
“More like Dorothy Wayneright.” Gloria said noting Yarmeli’s stance, upon the gridge’s edge. Unmoving, even ad the wind blew through her black dress. The sound of horses came up as a dark carriage pulled toward us. Five black horses led it to a stop, and a man in a dark cape stepped out. He was atleast two feet taller than me, with black hair to his shoulders and draped in a long black cape. He walked right past me in the moonlight, which, from the angle of the satellite, shone directly on the bridge, and led Yarmeli into the carriage. The man, whose face I never saw, then ligfted a gloved hand toward Gloria and I, and motioned for us to enter the cab also. Once we got in, the carriage began to trot off.
“Yarmeli, who the devil is this?” Gloria asked, a bit disturbed.
“It’s my daddy.” She said smiling. The two of us looked at the man, who lifted his head up, revealing the pale brown face of the man we searched for.
“And you, are my Grand daughter.” He said to Gloria. His face was suave, and light, but with a masculine tone. It was like a hiss really, an audible hiss. He smiled, as he brushed his hair from his view with his hand.

 

[Low_Roads]

It was like a hiss really, an audible hiss.

The very best kind!

Hey, I thought you planned to space these installments! And here we go again with period uncertainty! "Dorothy Wayneright" indeed! It's impossible to figure out when this story's supposed to be taking place! Not the only piece of trickery on display, either. I thought for a minute we'd actually lost one of major characters.

The Insidi... great name for a murder cult. And the long-sought M. Valmons puts in his appearance at last. I won't say things are picking up (for thrills, it's hard to top a faux carriage impaling), but the situation is certainly becoming more complex. Hope to see some of these weighty forces in collision before too long.

 

[Journia]

I 'm Loving it.

 

[Journia]

The house of Valmons was like a huge castle. It was on the edge of Wier, with an excellent view of the sea. The house was composed of mainly towers, but the shape of a rectangular form was quite evident. The house held at the least, five miles worth of acreage on the grounds in fron of the house alone. The rest behind the house, was merely a 1,000 foot drop into the sea.

"...Yes, and the Headmaster is an arrogant racist. How he ever got to be the leader of that academy is beyond me. Especially when he oversees students of varying ethnicities." Malachai said.
"Precisely and he speaks like he knows everything." Gloria agreed.
"He is an impotent old fool." Yarmeli put in.
"Master Corpus," I looked up in response to Malachai's reference. "You say that yopu are here to investigate the murder of my son Feral. What led you to me?"
"I remember a letter from someone, which arrived shortly after the murder of the relative, in it it mentioned something about the Brisoum's being of Valmonic lineage."
"You said Valmonic." Yarmeli exclaimed. "We are not like Vampyres!"
"I only mean to say that the letter stated something concerning the family of Valmons in connection, close connection I might add, with the wealthy Brisoum family. I then asked Gloria about you, but she never knew your name to be Valmons. I showed her a picture of you, and--"
"Wait, you have a picture of me?"
"Certainly. It was given to me as a gift by Feral himself."
"I see." He replied subduedly.
"As I was saying, she recognized you as her Grandpere, and I suggested we investigate further. Then we found the picture in your son's room. And we recognized this Insignia. We knew it was of the Roresque Talonis Muirischai Lonirim. You are the lasdt of this aren't you Malachai?"
"No. There are four others. Two live here, and one disappeared. I don't know whether he is alive or not. He is most possibly deceased now, but I wouldn't doubt that he may live." The carriage rolled to a stop and we got out. The house of Valons was magnificent. Gloria showed her fancy for baroque architecture as soon as she got here.
"Just think," Gloria said to me, taking my hand in hers. "All of this came from a mistaken Fleur Delis."
"I think it was fate that you found this Gloria." Malachai said as he opened the door. "That you neglected to turn the emblem upon its right side. Leading you to this man, and him to your house, and from there to this quiet, baroque, yet all so sinister city." He sqwung the doors open like the wings of a bat. We entered and the doors shut themselves.
"I'll make tea." Yarmeli said.
"Look around the house you two." Malachai said as we began to go up the stairs. "You will like it I am certain." He took off his cape. He wore a black vest, and a white shirt. His black pants and boots completed he set. He was suprenmely thin, like a sherlock holmes of sorts. Of course, he was a detecxtive anyway.

Gloria and I walked along the dark hallway, listening to the song of the Operamore, a small birdlike creature, with vast beauty and a beautiful singing voice, like the most beautiful of opera singers. We passed different windows and rooms. The windows opened onto balconies one of which we decided to walk out on. The view was magnificent. the huge pale moon over the dark eternal sea.
"It takes a special kind of person to appreciate the music of an Operamore and the night sky." Gloria said staring out peacefully.
"The songs of the Operamore are the peak of perfection. There isn't a better songstress in all of creation."
"How do you know it is a songstress?" She asked in a tone of arrogance.
"I don't know. but it is always nice to imagine the feminine vocality to be of a Songstress." Apparently this response qualified with her, because she said nothing more concerning it.
"It is beautiful." She said of the seascape.
"Yes it is." I could truly feel the mood and appreciate the scenery.
"Yes." She replied again.

 

[Master Chief]

Oh, I like this. It has an ending of peace, tranquility, all to the beat of a songbird's heart. I love it. You got that beat from Elfen lied didn't you?

 

[Journia]

Yes....yes I did....will you please stop guessing where I get my lines from?
XD

 

[Master Chief]

It was so obvious. You love that piece.

 

[Abadon XXX1]

This is truly awesome Journia ^^

 

[Journia]

Thanks and now, for a new chapter.

The sitting room was huge, a domed cieling, pillars supporting it, and golden angels reaching out from them like heavenly gargoyles, completed the beauty of the room in which the four of us discussed the plan of action. I had deduced earlier that Valmons might not be the perpetrator after all. Malachai and Yarmeli sat in the couch across from us and lounged like Varice royalty.

"Who are the other two people you know of who are of your kind, Master Valmons?" I asked as I held Gloria's hand gently.
"They are Vixcwell Armadi and Sunni Agyptus."
"Agyptus?" I asked remembering the name from a history book. "The same one who burnt New Rome?"
"The one and the same."
"But he was killed by his Best friend."
"He was a dark wizard from Egypt." Valmons said with malicious pride in his voice. "He wasn't going to die by falling from the top of the Mirochlast."
"I remember meeting her too. The girl." Yarmeli said. "She was very nice actually."
"No one ever said she wasn't nice." Malachai said.
I also remember meeting her. She was a small girl, who wore black all the time. Her skin was a dark brown, and her eyes, behind her glasses, there was a sickening evil that lay there. But her look was decieving. There wasn't a drop of evil in her. The "evil" in her was not what I believed. It was Power. The Determination to defeat a world class, centuries old villain. ONe who would have offered the world to the devil on a platter of gold and diamonds. I remember. I was there when the Mirochlast came crashing down. Now to find out he survived the doom of New Rome and The Mirochlast? He too had to be stopped.
"We must visit Agyptus tomorrow." I resolved. "I must interrogate him concering the murder. He may be the criminal."
"Agyptus is leaving his abode tonight at eleven to go to the Wastes of Fena Reer. He is going on some important misison from the mayor."
"Then we had best go tonight." Gloria declared. "Immediately in fact."
Rising from the couch using his legs alone, Valmonsled us to the carriage house through a long hallway of ribbed and vaulted passages. Once inthe carriage house, we boarded a carriage and the driver made haste.
"To Agyptus Manor!" Gloria and I shouted.

 

[Journia]

Agyptus Manor was nothing like the other structures in Wier. While others were arabesque, elegant, fantastic even, Agyptus Manor was nothing of the sort. It was built at the intersection of four valleys, in the middle of the vast, lush canyon which the joining of the four valleys created. Had it not been for the beauty of the Valleys themselves, Agyptus Manor would have been the fodder for the Castle Otranto and other nightmarish tales.

The manor was fifteen stories high and covered the space of five city blocks. It was a rectangular building with a flat roof. It was built of huge grey stones, its windows were of Jet and ebony, and the yard was flattened and covered in stone. And around the whole of the structure, a long, black fence ran about, encircling it. It reminded me of a caged animal. One that was never meant to be caged, one that was methodical. One that would one day take its place in freedom, after doing away with its master. It reminded me, of a human. With its desolate, dark eyes, and emotionless being that was so popular in that day.

Valmons and Yarmeli left the carriage, requiring Gloria and I to stay inside because we were foreign to him.
"He wants to have guests introduced by those whom he is familiar with." Yarmeli said. After leaving I sat back and remembered the fateful night, I will speak of it later on.
"You knew him didn't you?" Gloria asked recognizing my disturbed countenance. "You knew Agyptus."
"I was supposed to have killed him. I thought I did."
"Really?" She said in surprise.

 

[Low_Roads]

Awww man... how on earth did I miss that March 26th update! I try to be so careful, but stuff always manages to slip past me. Anyway, this does allow for a meatier chunk of wordplay to enjoy, digest and comment on:

I gather that the Doom of New Rome isn't the same conflagration described in the beginning of Chapter 2, despite the Nero allusions, as Agyptus isn't mentioned at all there (in fact, Malachi seems to be the one at fault). Agyptus and his unnamed best friend (the small dark girl everyone's discussing, I presume) are vivid new characters to add to the mix, as is Agyptus Manor (the most vivid of the three, possibly, with it's brooding, caged impatience... a structure to rival Usher's House for personality). A canny move, to introduce one harrowing, potentially evil personality (Valmons), then throw in a curve with an equally sinister rival (Agyptus)... one certainly calculated to throw the reader off his guard. Considering the wealth of portentousness hovering about this sinister Egyptian gent, I'm most anxious to meet him and learn Habeas' impressions.

Oh, and I too thought the Operamore a touch of sweet gentility, most welcome amidst the gloom.

 

[Journia]

Oh, and I too thought the Operamore a touch of sweet gentility, most welcome amidst the gloom.

Phew...I thought you missed that update. I was getting worried. I am going to upload the piece I am base it on later in the thread so you can hear it.

 

[Journia]

Valmons made his way back to the carriage to tell Gloria and I we could enter the house. Yarmeli was not with him. As we left the carriage, I could see clouds over the ridges of all of the valleys. As we came to the estate, the sky began to cloud over already, though this was more of a mist. The clouds over the valleys were thick, like fluffy dragon hide, and terrifying. The wind here must be heavier than in Vlaxtau, unless the clouds were heavier, which I doubted. I came to this conclusion because as we came nearer to the manor, the clouds began to fall over the valley ridges and into the intersection.
"What is this?" Gloria exclaimed.
"This is Weir Mist. A heavy, fast moving fog. I would suggest we get into the house. Quickly."
"Why?" I asked suspiciously. "So you can lock us in?"
"No, the mist or fog, is quite heavy. If you are in its path, you will be knocked down, or worse." He began to make his way to the manor drive. Gloria and I looked on and saw nothing to worry about, except huge bluish gray clouds rolling down the valley slopes. Then we saw a tree crack away from the slope with a sickening pop andhurl itself over the valley, and crash to the ground before us. Gloria and I were already at the door before Malachai arrived. The clouds rolled down the slopes and then rolled through the alley, clashing and rolling over each other like tidal waves. The all converged on all sides onto Agyptus Manor. Malachai quickly opened the door and we ran in and shut the door as they hit the huge fortress like estate. There was complete and utter blackness. The only sound, was that of the clouds passing around the manor and lightly carressing it in its destructive tendrils. Suddenly a soft, masculine voice broke the icy terrific mood.
"Detective Habeas Corpus of Vlaxtau...What an unexpected and slightly ominous surprise."
Damn right it's ominous. I thought as I searched for the source of the voice. It was like a sinister teenage boy who should have had his voice deepened already.
"What brings you so far from your place of comfort, in order to speak with me?"
"Hasn't Master Valmons explained already Master Agyptus? There has been a death in Vlaxtau, and I have much reason to believe that you are connected with it."
"Might I assume it is the most deplorable manual expiration of one Feral Brisoum?"
"You might, but one might call it a termination, or a murder even."
"Quite." The lightsflashed to life, huge bright lights along the walls and cielings burned so brightly that I covered my eyes with my cape, for fear my sight would fail me. Soon the lights dimmed and I got a look at Agyptus Manor. The Foyer was two stories and one each side were statues, the floor was of marble, and columns held the third story in place. The windows were larger on the inside than they appeared on the outside, and looking through them you would only see the clouds. There was a stairway which was wide at the bottom, like a mother with her arms outspread to her children, at the top, it narrowed down to a space that only three persons could walk through at a time. At the top of this structure, stood Sunni Agyptus. He was over six feet high, but had a body structure of a teenager. He had a smooth face, nothing hard about him. His hair was braided along his scalp, directed so that the edges would fall to the sides. He wore a black shirt, black pants, black boots and vest. He also spoprted some black gloves.
"You wish to ask me questions sir, or do you wish to incarcerate me? The look in your eye may betray your intentions. That is a false eye, isn't it?"
I felt my orbit then went back to looking at him. "My eye is not the concern of the matter. I wish to ask you a number of questions about your time in Vlaxtau."
"I only went to the city once." He began as he descended one step. "The moment I picked to come, had coincidentally been, recently following the deaths of Feral Brisoum. The town was a flurry of rumor and suspicion. I eard all sorts of things, from "The daughters plotted to murder," to "Hannabel ran off with Edgar Poe." It was all nonsense if you ask me, of course, I wouldn't know really. Only you or the police would take such suspicions into account. Of course, I did hear of one othermoreover interesting concept." He paused and descended another step. "That a long lost daughter of Briusoum had come and decided to terminate as you say Detective Corpus, the father who disowned her." Gloria was grinding her teeth at this morbid thought. The concept was plausible, she knew it, and took it to be rather offending given the state of affairs. Especially considering that Agyptus seemed to direct the idea directly at her. Before she could react, I made a suggestion.
"Perhaps we should find a more inviting spot in which to discuss this." I loked around for a door. "Do you have a library?"

 

[ticklekid1]

wow. I gotta sai, dis is good.

 

[Low_Roads]

Habeas has a glass eye?! I never suspected that... if it was mentioned earlier, the information eluded me (either that, or I forgot). One would think he'd be at a disadvantage congnitively; or it might focus his attention and help him to concentrate. It will be interesting to see if this quirk hurts or serves him in the investigation.

Mighty hard water they have in the Chastys, or wherever Agyptus Manor is located, to create such a heavy mist (more avalanche than fog). I'm surprised there's any vegetation left to knock over, though the uprooted tree scene is fraught with excitement and merits its bit of poetic license. Haven't seen enough of Sunni to get a handle on him yet, but his arrested development is quite disturbing. Perpetual adolescence, just as Yarmeli seems to be stuck in her childhood... a stagnation that hints at inbreeding and moral decay. Usher-ism inversed (though the house seems sound enough).

 

[Journia]

Thank you for your thoughts Littlebighead. I assure you, it gets more interesting. After all, that was only part one of that piece. I just had to end it there.

We entered a hallway, it was shadowed and for a time, Gloria and I lost Valmons and Agyptus in the darkness.
"Hey!" I shouted. "Where are you two?"
"We are as blind as bats down here!" our calls were met with silence and the continual pattern of footsteps leading away from us. Then the footsteps ceased, there was an echoing click, and down the hall, a door opened with more white light. like the glow of paradise. The shadows of Valmons and Agyptus, both the same height, bordered the door. Gloria and I made our way to the door. Inside, we found a huge library. Shelf upon shelf of books were on the walls and bordering the windows. There were reading tables and passages leading to other areas of the library. At the reading tables, we found Yarmeli. She was readng an old book, with her feet propped up on the table. Her boots were off and she seemed to be cooling her stockinged feet, or just letting them stretch.
"Yarmeli!" Malachai roared. "Take your feet off the table and put your shoes back on!"
"But daddy! My feet are hot in my boots, and I've been walking around in them all day!"
"They reek of some unnutterably pungent odor also, it is rude to make your feet known in such a manner. You are a guest, and you should not put your feet on the table. It is not proper etiquitte."
"I am tired daddy." She said in a no nonsense manner. "I will not put my shoes on." Gloria walked over to her and whispered something in her ear. "No! I am not going to put my shoes on! I am tired." She finished with a weakened tone.
"Then I will make you put them on!" Gloria shouted. She grabbed Yarmeli's feet and began to tickle them vigorously. The girl fell to the ground laughing, and then Gloria pulled her into one of the other rooms while shouting, 'Put them on Yarmeli!'
After the door shut, Malachai, Sunni and I, waited about forty seconds before doing anything else.
"O...Kay...Let's get to business." I sat down and bade Agyptus to do so. "What was your purpose in Vlaxtau?"
"I was there so that I could speak with a man named Pym. Gordyn Pym."
"The balloonist's trade? What interest have you in that?"
"That is a personal interest which I am not obliged to express to you presently, Lieutenant Corpus."
We bantered on and on concerning the case and I never got anything useful out of the old poot. But at twelve o'clock, two hours after they went in ythe next room, Gloria ran out, after Yarmeli, still tickling her feet. As they stopped, they looked at us in horror.
"Look out Lieutenant Corpus!" Yarmeli screamed and pointed past me. I whirled around in time to see a circular saw blade fly from thew bookshelf. I dodged it quickly and watched it dig into the floor. All but Agyptus rose to their feet.
"What is the meaning of this Agyptus?" I snarled as I looked at his perfectly placid figure, with his hands together in a mock prayer fashion and his head bowed. "What is the meaning of this?" I demanded. Suddenly, his eyes grew red and the smile upon his face, was absolutely serpentine. The table flew from under him, and struck Valmons and I, hurling us into a book shelf.We hit the floor just as the table crashed into the books. There was a hiss from Valmons, as a book fell on his head. Then the lights went out, throughout the estate's entirety. The only thing in the darkness was the pair of red eyes of Agyptus as they floated out of the room. Then the door shut and clicked.

 

[Low_Roads]

So, Arthur Gordon Pym plays about the margins of the tale (with a touch of Hans Pfaall thrown in for flavoring... bang, zoom! To the moon!) Habeas is acting pretty demanding and authoritarian for a guest. I mean, he's not even an official cop! Small wonder he's attracting more spinning saw-blades than answers. Once again, sudden violence prods nerves rubbed raw by the casual nightmare nature of this chancy, alien landscape (a stomping-ground where one may be groped by a stone pillar or literally snowed-under by fog). And I'd be remiss if I neglected the frothy, fiendish gaiety of sulky Yarmeli's tickle session... most appropriate and welcome, considering our Forum Home, though a surprise in a this non-tk section (no, I'm not griping; such treats are all the tastier when unexpected!)

 

[Journia]

No, George Lord Gordyn Pym is the descendant of Arthur Gordon Pym, though, Arthur too skirts about the walls of this piece.

Chapter 3
The Balloonists From Hell

In the darkness, I could see Gloria and Yarmeli pulling at the door.
"We're locked in!" They shouted.
Valmons and I, rubbing our skulls, thought the same thing. "Oh, you think?"
"What are we going to do? We are stuck in here while that demonic sorceror runs rampant doing who knows what!"
"Get out of my way!" Valmons snarled as he threw the table used to make us less threatening to Agyptus into the darkness. "I am tired of this foolish man. He is going to get his rear beaten to a pulp when I get my hands on him." He walked over to the door and then stepped back twelve paces. He then shot forward, with his left boot raised. "Aaaaaaaah!!!" He shouted before he thrust the boot forward onto the door knob. There was a loud snap, and the door flew open, bounced off the wall and shut back on Valmons. He merely opened it this time and was successful.
"Ah," I said with admiration. "The old kick in the doorknob trick. Little subtlty, but quite effective. Now, onto Agyptus!" I dashed out the door, and made it only five feet before realizing I had curved in my path, and crashed right into another door. Malachai raised is right hand, and snapped his fingers. A bright flame rose from his thumb, illuminating the hall. He walked forward and past me followed by Gloria and Yarmeli. I rose to my feet and wobbled along. We ran back into the foyer, and saw Agyptus's shadow as he stood at the top of the stairs, before the window.
"Agyptus!" I shouted. "You will never get out of here without my hands on your wrists!"
"I do intend to escape your feeble clutch boy!" He said as he dashed off to the darkness, to the left. I ran up the stairs, not knowing what was in front of me, all that I knew was that I could hear Agyptus's boots hitting the floor as he too made his way through the darkness. I turned a corner, and found to my delight, another window, but to my horror, Agyptus's eyes were two feet away from me. There was a powerful pain that shot from my abdomen and knocked me to the floor. Agyptus had punched me with something. I don't believe it was his hand! He then stepped over me and made his way back the way we came, but before he could get past me, Gloria turned the corner with her right foot poised for attack. She landed a swift, precise kick to Agyptus's lower jaw. There was a sickening pop and snap. Agyptus went flying backward, and landed before the window. Yarmeli ran past Gloria and I and knelt down beside Agyptus's stone still body.
"I think he is dead." She said after looking him over.
"He isn't dead." I said as I saw a finger twitch. "He has no pulse!" Agyptus's eyes flew open.
"Yarmeli get away from him!" Gloria screamed. Agyptus picked her up before she could move, and hurled her at us both. While we held her, Agyptus Zipped past us and shot down the hall. I heard Malachai shout, before he screamed in pain. The scream followed a great crash of glass. Yarmeli stood up and held out her hand.
"Lumino!" The lights in the hallway went on, and at the end of the hall was Agyptus, looking around in a confused manner.
"Barro!" He shouted. The lights went out.
"DAMNIT." Gloria said.
"Lets just get him!" I screamed as I dashed through the darkness and leapt over the railing and hit the floor. I Saw the door open and close. Valmons Gloria and Yarmeli follwed me down the steps, and we all dashed out the door. In the bluish gray fog, we could berely see Agyptus's outline as it stood staring with red fiery eyes.
"Give up Sunni." Malachai demanded. "You aren't going to get out of here this way." There was no reply. Off in the distance, I could hear hooves on the ground. I ignored it.
"Agyptus, there is noplace you can go that the Inevitable, will not find you. The longer you wait, the worse your encounter will be. I suggest you--" I turned as I heard the sounds of hooves grow louder, accompanied by the whine of a horse. In the fog, I saw a carriage thunder into view, with terrifying effect. "Holy Hell!" I cried as I dashed forward, and into Agyptus's outline. The carriage missed me, and I hit something clothlike. I felt it and realized it was a dummy. A dummy! Agyptus was a fast, clever man. I realized that Agyptus was in the carriage.
"This is not Agyptus! I shouted through the fog. "This is a mannequin!"
Valmons and Yarmeli dashed off to the carriage. Gloria ran to me and helped me to my feet. We then felt the wind blowing through the mist. It began to clear from the house and rise in layers. Soon, there was a wall of fog around the house, leaving more space for us to see clearly. The mist had given both of us the impression of being in a deeply dug pit. At the top, was the moon, in the dark sky. We bolted after the carriage which had stopped at a large structure about three hundred yards from the main building. As we reached it, the roof burst to pieces, and a huge, black, hot air balloon flew up into the walls of the pit of fog. After the balloon disappeared into the walls of the foggy pit, they began to close down and in upon themselves, waves of fog plunged down slowly in monstrous forms, contorted and agonizing to the imagination, terror slipped through my veins as I watched this horrifyingly. Gloria and Malachai shook me back to reality and informed me of another balloon in the shed, which was also prepared to be used. We all ran into the structure and I found to my surprise, the roof was made of glass. None of the glass that fell, hit the balloon however.
"Come on! Get in!" Gloria urged as she forced me over the side of the basket. She leaped in and Malachai began to operate. Above us the clouds tumbled down endlessly, at some points, roaring like huge dinosaurs. The balloon began to rise, then there was a scream. I looked down and saw Yarmeli, who was nowhere near the balloon. She held in her hand, what looked to me, to be a peanut butter sandwich.
"Grab the rope!" I shouted as I tossed the long coiled item down to her. She held it as the balloon rose through the roof and into the clouds. As we spun up to the moon rimmed top, I could see faces in the clouds, they were horrible angry, cloudy faces. I wasn't the only one who saw it either. Yarmeli screamed and Gloria simply stared aghast.
Malachai merely responded with, "This fog is filled with the anger and rage of emperors gone by. It probably can't hurt us."
I still found it helpful to pull Yarmeli up from the air, into safety. When I brought her in, and sat her down, I merely asked, "WHere on earth did you find that?" Indicating the sandwich.

There were roars of dead emperors and rage filled their cloudy, soulless eyes. Then there was turbulence, the air had begun to spin the balloon around the pit of fog, and then we ran strraight into the clouds. Inside the clouds, there was silence, peace, nothing moved save for the balloon. We couldn't even feel the tumbling of the fog.
"Habeas," Gloria asked. "Are you alright? You seemed terrified."
"Me? Terrified? I asked in a comical tone. "No no no my dear. I was horrified."
"Horror has its place in books and imagination." Gloria responded. "Anyhow,you are in a business where horror is brought to life. Imagination is wrought by evil, and it helps little for Good when you are not faithful in your own being."
"I am faithful in my mind if that counts."
"You body needs faith." She said with an ominous tone. Suddenly, we burst from the fog, and we entered the clear, night sky. The moon was the largest I had ever seen it tonight, and it rested above the sea of frothy white clouds like a pearl upon a woman's necklace. Ahead of us, I spotted Agyptus's black balloon.
"Full speed ahead." I said smoothly.

 

[Low_Roads]

Sunni Agyptus... a man possessing smarts and speed, plus a life-sized dummy of himself! Most resourceful! This sizable stretch of narrative takes good advantage of your strengths for creating chaotic action, terminating inside that most fanciful of chase transport... a hot-air balloon! ("Full speed ahead!" indeed; crank up the wind, boys!) As imperial cumuli grumble, further incongruous details emerge to add their special touches of confusion: precocious idiom ("Oh, you think?"), and errant peanut butter treats! I don't know that this tale will make a lick of sense once it's done, but it certainly will never be boring!

 

[Master Chief]

So, the man has a glass eye, an arch rival who is apparently more than a century old, and a hot air balloon chase. May I ask if they are going to get to the bottom of this mystery? I mean, it is totally cool seeing this going on, but, I want to see who killed Feral Brisoum too you know?

 

[Journia]

Hey, thanks Littlebighead.
And Master schief, I am so happy you mentioned that. This is the subject of my next piece. It is unfinished at the moment because it is soooooooo late. I will finish it tomorrow morning. Forgive my sloppy storyteling. I am bereft f slumber.

"Malachai," I asked turning to him. "Do you have an Operamore with you?" He stood at the controls of the balloon, thrusting us forward with its small jets on the sides of the baskets.
"No, I don't carry avian angels in my coat pockets. Why do you want one?"
"I wish to send Inspector Fearse a tip to look up Gordyn Pym."
"I can help you detective Corpus." Yarmeli interjected, pulling a bag of brown fabric from her shirt.
"What might that be?"
"It is a powder which, when burned, can be used to speak with whomever you desire, living or dead." She sprinkled the powder in her hand, then blew it on me. Now covered in a coccaineic substance, She instructed me further. "Think of where you wish to go. You will appear there for only sixty seconds. then you will be snapped back here okay?"
"Understood." I replied soldierly as I began to imagine the commissioner's office. Soon, I faded into the night.

I suddenly appeared in the faded bluish pink room of the Commissioner, a man with a long nose which curved forward sat behind the desk. His moustache was black and his eyes were the most cruel I had ever seen. This however, was not Inspector Fearse. Fearse was on the floor, bleeding. The man in the chair was fast asleep. Fearse peered up from the floor in surprise, and I put my finger to my mouth in a gesture of silence. I went to the back of the chair, and moved it to the huge open window, which warm air bustled through. I propped the chair on the edge and then walked back to Fearse.
"Oh my god! He has escaped!" I shouted. The man in the chairstood from the chair, bolt upright and began to teeter over the edge of the window sill. I grabbed him and threw him to the floor. The inspector was untied by ths time and I told him quickly what he must do.
"Inspector, I haven't much time." I said urgently, "Find George Pym, ask him about Sunni Agyptus, then interrogate this man." I then kicked my captive in the side.
"Did you say Sunni Agyptus?" He asked in astonishment.
"Yes! Hurry! We haven't much time! The fate of the world my depend upon your work!" ASuddenly I was snapped back into the balloon basket.
"Welcome back." Gloria said. "By the way, part of my dress is gone, you wouldn't happen to have picked it up did you?"
"You mean this black fabric that got stuffed in my pocket as I landed in tthe office?" I said tugging at what had fallen into my pocket a few minutes prior.
"Precisely." She said taking the fabric.
"We are near the balloon." Yarmeli said nervously. "Look out!" She shouted as she ducked. A fireball flew over our heads and nearly hit the balloon.

"You will never have me Corpus!" Agyptus screamed over the winds which were picking up. "I am too intelligent and clever to succumb to your incompetent methods and grip!" He raised a pistol and aimed for me. he was forty yards away, but it was a six foot pistol. There was a loud whistling sound, and a bullet whizzed past my cheek. Nearly grazing it. Then the jets on Agyptus's balloon roared to life, and the balloon flew into a rising cloud. As we came closer to the cloud, we rose over it.
"What are you doing Malachai?!" I asked in urgency. "We need to get Agyptus!"
"We will catch him going out of the cloud on the other side. We all soon agreed this was a suitably beautiful plan. But horro came at it's penultimacy. For before Agyptus was spotted, four other hot air balloons rose from the opposite end of the cloud, and blovcked out path. In them, we saw machine guns, propped on the baskets. and men in mauve armor at their command.

"The Viridisti." Yarmeli said gravely. "We are going to get shot out of the sky now."
"Cormis!" The shut came, we looked below us and found Agyptus rising out of the clouds. Suddenly, we heard the bangs of bullets flying from the guns, and we ducked down and awaited our demises. Suddenly the basket rose, and looking up, we found that the balloon had risen above the gunners.
"Let us get ready to destroy Yarmeli."

 

[Low_Roads]

A six-foot pistol is a musket, I should think! And bluish-pink paint?... is that a polite way of saying sickly gray? :laughing: I have no confidence in Commissioner Fearse at all, either to keep his charges in check (he's seems to be over-powered awfully easily) or to effectively grill George Gordyn, Lord of Pym.

First the Insidi, now the Viridisti... there's enough raw inspiration here for a dozen storylines, and a bit more focus wouldn't be unwelcome. Your original promise was to publish updates once a week, and I still think this the best option: the intervening time could be used to present a larger chunk of the plot, sharpen up the style (while weeding out a few of the typos and better separating the paragraphs) and whittle the story to its essentials (I'm reminded of a quote from a man [can't remember who it was, at the moment] opining to his friend for sending a 3,000 word letter... he'd have sent a 1,000 word letter, but he didn't have the time). Not that I'm attempting to dictate your approach or your schedule... I'm bound to stick with this story (and state my views) till the end... only that a bit more planning would render the experience that much more enjoyable.

 

[Journia]

Oh, I intend to make the weekly updates. I just have very little time to write them out at the moment, because I am on the computers at my university. Once I get home I am also occupied and hardly get to write anymore. I just need to finish this piece and then I will be on the weekly updates.

Oh, and the person you were referring to, was either Thomas Jefferson, or Benjamin Franklin.

"Destroy?" I cried, "Destroy what?" I stared at Yaremli and Malachai, they wrapped their right hands in some black leather ribbon, around each finger. The stretched out their hands and shouted.
"Brule!" They screamed. Two of the ballons burst into airborne, fiery tumults. The guns on the remaining ballons aimed higher and began whizzing bullets left and right. Malachai and Yarmeli began to aim again, when there was a great bump, and Yarmeli and Malachai fell out of the basket. As they fell, Malachai grabbed the rope from the basket, and Yarmeli helkd onto him.

I turned around and saw to my surprise, that Agyptus had parked his balloon right next to ours. In his hand he held a sabre, I looked on the floor and found to my delight, a machine gun. I held it up and moved toward him.
"Say goodbye Agyptus!" I shouted as I jumped over the basket and into his. Quite risky if you ask me. As I began to let off round after round of bulets, Agytus leapt into the interior of the balloon. Past the fire and onto the cloth he bounded. Not a singe upon his body, that I could see. I wondered how to get past the fire, I couldn't go through it, I would get burned to a cinder. If I were to put the fire out, the balloon would fall to the ground and I would die. Suddenly, I felt a great weight lessen in my arms. I looked down to see the gun had been transmogrified, and it was now a sabre. I looked up in anger at Agyptus, but ducked as he cvame down and slashed his sword through the air. The hot air suddenly cut off, and the balloon began to fall. I leapt into the balloons interior and crawled up the side of the balloon. I t wasan't as easy as I made it look. As the balloon fell to the earth, I exited through the balloon's top and began to look for Agyptus.
"Where are you fiend!"
"I am right here." His voice answered. "But you wouldn't see me."
I looked in the moonlight and saw an outline of the villainous prude. It was like thin plastic in the eyes of a person with horribly bad vision. I slashed at the outline, and there was a dull thud. Agyptus immediately burst into view.
"Damnit! That thing never works!" He leapt back, and as the balloon fell into the clouds, the duel began.

 

[Journia]

"Habeas Corpus, a small time detective from Vlaxtau. You lack experience in deduction. You are in Way over your head. Turn back, and you may just survive this fall." Sunni shouted as his hair flew upward with the prevailing winds.
"You are pure evil Agyptus. You have seduced, enslaved, manipulated and murdered many innocent persons. I as a representative of the law can not allow you to continue your centuries old reign of corruption, no, I will not!"
Agyptus stepped closer to me, his cape flowing like a huge pair of bat wings. Raised his sword and brought it down with tremendous force. I blocked it quickly when I realized where it was headed, and batted it away from my forehead.I kicked him and sent him tumbling to the edge of the balloon, I brought my sword down upon his cape and slashed it. His back was mere inches away from my blade. He swiveled about and snapped the cape back, nearly falling as he did so. He regained his balance, but I moved quickly, and slashed his vest. It flew open as the cape was released and flew into the clouds.
"I will no longer dally little boy!" He said maliciously as he rammed me in the chest and sent me sprawling backward and onto the balloon. He leapt into the balloon and sliced it apart trying to shred my speeding body. I slid into the basket and raised my sword. He came sliding through the balloon and kicked my jaw. I fell over the edge of the basket and would have fallen to my death had it not been for the rope which lay over the side. I grabbed it and swung over the side of the basket and took my shot. I stabbed Agyptus right through the back, his heart was stuck out of the sword which pierced him. He fell to the floor of the basket and writhed as blood poured from his chest cavity. He then uttered to me as he turned over.
"I...will never die...you will...never win..." He pulled from his pocket, a small crystal. He crushed it with his last remaining strength, and it fell to the floor of the basket in a powder. The powder then burst into flame.Agyptus suddenly jumped up and cackled.
"Haha! You will never beat me Montillad!" He startled me so with his phrase, that I was stunned for a moment. He clocked me in the jaw and I fell out of the balloon. As I sailed through the clouds, I watched him leap from the balloon himself, and grow wings. He then flew like a huge raven through the clouds disappearing quickly in the foggy walls.

As I awaited my doom, I began to go over my life, from when I was a little kid, and met Agyptus. I remembered so vividly how he had treated us so well. It was a mystery to me how he had come to be so evil. I thought he had just become sick. However, my other firends, knew he had been evil all along.