Is Spanking an Option?

[Tamia78]

I hope this is in the correct forum.....

Anyways, that airline thread that was posted got me thinking. It sure seems like we have alot of parents on here, and each of them disciplines their children differently.

Nowadays, when I go out to the store, or pretty much anywhere in public, and people are with their kids, and the kids are running and screaming, and basically being little hellions.......the parents say something like, "Little Johnny! Come here before I count to 3!" What the hell is that going to do? Basically they count to 3 like 6 times, and the kid is STILL running around.

What happened to spanking your child? I'm not talking about beating....because there is a line. I'm talking about good, old-fashioned, disciplinary spanking? I was spanked when I was little. I learned from it and didn't do it again. I wasn't spanked for every little thing I did, but when I was, it was a big deal. My parents never spanked me in public, but when I did act up in public, and got in trouble for it, and KNEW I was going to get a spanking when I got home, that waiting was the worst thing in my life!

I hear parents saying things like, "Oh, I would NEVER hit my child!" Hitting is when you slap a kid in the face or something like that. Sometimes that works too. Kids are getting worse these days, and parents need to do something about it. I'm not saying spanking would solve all of kids problems, but if more parents disciplined their kids better, it would be a start.

When I have children, I fully intend on spanking them to correct their behavior. I'll be damned if my child is going to swear at me, or hit me, or run around like they have no common sense. Scary what kids get into these days.

Any thoughts?

--T

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

It seems everyone I know says the same thing. Spanking is no big deal. So who the hell is getting it illegal? Idiots! You know we might as well start putting teenagers in office. Lets cut out the middle man. I mean its going that way anyway.

 

[kis123]

Oh Tamia, you have just stepped into the "bad parents spank, and the good parents don't" zone!

Someone opened a similar thread a few months ago and I was basically jumped by about five people who thought that spanking was a horrible way to discipline and it only taught kids to become violent (which a whole lot of horse sh*t, btw).

I occasionally spanked my kids when the offense warranted it and it broke my heart each time. I knew down the road of life, they'd be better off, and so far, I've been right.

I also used other methods of discipline as well; once my daughter tantrumed in a store and I walked her out without buying the outfits she picked. I told her when she can behave like a lady we'll come back. I also told her she'd have to pick other outfits because these won't be here when we come back. Something about that statement stuck with her because when we went back, she said "these are cute, but if I was good I would've had better."

I used time outs, different exercises (nothing is better than having them watch me sit on the couch while they sweat their little issues out). There are many ways to reward good behavior and discipline bad behavior-spanking is a very last resort when my kids were young.

There are boundaries in life known as laws; you can't have your kids thinking they can do whatever they want without facing consequences. It's unrealistic and downright cowardly when parents (for lack of a better term) do this then wonder why their kids have gone mad. You don't check the bad behavior when they're young, it only gets worse when they get older.

I've always been creative when disciplining my kids; let's face it, they do have to be disciplined. "Kids will be kids" is no longer an excuse when society is holding parents accountable for children's unruly and sometimes criminal behavior, we need to teach accountability in our kids asap!

Kids are doing some crazy things; attacking teachers, burning down classrooms, driving and wrecking stolen cars, drug activity and all sorts of criminal behavior. If they're under 18, guess who's being held responsible? That's right-parents are! If you want to talk about children's rights, I can help you with that too; if kids aren't held responsibile for their insane behavior, they have no rights in my home, plain and simple.

I know the same people will state the same crap with me and I don't really care. My children are 17 & 21-no one's in jail, no one's pregnant, no one's on drugs, no one is crazy. Are they perfect, not by a long shot but I wouldn't trade my two for the world.

 

[kis123]

It seems everyone I know says the same thing. Spanking is no big deal. So who the hell is getting it illegal? Idiots! You know we might as well start putting teenagers in office. Lets cut out the middle man. I mean its going that way anyway.

You may be onto something!

Thanks to these so-called professionals, kids are running the household and parents either to them or they call the kids hotline and put their parents through hell because they wouldn't give them their way.

My personal favorites are the kids who fight and actually beat their parents. What's even worse is that the parents actually allow it in their home; I find it absolutely insane!! Then the professionals give this names like Oppositional Defiance Disorder and other lovely sounding names for "brat out of control!" Much of this would've been avoided if parents would've made kids accountable for their behavior when they were younger; by the time they become teenagers, it's like locking the barn door after the horse got out!

Parenting is not for cowards; if you are not going to keep control of your home by controlling your kids, please do yourself and the world a favor and don't have any!

 

[Tamia78]

You see? THAT'S what I'm talking about. Kis, you got it exactly on point. I'm wasn't a pregnant teen, I'm not in jail, I'm a decently functioning member of society...........and I was *gasp* SPANKED as a child. Is it so wrong of me to not want to see our kids continue to destroy themselves, and want them to do well? It bothers me to read about kids having sex, or drinking, or doing drugs or killing people or all those other things you read about. And it would break my heart if it was my own child that was doing all this. Kids are little people with their own personalities, but it is up to the parents to make sure that those personalities don't get out of hand. Creative parenting is great I think, whatever gets the best response out of the child. I just think spanking should be added to this creative parenting.

--T

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

one of the creative ways that two of my friends imply discipline is if they are in a restaraunt and there six year old is acting up. When they leave, the dad will walk home with the child and his wife takes the car. Because this is a small town the most it will be is eight or nine blocks...but the child learns that consequences come from misbehaving. Instead of acting up all the way homein the car...by the time she gets to her room. She is pretty tired out from the walk.

 

[drew70]

I agree with Tamia. Spanking is necessary and if done with reasonable moderation is not abuse. Later, as the kids get into their teens, spanking with one's hand won't be as affective. That's when you change to a belt or razor strap.

 

[tickles]

Yes, this is certainly a hot button issue. I am still raising children...the youngest is nine and I can tell you that for me, the raising of my children is the most important and difficult job I have ever done. My children and their discipline and preparation for living in the world takes the better part of my energy. I have three children and they are NOT alike. As Kis said, parenting becomes creative and individual. In todays world however, parents have to exercise some caution is getting physical with children in public. On more than one occasion my children were removed from a store or public setting to my car where they received a spanking. Where one child will be more willing to not cross authority..other chldren will challenge authority over and over again. Under these circumstances, my children were taught that authority is NOT for them to challenge, they will ALWAYS have authority to deal with in their lives and need to learn to bend their wills and control their impulses.

On the other hand, my children were never spanked without knowing it was coming if a certain behavior did not change. They then had a choice. If they chose the spanking they got it. My children still to this day get a warning before the shoe falls....this way it is ALWAYS their choice. Spanking is not the norm...it is the exception, generally taking away privileges or toys etc. works...but for very young children....a slap on the bum will stop them in their tracks. I do believe that spanking should be reserved for young children as punishment for older children works better.

As others have said this all needs to be balanced with positive reinforcement and saying yes to as many requests as possible. I agree with the posts so far.....many parents have forfeited their authority and bought into the notion that spanking will create violence.....so far, not teaching children to respect authority seems to be more of a problem. Now these are all generalizations and obviously there is a lot more to troubled youth than modern pop psychology...but you get the idea.

In conclusion, I have used spanking or other forms of physical punishment to get a bend of the will. This not the first method but the last resort. To be honest, I have one child who is willful and defiant...to this day. He is a budding teenager and these type of children make you question whether you've done anything right... 🙁 ...but at this juncture in my life I believe that under the right circumstances and the child is warned....it is a useful tool...

 

[Pokey]

Tamia, I usually don't offer much in opinion on subjects that are so exploxive because rarely will ones mind change but I will anyway, lol. We are blessed with a daughter, now 27, and son now 24. They were as different as night and day in behavior. Our daughter was almost always ready to listen and learn then when you thought she had not heard a word we said she would use that information in a proper way, much to our amazement. Our son would listen, sometimes, lol, but rarely agree with our thoughts, always wanting to have his opinion, and that isn't a bad thing so we kind of walked a thin line to allow that questioning, wanting to know more and forcing the that's the way it is, just believe it issue when we knew or thought it best.

I think in whle they were growing up our son got maybe 3 spankings and our daughter got 2. He doesn't remember any and she remembers one and she doesn't actually remember the spanking but the waiting for the spanking. Any time we punished them they had to go to their room for 30 minutes before one of us would go deal with the issue. We would always sit down and ask them if they knew why we sent them in there to wait for their punishment and rarely did they not know and understand. Then, according to their offense we rendered the punishment. The actual spankings were not really spankings like I used to get with the leather belt strap but just butt pats because they were already crying so it wasn't as needed to do for the physical part, just the backing up what we said would happen. By waiting, if I was really upset with them, it made sure that I never dealt with them while angry but with love.

We humbly thank God for how our kids turned out. Now they make mistakes and have problems but neither of them is a detriment to themselves or their surroundings. Yes, I believe that there needs to be a "last resort" punishment for unacceptable behavior so long as it is handled in a loving atmosphere and way. Just my 2 cents.

 

[maniactickler]

I support spanking.........spanking Tamia!

 

[ChosenofMystra]

A swat on the butt I support....but I find it barbaric to strike a child with a belt or razor strip or any other object. I am a nonviolent person and I would run a house dedicated to nonviolence. There are other ways of disciplining a child then beating them.

As for these other parents who let their kids roam free and act like hellions...they're just bad parents, pure and simple. I would correct my child, not make idle threats like the "counting to 3" bull...but I don't resort to hitting or corporal punishment.

 

[isabeau]

I was spanked as a child, and also switched, and belted..not hard mind you, but it did the trick..

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I don't think spanking with a belt is barbaric. I believe the severity of the misbehave should be equal to the discipline.

If your son/daughter sneaks a knife out the kitchen to use it on another kid. Well I think slapping with a belt isn't barbaric. What is going to be done about it...no son/daughter you shouldn't do that its naughty.

That's why children don't take authority and laws seriously because anymore because they can commit a really bad act and just a slap on hand..with no no. If a person doesn't know the difference between discipline and abuse then I don't think the child will understand the difference between it either.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I think parents rely too much on the wisdom of the children. I always thought it was parent's raised the children not the opposite way around. They say children are innocent which is true but because of that they don't know the difference between what is right and wrong. They just go by what they feel at the moment and go with it. I know it isn't easy to do because as some people have stated it breaks your heart, but if your child gets the idea that I can do no wrong all I'll get is a "talking too" which doesn't hurt ...I can do anything. I'll just pretend to listen and laugh at them later.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

A swat on the butt I support....but I find it barbaric to strike a child with a belt or razor strip or any other object. I am a nonviolent person and I would run a house dedicated to nonviolence. There are other ways of disciplining a child then beating them.

As for these other parents who let their kids roam free and act like hellions...they're just bad parents, pure and simple. I would correct my child, not make idle threats like the "counting to 3" bull...but I don't resort to hitting or corporal punishment.

Again, there is a difference between discipline and abuse. I believe the severity of the action merits the discipline. Stealing a cookie before dinner is a stern warning...playing with matches and setting fire to things..well that merits a harsher punishment. I got spanked when I was a child as well and it didn't give me any psychological problems. As a matter of fact. the ones that got the "time out" have become into criminal activities as they grew up. Because as I said. the authority isn't respected. A person doesn't have want to spank the child but the child shouldn't know this. They must think if they do something wrong..that its an option. If a kid doesnt fear your anger, even when you mean him/her no harm, sometimes it can work against you.

 

[tickledorange]

I think if it works for you, do it, as long as it doesn't cross the line into abuse (not just spanking, any form of punishment). I wasn't spanked, but my parents had their own ways of dealing with our crazy child behaviors. I remember once, my dad actually buried one of my favorite toys in the yard for almost a week, so they had more creative ways to discipline us.

I mean, spanking works too, but eventually kids get too big to spank.

 

[kis123]

I won't quote Pokey or tickles, but I'm in complete agreement. I do believe spanking is warranted, but definitely not the only form of discipline. Actually, the best way to deal with your children is to take the time to get to know them as individuals. I remember as a kid, if one committed an act, we'd all get the crap beaten out of us. It quickly went on my list of "things I'd never do to my kids if I had any" and I didn't either.

If you learn about your children, you learn thier personalities and possible ways to channel that misbehavior into creative activities that will benefit them later on. Like I said before, catch them doing right and reward it with praise or a small item to reinforce good behavior. Find out what makes each kid "tick" because you'll need that later when they hit pre-pubescence when spanking takes a complete turn off. Then it's the give-away, take-away stage that hurts more than a spanking ever could.

If your kid's athletic get them in sports, if they're more artsy or academic, involve them in that activity. Teach them how to shine in what they're good at and help them when they struggle. They'll become much more well rounded when they get older and will also learn social, team-building, and other skills. They will learn to better cope with stress and rejection; I've never been around a generation so ill equipped to deal with hard times. Picking up a gun and going Columbine didn't happen in my generation and we were teased and bullied too.

Spanking is not the only way to discipline, it was a part of the total child-raising package in my family.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

First off, I'll just say, I was never spanked as a child (my parents used different methods that worked), and I turned out just fine myself! 😀

But I'm not saying I'm against spanking. It's obvious that spanking does work and doesn't mess up the kid. It all depends on the crime. A good parent knows which methods work and which methods don't on each of their children.

Parents today both work and have barely any time with their children anymore. They pass their kids off onto someone else. You think spanking messed up your kid? Maybe if you spent a little more time with your child, they wouldn't be so freakin' messed up.

 

[sebby2leru]

Well my thoughts on this vary .... although I totally agree that spanking is sooooo needed there is just too many people that try tob run our own houses. For example .. the court system dirvorce rate is at an alltime high (@55%) thus the courts are invovled in rasing our own children ... if one spanks and the other doesnt guess what ... here comes child services ... I had this problem .. a simple 3 swats on the ass and next thing I know I am in court for child abuse ... and know what "they" said... well u were wrong didnt want to hear tht time out, standing in corner, having to write I will not blablalbla 100 times, no tv, going out didnt work nooooo just rite too u r wrong ! I lost off my visitation and took me 7 months to get back and the last 2 months were supervised visitation at the courthouse ... ummmm tht seems like drama we don't need ! There is many differetn kinds of child abuse this to me is mental abuse ... My daughter couldnt see me (she was @ 4-5) because if soemthing tht happend between us and it was over but had to now go on for this long please!!!!

So she is now 16 1/2 and I have not laid a hand on her since and ..... because of the earleir trouble there is no realtionship between us very sad tht something as simple as a spanking turns into a lifetime decision ... So yes I am for it but just this day and age there may be too many complications in the end .... So maybe a good spank isnt the answer I dunno slap on the hand who knows but you are totally correct to say tht these kids are mosters now-a-days so I am glad you brought this up and gives me a chance to vent !

I am rather new here like 1-2 weeks but felt kinda compelled to share this with you guys!!!! So thanks !
😉

 

[Ticklee1973]

I didn't have time read through all the posts since it's the Superbowl today, woot, okay onto the subject at hand, I have spanked my children and have no regrets about it. Every kid is different and some need to be disciplined differently. I don't care what other parents do, whatever works for them as long as they are not abusing their kids and I expect the same in return from other parents. I've actually had someone say something to me in public about disciplining my kid. Those are the same people who would be saying my kid was a brat if they were acting up in public, they need to mind their own fricken business. Parenting is a difficult enough job without having people criticize everything you do especially when it comes to disciplining. Sorry this is just a subject that gets me going. Okay, off to my party, lol.

Sandee

 

[Illtcklu]

Oh being in time out would never have worked for me!!!!



When I was growing up they still allowed spanking in school!!!

 

[Tamia78]

A Discussion......Excellent!

Well my thoughts on this vary .... although I totally agree that spanking is sooooo needed there is just too many people that try tob run our own houses. For example .. the court system dirvorce rate is at an alltime high (@55%) thus the courts are invovled in rasing our own children ... if one spanks and the other doesnt guess what ... here comes child services ... I had this problem .. a simple 3 swats on the ass and next thing I know I am in court for child abuse ... and know what "they" said... well u were wrong didnt want to hear tht time out, standing in corner, having to write I will not blablalbla 100 times, no tv, going out didnt work nooooo just rite too u r wrong ! I lost off my visitation and took me 7 months to get back and the last 2 months were supervised visitation at the courthouse ... ummmm tht seems like drama we don't need ! There is many differetn kinds of child abuse this to me is mental abuse ... My daughter couldnt see me (she was @ 4-5) because if soemthing tht happend between us and it was over but had to now go on for this long please!!!!

So she is now 16 1/2 and I have not laid a hand on her since and ..... because of the earleir trouble there is no realtionship between us very sad tht something as simple as a spanking turns into a lifetime decision ... So yes I am for it but just this day and age there may be too many complications in the end .... So maybe a good spank isnt the answer I dunno slap on the hand who knows but you are totally correct to say tht these kids are mosters now-a-days so I am glad you brought this up and gives me a chance to vent !

I am rather new here like 1-2 weeks but felt kinda compelled to share this with you guys!!!! So thanks !
😉

Welcome Sebby, and thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry things turned out that way for you. You did what you thought a parent should do, in my opinion. It sounds like there are just too many people who think spanking is violent, and when you have a majority, guess what? Majority wins.....every single time. I still can't believe that some people think spanking is child abuse. Stupid damn people. Stupid damn court system.

--T

 

[Italian_Touch]

Personally, i don't believe that spanking your kids is *really* a solution and I believe that routine spanking might even be deleterious for their education.
This comes from somebody who has never being spanked and was hit just once, which just my parents told me about and I don't even remember but apparently it quite save my life (physically!). But that just because I am an angel!

Said that, I also do not see anything wrong per se in it and it can be an option/tool in the hands (literally!) of the parents in parenting their children, used with reasons and cautions. Probably a spanking can help parenting but only moderately educating (you basically educate with fear, which might be effective in the long term but there might be more effective ways in the long run).

For sure, laws forbidding these are just idiotic (and, I might add, incostitutional).

As you can see, a lot of "might"s, "maybe"s and "probably"s... you can guess I am not a parent at this moment!

 

[the wiz]

The biggest problem with spanking is the Department of Family Service, being that I have to deal with them, I learnt one thing; there is not a clear cut definition of what is considered abuse. It’s up to each individual police officers or case workers to make a decision on when a parent is abusing their child/ren or not.

Because of this many people ends up in the system when they shouldn’t, (example: a woman 3 year old was acting up in the mall, causing all types of problems, screaming, acting out, misbehaving. Parent waited until she place her child in the car seat and gave her a couple of swaps on the legs with her bare open hands. Some clown in the security office, noticing that child acting up in the mall decided to keep the camera on her while she was going back to her car). After seeing her hit her kids on the legs, he/she decided to contact the police, police forward up on the case, but not only did the security guard called the police, they give the tape to the local news. Before you knew it, the story became national with all these people without kids saying how bad a parent she was.

The DA decided to charge her with felony counts of child abuse because of the out cry of people how kids misbehave on regular bases.”

There is not a one size fit all solution to child raising, do spanking work all the time? NO!! do time outs? NO!!!, will a combination of spanking and time outs work? NO!!!!.

 

[aun_existe_amor]

I believe in leading by example. Treat your child with respect and they'll learn how to respect others. Treat them like an individual and they will learn to treat others as individuals. Smack them and they'll think smacking solves problems. I've never hit my daughter and I never will. I don't see any need for it. Most kids get smacked when their parents have lost their patience or temper. I always try to find out what the problem is and solve that rather than smack. Kids are learning from their parents behaviour towards them and other people every second of the day. Act the way you will be proud that your child acts. I don't even do time outs. I've never had the need. Most kids only play up when they want attention. If they're already getting attention and feel involved in everything and everything is explained to them there is no need for any misbehaving. Just explain why they have to do something or why they can't have something. Be honest with them. Some kids have behavioural problems for medical reasons and I certainly don't see any reason to smack them either.