Yours is a good question, if you ask me, Sultry. A perspective for you - taking your example, NEST would be "socially required" to have a troop of airport shuttles, as you get several dozen fly ins.
Your example obligates the host and hostess, and in point of fact even Ann Landers doesn't do such for larger events. Now, if Bagelfather was visiting me up here, it would be the height of rude to say, "Just catch a cab. See you when you roll up to my lazy butt at my house."
Where an event is concerned, while the hosts are often incredibly kind and sociable, there's more than a guest, or even a couple of guests, rollin' in.
Lander's advice is also not applied correctly, as this set of hosts are no where NEAR the airport. When I visit my grandparents, I don't sass 'em for makin' me drive in. It's several hours from the 'port and would be beyond rude.
Landers also wouldn't encourage discussion of someone's social adequacies or inadequacies in such a public forum.
Likewise, no etiquette on this continent shows positives for volunteering someone else based on protocal not established.
Are gatherings common? Do you remember social events based on anything involving either tickling or bondage in your youth? Do you recall events in your youth, hosted in one person's home, with so many people showing from other locations. I remember larger homecomings, but while family did their level best, no one can cater to everyone's travel constraints. Able bodies handle themselves, as I did in my youth. Add the complication of these new social paradigms, and it gets muddy at best.
To answer your question concerning Bagelfather, though, I would think that my actions towards a long-distance visitor would tell that visitor of both my abilities in that scenario, and because of those, my care for their visit. If, for instance, host had children, that ALONE could pose complication enough to make clear that the Bagelfather would need to roll in of his own accord (part of why there are rental cars with deal for non-business travellers).
Personally, just READING this crew's dealings, I've no doubt everyone will be treated with kindness, given good welcome, and shown a splendid time.
I do hope you show to their event. Simply because some fellow modding an area has a different perspective is not a positive reason to spite yourself, or the friends you've clearly made. If you read my previous post to say this SHOULD have been the case, I apologize for the misunderstanding, and the inevitable poor feelings you'd have on that end. Was not only not the intent, it wouldn't serve this forum.
You are, of course, an adult with a mind of your own, and free to choose as you will. I just hope you consider your friends here before sweating what some old mod says. 😉
Another $0.02,
Dave
We're planning on having LOTS of food and fun. And, I'm sure there will be plenty of feathers to go around. LOL
Thanks
