Oddjob0226
4th Level Indigo Feather
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2001
- Messages
- 6,870
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- 0
Another host here with an opinion. Aren't you people LUCKY!?
Hosts need to help and assist with the transportation - when I went to NEST in 2000, I had the most wonderful fortune in that QB Weaver was helping Max with such issues, and there were people in Philly willing to drive me to and from the airport, as well as sharing rides from the hotel. When I went to Albany to play, NJJen drove me around one day when my car got snowed in. In Cleveland, Kis picked me up and we hung out. It’s a very considerate kindness to invited guests.
As far a "duty", that’s a little different. Let me tell you about my experience with this.
Back in the early planning stages of our September event, I asked a woman in Odessa, TX if she’d like to come. “What a great idea!”, she thought. As long as I bought the airplane ticket. Oh, what a laugh I had! But no, she wasn’t joking. If I was inviting, she thought, I was providing transportation. Apparently my perverted tickling event was the Prom for her.
So - as a host… I’m making phone calls, sending out e-mails, setting up the rental of the play space (and willingly going into the red even with down payments because I foolishly think that it’s worth it for the people who attend these events), buying food, buying new toys, arranging transporation, getting hotel, rental car & map info to people, trying to calm the nerves of new attendees while trying to assure the more seasoned players that there will indeed be people there at their level of experience, cleaning house, following up with lazy invitees to see if they are or are not coming, buying food, physically setting up the play rooms, keeping track of payments, arranging any airport runs, making meal arrangements and carpool plans, sending out a reasonable list of house rules that will keep all my guests (of varying play experience) equally both SAFE and happily SATISFIED, meanwhile having to deal with the repeatedly-asked questions about the male/female ratio (Hey! If a single male attendee can’t bring ONE woman, how in the world am I supposed to find, like TEN???). All while dealing with being laid off from my job.
And I gotta buy this pumpkinhead’s plane ticket? So I ended up playing, and she ended up sitting home and cursing me. Reminds me of mom….
And there’s more - yes more! I had one invitee swear she was coming. She’d already done 2 gatherings in the last 12 months, so I had no reason to doubt her, and even arranged for her to bring me the door fee rather than sending it to me as required…. Madame Trust - the vile temptress with such pretty ways. This attendee made one more person, which brought in a few more interested guys, so I had to rent a bigger place. I had another guest, a single mom, coming in for the event, so I got them to be roommates to save them both $$, and now they would both be able to share a car. I even sent her estimated driving times.
Well…. a week before the gathering this person let me know that she couldn‘t afford the gas and could I help her out? Doll - I can’t afford the gathering! I just told her to get here and we’d work something out. 4 days before the event she cancelled completely. Her parents would kick her out of the house if she went (???) - unless I could “help” her with that, too. So now I’ve lost a fee I was counting on, lost a play partner, some of the expecting men & nervous women were now a little grumpy & mistrusting of me, and I had to do all of the driving. Meanwhile, the other out-of-town guest had to foot her entire room bill, unexpectedly & unprepared. So much for my duty to help my guests.
I’ve had friends get married in Jamaica and in Mexico, weddings done all up with party planners, and there was no one to help with transportation. The Mexican trip, you could get a discount, and had I asked if someone could pick me up I'm sure it would have been fine, but I understood that they were putting on an event that I was going to enjoy. MY part was to A). get there, and B). be civil & don't drop my pants. Weddings, graduations, a funeral, parties - all sorts of events, I have occasionally, in a carpool-type situation, been offered rides. Nothing absolute or guaranteed. And that’s that.
Bottom line - these events are not “normal” parties, and as such there is no general, normal etiquette for them. Hosts already have a lot going on and are doing many different things, where many people who have this interest do nothing. Suggestions are good. Demands are not. Assisting with transportation = kindness & friendship. As a required part of the process? Sacre bleu - non! Communicate. Talk about ride sharing with the host - beyond that, you can afford the airfare, you can afford a Checker. The host’s job is to host, the invitee’s job is to get where the host is - between the two, work it out.
So, as is often the case, you're all right.
Hosts need to help and assist with the transportation - when I went to NEST in 2000, I had the most wonderful fortune in that QB Weaver was helping Max with such issues, and there were people in Philly willing to drive me to and from the airport, as well as sharing rides from the hotel. When I went to Albany to play, NJJen drove me around one day when my car got snowed in. In Cleveland, Kis picked me up and we hung out. It’s a very considerate kindness to invited guests.
As far a "duty", that’s a little different. Let me tell you about my experience with this.
Back in the early planning stages of our September event, I asked a woman in Odessa, TX if she’d like to come. “What a great idea!”, she thought. As long as I bought the airplane ticket. Oh, what a laugh I had! But no, she wasn’t joking. If I was inviting, she thought, I was providing transportation. Apparently my perverted tickling event was the Prom for her.
So - as a host… I’m making phone calls, sending out e-mails, setting up the rental of the play space (and willingly going into the red even with down payments because I foolishly think that it’s worth it for the people who attend these events), buying food, buying new toys, arranging transporation, getting hotel, rental car & map info to people, trying to calm the nerves of new attendees while trying to assure the more seasoned players that there will indeed be people there at their level of experience, cleaning house, following up with lazy invitees to see if they are or are not coming, buying food, physically setting up the play rooms, keeping track of payments, arranging any airport runs, making meal arrangements and carpool plans, sending out a reasonable list of house rules that will keep all my guests (of varying play experience) equally both SAFE and happily SATISFIED, meanwhile having to deal with the repeatedly-asked questions about the male/female ratio (Hey! If a single male attendee can’t bring ONE woman, how in the world am I supposed to find, like TEN???). All while dealing with being laid off from my job.
And I gotta buy this pumpkinhead’s plane ticket? So I ended up playing, and she ended up sitting home and cursing me. Reminds me of mom….
And there’s more - yes more! I had one invitee swear she was coming. She’d already done 2 gatherings in the last 12 months, so I had no reason to doubt her, and even arranged for her to bring me the door fee rather than sending it to me as required…. Madame Trust - the vile temptress with such pretty ways. This attendee made one more person, which brought in a few more interested guys, so I had to rent a bigger place. I had another guest, a single mom, coming in for the event, so I got them to be roommates to save them both $$, and now they would both be able to share a car. I even sent her estimated driving times.
Well…. a week before the gathering this person let me know that she couldn‘t afford the gas and could I help her out? Doll - I can’t afford the gathering! I just told her to get here and we’d work something out. 4 days before the event she cancelled completely. Her parents would kick her out of the house if she went (???) - unless I could “help” her with that, too. So now I’ve lost a fee I was counting on, lost a play partner, some of the expecting men & nervous women were now a little grumpy & mistrusting of me, and I had to do all of the driving. Meanwhile, the other out-of-town guest had to foot her entire room bill, unexpectedly & unprepared. So much for my duty to help my guests.
I’ve had friends get married in Jamaica and in Mexico, weddings done all up with party planners, and there was no one to help with transportation. The Mexican trip, you could get a discount, and had I asked if someone could pick me up I'm sure it would have been fine, but I understood that they were putting on an event that I was going to enjoy. MY part was to A). get there, and B). be civil & don't drop my pants. Weddings, graduations, a funeral, parties - all sorts of events, I have occasionally, in a carpool-type situation, been offered rides. Nothing absolute or guaranteed. And that’s that.
Bottom line - these events are not “normal” parties, and as such there is no general, normal etiquette for them. Hosts already have a lot going on and are doing many different things, where many people who have this interest do nothing. Suggestions are good. Demands are not. Assisting with transportation = kindness & friendship. As a required part of the process? Sacre bleu - non! Communicate. Talk about ride sharing with the host - beyond that, you can afford the airfare, you can afford a Checker. The host’s job is to host, the invitee’s job is to get where the host is - between the two, work it out.
So, as is often the case, you're all right.
SEE YOU ALL THERE... HAPPY TICKLING!!! 
!
