As an indication of how different my relationship is with my father than it was with my mom, several things happened in the last 24 hours to prove this.
As people who have read my posts know, I enjoy gambling. To be clear, I'm NOT an addictive gambler by any means. There are times I go.. a year... without going to a gambling venue.
I may have posted about going to a casino called Delaware Park in Wilmington, DE. I had gone there last week, right after I got back from my mom's funeral, and broke even, returning home with the money I went with after gambling for the day..
This week, I wanted to go back... However, I didnt want to tell my dad, for concern of hearing a lecture about irresponsibility with money. Yesterday, before I went, somehow, the conversation came up, and I came clean that I was going. He expressed anger, saying that I can tell him anything, and dont need to lie. It turns out that I went yesterday, and won $200, so I will be going again this Tuesday.
Then, the lack of communication.. My mom and I always communicated clearly about everything. We worked together, etc, and she trusted me to have her money jointly with me from the time I was little. We always communicated clearly about all financial matters.
With my dad, its different. My mom left me an insurance policy, for a bit of security. It's not.. a million dollars, but it will help.
I have money in my name now that I control.. but.. a few things are on my mind. One, I dont know how much my mom's funeral cost. My dad refused to discuss it with me. Then, for my protection, he told me he was going to put the insurance money in a company account in my name, to establish credit for me at his bank. Fine. Conceivably, I should have enough money in my own name to last me until I leave Lancaster,without my having to touch the insurance. To be sure, I asked my dad to send me $1000 from the insurance money to pay my rent in May. He didnt really give me an answer. So.. tonight.. he told me the check from the insurance came in. I gently said to him.. "Dad, please send me the $1000 for my rent.. or i'm not sure if I'll have enough money until I leave Lancaster". He got snippy with me, saying :"Its done, you dont have to ask me a hundred times". The fact is.. I asked him twice. Second, it is important.. because. A. Its my money, and B.. I'm concerned about being able to pay my rent next month. About two weeks ago, my dad told me that he wanted me to save the insurance money, and not dig into it. When I was in NY for my mom's funeral, he handed me some money, but again didnt specify whether it was a loan, a present, etc.
Hopefully, things will get better when I go back to NY, but I dont have the easy automatic relationship with him that I had with my mom.
This is a terrible process. There are days i'm fine, and other days I feel like I'm a basket case. I dont know if leaving Lancaster will help.
Anyhow, thats my vent. By no means am I ripping my dad. He's been good since my mom died, and i appreciate it. I know he has his own pressures with trying to sell his company, but sometimes I wish i could communicate with him better. I've talked to my uncle.. twice.. in 24 years, and I feel like I can communciate with him better than my dad.
Hopefully this will all get sorted out.
Mitch