My Boyfriend doesn't like to be tickled... Suggestions?

[CuteJill143]

This is a very difficult situation. Its hard to change a guy who hates it or has negative feelings about being tickled vanilla or not. Unfortunately some people only have negative feelings when being tickled. My high school sweet heart screamed at me for it one time when I got carried away and I was hurt. He was like "JILL STOP!!! I'M GETTING PISSED OFF!" Perhaps you can get him into the lighter side of tickling, soft and gentle, like foreplay. Try doing it in a way that won't cause uncontrollable laughter but enough to turn him on. Almost like a light finger tip massage. Start out slow. Sometimes if you make it more sexual, he might see the positive. Or try to explain that you only do it because you love him and want to show your affection. Good luck hun.

 

[carwash666]

Have him tickle you for a little bit to show him how sexual it can be

 

[Sunriseticklee]

If he doesn't like it.... He doesn't like it. Flat out ask him about it, and tell him that you are into it- IF (BIG IF) you both are serious, and if you feel comfortable about sharing this with him.

I don't think there is some super amazing trick to all of a sudden make him see how much he loves being tickled. AND I think it is a HUGE mistake to link it with sex only- It sounds like you like tickling on various levels. Innocent, fun, "joking revenge"... You apparently don't have an intimacy problem with him. Don't make him feel like you aren't getting satisfied without it, unless you aren't. AND don't give him some weird tickling ultimatum.

I love you guys- but some of you are hilarious! Don't be so hard on the tickle hating guy. Gotta respect the hard limits of people. 😀

 

[Mitchell]

inspired, your post shows me a couple of red flags right off the bat.

You're together seven months, you're sexually active, and he doesn't know about your fetishes? To me.. that would seem a pretty long time to withhold a fetish from a partner who you are intimate with. It seems to me that up until now.. you either felt him and the relationship more important than the fetish.. or.. you just don't trust him enough to tell him.

Telling him could cause one of a few things to happen. He might be willing to accomodate you.. to make you happy, and you might be able to get some tickling in. He might say. "I can't deal with being tickled.. so you either have to accept that I dont like to be tickled.. or.. we may have to break up".. He also might be angry that you withheld it from him for that length of time.. and he might feel that you either dont trust him, and that he cant trust you.

I havent been in a relationship in a while.. but.. for myself., as I have both a foot and tickle fetish... I would handle it this way. After being intimate for however long.. I would say to the girl : "Can I massage your feet?": If she balked, and said no, I would probably have to then spill the beans about my foot fetish, and then tickling, and see what her reaction was. If she said. "You can never, ever touch my feet", that, would probably turn me off, because my reply would be: "Why can I touch your breasts, sexual areas, etc, but not your feet". As for tickling: If I said to the girl: "I enjoy tickling.. do you mind if I tickle you from time to time". Again, I'd have to see the reaction. Such would also highly depend on what else I had in common with her, how I felt about her, and how she felt about me.

The real question is going to be which is more important to you. Your boyfriend.. or tickling. You may well have to choose. I think its harder for a ler to tickle someone else who doesnt like it.. because.. the reality is.. many vanillas dont like to be tickled. It is sometimes easier for a lee to say to their partner... "Please tickle me", because the partner isnt the one who is enduring the tickling, and physical reaction that goes along with it.

Either way, I think you have to tell him. Hopefully, he will be understanding, and accomodate you with allowing you to tickle him, at least from time to time. If he completely balks at being tickled at all, then, I hate to say, you then have a difficult decision to make of which is more important.. tickling.. or him. If he is.. then you might have to live without tickling. If the tickling is more important.. you then need to part from him, find someone who is okay with being tickled, and bring up the tickling earlier in the relationship.

Situations like this are very difficult. I feel for you, because I know this might well happen to me at some point, with finding a vanilla girl who wouldnt like to be tickled. If I were you, I would have a discussion with him about the situation, and I hope he is open minded, and receptive enough to be open to letting you tickle him at least sometimes. Good Luck.

Mitch

 

[gigglemakr]

I've been dating this guy for 7 months, we are sexually active and pretty vanilla. He let me tie him up once because he knows I liked it, but outside of that, he doesn't have any fetishes. He doesn't know about my fetish because well, frankly, he doesn't seem to like tickling. I have tendency to look for any reason to tickle him, I'll poke him in the ribs if he makes a joke at me, or try to get away with running my nails up and down his sides while we're laying together, but whenever it goes on for more than a few seconds he asks me to stop and gets visibly annoyed.

Just the other day he brought it to my attention when I got a little carried away and held his ankle down for a few seconds while I tickled his foot after he made a joke at me. His response was immediate and heavy, but he stopped me quick and got annoyed. It's becoming sort of an issue for me, and I wonder sometimes if it's a problem because I do it mostly when we're joking around and we're making jokes at each other, so it's almost like it's in "retaliation," so it gives it a negative feeling on some level.

I know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

Change boyfriends. Choose me, for example. But remember, you're going to get tickled back.

 

[rhiannon]

Don't be so hard on the tickle hating guy. Gotta respect the hard limits of people. 😀

It seems like when it comes to tickling, a lot of people here are unable to do that! A real shame, gets me every time!

And Mitch, that was a damn good post you wrote up there!

 

[maniactickler]

Move on.

 

[luca002]

Is your fetish very important foru you?
If the answer is yes dump him.
Do u think u can stop your fetish? So stay with him.

 

[Tickleing_King]

Listen, this is a huge issue with me, as well. I've been with girls who love it, and I've been with girls who don't. I slowly get myself away from those who don't, but I keep them as friends.

If it's important to you, don't settle for someone you find physically attractive and everything. Yes, it's a two-way road, but you know what? There's another person in the world who is most likely the exact same person, but likes being tickled, who knows.

My point is: Dump him, there are other guys who are just as good, if not better, and accepts your tickling and actually wants to indulge in it. If he doesn't like it and it's an issue, don't make it an issue, just cut the rope, and move on.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Rhiannon has it right, including pointing out that it's like wanting to whip, or pour hot wax on, someone who doesn't have the proclivity for it. I sometimes get the impression that there are people here who think that the people who don't like to be tickled just haven't discovered how wonderful it is and need to be brought to it. Wrong! For the average person outside of our community, it's nothing but horrible torture, and there is no way of changing that. In your situation, you're the one who has to accept that this guy doesn't share your fetish, and he's not going to. The question then becomes, can you accept this about him? And there's no right answer. It's a question of which you need more, being intimate with someone you can tickle, or being intimate with this guy whom you can't tickle. And, from the sound of it, I think this is a guy whom you can't tickle.

 

[rhiannon]

WorkInProgress, wonderfully worded. 🙂 I couldn't agree with you more. 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

rhiannon, thanks for your compliment on my post. I try to be helpful, and I hope that inspired found it useful.

Mitch

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

Believe it or not, he can be taught to enjoy it, but it's going to take some work on your part.

Most people that hate being tickled do so because they were abusively tickled at some point during their childhood. They have never had positive experiences with being tickled. It was always nonconsensual, torturous, and in many cases, humiliating.

The trick is to create some positive associations with being tickled. Throughout this process, you must constantly assure him that you'll stop whenever he says to, and above all, you must keep your word.

Start out scratching his back. Most people aren't ticklish there, but if he is, use a firmer pressure to begin with. Have him sit with his shirt off, while you sit behind him. With both your hands, scratch his back slowly and as lightly as you can without it tickling him. By doing this, you can ever so lightly tread into ticklish areas, but only briefly and very gently. Remember the goal here is to blur and soften that hard line between pleasurable touch and torturous tickling.

You must have a lot of patience, and most of all...you have to be able to resist the temptation to go Addie Juniper on him. If you can do that, in time he will relax more and be able to take more tickling without panicking. Ultimately, if done correctly he will be able to take anything you can dish out...well, for a few seconds anyway. 😉

 

[badreligion]

I've been dating this guy for 7 months, we are sexually active and pretty vanilla. He let me tie him up once because he knows I liked it, but outside of that, he doesn't have any fetishes. He doesn't know about my fetish because well, frankly, he doesn't seem to like tickling. I have tendency to look for any reason to tickle him, I'll poke him in the ribs if he makes a joke at me, or try to get away with running my nails up and down his sides while we're laying together, but whenever it goes on for more than a few seconds he asks me to stop and gets visibly annoyed.

Just the other day he brought it to my attention when I got a little carried away and held his ankle down for a few seconds while I tickled his foot after he made a joke at me. His response was immediate and heavy, but he stopped me quick and got annoyed. It's becoming sort of an issue for me, and I wonder sometimes if it's a problem because I do it mostly when we're joking around and we're making jokes at each other, so it's almost like it's in "retaliation," so it gives it a negative feeling on some level.

I know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

Get a new boyfriend ?

 

[DianaBanana88]

Guess some people just dont like to be tickled whether its by a girl or a guy. 7 months seems long so it cant really be a privacy or personal space issue or anything or i dont think it would be that. Not much ya can do about it since you cant make him like it

 

[WorkInProgress]

DAJT: I love your closing, "Well for a few seconds anyway." That's where they already are, so you're essentially saying that taking your advice won't change anything, which I agree with 100%.

DianaBanana (off topic): Is your partner in the picture someone we've met here? Someone we'll be meeting? Just curious.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

DAJT: I love your closing, "Well for a few seconds anyway." That's where they already are, so you're essentially saying that taking your advice won't change anything, which I agree with 100%.

LOL. You got me, WIP. I meant to type minutes instead of seconds. Just as I'm sure you meant to say "That's where they already are, so you're essentially saying that taking your advice won't change anything. That's a statement with which I agree 100%."

But hey, who cares about grammar? It's not like either of us are teachers of higher learning, right? Oh wait...

 

[rhiannon]

I meant to type minutes instead of seconds.

Then the question is what kind of tickling does she crave. If she really wants to go the torturous, long-term route, there is no way she could convince him.

 

[DianaBanana88]

DianaBanana (off topic): Is your partner in the picture someone we've met here? Someone we'll be meeting? Just curious.

Nope I met her through two of my friends. Possible you could meet both of us haha but ya meeting new people will happen soon enough and it seems exciting

 

[Mitchell]

YW, chuckle. I'm glad my post was helpful to you.

Mitch

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Rhiannon has it right.....

WorkInProgress, wonderfully worded. 🙂 I couldn't agree with you more. 🙂

Then the question is what kind of tickling does she crave. If she really wants to go the torturous, long-term route, there is no way she could convince him.

You just looove those absolute statements, don'tcha?

The strategy I proposed involved creating positive and pleasurable associations with tickling, in a gradual process to erode his hatred of it, while building his trust in her not to take it beyond that which he can bear.

How you got "convincing" out of that, I'll never know.

 

[rhiannon]

The strategy I proposed involved creating positive and pleasurable associations with tickling, in a gradual process to erode his hatred of it, while building his trust in her not to take it beyond that which he can bear.

I fully understood your strategy, and there is already the point I am hinting at - what he can and cannot bear. I believe that you can make someone who absolutely doesn't like tickling to go with the soft, playful part of it, but I highly doubt it can ever go beyond that.

So, all i wanted to know is: what kind of tickling does she actually like?

How you got "convincing" out of that, I'll never know.

Maybe, just MAYBE, English is not my mother tongue, and MAYBE I am using the words I am familiar with to express my thoughts! How's that?

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I fully understood your strategy, and there is already the point I am hinting at - what he can and cannot bear. I believe that you can make someone who absolutely doesn't like tickling to go with the soft, playful part of it, but I highly doubt it can ever go beyond that.

Then you don't "fully understand" the strategy. In fact you don't even "partially understand" the strategy. If you did, you'd know that the goal of the strategy is that his limits of endurance will change over time, as his trust in her grows and as he logs more and more hours of the kind of tickling that is within his tolerance level. Ultimately, he will arrive at a point in which his level of tolerance will include the excruciating rib-jagging tickle torture, if that's what she wants to give him.

So, all i wanted to know is: what kind of tickling does she actually like?

Hang on, I'll simply read her mind long distance and find out. Oh wait, never mind. I just remembered I don't have that ability.

Maybe, just MAYBE, English is not my mother tongue, and MAYBE I am using the words I am familiar with to express my thoughts! How's that?

Maybe, just MAYBE it also explains why you don't "fully understand" my strategy. 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

Ultimately, he will arrive at a point in which his level of tolerance will include the excruciating rib-jagging tickle torture, if that's what she wants to give him.

You are a very optimistic person, I'll give you that.

Hang on, I'll simply read her mind long distance and find out.

Uhm, I didn't ask YOU! 🙂 I hoped SHE would answer!

Maybe, just MAYBE it also explains why you don't "fully understand" my strategy.

Don't you worry, I understand English well enough.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

You are a very optimistic person, I'll give you that.

I've seen it happen, more than once. That's not optimism. It's realism.

rhiannon
So, all i wanted to know is: what kind of tickling does she actually like?

DontAskJusTckle
Hang on, I'll simply read her mind long distance and find out. Oh wait, never mind. I just remembered I don't have that ability.

rhiannon
Uhm, I didn't ask YOU! 🙂 I hoped SHE would answer!

You asked the question while responding to me, referring to her in the third person. If you want to ask her, you should respond to her and refer to her in the second person by using the pronoun "you" instead of "she."

Don't you worry, I understand English well enough.