REVISED, UPDATED AND EXPANDED- The Single Man's Guide to NEST!

[Babbles]

Respect & honesty must go both ways. Full communication, up front.

The dual perspectives presented here by Libertine & Kittentoes are clearly among the most useful & well put.
(I should've bumped this, or Bella's thread, myself, a few weeks ago...).

I'll just add, and I hope I'm not being repetitive 🙄 that
there's (equally) obviously great responsibility on every member,

male or female
not just to respect each other's space and limits, but
also to be VERY careful to be FULLY accurate if for any reason a complaint needs to be made.

Women tend to need to be more careful if or when playing/choosing partners, especially when alone (!!)
for physical safety

BUT men need to be careful to not merely respect their partner's wishes and limits,
but then to protect themselves as well from any potential for false accusations also, or even *miscommunications,
---i.e. to be sure to find mature and responsible partners.

Using that initial "sex" analogy again -- A guy needs to make sure he's with a fully willing partner for both the wo/man's sake and his own as well.

While there *should be no fear on either side, ideally,
there does need to be simple commonsense caution & FULL communication.

Women (or guys) should not hesitate to send up a flag if there is a problem, if someone won't listen to a polite refusal, or is physically aggressive,

but there is that additional responsibility, usually for women, to be sure to make our likes and dislikes known,
loudly and clearly from the beginning.

We have every right to change our minds, but we need to let our partner or friend know of this IMMEDIATELY
if that is the case, not to mislead anyone.

I know from what little I said myself (said it enough, no need to repeat here) that I had Mods dropping in on me to ask what happened, etc., to make sure there was no problem, or to nip it immediately if there was.

There's no question the Mods or Dungeon Monitors will drop like 26 lead balloons on ANY guy, especially, who is accused of misbehaving.

So (this I will repeat!!) there's EQUAL responsibility to not only be respectful of everyone's wishes,
but to express those wishes VERY nicely and CLEARLY, ASAP.

Take "no" for an answer,
but also GIVE "no thank you" for an answer if
that is your preference.

I had a PHENOMENAL time at NEST, so whether you're thinking of participating or just observing, as I did,

if you're respectful, choose a partner carefully and communicate openly & properly you should have a blast as well.

(As noted elsewhere, not everyone will find a partner. I didn't, and had much fun anyway 😀 )

 

[KittenToes]

Bumpity bump

It's still relevant. Roll on NEST 2009!

Gentlemen, especially if this is your first NEST, please redirect the blood flow away from the lower brain and have a read of the first 2 posts in this thread.

But then if you have the courage to attend a R/L gathering you've got a better command of your dual brain centers than most on this site!

Libertine and I are both looking forward to seeing all of you there.

 

[JS805]

I walked in here and read the entire 1st paragraph which was:

Upon your entering the hotel, you will be immediately surrounded by a gorgeous array of shapely women from late teens to mid 30s, seductively dressed in a gorgeous array of filmy negligees, tiny bikinis, abbreviated cheerleader outfits, and Victoria’s Secret lingerie, all with perfect pedicures, all recognising your utter irresistibility and all competing desperately with one another for their chance to play with you and you alone. Sound like fun, Casanova?

I got very excited. Then I read the next sentence and was devastated.

 

[Artoo]

Good bumpage, Kittentoes. 🙂

 

[xionking]

Upon your entering the hotel, you will be immediately surrounded by a gorgeous array of shapely women from late teens to mid 30s, seductively dressed in a gorgeous array of filmy negligees, tiny bikinis, abbreviated cheerleader outfits, and Victoria’s Secret lingerie, all with perfect pedicures, all recognising your utter irresistibility and all competing desperately with one another for their chance to play with you and you alone. Sound like fun, Casanova?

Slow down, tiger. NEST is a gathering of ordinary adults of all ages, shapes and sizes with one preference in common. Do all people who happen to like broccoli have a particular appearance? Of course not. So you’re best off, next time you are on a crowded bus or commuter train, having a look around and realizing that the over 18s travelling with you mimic the cross-section of men and women you’ll see at NEST. Older or younger, slim or heavy, attractive or plain, attached or unattached, white, black, asian- these are your fellow participants.

Since men and women are biologically programmed to ‘mate’, substitute the word ‘sex’ for the word ‘tickling’ Then imagine yourself in any ordinary bar for an evening out. Sure, everyone's there in the hope of having a good time- but how many of the women there are you going to have sex with? It’s exactly the same at NEST. OK, admittedly, tickling cannot exactly be equated with full sex, so- how many of the women in that bar will allow you a nice long kiss?

Keep in mind that finally meeting that goddess (the one to whom you’ve been chatting endlessly online) in R/L does not mean she’ll bring your fantasies of her to fruition. While everyone understandably wants to meet THE ONE at NEST, make sure the object of your desires feels the same way about you. Internet personas often differ from what people are really like. That applies to her perception of you, as well as yours of her. Sometimes one or both participants are disappointed in a R/L meeting. Be gracious if this occurs.



And gentlemen- at NEST, when in doubt, always err on the side of caution.


NEST is simply a microcosm of your own life. If you have reasonable social skills, and genuinely enjoy interacting with people OFFLINE, you’ll have a greater chance of making a connection in some way at NEST. Please go to all the events and workshops which have been organised for your benefit- being non-participatory will only leave you bereft of some essential practical skills and more importantly cut off your opportunities to meet potential friends and -dare I say it- play partners. Remember that (apart from A-list celebrities) only men who pay for it have instant 'encounters' with total strangers. So mingle, chat, keep your mad desires warm on the back burner, and only turn up the heat when the time is right.

I didn’t play at all for my first few NESTs, because for one reason or another opportunities didn’t happen to materialise. So I just socialised, did some sight-seeing, watched some play, and made some great friends who I’m delighted to see every year. I never considered it a waste that I wasn’t playing all the time. But over the years I have seen many single guys have some happy group or one-on-one experiences. The one thing they all seemed to have in common was that they were personable, friendly fellows who were decent guys first, ticklers second.

And that’s the key to their success- it will, with a bit of luck thrown in, also be the key to yours.

Jesus, you don't think that maybe this is all a little bit condessending, Dude?

I mean, you write this as if you are assuming the guys turning up to NEST have no socially equipped skills on how to handle a lady, or even how to appropriately chat one up.

I'd have just a little bit more faith in your Gender, my friend, and the male's ability to sweep a fine lady off her feet.

-Xionking

 

[BellaRisa]

Jesus, you don't think that maybe this is all a little bit condessending, Dude?

I mean, you write this as if you are assuming the guys turning up to NEST have no socially equipped skills on how to handle a lady, or even how to appropriately chat one up.

I'd have just a little bit more faith in your Gender, my friend, and the male's ability to sweep a fine lady off her feet.

-Xionking

Xion, it's lovely that you feel that you have the poise and self-assurance to handle yourself just fine at such an event. Many newcomers don't feel that way, they don't know how to approach others and want guidance and insight on these matters; those of us who've been helping run NEST and other gatherings for many years recognize that and do our best to help, in ways like workshops and this thread (which has helped and comforted *many* folks over the last few years!)

 

[P_Bustleton]

Jesus, you don't think that maybe this is all a little bit condessending, Dude?

I mean, you write this as if you are assuming the guys turning up to NEST have no socially equipped skills on how to handle a lady, or even how to appropriately chat one up.

I'd have just a little bit more faith in your Gender, my friend, and the male's ability to sweep a fine lady off her feet.

-Xionking

I don't find it condescending. I think a lowest-common-denominator warning is appropriate. Try posting as a woman on this forum or even entering the chatroom with a vaguely feminine sounding name. Real life might not be quite as creepy, but you'll get the idea of why there's so much concern.

 

[dvnc]

Xion, it's lovely that you feel that you have the poise and self-assurance to handle yourself just fine at such an event. Many newcomers don't feel that way, they don't know how to approach others and want guidance and insight on these matters; those of us who've been helping run NEST and other gatherings for many years recognize that and do our best to help, in ways like workshops and this thread (which has helped and comforted *many* folks over the last few years!)

I second Bella. It's true at smaller gatherings. It's WAY true at NEST.

All of us hosting events have experience the folks who aren't afraid, who then cross a personal boundary, usually verbally, that has them bounced from the event, or ostracized for being rude in a VERY delicate situation for the rest of the attendees.

I support what Libertine wrote. It's dead accurate, and WAY too many of us roll into NEST, as large as it is, and forget for a moment. It is then easy, at that moment, to severely embarrass oneself.

While I've little doubt that you'll handle yourself well, Xionking, there's 100 others than have decisions to make, and this is for them, too.

 

[natural tickler]

Well stated, and much needed words for those who haven't been to a gathering, let alone a NEST.

While I have no doubts I will be on my best behavior, (and the people who know/care/love me will see to it that I do), I have been to gatherings before, and to me this is just another one, magnified a bit, but I am no rookie

This thread is good for those who have never been to gatherings, very insightful

 

[DimpleToes]

Awsome thread. Will I be kicked out for getting lots of hugs 🙂 That is me I am a hugger yet will only give a hug to those who gladly accept it.

 

[AffectionateDan]

I don't find it condescending. I think a lowest-common-denominator warning is appropriate. Try posting as a woman on this forum or even entering the chatroom with a vaguely feminine sounding name. Real life might not be quite as creepy, but you'll get the idea of why there's so much concern.

And extra bonus points for you, for the proper spelling of "condescending."

 

[chrisheaven]

will ANY attractive people be attending?

 

[Adam]

will ANY attractive people be attending?

I can guarantee it. Good thread, by the way.

 

[kered]

will ANY attractive people be attending?

Of course, Chris. Milagros will be there.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

will ANY attractive people be attending?

None. They're not allowed. NEST is for the fugly's ONLY.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

P.S. Awesome thread 🙂

 

[dvnc]

Chris, a bit of nearly every sort is there. Young, old, pretty, not-so-much...

Speaking as the old, not-so-much, I just increased your odds of an attractive woman being present. Since I know several that will be there, I can say your odds are good. 😉

 

[Artoo]

None. They're not allowed. NEST is for the fugly's ONLY.

Fine. I'll stay where I am.

 

[BlackestLily]

It's that time of the year! Friendly bump!

 

[Sandisk444]

this is a good thread to have, even though i'm not going this year it's still good to have a heads up on what it may be like there

 

[Filthyweasel]

This is a good thread. I'm a single guy who's going to NEST for the first time, but I am going for the social experience. I have no intention of finding anyone in that way. I wanna meet friends, make new ones. A fun wee holiday with some great people. If I get close to someone and it's nice, then I'll let what ever happen happen. It happened 9 years ago for me in London at a convention in a Heathrow airport hotel with a girl, we were holding hands within a day, then met each other stateside a little later for a 2 month fling. It can happen, but I'm not going to go looking for it.

However, ladies, please feel free to express to me your obvious disappointment at this and your desire to change my mind in person at NEST. 😎

 

[ticklishscribe]

KittenToes;Let’s assume the woman is the lee. She is unlikely to want to be tied down and tickled by someone who is wild-eyed, panting, foaming at the mouth, and looking at her as if she is a prime rib roast and he hasn’t eaten in a month.

This is pricless, but it's totally true that women AREN'T a cusine and that they should be respected at all times.​

 

[TickVix]

I couldn't have said it better myself 🙂. Great post

 

[fishman]

She is unlikely to want to be tied down and tickled by someone who is wild-eyed, panting, foaming at the mouth, and looking at her as if she is a prime rib roast and he hasn’t eaten in a month.

What have I told you about talking about me Kitten?

 

[P_Bustleton]

Revisiting this post, it's definitely good advice. I see I commented on it too, and I stand by my original reply.

Last year was my first NEST and I was single, and this year I'll most likely be single again (ya never know what might happen in the next three weeks...). I had a blast -- as pretty much anyone who was there could attest. I didn't go looking for romance, but had a few beautiful moments. I discovered a lot about myself. And I got a chance to impress quite a few 'lees and 'lers with my tickling skills. 😉

Guys who were successful might not want to share tips, ha. But really, everyone benefits when people feel comfortable and in a non-predatory environment.

Libertine is a gentleman of gentlemen. Thank you for posting this; not that I would have acted differently last year, but it's a lesson all guys should take to heart.