The ORAL SEX thread that all women will hate me for!

[Amnesiac]

Yes, this is a typically funny thread about oral sex, only the humor comes from the absolute seriousness of it.

When it comes to receiving oral sex, I think it's true that all men are for it. When it comes to giving oral sex to men, virtually all women are against it. For countless centuries, men have serached for reasons that women would accept to voluntarily perform the act. Well, I believe I have found it.

Listen to this list of facts I have found:

The average ejaculate contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, and zinc.

So now if a woman asks you rhetorically why they should swallow, you can honestly tell them:

IT'S HEALTHY FOR YOU!

 

[Ticklebell]

Ok first off, bletch!!! But here's my purpose for posting:

It also has the calories of a piece of cheesecake. Aha! The perfect counterpoint! Ha-HA!
Mwah!
-Bell

 

[milagros317]

What makes you think women will be happy about swallowing urea, uric acid, spermidine, and spermine? Or cholesterol?

Which brings up an old joke: What did the bride whisper to the groom right after the minister said "I now pronounce you husband and wife"?

She said "Thank God! I don't have to do any more blow jobs."

 

[AffectionateDan]

First off...

It's not true that ALL women are gonna hate you for it... 🙄 There ARE those gals that do like to do that.

Secondly 😀 It's more often than not been my position 😛 that it is better to give than to recieve...

Clicketty-click, rattle-rattle-rattle...

 

[sole seeker]

It also has the calories of a piece of cheesecake.

Not true, Ms Ticklish Dingaling! Sperm has no calories. 😛

Originally posted by Amnesiac_m(pc)
When it comes to giving oral sex... virtually all women are against it.

Many, but not all, oh Forgetful One! You just have to look around more! My wife and I both love oral sex!


Hey guys, as one of the official old-geezers here, I'm here to say that you too can find a mate in the singles-scene who likes oral sex! And you won't have to spend a fortune dating every lady in the free world to find such a treasure!

Here's the way it's done: When you meet a nice looking lady you might be interested in dating you simply ask, "Do you swallow?"
If she says anything other than, "YES", save yourself time and money, and forget about her.

True, you won't get as many dates this way, but the ones you get will be a lot more fun!

 

[Mimi]

I don't hate you for it. Not in the least. I personally have issues or problems with performing oral sex.

But ask yourself this. If nasal discharge (okay, SNOT) had the same nutritional values, would YOU eat it? The flavor and consistency is quite similar. 😛

Mimi

 

[evilqueen]

When it comes to receiving oral sex, I think it's true that all men are for it. When it comes to giving oral sex to men, virtually all women are against it.

Hell of a generalization coming from a self-admitted virgin. Or has that status changed? 😉

I dated a man who didn't like to give OR receive. What a waste of my natural talents.

Here's an amusing editorial that talks about the caloric and nutritional content of semen. As well as the taste. As the writer points out, men have an inflated estimation of the quality of their splooge.

EQ

 

[BigJim]

If nasal discharge (okay, SNOT) had the same nutritional values, would YOU eat it? The flavor and consistency is quite similar. 😛

Mimi

It doesn't you know, it actually tastes quite salty.

Erm...... ahh.............. Oh fuck.

 

[BigJim]

And it's between 5 and 7 calouries, incidentally. 😀

 

[BigJim]

For the record, I don't like receiving it either. Dunno why, but I don't. Strange eh?

I don't mind giving it however, especially if the lady loves receiving it.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Now THAT'S just criminally insane, IMHO...

I dated a man who didn't like to give OR receive. What a waste of my natural talents.

You of course had the deluded individual institutionalized for their own good, didn't you? 🙄

 

[Raichyll]

When I was in highschool my anatomy teacher was talking about the sugars (ie. glucose) in semen, and some girl blurted out, "Then how come it tastes so salty?" *giggle*

And, not every female hates performing oral sex on a guy. When my girlfriends and I have talked about it, I can't recall any of them saying they don't like doing it.

 

[Amnesiac]

Touche

Well well well, the responses have been pretty much what I'd thought they'd be, but I have a few tricks up my...uh...oh yeah, SLEEVE for you naysayers!

If nasal discharge (okay, SNOT) had the same nutritional values, would YOU eat it? The flavor and consistency is quite similar - Mimi

Keep in mind nasal discharges collect spores and airborne germs when sent out (pure, clean nasal mucus may be different). If germs and unnatural spores like that are found in your guy's spooge, then he has no business receiving oral sex from ANYBODY!

What makes you think women will be happy about swallowing urea, uric acid, spermidine, and spermine? Or cholesterol? - Milagros

Uh...there's cholesterol in ALMOST everything people eat. Uric acid is sterile (and won't dissolve your tongue), and as for the other two, I might bring up the organic compounds to be found in a WOMAN'S orific discharges as a counterpoint. (looooooots of weird chemicals and tissues in there)

men have an inflated estimation of the quality of their splooge. - Evilqueen

Yes, but only the inconsiderate bastards refrain from doing anything about it. The conscientious ones drink a lot of citric fluids on a daily basis 😀

It's not true that ALL women are gonna hate you for it... There ARE those gals that do like to do that. - Affectionate Dan

This is true; there are a recorded 4 women on the planet who do. They are preserved in glass at the Smithsonian and live in constant fear of assassination by N.O.W. and all other related organizations.

Hell of a generalization coming from a self-admitted virgin. Or has that status changed? - Evilqueen

No, but it is one of the signs of the opening the Fifth Seal, right between the seas boiling and the sky falling. They excised it from the Bible due to word count limits. Besides, is it impossible for an inexperienced person to understand and accept certain facts that people WITH experience have compiled?


So far this is FUN! ME LIKE hearing all teh different responses people have. So continue to discuss and debate and prod and poke and mock. I'm a masochist and a geek so I don't mind. Mimi'll tell ya, right Meems?😉

 

[Myriads]

When it comes to receiving oral sex, I think it's true that all men are for it.

Wrong.

Myriads

 

[ShiningIce]

I will not stick ANY body part esp something as vital as my Joy Luck Club in an orifice containing teeth thank you very much.

 

[4Pawz]

As I promised Amnesiac, I am replying to his thread 😛 here ya go.

As far as oral sex is concerned, to each their own. I am okay with receiving it, though it is one of those things that take me a while to allow, I have to know and trust the guy, and he has to want to do it, I never pressure anyone. I don't give it, I stick nothing like that in my mouth. The one place where I am a germ freak is my mouth. I have no desire to have anything excreted into my mouth.

As I said, to each their own. But as far as me ever giving it, it's a big huge NO!

Pawz

 

[evilqueen]

So continue to discuss and debate and prod and poke and mock. I'm a masochist and a geek so I don't mind.

Oh good, cuz I'm all pissed off from many hours of trying to post eBay auctions when their system's all screwed up, so I could use a little masochist to mop up the floor with.

I will not stick ANY body part esp something as vital as my Joy Luck Club in an orifice containing teeth thank you very much.

Afraid of a little vagina dentata? 😀 <---The better to eat you with, my dear.

Besides, is it impossible for an inexperienced person to understand and accept certain facts that people WITH experience have compiled?

Is it not possible that once you have your own, er, heads-on experience, your opinion will be more informed? You may even discover you are not all for receiving oral sex. I know I didn't like it first time out of the box - no wait, I mean I had to develop a taste for - oh hell, you know what I mean.

Maybe you just need to broaden your horizons and meet a larger group of women or something.

Or maybe a group of larger women. I mean, you want *oral* sex, right? 😛

 

[nosforatiop]

I'm one of those few guys that doesn't really care for recieving oral sex. I love giving it to a woman. All my friends think I'm a wierdo for this.

 

[milagros317]

I will not stick ANY body part esp something as vital as my Joy Luck Club in an orifice containing teeth thank you very much.

While I don't go quite as far as S.I. in this, I feel the same way. I have to trust a woman very, very much before putting the joystick inbetween her teeth.

EQ mentions the well known myth of vagina dentata. It is not a myth that mouths have teeth.

 

[TickleCrazy]

Why does the girl have to swallow? I don't and I give great head. Don't any of you guys say, "Watch out I'm gonna shoot!" so she can simply finish you with her expert hand? As for getting licked by a guy, compared with by a girl, I prefer my vibrator. And of course, to be TICKLED!

 

[JoBelle]

There's yet another viewpoint to be considered here.

Sometimes in life we're very good at things which we don't particularly enjoy all the time. HOWEVER, we like to do them because the payoff is good. I mean, hell, I've got a knack for handling my taxes that result in a pretty legal penny coming back. 😛 Doesn't mean I enjoy it though. But, on the same hand, it's a little click down the road when the check comes back.

Relating that to oral sex, there are some pretty fascinating aspects about it that flip my skirt up, but swallowing something the consistency of what I wash out of my aquarium just is NOT one of them. 😛 I prefer the part of the event where the fella is debating an official worship service to me. Yeah, that works. 😉

Joby
**We need a tongue in cheek smilie, and not just for this topic! 😛*

 

[sole seeker]

Why does the girl have to swallow? I don't and I give great head.

Somehow, I don't doubt you for an instant, TC. Your mate's gonna be (or is) one lucky dude. To address your question, I don't insist my partner swallow, but there are two reasons I prefer it:
1) It's less messy and things don't have to come to a complete halt while we clean up.
2) Ejaculation inside my mate feels much more pleasurable than shooting into the air. It has to do with the physical sensation of being surrounded while having an orgasm.

Lots of people here have expressed the idea that they don't enjoy oral sex simply because they're not comfortable with the concept of it. This may change for each individual over time, based on life experiences and whom you're partnered with.

I have not liked oral sex with every partner I've known. For one thing, this is pretty intimate stuff for me, and to enjoy it I have to be deeply into a relationship with my partner. Also, believe it or not we taste differently from one another.

 

[sole seeker]

Sometimes in life we're very good at things which we don't particularly enjoy all the time. HOWEVER, we like to do them because the payoff is good... Relating that to oral sex, there are some pretty fascinating aspects about it that flip my skirt up, but swallowing... is NOT one of them. I prefer the part of the event where the fella is debating an official worship service to me.

So, if I understand you correctly Jobelle... your advice to the ladies on this thread is, if they get the chance to perform fellatio, don't blow it? (Damn you're right, we do need a tongue in cheek smilie!)

 

[Amnesiac]

I'm seeing a lot of voices that are tending to reinforce what I originally said!!!

*giggling insanely while clapping hands like cymbal monkey*

Actually, I'm honored that people are for the most part giving honest and (mostly) non-jokey responses; the last thing I want to be accused of is exploiting someone else's heartfelt attempts. Thank you.

On the other hand, I haven't seen a whole lot of opposition to what I said; Jobelle's response especially. Remember, my declaration was NOT "women don't GIVE oral sex" it was, "women don't LIKE giving oral sex (to guys)." Yes, I am aware that my inital intention was to make a humorous, yet accurate reason for this activity, but now it has moved in a more interesting direction.

SO whilst I await responses from more people, I'll make another little update.

Is it not possible that once you have your own, er, heads-on experience, your opinion will be more informed? You may even discover you are not all for receiving oral sex - Evilqueen

You're probably right EQ, but I foresee two problems with this. One, anytime most people get into an argument, it reaches the point where they test each other's credibility for their opinion, and experience can play a strong factor. But, if you have had an experience, that experience has created an (positive/negative) opinion, which, in turn can be considered a bias; a perspective contaminated by positively/negatively favored experience. This can render an opinion moot in credibility...whereas an inexperienced person has no direct bias and can probably bring an interesting view free of favoritism.

Two, I hear people all the time bitching about how younger people are always arrogant and proud and think they know everything. And yet, everytime I try to be the guy that says "you're right, I don't know everything"...they just get mad at me!! They don't want to hear anything I say until I get experience...but if I do, they'll say I'm biased because of it! AUUUUGH!

If there's my opinion can be more well-informed EQ, why don't they put that extra information in books? That way people like me can read up on it and have better knowledge.

One of these days I'm gonna have to make an experience thread.


I love giving it to a woman - killedbyangel

Kudos to you. I hold the opinion that women should enjoy oral sex frequently and vigorously. Unless they are diseased, unclean or don't want it.

Maybe you just need to broaden your horizons and meet a larger group of women or something. - tieler

Tieler, my man, I've been from one part of this country to the other, and in every place I've been to, I hear the same complaints; a larger group of women would only be a larger group of women who hate giving oral sex. You have your heart in the right place, but you might be the victim of excessive optimism.

Okay, that's it for now. While everybody reads, and thinks, and debates and posts their replies and opinions, I'm gon' kick back and whittle sum! Then come back!😀

 

[JoBelle]

Well, Amny, I'm trying to figure out if you think I agree or disagree with you~! LOL 😛

Honestly, I think you're right if you say women dislike at least part of the experience. I've yet to run across someone who didn't have a pro and a con for at least some part of the whole "event." Personally, I think you'd find the same can be said for almost any sexual activity but BJ's tend to get more attention. *shrug-go figure*

There are, frightfully, other things I'd like to do to a man. Oh, mayyybeeeee....TICKLE HIM!?! But glory be to combine the two. Does this fall in the "too much information" category or does it just qualify as specail tickling? 😛

Joby