The Tasteless Joke Thread!!!

[Dialon]

Q:What does one lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month.

Q: Whats the opposite of Christopher Walkins?
A: Christopher Reeves

So an Irishman walks out of a bar . . .

Q: Whats faster than a speeding bullet?
A: A jew with a coupon.

Q: What will it take to reunite Nirvana?
A: Two more bullets.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!

 

[Artoo]

If it's not been said already...

Why do you lower a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can put your dick in its mouth while you do so. 😀

 

[General Zod]

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert?

There is no John

 

[Mister Scruff]

Daddy is giving his little daughter a bath so that mummy can have a night off and go to the bingo.

"Daddy", says the little girl, "You know when mummy takes her shirt off, and she has two bumps... what are those?"

"Those are mummy's breasts", says Daddy, "You'll get those too, when you're about thirteen."

"Okay", says the little girl, "And what about that hair around mummy's middle bits?"

"That's pubic hair", says daddy, "You'll get that when you're about thirteen too."

"Okay", says the little girl, "And daddy, what's thing on the front of you that makes wee-wee?"

"That's daddy's penis", says Daddy.

"Okay", says the little girl, "And will I get one of those when I'm thirteen too?"

"No, sweetheart", says daddy, "You'll get one in about ten minutes when mummy's gone out."

 

[tequila!]

I'm chilling on the couch, when my grandpa comes up to me.

"You good-for-nothing piece of crap. When I was your age, I went to places like Paris and had the time of my life in the Moulin Rouge. I got wasted with the best booze, fucked all the dancers, pissed on the bartender, and left without paying for anything."

Four weeks later he visited me in hospital, my head and body covered in bandages. So he asks:

"Good god, boy! What happened to you?"

"I tried what you said, Grandpa. I went to Paris, got wasted with the best booze in the Moulin Rouge, fucked the dancers, pissed on the bartender, and left without paying. Then they kicked the crap out of me."

"Well that's a shame. Who did you go with?"

"A couple of friends. Who did you go with?"

"The S.S."

 

[two_twenty_five]

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!"

Kinky bitch.



I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.



My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?"

 

[The Bandito]

Superman is flying around when he looks down onto the roof of the Justice League HQ and sees Wonder Woman sunning herself in the nude - lying there, looking sexy as hell, with her legs spread open.

Superman thinks to himself...man I'd LOVE to get some of THAT! Then he realizes that he can swoop down faster than the speed of light...screw the bejesus out of Wonder Woman, and then fly outta there before she even knows what hit her.

So her swoops down in the blink of an eye, between her spread legs, and does his business...and then he's gone back into the blue yonder.

Wonder Woman sits up and squeals "What the FUCK was that?!"

The invisible man looks her right in the eyes, still lying between her legs and says "I have no idea but my asshole is killing me!"

...or something like that. 😛

B

 

[Angel_2]

Q: How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A:One, white men will screw anything.