The worst jokes you have ever heard,period.

[IDareYou]

My dog's nose fell off.

How does he smell?

Terrible.

Snail Shell

Did you get that fro monty python?! I <3 them!!

Ready?:

Two drums and a cymbal fall on the floor- ba dum chhht

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

An older woman and her daughter were sharing a train compartment with an Army officer an a young soldier. Durning the ride, the lights went off and a kissing sound followed by a slap was heard. The lights come back on and th older woman thinks "That young soldier tried to kiss my daughter and she hit him, good for her!" The daughter thinks "The soldiour went to kiss me, but got my mom instead, so she smacked him." The officer thinks "That soldior tried to kiss that young lady and she hit me by mistake." And the soldior thinks "I'm pretty smart- I kissed the back of my hand and got to slap the officer."

 

[NukeLaloosh]

A penguin is driving his car in the desert, his car breaks down, and so he takes it to a mechanic. The mechanic says it will be a while, so the penguin leaves and finds an ice cream stand. He orders a giant cone stacked high with vanilla ice cream, and gets ready to dig in. The penguin realizes hes only got flippers and eating the cone will be tough, but he tries it anyway. He succeeds in eating some of the vanilla cone, but just gets most of it on his face.

He goes back to the mechanic to check the status of his car. The mechanic says, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."

To which the penguin replies, "oh no, it's just vanilla ice cream"

 

[Iris]

who is the sickest and cruelest guy in the world???? the guy that raped helen keller and cut her hands off so she couldn't yell for help.......insensitive i know.

 

[Bugman]

who is the sickest and cruelest guy in the world???? the guy that raped helen keller and cut her hands off so she couldn't yell for help.......insensitive i know.

So so wrong..😛 How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?They moved the furniture around.

Hey Iris,do you ever check your pm box?🙂

 

[kered]

So so wrong..😛 How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?They moved the furniture around.

hmmm

 

[Bugman]

hmmm

Yeah,like i'm gonna fall for that one again.😛

 

[kered]

You might fall for this one.

 

[tickmankyle1]

why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side.

 

[McNoodle]

Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

What did Batman say to Robin before they drove away?
"Hey Robin, get in the car".

2 termites walk into a bar and say "where is the bartender"?

How do you keep an asshole in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow.

 

[sasaxrah]

- Knock, knock.

-- Who's there?

- 9/11.

-- 9/11 who?

- You said you'd never forget.

 

[ikaiyoo]

why did the skelleton not go to the movies....


He had no body to go with...

 

[badreligion]

Why did Hitler commit suicide ?

He got his gas bill


Why does the hospital boil water while delivering a baby ?

so if the baby comes out dead they can make soup


How did Hellen Keller meet her husband ?

It was a blind date

 

[Raytheon]

I have a friend whos a lesbain and a vegan. I asked her how that can be when she likes to eat fish ...

 

[wishfoot88]

Q) why do gorillas have red balls?
A) to hide in cherry trees.

Q)how did tarzan die?
A)picking cherrys

 

[wishfoot88]

I have a friend whos a lesbain and a vegan. I asked her how that can be when she likes to eat fish ...

nice

 

[wishfoot88]

why did the chicken cross the road?

he just fucking did ok?!?! leave him the fuck alone!!!!



what do you get if you cross a bungee cord with an owl?
............my ass

lets see if anyone will guess where the above is from😀


how can you tell that a blond is having a bad day?
she has a tampon behind her ear and cannot find her pencil

 

[Illtcklu]

What's the difference between Christopher Reeve and O.J. Simpson?

O.J. will walk.

 

[Warrior428]

Here's One

Two homosexuals attacked a woman and threw her on the ground. One held her down while the other did her hair.

 

[Warrior428]

Wrong Number

While doing some spring cleaning, a woman was listening to her radio.
She then hears a song she found to be quite catchy. She was so preoccupied
with cleaning the house that when the D.J. announced the song's information
she got the name of the song, but she didn't quite catch the artist's name.

So she takes a break, grabs the yellow pages and calls the local music store.
However, she accidentally dials the wrong number, she accidentally calls the
plumber.

Now, thinking that she's speaking to a music store employee, she asks:

"Excuse me, but do you have 'Two Hot Lips on a Warm Moonlight?"
(The name of the song)

The plumber answers:

"No, but I have two big nuts and a 9-inch pipe."

She asks:

"Is that a record?"

He replies:

"No, but it's a pretty good average."

 

[ticklish_klutz]

there is a mom tomato, a dad tomato and a kid tomato and they are taking a walk together. the kid tomato keeps falling behind so the dad smashes him and says ketchup

 

[Warrior428]

Cough Medicine

A guy working at a drugstore late one night gets a visit from a customer who's
desparate for some cough medicine. However, she noticed they were out of cough medicine.
So she approaches the clerk and asks for some cough medicine and informs him that she
didn't see any on the shelves. So after checking the stock room in back he couldn't
find any cough medicine back there either.

So instead, he suggests an alternative, for her to try a bottle of laxative, stating
that there are certain side effects related to curing a bad cough. Desparate enough
to be convinced, she purchases the laxative and immediately takes a big swig. During that
time the store manager walks out and overhears what's going on. He pulls the clerk to the
side:

What was she looking for?

Some cough medicine, but we are out. So I sold her some laxative.

That doesn't cure a cough!

No, take a good look at her. Look at her face. She's too scared to cough now.

 

[Warrior428]

A guy going to visit a phychiatrist gets to the office door,
but before he walks in, he decided to strip naked and wrap
his enitre body in some see-through saran wrap. He finishes
and walks in. The doctor takes one look at him and says:

"I can see you're nuts."

 

[paracarl44]

Q: What did the golfer say when he stepped on a rake in a sandtrap?

A:"I just made two balls with one shot."

 

[Bugman]

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Great big holes all over Australia.