this is bad...

[TyrantRaveAB]

i was on facebook today and received and interesting message:

"i know you hate me and its fine if you dont even write back but i apologize for being an absolute retard who doesnt know what they want. concerning our history and what we grew up w/, i guess i was just fractured and scared to trust, let go, and not be afraid. sorry i'm so easily influenced.

thats it."

this is a mssg from an ex-gf. i havent spoken with her in probably over a year and a half. we ended up EXTREMELY bad terms. after the break up we still kinda talked but there was always tension. and among our friends in common she spread things about saying i was an ill-equiped man. which for one, why do our friends need to know your "opinion" on my nads. and two, i never really took it seriously seeing as how its the EX GIRLFRIEND saying it. but none the less no guy likes to have that insulted. (and hinds sight would reveal that that was in fact her intentions, just to be a bitch after the break! b/c i havent had complaints since her! :ggrin: )
regardless,
we had a very intimante relationship, and then she just dropped it. saying she wasnt sure if i was what she wanted and just wanted to have some time to herself. (nvm the fact that she already had another guy in the pocket...)
she started saying very caustic things to me which ended our talking.
and now!
out of the blue!
THIS SHIT?!
come on TT! i mean i still kinda want to talk with her just for closure, ya know? there really was a LOT that went on that is pretty unanswered.
but at the same time im very pissed off that she would even speak to me again, it just brings up these unanswered emotions that still very much hurt. and its unfair for her to just drop back in say whats up or some shit for no good reason. i mean, wtf?! "hey! i know me even talking with you is probably a struggle but i just wanted to say no hard feelings and im an asshole!"

so i guess what i want is for some advice. b/c i read this and my usually thoughtful, calm, fun loving disposition went to shit!
i want to respond back to her. but i dont know what to say. i want to let her know that im still very fucking upset with her, but i also want some answers for wtf happened.
help plox?

 

[melanie2]

hmm i see this as an attention seeking kind of response wanting you back..i wouldn't respond to her quite yet..and i can't see you hating anyone..wait til you cool down a bit and then tell her it's over..i'm sorry she ruined your day..you are a fun loving guy..

 

[juggernaut]

... i want to let her know that im still very fucking upset with her, but i also want some answers for wtf happened.

The way I read it... you answered your own question. Be direct.

 

[Excess]

I'm afraid I must agree with the Izzy AND NegaIzzy. I mean you can take a little time if you want but if you feel you need to know then respond. Just don't let her get to you too much either way if at all possible.

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

Holy jeezit Nerrad your avatar almost gave me a heart attack lol!

Anyways, wow. yeah, take your time, be direct, etc.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Fucking ignore the hoe.

 

[TKLVR181]

You deserve some closure. I'm terrified of meeting my ex on the street or something, as we live in the same town and I haven't seen him in years, but I know, roughly, what I'm gonna say when we do bump into each other next.

You deserve some closure--tell her how you feel, if for no other reason than to get it off your chest. You'll feel back to your fun-loving self in no time ^__^

~K

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Okay, then. Everybody says you should do something other than the obvious "Forget it". But then, I'd expect that. Ol' Jimmy James is gonna give you a few hints. Please remember that ol' Jimmy James has been around longer than you and most other people who will give you advice, save for Izzy who's advice will be "babababababababa".

You should reply with something along these lines:

"Who are you to speak to me? I'm done with you, kid. Through! Why don't you go hound someone else for sex and leave me in peace? I don't want to hear from you ever again, especially not after this childish outburst. Go away and never show your face, real or virtual near me again."

 

[TKLVR181]

*smirk* while I don't approve with Jimmy's wording, I think the spirit of what *I* will say to *my* ex, at least, is similar

~K

 

[Violetta]

Arrange to meet her under the pretext of seeking closure, and slap that bitch.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

There's nothing wrong with my wording. It's strong and to the point while not being ranty and overly-emotional. It communicates things in the way that they need to be to ensure they're heard.

The trick here is that he's dealing with a child. You have to speak to them clearly, slowly, and with purpose so that they can understand you. If not, well, then there's no telling if they'll figure out what you're saying.

There's also no point in sugar-coating this. This is a person who's obviously giving him grief. The key in these situations is to get rid of the person as quickly as possible. If you act all nice to them, then it shows that you're not willing to do what's necessary to shoo them away. That will give the person a chance to keep at it. Conversely, being ranty and flaming back will only escalate it into a fiery confrontation that leads to both parties getting burnt.

The key is to be firm, to the point, tell the person to fuck off, and then ignore them after that.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Arrange to meet her under the pretext of seeking closure, and slap that bitch.

That would kick ass, too.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

The way I read the message she sent you is that she sounds sincere in her apology for the way she acted and treated you. She doesn't even expect you to respond back because she believes you hate her and you have every right to considering the way she treated you and how your relationship ended.

I suggest to give yourself some time to think about what she says. Since you haven't spoken to her in over a year, you don't really know if she's changed or not. And she could have and is seriously sorry for what she's done. It's possible she's looking for some closure herself.

Either you can ignore the message and delete it and move on, or you can send her a message back and tell her how you feel and the both of you can maybe get some closure.

 

[TyrantRaveAB]

Arrange to meet her under the pretext of seeking closure, and slap that bitch.

though, that does sound amazingly delightful. im pretty sure if given the chance, i would knock the fucking shit out of her.

and i would normally agree with you jimmy and just tell her to go fuck herself or just ignore her shit altogether.

but its harder than that. it was a relationship that i was almost sure was going to end in marriage. not an abrupt break-up. so i know it would probably be easy to just tell her to go away, but its kinda difficult for me to do that when i do believe i was truly in love with her. i dont know if you would see that as reason to even give her a messg. back, jimmy, but having some retarded ending to a relationship i really wanted with no closure... can you see how this seems kinda like an opportunity to get some?

i do want to say something to her. i want to say something along the lines of "ill fucking kill you. but i also want to console your feelings so you can give me closure"
lame, i know.
but ill agree that i should be as direct as possible.
though, even if she was serious, i honestly dont fully believe it. im sure ppl can change, but we're talking about a mentality thats been being nursed into since childhood. so, it may have changed, but im still very sure its still there.

why would she do this?? anyone?? why would she even bother sending me a message??

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

She got dumped and wants to come crawling back.

 

[kopfhorer1]

...it was a relationship that i was almost sure was going to end in marriage. not an abrupt break-up. so i know it would probably be easy to just tell her to go away, but its kinda difficult for me to do that when i do believe i was truly in love with her. ...

Been there. Done that. Nothing like having a relationship that you thought was headed for the altar head instead for the scrap heap of things that might have been. You definitely have my condolences on that point.

Having said that, the way she's treating you now has my jaw hitting the goddamn floor. Fact is, if she cannot at least treat you with some degree of respect, she doesn't deserve the time of day from you, let alone any sort of attention.

 

[Jawa]

Following Jim's Third post; There is a REASON she's your EX.

It's not so you both can mull it over and 'just be friends' afterwards, or try to hook up again, or to ask Where the hell you went wrong after the fact.

...

It would help if I had more Experience with Facebook. Point in case, Tell her to move on.

And she's the one who's poorly equipped. mae an Acorn joke too if neccesary.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

though, that does sound amazingly delightful. im pretty sure if given the chance, i would knock the fucking shit out of her.

and i would normally agree with you jimmy and just tell her to go fuck herself or just ignore her shit altogether.

but its harder than that. it was a relationship that i was almost sure was going to end in marriage. not an abrupt break-up. so i know it would probably be easy to just tell her to go away, but its kinda difficult for me to do that when i do believe i was truly in love with her. i dont know if you would see that as reason to even give her a messg. back, jimmy, but having some retarded ending to a relationship i really wanted with no closure... can you see how this seems kinda like an opportunity to get some?

Ohhhhh yes. And I think she's counting on the malebrain, also called the scrotum to lead you right into her little trap. It's possible she "wants a baby" and this is Stage 1 in her Evil Plan to Get A Baby.

I've seen a lot of girls in that 18-21 age range pull that. Find an ex and get in good with him, then convince him to spend one innocent little night together for old-times sake... BOOM. She gets her baby... which she is of course in no situation to take care of. Societal norm dictates that the poor shmuck has to marry the hoe-bag and spend the rest of his life taking care of her and the ungrateful kid.

i do want to say something to her. i want to say something along the lines of "ill fucking kill you. but i also want to console your feelings so you can give me closure"
lame, i know.
but ill agree that i should be as direct as possible.
though, even if she was serious, i honestly dont fully believe it. im sure ppl can change, but we're talking about a mentality thats been being nursed into since childhood. so, it may have changed, but im still very sure its still there.

why would she do this?? anyone?? why would she even bother sending me a message??

I seriously think she's just trying to milk some cock out of you, man. Probably to the tune of a brat. I'll bet she's even hoping for identical twins. If you want closure, I'd suggest doing exactly as you said and be direct. Don't say that you want to console her, I don't think. That'll give her a door in once she has your ear. I don't think this one is to be trusted, bro. Not at all.

 

[melanie2]

you know why she is doing this..she wants you back..plain and simple..i mean who wouldn't..you are one amazing looking male..but there is more to you than that..i' know you pretty well, you are fun loving..you are very caring.she took advantage of you....and after the anger wears down a bit..i believe not saying anything to her is best..

 

[goddess_nemesis]

why would she do this?? anyone?? why would she even bother sending me a message??

If she has honestly changed, the reason could be that she is truly sorry for what she did to you and wanted to tell you that even though she knows you probably hate her. But you won't know if she's changed or not, what she wants, or what her motives are unless you talk to her.

In the end, it's up to you. I suggest, if you don't trust what she'll say or do, then just ignore the message and delete it. Forget her and move on.

 

[locker669]

The same thing happened to me a long time ago. My ex wrote me a letter apologizing for what she did and said during and after our relationship. We talked after that and hung around together for a while, even had sex a few times. But it just wasn't meant to be and I told her that. Eventually we fell out of touch. I'm still glad we talked things out though. So you should try to talk to her, at least one time.

 

[Timewarp]

Take a Christian approach. Forgive her and either have a non-romantic relationship or move on. There are 6 billion others you can hang out with.

 

[TyrantRaveAB]

Take a Christian approach. Forgive her and either have a non-romantic relationship or move on. There are 6 billion others you can hang out with.

fair enough.
but ill be real enough with myself to know that even if i did say "i forgive you" i wouldnt mean a word of it.

 

[MistressValerie1]

If she has honestly changed, the reason could be that she is truly sorry for what she did to you and wanted to tell you that even though she knows you probably hate her. But you won't know if she's changed or not, what she wants, or what her motives are unless you talk to her.

In the end, it's up to you. I suggest, if you don't trust what she'll say or do, then just ignore the message and delete it. Forget her and move on.

This sounds like very good advice to me.

 

[Bashiku]

In my opinion I would hear her out. If she wants someone to talk then talk to her. There is no reason to get back to old ways, but hearing her out and respecting her need to open to someone would prove you are a greater man.