Why are we so afraid of being "outed"?

[Artoo]

Okay, afraid is possibly the wrong word. But, from what I've seen from these forums, most peoples reaction to our kink is that it's "cute/a bit different/not creepy at all". So why are we all so worried that we might let it slip?

Is it because there are a few "horror stories" out there of people taking it badly? Is it because we don't think anyone would want to know about our sex lives? Or is there another reason?

Personally, I don't feel the need to tell everyone about my sex life, and so the only people who know are girlfriends/fuckbuddies/play partners, and I don't mind telling people if and when the subject of fetishes comes up in conversation, which isn't very often.

 

[Paultickler]

I think that it's like confessing that you're gay (i'm not), maybe in the future it would be more accepted!

 

[Artoo]

I've often likened it to "coming out of the closet". And while homosexuals have come on leaps and bounds in terms of acceptance in mainstream society, we (the "deviants") have quite a way to go.

Even so, looking from an outsiders perspective, tickling is hardly one of the more "hardcore" kinks out there. I mean, it's not like we're tying people to crucifixes or fucking them with a stick. So they might look on tickling with a bit more leniency.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

From personal experience I believe a lotta people make it a bigger issue than it actually is.

And it's all in how you say it or let the other person know. Combined of course with, how well you know the other person, what you're relationship is.

Even so, looking from an outsiders perspective, tickling is hardly one of the more "hardcore" kinks out there. I mean, it's not like we're tying people to crucifixes or fucking them with a stick. So they might look on tickling with a bit more leniency.

My point exactly. 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

Some people are in positions where if that kind of information were made public, it would harm them professionally. Teachers, entertainers, politicians, etc.

I've also had bad experiences with outing to some of my friends (or former friends). People have pre-conceptions of the lifestyle or about fetishism that they aren't comfortable dealing with. In my experience, frankly, outing to friends can be like playing Russian Roulette.

Many forum members are also not comfortable enough with their fetish as it relates to themselves. It's personal to them and they don't feel ready to share it with others, or even interact on a place like the TMF.

The bottom line is, it's a personal choice. Not so much 'being afraid' to come out of the dungeon. It's more a question of desire, opportunity and comfort.

Snail Shell

 

[wanderingpixie2112]

Unfortunately, even in our current "enlightened" age, there are people out there who will use such information against you. Not all kinky peeps - tickling, BDSM or whatever - have the luxury of being able to be 'out' and not suffer consequences.

[rant on]
Speaking from a North American societal perspective, sex in general is still something to be 'ashamed' of, rather than being treated as a normal, healthy adult human function. Having it treated by certain groups of people (read: religious right) as something that 'should be confined to the sanctity of marriage' and within certain restricted parameters of activity/positions creates anxiety, paranoia and what I call the "holier-than-thou" attitude.

When kink - in ANY form - is thrown into the mix, all hell can break loose. There have been cases where people have lost their jobs/careers or families and had their reputations ruined all because some narrow-minded jackass went digging into information that was none of their business and broadcast it to the world. The reaction expected is one of "shock!" "horror!" "My God, what sex fiends!" et cetera because many people can't (or aren't supposed to) handle ideas that are outside the proscribed norm.

People are scapegoated and humiliated, their right to privacy compromised and for what? For doing something that half these hypocritical jackasses are probably indulging in themselves?
[rant off]

Ahem...however... 🙂

There are certain areas where things are beginning to change. There are kink-friendly professionals popping around the place (example: psychiatrists that won't diagnose your kink as something abnormal). Groups and events are being held in open environments (think Folsom Street Fair or the recent Vancouver Pride Parade).

Artoo's closet analogy hit the nail on the head. Kinky people are effectively at a point today where gay people were about 20 years ago. Things will (hopefully) change for the better.

Getting back to the point - tickling seems to be seen as a 'lighter' fetish because of the connotations of the activity itself. It doesn't involve conventional pain, it's something that can yield silly and amusing reactions and it's something most of us used to do (or have done to us) as kids.

From a personal perspective: I don't feel the need to broadcast my predilections to the world at large, but I'm hardly keeping it locked up, so to speak. It's just part of me as a human being (same goes for all of us). Not to mention that being somewhat open about it can effectively pull the teeth of the opposition.

Just my 4 cents. 😀

 

[ViperGTS]

I'm not.

Honestly, I don't give a fuck.

I interviewed a new model yesterday at a Starbucks - I KNOW people heard out conversation - talking about bondage, tickle torture, and forced orgasms - and we got some weird looks - but who cares?

If you don't like me, stay away. It's that simple.

 

[Artoo]

I'm not.

Honestly, I don't give a fuck.

I interviewed a new model yesterday at a Starbucks - I KNOW people heard out conversation - talking about bondage, tickle torture, and forced orgasms - and we got some weird looks - but who cares?

If you don't like me, stay away. It's that simple.

You know, as I was typing out the OP I had an inkling that you might respond to it I like your don't-give-a-fuck attitude.

I was at a munch a few days ago (BDSM, not specifically tickling), and I was speaking to one of the new guys (and when I say new, I mean he had only just begun to explore this element of his sexuality).
I was just chatting about it as normal, and I suddenly realised he looked uncomfortable with me talking so loud about stuff, in case people heard.

I guess I'm more open about it than I was, say, 6 months ago, when I had just appeared on the scene. We're all on a learning curve.

 

[wishfoot88]

my town is small.
there is no one here who knows about the tickling community.
i feel alone here.
to be "outed" is a terrifying possibility.
i would be an outcast.
that is the only downfall of my tickling life.

 

[BklynFrankie]

People arent always as tolerant as we would like them to be. Its a horrible feeling to have someone ridicule you. Anybody ever have to share a computer with family and make sure to clean out the cache and history to make sure they didnt get caught. I was so happy when i moved out. LOL

 

[Sleepy Jean]

I mean, it's not like we're tying people to crucifixes or fucking them with a stick.

Speak for yourself.

 

[Artoo]

Speak for yourself.

Lol, I keep even quieter about stuff like that, at least in public 😛

 

[ViperGTS]

You know, as I was typing out the OP I had an inkling that you might respond to it I like your don't-give-a-fuck attitude.

I was at a munch a few days ago (BDSM, not specifically tickling), and I was speaking to one of the new guys (and when I say new, I mean he had only just begun to explore this element of his sexuality).
I was just chatting about it as normal, and I suddenly realised he looked uncomfortable with me talking so loud about stuff, in case people heard.

I guess I'm more open about it than I was, say, 6 months ago, when I had just appeared on the scene. We're all on a learning curve.

You are my new fave person.

 

[Artoo]

You are my new fave person.

I'm flattered.

 

[huskys]

I think you have to take into consideration a few factors in this .............

1. Support - The tickling community is non-existent in some places leaving people with no support whatsoever.

2. Personal Privacy - Some people have jobs etc, that put them in the public eye, and anything about their personal life can and usually will be used against them.

3. Experience - A lot of people are newbies and are still coming to terms with there own feelings on the subject.

I think you will find that these points cover most of the reasons why people stay in the shadows.
To those who are comfortable with the whole thing .................

ROCK ON !!!!!

We need to grow this community as much as we can!!!

 

[Tiger.Lily]

Here are two other possible reasons people might not divulge their fetish:

1. There are those who consider tickling fetishism to be perverting something innocent. To most people, tickling springs to mind something done between a child and its family, two friends, etc. It's something done without sexual intent behind it. And to think of it as something other than purely fun is dirty, and wrong.

2. This is something that has kept me from "outing" myself to close friends: I don't want them to think that any time I've tickled or been tickled by them that I've been getting off on it. I've experienced tickling all my life, and the largest chunk of it has been with friends. If they were to consider it anything but playful, it would seem that I've violated trust. And there are those who, no matter how much you reassure them, would feel that they've been participating in something sexual with you.

Then again, the people I've outed myself to haven't supported either one of these misconceptions, and in fact have been totally interested. So in the end it comes down to:

3. paranoia.

 

[ikaiyoo]

I mean, it's not like we're tying people to crucifixes or fucking them with a stick. So they might look on tickling with a bit more leniency.

Hey you got a problem with tying people to crucifixes and fucking them with a stick????

But seriously, I personally do not have a problem with talking or being open about my tickling... I usually out myself just through conversation. But I have gotten some looks from the people i open up to and they looked at me like i was that creepy uncle who always tickled them, and weren't allowed to be alone in the room with kind of thing. And I understand some people's hesitation to proclaim their fetish because of that. And the previous comments about this to be honest.


oh lets keep the whole crucifix stick fucking thing to ourselves i don't want that to get out you know.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Even so, looking from an outsiders perspective, tickling is hardly one of the more "hardcore" kinks out there. I mean, it's not like we're tying people to crucifixes or fucking them with a stick. So they might look on tickling with a bit more leniency.

It looks good on paper..err..HTML..

However, the reason that it isn't as "hardcore" as other kinks out there may also be why many folks are apprehensive. Think about it like this..

Person who babysits friends kids confides in friend that they have tickling fetish. Due to inability to understand and/or infamous snap judgements, that person is automatically a sicko and probably worse. Especially with kids involved, they will think they are getting their kicks from tickling the kids.. even if it's not true.

Tickling might not be as 'hardcore' as getting a cucumber shoved up your asshole, but it's still a fetish for many-- and many vanillas need to be approached carefully at risk of possibly being shunned or worse.

 

[unclebill]

I think you have to take into consideration a few factors in this .............

1. Support - The tickling community is non-existent in some places leaving people with no support whatsoever.

2. Personal Privacy - Some people have jobs etc, that put them in the public eye, and anything about their personal life can and usually will be used against them.

3. Experience - A lot of people are newbies and are still coming to terms with there own feelings on the subject.

I think you will find that these points cover most of the reasons why people stay in the shadows.
To those who are comfortable with the whole thing .................

ROCK ON !!!!!

We need to grow this community as much as we can!!!

Great post!!! Especially #2-personal privacy. The "I don`t give a fuck" attitude might work if you are employed at Burger King, Wal Mart or Viper Productions, but many of us simply can`t afford the risk of damaging our career. Some people in this forum may have a hard time understanding this logic, and I can respect that but as a wise man once said, "it is what it is."

 

[ikaiyoo]

It looks good on paper..err..HTML..

However, the reason that it isn't as "hardcore" as other kinks out there may also be why many folks are apprehensive. Think about it like this..

Person who babysits friends kids confides in friend that they have tickling fetish. Due to inability to understand and/or infamous snap judgements, that person is automatically a sicko and probably worse. Especially with kids involved, they will think they are getting their kicks from tickling the kids.. even if it's not true.

Tickling might not be as 'hardcore' as getting a cucumber shoved up your asshole, but it's still a fetish for many-- and many vanillas need to be approached carefully at risk of possibly being shunned or worse.

Honest message from an ex-girlfriend of mine:

First of all you said that you would call to let me know how he was doing and you never did. Second I finally went out and had fun for a change so I don't feel the need to explain myself. And the most important words that need to be said is yes it is over between us. Not being around you has given me time to realize what we had was never going to work. I'm not saying that you are a bad person or that you suck at being a boyfriend, I just needed something you weren't willing to give me. But I won't have someone who orgasms at the thought of tickling someone, tickle my daughter.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Ben
Date: Jan 11 2007 3:40 AM


I guess what was between us is over. You havent called.... not even to check on my dad, who is fine btw. I gave you time and I guess you partying with other people on new years weekend is more important then being with a person you said you loved no more then three weeks before that.

I am sorry it didnt work out. Contrary to popular opinion I did care about you a great deal and I had hoped it would have worked out between us. I will always be your friend and if you need anything let me know.

I wish things would have gone different between us.

_________________________________________________________________

So. Yeah... And the incident she was refering to was on thanksgiving when we were at my father house, Kyleigh and I were playing brain age on her nintendo DS and she kept bumping the ds when it was my turn so i put it down and started tickling her. It wasnt sexual, I got no "feelings from it whatsoever... But she saw it and said it made her sick to her stomache. So i understand what people are not open about it but if people are so close minded they dont understand that there is a difference between sexual and playful or affectionate actions then the hell with them... I guess when people hug they are trying to cop a feel and when friends kiss they are initiating foreplay.

 

[Tiger.Lily]

Crystal and ikaiyoo illustrate my point perfectly.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

No. Not paranoia.

Treading Lightly.

 

[Tiger.Lily]

No. Not paranoia.

Treading Lightly.

More so 1 and 2.

 

[ikaiyoo]

Crystal and ikaiyoo illustrate my point perfectly.

It does... but then again I wrote it off as crazy puritan close minded psycho biotchy. Which is what I say about most people who react that way... that is like saying someone gay wants to fuck everything of the same sex that will stand still long enough and even then it isnt required.... because they are gay they have no preferences or standards.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Regardless of the point.

What I have is mine and mine to share. On my time. On my terms and under my own comfort level. Period.