Why aren't there more women on these forums?

[HiddenFruit]

Well, "plenty" is relative, I think. I see a few names, and lesser consistent names (like rhiannon. Hey gurl, 'sup? We should chat! JK) But at least I see them. It gives me hope. Freethought has the right idea though, I think.

Ooh! JoePTickle brings up something else I considered last night after I made my post: Moderators! Well, of the female variety. Having women leadership helps, but only if they take an active role. Now, I have no idea what the site used to be like, so I don't know if the increase of women on here is due to actual proactive changes on here, or just the natural trend of increased women users on the web. At the moment, I think it's the latter. Here's the thing though: you say we have three, but out of how many?

Not to rain down on the point or anything, but from what I've learned of the origins of the site, the male-orientation makes sense. If the women's leadership were actually the majority, or even on par... would we really be having this discussion?

Any moderators feel free to correct or enlighten me, but these are my personal opinions from what I've seen.

P.S On a different note, something else I realized while writing this post: remember what I said about ads and subtle influences of behavior, and the first impression of the site?
Well, I KNOW this wasn't on purpose, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people are going to look at me funny for this, but it's something I have to mention: anyone else notice that the main color scheme for this website is blue?

Blue. Think about it for a second.

Get it yet?

If you change to pink borders, you might have a better chance of getting the girls.

 

[rhiannon]

Personally, for those who want to say women just aren’t as kinky as men: don’t even. At all. What we aren’t, is as focused on our kinks as men.

Very good point that I didn't even think of! And that doesn't only go for kinks, it goes for sex in general. Just made me think how the average chat goes.

Chatter I've never talked to before: "Hi"
Me: "Hi"
Him: "Are you horny?"
Me: " "

DUDE! If I was horny, I'd be somewhere fucking someone! That's the difference between men and women - our lives don't revolve around sex! 🙂

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Maybe we should have a half body shot of a male and female on either side of the opening page just smiling instead of being tickled. It might be more inviting to women. I must agree as a male the opening pages are very titillating for a guy.

 

[dazed]

Hi all,

This is a problem I've been trying to work out how to solve. Currently the UKTF 'ticklebrits' forum is like a shy guy looking for a tickle munch hoping that those three blokes in the corner aren't it. Some of the men have started to ask for platonic MM tickling.

If you look up my Fetlife group 'UK Women into tickling' you'll see a thread I've posted giving women some tips on coping online. I've suggested interaction with the forum itself and not trying to wade through loads of pms.

Also, in the last six months of me being single and making the most of this freedom to get out into the fetish world and very active online I've taken a few cyberpunches from guys. Just look at comments on my real life tickling account and on my thread where I asked for advice on getting more women to interact. These knocks are hard but I'm a 43 year old woman with wonderful kinky experiences under my belt, many more to
come I hope and good friendships being made from them. I'm also not putting all my kinky eggs in one fetish basket so roll with the punches.

When I first joined UKTF there were a few very active women posting. They made me feel welcome and so I belonged. From TMF I've met Lee Allure and Kittentoes in person. I know that if I could have gone to NEST I'd have found more tickle-sisters out there. The Fetlife/forum links help me know that the women I've not met but am linked with actually are women and not fakes.

I'm not unusual. I've seen changes in these forums over the years. I was on TMF with a different user name before I re-joined as Dazed. I think that women tend to duck down on forums when marriages and families start. Lots of women have very vanilla jobs, often in public service (teachers, police, hospitals etc) so may want to keep low profiles. Some may have vanilla or very possessive partners.

Maybe those of us here and free to be here need to just assume that those silent women are watching and listening and post as though they are.
Personally I feel unrepresented by the tickling porn. But then my needs are different to most women. But, like most women my sensuality is fluid, intellectual, emotional rather than 'feet tickled in nylons' or 'FFFF/f' (though I've had that one in real life- yay) or 'skinny blonde with phenomenally back breaking bosums and sooooooo ticklish she pees before fingertips even touch her.'

Just my current thoughts.

 

[Libertine]

Maybe, maybe not. The folks of whom I'm speaking do, in fact, attend NEST. Either way, the perception is there that their behavior is acceptable to the community at large, and it turns (some) women off.

I've never had the pleasure of meeting you in the many years I've attended NEST. You are very welcome to attend and comment on any bad behaviour you witness personally- but please make sure it's verifiable.

 

[HiddenFruit]

Maybe we should have a half body shot of a male and female on either side of the opening page just smiling instead of being tickled. It might be more inviting to women. I must agree as a male the opening pages are very titillating for a guy.

All right! Someone with an alternative!
lol, that' my point. Titillating for a guy, intimidating for a woman. Or sickening, depending on one's personal stance.
Though I love that idea. Now if only it were truly a possibility.

If you look up my Fetlife group 'UK Women into tickling' you'll see a thread I've posted giving women some tips on coping online. I've suggested interaction with the forum itself and not trying to wade through loads of pms.

If I wasn't trying to avoid social networking, I'd go on to read that. But I need to sign up. I'm not even on facebook for that reason. I have a tendency for addictive behavior... especially for computer.

Also, in the last six months of me being single and making the most of this freedom to get out into the fetish world and very active online I've taken a few cyberpunches from guys. Just look at comments on my real life tickling account and on my thread where I asked for advice on getting more women to interact. These knocks are hard but I'm a 43 year old woman with wonderful kinky experiences under my belt, many more to come I hope and good friendships being made from them. I'm also not putting all my kinky eggs in one fetish basket so roll with the punches.

I remember that. It irritated me for more reasons than one. tybb007 had a similar problem for her thread (Titled "True Tickle Torture", for anyone who wants to see what I mean.) For you, it started from the director of the site you talking, so it made sense that he would be more defensive. For her, there were a couple guys who didn't even believe she was a girl. (I could go into my personal rant, but on second thought, I'm going to go ahead and post it in that thread so I can stay on topic.) At least you have a thick skin. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Lots of women have very vanilla jobs, often in public service (teachers, police, hospitals etc) so may want to keep low profiles. Some may have vanilla or very possessive partners.

...And the guys don't? I'll have to make a slight disagreement here. I'm sure a lot of guys have vanilla jobs and stay on here too. The partners thing is a little concerning. I think it's less possessive, and more of the trend of women to try to adapt to their circumstances. It's less of "husband doesn't want me doing that" and more like "I'm married now, I shouldn't be doing stuff like that". Of course, I don't know for sure, but I personally think it's more along those lines, from what I've learned of the female mind.

Maybe those of us here and free to be here need to just assume that those silent women are watching and listening and post as though they are.

But those are the lurkers we need. Come on, ladies, help us out here. We can't make any real changes until we get a bigger voice.

 

[HiddenFruit]

I've never had the pleasure of meeting you in the many years I've attended NEST. You are very welcome to attend and comment on any bad behaviour you witness personally- but please make sure it's verifiable.

Quick question: in what way would we need to make it verifiable?
And besides that, isn't this the final year for NEST anyway? Or did I read that wrong?

 

[Libertine]

Quick question: in what way would we need to make it verifiable?
And besides that, isn't this the final year for NEST anyway? Or did I read that wrong?

By alerting one of the many dungeon monitors who police this event to whatever the problem is and having him or her deal with it. Otherwise it's mere rumour. Yes, this is the final year for NEST in its present incarnation. Stay tuned. I can say no more.

 

[HiddenFruit]

Good to know, thanks. Anyway, before I forget again:

Very good point that I didn't even think of! And that doesn't only go for kinks, it goes for sex in general. Just made me think how the average chat goes.

Chatter I've never talked to before: "Hi"
Me: "Hi"
Him: "Are you horny?"
Me: " "

DUDE! If I was horny, I'd be somewhere fucking someone! That's the difference between men and women - our lives don't revolve around sex! 🙂

Now now, let's not make any generalizations. Just because guys make posts on here about sex doesn't mean their whole lives actually revolve around it. So some guys happen to think more down there then up here, but I still have faith in them as a whole. 😉

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

Good to know, thanks. Anyway, before I forget again:


Now now, let's not make any generalizations. Just because guys make posts on here about sex doesn't mean their whole lives actually revolve around it. So some guys happen to think more down there then up here, but I still have faith in them as a whole. 😉

It's not a generalization, it's an accurate description of the average PM or chat room conversation around here. I'm a straight guy, but my screenname "MaleTicklee" leads lots of gay male lers to PM me whenever I go into the chat room. They act almost exactly as Rhiannon described. I immediately blow them off because as a straight guy I am not interested in any M/M tickling. But I can see how that would be a bit much for your average girl, going into the chat room and being bombarded with PM's that are immediately suggestive.

 

[rhiannon]

Just because guys make posts on here about sex doesn't mean their whole lives actually revolve around it.

Probably not their whole lives, but sure as hell their internet activity. 🙂 As soon as they sign onto a chat, they believe everybody is on there to look for sex!

 

[Phineas]

I've never had the pleasure of meeting you in the many years I've attended NEST. You are very welcome to attend and comment on any bad behaviour you witness personally- but please make sure it's verifiable.

I think we're getting our signals crossed. And I did attend NEST, once back when I lived on the East Coast (before it got huge and mainstream). I didn't enjoy myself, made the mistake of saying so, and got bitched at by someone in the chatroom who insisted that it was "my own fault". Not to mention that the older I get, the less I enjoy "commenting on bad behavior" - this community has shown me that the people who engage in such have their heads so far up their own asses that they don't give a fuck if anyone calls them on it, so doing so is a waste of time.

Anyway. What I was talking about was a female user commenting on a male user's behavior here on the forums, and then assuming that, since so many (of what she assumes are) NEST regulars vehemently defend said user's behavior, despite it making (some) women uncomfortable, that these are not people she wants to socialize with in person. And, I can totally see that. Regardless of whether such behavior is tolerated at NEST is not the point - it's the fact that the people there hold these attitudes of what is or is not okay and will try and get away with when security is more lax, so to speak.

Regardless, you're barking up the wrong tree. Don't shoot the messenger, as I have no dog in this fight (how's that for a clichestorm?) - all I'm doing is relating one woman's comments to me about why she doesn't get involved in this community, which is what the OP is about.

It goes like this, in short;

Guy: Hey, here's a story about how one time I did something to someone that some people might find morally questionable.
Girl: I read your story and that wasn't just morally questionable, as a woman I found it downright creepy.
Guy & 6 of his friends: No it wasn't, you need to take the stick out of your ass and relax. We're going to shout you down until you go away, now.
Girl: Okay. Bye.
Different guy, a week later: Hey, why aren't there more women on this forum?

 

[porcelaindoll2]

Personally I enjoy reading creepy messages now. Always gives me a laugh and they're great for when I want to let my inner bitch out to a total stranger. This conversation happened between me and my older sis once. Sis, "God Heather stop feeding the trolls and creeps!" Me, "I wouldn't keep feeding them if it wasn't fun." I use to be creepied out by creepy messages once too, until I one day decided to take them as humorous instead of creepy. Then also realized I could have some fun feeding the trolls/creepers until I got bored and decided to block/ignore.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

It goes like this, in short;

Guy: Hey, here's a story about how one time I did something to someone that some people might find morally questionable.
Girl: I read your story and that wasn't just morally questionable, as a woman I found it downright creepy.
Guy & 6 of his friends: No it wasn't, you need to take the stick out of your ass and relax. We're going to shout you down until you go away, now.
Girl: Okay. Bye.
Different guy, a week later: Hey, why aren't there more women on this forum?

*LMAO
I've been here on and off for years and its always the same attitude toward women. Either put out or get out. Just sayin'

 

[HiddenFruit]

Personally I enjoy reading creepy messages now. Always gives me a laugh and they're great for when I want to let my inner bitch out to a total stranger. This conversation happened between me and my older sis once. Sis, "God Heather stop feeding the trolls and creeps!" Me, "I wouldn't keep feeding them if it wasn't fun." I use to be creepied out by creepy messages once too, until I one day decided to take them as humorous instead of creepy. Then also realized I could have some fun feeding the trolls/creepers until I got bored and decided to block/ignore.

Admittedly, that's a pretty fun way to deal with it. But most people people wouldn't think of it in that context. Especially a new girl. Thanks for the tip, though. XD

Okay, for both Phineas and Ticklerguy4u: Since you BOTH are apparently familiar with this pattern, have you come across instances where the girl's comments, attitudes, or whatever, were defended under that barrage?

 

[Phineas]

Admittedly, that's a pretty fun way to deal with it. But most people people wouldn't think of it in that context. Especially a new girl. Thanks for the tip, though. XD

Okay, for both Phineas and Ticklerguy4u: Since you BOTH are apparently familiar with this pattern, have you come across instances where the girl's comments, attitudes, or whatever, were defended under that barrage?

Yes. Search on my posts; I've done it (rather extensively) in the past, and other guys do it as well. The problem is, the guys who are doing the shouting down never. fucking. stop. I've been here for over a decade and stuff is the same now as it was back in the day. I think Rhiannon is the only woman who still bothers to actively speak out and she has a rather persistent fan club who follows her around and snarks about her "nagging". I know I just can't be bothered anymore, so more power to the people who still step up.

The problem is, you have two kinds of assholes. The more ego-driven ones will get angry about having "the morality police" forcing their "narrow-minded, overly-conservative" views on them, start a fight, and just keep barking until you give up and go away. They never actually take a step back and examine their own behavior, because they're Never Ever Wrong. The more pussificated ones get passive-aggressive, accuse you of bullying them, and then refine their methods so that in the future, they don't get caught.

In both cases, the kind of behavior that's a turnoff to women never actually changes. It's the women who have a problem, not them. So women just avoid the forums altogether, because it's not worth it to fight.

 

[BlackestLily]

I don't think women have to put up with the bullshit in order to still find a sexually fulfilling relationship. Guys are pretty acquiescing to their girl's needs, so why bother putting so much effort into something that can potentially have so little payoff?

Participation in places like this implies interest in committing long term to getting to know others (for friendship OR play) and wading through the crappy stuff. I'm guessing there are a lot of women, they just watch from a distance and PM people instead to get to know them on a much more personal and private level.

 

[tickmankyle1]

I agree with blackestlily I know being a man that at the gatherings i have been too most women feel like a hawks prey. I'm a great guy and a LEE and I feel like I have to work 100% harder just to talk to people just to get to know them better. Remember there are bad eggs on here and sad to say it a few bad people ruin it for us all... Not that it is 100% or anything but usually the people i see looking for girls to tickle are males mostly with very few posts. I say if you want to meet more women start meeting people who cares if they are men or women and get to know people on here and go from there. I have found my sister on here someone who means more to me then you can ever know. I have met some people on here for are great friends men and women. just my 2 cents

I don't think women have to put up with the bullshit in order to still find a sexually fulfilling relationship. Guys are pretty acquiescing to their girl's needs, so why bother putting so much effort into something that can potentially have so little payoff?

Participation in places like this implies interest in committing long term to getting to know others (for friendship OR play) and wading through the crappy stuff. I'm guessing there are a lot of women, they just watch from a distance and PM people instead to get to know them on a much more personal and private level.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Admittedly, that's a pretty fun way to deal with it. But most people people wouldn't think of it in that context. Especially a new girl. Thanks for the tip, though. XD

Okay, for both Phineas and Ticklerguy4u: Since you BOTH are apparently familiar with this pattern, have you come across instances where the girl's comments, attitudes, or whatever, were defended under that barrage?

There have been many times where we active posters have defended female posters from trolls. Some have even been kicked out by moderators due to harassment. I remember one incident where a male poster got so butt-hurt over a female on here was not responding to his PM that he posted a bitch-fest on the thread about how stuck up she was and that she doesn't deserve friends..blah blah blah. He was kicked out but after a few days it was found out that he just created a new name and was back to business trying to get other women to play with him.

The most advice I can give to females is this. Guys are going to keep trying to PM constantly. Just ignore if you don't know them that well and get to know the guys that post because most of us aren't hiding behind the scenes and are usually more approachable because we know that if we get out of line....there are plenty around here that would make sure we are put back in line.

 

[MacD]

As soon as they sign onto a chat, they believe everybody is on there to look for sex!

Many men in chats really think this way and show these thoughts in every thing they do.
1. This is what discourages woman to log on or (if they already are) stay online. Those who stay on already have lost their belief and often react very "cold" or not at all.
2. This is what makes logging on senseless for men who are able to do more than low-level conversations but don't find someone on the other end of the internet.
3. This is what amplifies the dumpy impression of those who are left and looking for sex.
4. This is what ... go to 1.

Welcome to the loop.
Ideas to break this?

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Many men in chats really think this way and show these thoughts in every thing they do.
1. This is what discourages woman to log on or (if they already are) stay online. Those who stay on already have lost their belief and often react very "cold" or not at all.
2. This is what makes logging on senseless for men who are able to do more than low-level conversations but don't find someone on the other end of the internet.
3. This is what amplifies the dumpy impression of those who are left and looking for sex.
4. This is what ... go to 1.

Welcome to the loop.
Ideas to break this?

Yeah, accept it as a fact and be patient. Stop being a stalker online. I know it can be frustrating but if you truly want to be friends with some females then be a friend and understand that they don't know you from atom and experience has taught them to closed off. If you don't take the time...why should they? Rush to know them equals rush to ignore you.

 

[HiddenFruit]

In other words, to have a good neighbor, be a good neighbor. Or something along those lines.

So, to summarize, this seems to be the main reasons there aren't more women on these forums, as collected over the course of... a weekish:
1. First page looks like a male-only porno site.
2. Many discussions are typically male oriented.
3. Female users are constantly bombarded with PMs from unknown creepers.
4. Chats are filled with dogs that hound any lee.
5. Stories posted on the forum that feed questionable behavior are apparently off limits to women's protests (by other users)

Does this about sum it up, or have I forgotten anything?

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

In other words, to have a good neighbor, be a good neighbor. Or something along those lines.

So, to summarize, this seems to be the main reasons there aren't more women on these forums, as collected over the course of... a weekish:
1. First page looks like a male-only porno site.
2. Many discussions are typically male oriented.
3. Female users are constantly bombarded with PMs from unknown creepers.
4. Chats are filled with dogs that hound any lee.
5. Stories posted on the forum that feed questionable behavior are apparently off limits to women's protests (by other users)

Does this about sum it up, or have I forgotten anything?

Nope, I'm guessing it feels like one female walking into a room filled with 400 guys trying to rub up against you while the others are touching themselves in the corner looking at you.

 

[Wants2betickled]

Nope, I'm guessing it feels like one female walking into a room filled with 400 guys trying to rub up against you while the others are touching themselves in the corner looking at you.

Hahahaha oh wow. This could be one of the greatest explanations for this phenomenon that I've heard. Bravo sir.

 

[rhiannon]

Nope, I'm guessing it feels like one female walking into a room filled with 400 guys trying to rub up against you while the others are touching themselves in the corner looking at you.

Thanks for that mental picture, I'll never get it out of my mind again!