why lees have problems getting a ler?

[EnchantedTKLR]

I think it's pretty obvious why a ler would have a problem finding a lee...Finding someone who isn't "into" tickling and is willing to be subjected to being tickled is a lot to ask of someone...However I see a lot of lees saying that their partner pretty much refuse to tickle them...that I don't really understand. What's up with that? Why do they have a problem? To me it seems like tickling someone is fun for all...and it's much easier to be on the giving end of pretty much anything..Any insights?

I have thoughts about both your primary question and the statement you made about ticklers finding ticklees....

General Tickling

When it comes to the generality of a tickler finding someone to tickle, it can be location, preferences, trust issues, and more. I am a tickle switch in the sense that I enjoy tickling others first, but also love the feeling of being tickled but only want to be tickled by someone who actually knows what they are doing. Someone who can create the head space I desire, won't leave bruises on my body, and knows when to start, stop, tease, and make it as intense as possible. So there lies another item; Not everyone has the same tastes in tickling. Since 1998, I have met ALL types both male and female that enjoy it in varying ways from the lightest form of play to the most extreme. So finding your tickle match (like looking for a freaking future spouse) is really what ends up happening. Some even just enjoy with intimate partners, only. They aren't even interested in sharing their love of tickling casually. So if that's not the problem, the other issue can be the approach used. If you seem too eager, too self-involved, too much of SOMETHING that turns that other person off, that can also be killing your chances of tickling that person. For me, I don't like it when someone approaches me with constant desperation or they only want something from me and don't want to share something about them. It's a huge turn off. I also don't care for the attitude or silly behavior like constant poking, constant "tickle, tickle" every conversation we have. Everybody's turnoffs are not the same respectively. 🙂

Romantic Relationships

It's rare, but it can happen... You may be able to find someone who is your match for all the right reasons with the tickling cherry on top. You could be in the same state or you may be at a distance and have to decide if you want to move to be with each other. I actually have witnessed a coupling of 2 people who both loved tickling the same way AND were about 2,000+ miles apart. The guy moved in with the gal. Quit his job and everything.... They are so happy together. So it can happen but it is a much greater challenge. It is possible to find your mate that is OPEN to tickling. I have found many people OFFLINE that enjoy being tickled once I opened them up to it. Some people just aren't thinking about it all the time like we are and once PROPERLY and CAREFULLY exposed to this wonderful thing, they might indulge you. Some may not. They may tell you they hate it and there is nothing you can do to change their mind. In most cases, yes... they find it horrible and painful and refuse to see it any other way. You gotta let it go if you encounter someone like that. At that point, you have to decide if the relationship should continue or suffer because of that factor. Soooo many decisions to be made here.

Relationships: Refusal to Tickle

You are basically telling your partner that you enjoy being tickled and you want to be tickled yet.... they aren't stroking your feet, running their hands up and down your torso, or grabbing your knee caps. They can be fearful of being tickled back, they may feel like it could get out of control and accidentally hurt you, they may feel it is silly and don't understand it, or they aren't sensing the benefit to them and just smile at your request and go no further. I would just try to communicate your desires with them and see if they can open up about why they aren't tickling you. It is either fixable or it is not. You may even have to take their hand and place it on your belly (or wherever you desire to be tickled) and tell them you enjoy it there. You may have to say that tickling is so amazing for you that you would just do just about anything he/she wants (sexually) if you were tickled. You may just need to get creative to get what you want.... If none of that works, he/she really just isn't into it. He/she essentially doesn't feel like doing that.... AT.... ALL. I tend to live for the pleasure of others-- especially my romantic partner........... but not everyone is that way. 🙂

Bottom Line

Not everyone is into tickling others. Not everyone is OPEN to tickling others either. It's like for me, NOTHING could EVER convince me that eating someone else's excrement or smearing it all over my body is something fun to do. If you are into that, great. I just am not . . . and just imagine the thing YOU could never do or get into and apply that to the person refusing to tickle you. It's just not their thing. All the reasons vary... Above I try to give some examples of that and some ways of attempting to rectify certain situations. It's all about the approach, being creative, and everyone at least being in the same room about their desires. Being in the same room meaning that both of you are open to the tickling experience in some way. So far, anyone (male or female) that I have exposed to tickling in real life have enjoyed it and some were even thankful to adding something amazing to their life plate. There is my insight. GREAT question! 🙂

 

[EnchantedTKLR]

Simply put, its the same reason people have trouble finding people on any level of social intimacy. Its a selective process, and the rules of engagement are a moving target for each individual and circumstance.

Agreed!! It is selective and you have to know how to approach your interests (rules of engagement). Some have a natural feel for this, others... don't and it's hard to watch what happens at that point. 🙂

 

[FootballGuy]

If a woman posted in the personals, I imagine she'd get hundreds of messages. This site is like a man store! 😀 Sucks to be a dude, lol.

Nice one. Really had me laughing out loud.

I think it's around 98%/2%

2% are Female??! You think it's that high? 😀

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I don't usually have a problem getting tickled or being a ler since I am both. I think that some people who were tickled as children think that when they become adults, they have trouble maintaining the desire to tickle or be tickled. I think it's easier for a female lee to find a ler than it is for a male lee to find a ler but that's just a generalization of course.