angry and confused......why the hell does this keep happening to me?

[Jagermeistered]

Woefully under-qualified?! How so?
You're very pretty eclipse...I can say that because I'm not looking for anybody! Don't disqualify yourself.

And CGguy....you are the essence of suave and cool.

When I'm ready to look for a girl again....when I'm, like, 72 and rich, I may have to heed some of your advice!
Actually, I think I'm too bitter to go looking again, and I certainly don't want to burden some poor girl with my bitterness.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, jkb. Don't get bitter like me.

Be yourself. Take in the advice of CGguy, eclipse, Dave, etc. etc. and have another go at it when you're ready. I've found there's a huge difference between having a girl who's hot, and having one YOU'RE attracted to.

I know a lot of attractive women, but in my bitter yet wiser state, I'd rather be with someone who is a lot of fun and has a great laugh than with a mega-hottie who isn't fun and has no chemistry. Always remember, no matter how hot she is, there will certainly be times when she is NOT hot. Many times through no fault of her own. She gets sick, depressed, goes through a rough time in life.

When you're in love, she'll still be smoking hot even when she's all frizzy and sneezing and a mess.

Great example of being self-conscious, and being "wiser". Stay in a conscious and not self-conscious state of mind! Always be the experimenter, and never rely on platitudes...

 

[Capnmad]

A lot of what's important has already been said. I'll just offer something brief for emphasis. In my experience, women tend to communicate more indirectly than men. If she's gone quiet on you, there could be a whole host of reasons. Maybe she's busy, maybe she's distracted, maybe she just wants to talk to certain closer friends, and maybe she's ignoring you. It doesn't matter.

Cap's Rule (I've said it a lot*, I claim it as mine): It's usually safest to move in the direction of your doubt.

You're doubting her, yourself, and your connection, and for good reason. What does your doubt say? Mine would say a lack of response means a lack of interest in talking to you as compared to other options.

So go do something else.

Seriously. I know you were taken with the girl, and she seemed... maybe somewhat taken with you, but that can change in a heartbeat. For any reason. Move along. She'll either contact you eventually or won't.

Silence sucks. There's no notice. You don't know right off the bat she's stopped talking to you, and so you figure, "Oh, she's just busy." And so you try again and again until the silences start outweighing her previously demonstrated interest, and you start to say, "Hey, something's up here..." That's doubt, and so you apply Cap's Rule.

Your doubt started in earnest after two unanswered messages -- one or two is about right for a person you only just met and know almost nothing about. Cutting out earlier is better than later. Now act on that doubt.

Move along, enjoy life and save your energy for the real connections you do make (the ones that aren’t just facebook friends) -- because they're the ones that matter.

...or be prepared to really work to earn that number. ...which, conveniently enough, still starts with moving along, enjoying life, and making the most of the real connections you already have.

Be well.



*1, 2, 3, 4, etc....

 

[Jagermeistered]

A lot of what's important has already been said. I'll just offer something brief for emphasis. In my experience, women tend to communicate more indirectly than men. If she's gone quiet on you, there could be a whole host of reasons. Maybe she's busy, maybe she's distracted, maybe she just wants to talk to certain closer friends, and maybe she's ignoring you. It doesn't matter.

Cap's Rule (I've said it a lot*, I claim it as mine): It's usually safest to move in the direction of your doubt.

You're doubting her, yourself, and your connection, and for good reason. What does your doubt say? Mine would say a lack of response means a lack of interest in talking to you as compared to other options.

So go do something else.

Seriously. I know you were taken with the girl, and she seemed... maybe somewhat taken with you, but that can change in a heartbeat. For any reason. Move along. She'll either contact you eventually or won't.

Silence sucks. There's no notice. You don't know right off the bat she's stopped talking to you, and so you figure, "Oh, she's just busy." And so you try again and again until the silences start outweighing her previously demonstrated interest, and you start to say, "Hey, something's up here..." That's doubt, and so you apply Cap's Rule.

Your doubt started in earnest after two unanswered messages -- one or two is about right for a person you only just met and know almost nothing about. Cutting out earlier is better than later. Now act on that doubt.

Move along, enjoy life and save your energy for the real connections you do make (the ones that aren’t just facebook friends) -- because they're the ones that matter.

...or be prepared to really work to earn that number. ...which, conveniently enough, still starts with moving along, enjoying life, and making the most of the real connections you already have.

Be well.



*1, 2, 3, 4, etc....

Love it - The part were you said: Be yourself and save your energy! That is de facto correct. When you are nervous, are you having fun? As an example question.

 

[Bohemianne]

First, thanks for the words above, Capnmad, including the *.

-o0o-

AFTER she volunteered me her Facebook friendship....................I had asked her what she would say if I asked for her number (since I've never been able to make the words "Can I have your number" sound anything but anxious and pathetic), and was rejected there. I said that it was OK because I wasn't really asking and that she'd have to work for me to ask for her number, and she said that it was OK because I'd have to work to get her number.

Honestly, it gives a high mighty and proud "why-will-I-pursue-you" impression. At times, ladies are too pleased by cool interactions that they "offer" indirect courtesy. But often times, guys don't get it precisely and takes it as her advances (they brag about in circles!). Well, I’m all done with this RL dating things, but I say… don't put the baggage on her balls. Use more powerful or assured opening lines and take the aggressive stand. It might surprise you how ladies can can get impressed by your smooth vigilance and end up respecting it.

Well, if you get a good response from her after all this delays, then scratch what I said above.

 

[GQguy]

First, thanks for the words above, Capnmad, including the *.

Use more powerful or assured opening lines and take the aggressive stand. It might surprise you how ladies can can get impressed by your smooth vigilance and end up respecting it.

.

This reminds me of an article I read on Yahoo a while ago. In it the editor was writing about some dating mistakes we men make. His last one stuck with me.

He said he was at a party and he saw a girl he knew. He smiled and with good eye contact and told her to come over here with his pointing finger with the "come hither" motion. She smiled and walked over and said hello quizically. He then realized that she didn't even remember him! He reintroduced himself and had a great time with her. The interesting part of the story was that she walked across the room to meet this stranger that simple smiled and told her to come over. Most men wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. The editor wouldn't dream of calling over a girl he didn't know. But it worked. This story doesn't relate to the OP so much but the take away is the same. "fortune favors the bold" ....well her attraction also favors the bold.

GQ

 

[asutickler]

Meh... Don't get so fixated on one particular person, especially considering that you've barely met her. If she doesn't want to get to know you, then just say "so what?" and find a different one. There's literally millions of attractive single girls out there.

 

[maniactickler]

Women are the most confusing creatures on the planet.

 

[Artoo]

Women are the most confusing creatures on the planet.

For once, we agree.
Yet again.

 

[MrMacphisto]

All I can add to this is that patience is important. Generally speaking, women will find you most attractive when you're not looking but you still take good care of yourself.

 

[Morpheus72]

3) I actually DID ask her for her number........AFTER she volunteered me her Facebook friendship. I didn't get it though.

Lots of self-analysis in your OP, but you missed the obvious thing. You didn't get the digits, so she wasn't that into you.

People say women are so complicated, and that's true to a degree, but if you pay attention to what she does versus what she says, things clear up. You danced with her and got her FB. That's cool, but you went for the number, and she shut you down. You did well to go for the number; many guys won't get to that point, but it didn't work out. No big deal, on to the next.

 

[Morpheus72]

All I can add to this is that patience is important. Generally speaking, women will find you most attractive when you're not desperate and you still take good care of yourself.

Fixed it for ya.

 

[MrMacphisto]

Fixed it for ya.

True, true...

 

[locker669]

JKB,

Read your first post again, then tell us what you did wrong. It's obvious to me.

 

[jkb]

JKB,

Read your first post again, then tell us what you did wrong. It's obvious to me.

I give up. Care to share the answer?

 

[locker669]

You turned into every guy she has ever met.

 

[locker669]

What I'm trying to say is, this girl liked you because when you decided not to "be yourself," which really meant " not act like every guy that sees her." She liked you because you were different. When you went home you turned into a normal "nice" guy. She probably knows a million "nice" guys. You need to set yourself apart from all of them.