Who would you openly go Lesbian for?
Any of my wives. They're all criminally gorgeous.
Better yet, who would you go Lyzbian for?
Only. You. :double thrust:
Why do you douche with hotdog juice?
It brings all the boys to the yard.
When doing fire play, do you prefer matches and lighter fluid or acetylene torches and napalm?
Bigger is better, my little Slackerbitch.
Are you a grunter when taking a dump?
No. I am a heavy breather though. I also occasionally give myself a nice pep talk when things are looking a little grim and I begin to lose steam.
Have you ever taken a crap so big, your pants fit better?
I do not consider it a successful crap unless that one requirement is met.
Would you let an Eskimo shit on you for a Klondike Bar?
No. I don't like Klondike bars. Weirdo...
When you pick your butt, how long of a period of time do you smell your fingers post-picking?
Until the scent wears off. If I'm distracted when I'm doing it and I don't dig deep enough, the smell can wear off in a matter of minutes. But if I'm conscientious enough and pay attention to what I'm doing and keep the future in mind, I can dig really deep and be able to enjoy the aroma for hours.
When someone gives you a Egyptian Polar Bear, do you prefer your ass cheeks to be waxed or unwaxed?
I've been cursed with hairless ass cheeks
🙁 Is there a way to reverse this? Some Rogaine, mayhaps?
During a Syrian Slip-N-Slide, do your prefer to be tied down or in the tree?
Well this is a ridiculous question. Tied down. Always.
How often do you just pick up your boob and suck on it?
I have very sensitive nipples, so if I do this too often I'll get super horny and need to masturbate right away, so I try to keep it to a minimum. Maybe...6 or 7 time a day?
When giving a Cincinnati Bowtie, do you prefer your face to be between two pillows or under the guy's ass?
Between the pillows. Who wants their face on someone's ass?
Why do you like to motorboat asscheeks?
They make a funner sound than boobs.
Do you prefer to bathe homeless men before or after sex?
If I wanted to bang a clean dude I'd just find someone with regular access to a shower. Bathing them afterwards is just my way of making sure no one else wants to fuck them after I'm done.
During an "Erection Injection Infection", would you rather be wrapped in fruit roll ups or crepes?
OMG FRUIT ROLLS UPS FTW CHERRY PLZKTHX!!!
Do your friends know you put your phone on vibrate and stick it in your underwear and wait for them to call?
.......
How do you know that?
The last time you did The Wet Farmer, did you go for double penetration or just balls across the nose?
You just turned me on a little...okay a lot.
When getting teabagged, do you prefer a left dipper, a right dipper, or a double dipper?
Double dipper, baby. If you're gonna do it do it right dammit. Besides, I hate huge balls. If they don't both fit he needs to GTFO.
Have you ever had an elderly midget try to pull off a 'Guatemalan Urinary Stampede' on you while you slept?
No. That's gross.
Do you do the Brazilian Gobstopper with or without mayo?
All I can think of right now is..."Who can take the sunrise...."
When you poop, would you describe your normal expellings as a double or triple flusher?
Depends where I'm at. My toilet is pretty BA so I usually get away with 2. My mom's house, however, is old and her pipes have a little less oomph. There it's always a 3, sometimes a 4.
Have you ever eaten six apples and shit a fruit salad?
I'm trying this today.
In your last bukkake film, did you slurp up the cum right then, or save it for later?
Little bit of both.
I've heard your a fan of the "angry dragon"...so how do you clean out your nose when it's done?
Blow. So. Fucking. Hard.
Last time you were trapped, in a good way, in an Icelandic Ejaculation Station, would you have eaten out a polar bear if you rolled snake eyes during the game or just punched the old lady?
OMG I could never NEVER punch an old lady.
While doing the spanish hopscotch do you prefer to use the rabbits or the hamsters?
Hamsters fit better. Just ask Richard Gere.
Why do you prefer gilfs for creampies?
They're one of things that gets better with age.
Why do one-eyed, inbred rednecks turn you on?
You just answered your own question there, big guy
Can your motorboat yourself?
I probably could, but as soon as I get my face that close to my boobs I have to suckle a nipple. Then we get into that whole super horny thing and I lose track of my original goal.
Was it only after Brent pulled off that 'Brazilian Butt Bonanza' on you last year, that you started living by the creed "Once you go Slack, you never go back."?
He won me over...in spite of me.
Do you like new MILFs because of their ability to breast feed?
I think you've gotten mixed up. I want to BE a MILF so OTHERS will breastfeed on ME.
brb
*masturbates*
Would you prefer to toss salad with italian dressing or ranch?
Depends if I'm tossing an italian salad....
How many times a week do you use dentures for nipple clamps?
Nipple nomz are way better without teeth. Just sayin'
Do you prefer to be spanked with a dirty plunger or a used adult diaper?
Plunger. Diapers have no sting to them.
Have you ever done the New Zealand Polo Pony with a real pony or just with a great dane?
I think it was actually a mule. They said it was a pony, but something just didn't look right...
Do you still have your baby teeth under your pillow?
I keep my vibrator under my pillow. No room for baby teeth.
When I stayed at your house 1 night during nest, why did I find a slimy, half eaten cucumber under your bed...?
This is why I started keeping my vibrator under my pillow...too often I couldn't find it and I'd resort to ridiculous tactics to get off
Do you prefer ky jelly or chocolate pudding for lube?
KY Jelly. I don't want to get worms or some shit.
I can't remember what your favourite hentai is, was it the incestuous one, or the beastiality one?
I love me some pussy. No srsly...
Is it true you believe the clinically insane make better lovers, especially without their meds?
Don't knock it til you tried it. You tell them you're God and they'll do anything...and I mean
anything.
Would you consider yourself more of a rimmer or a scooper?
Rimmers are winners.
Why did you video tape this?
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It was shaping up to be a 4 flusher, and I was getting bored. Remember the pep talks I told you about? Exhibit A.
I still don't understand why you asked to borrow Walter, but why did you return him with a brown streak down his back?
I was practicing...dying...cause my hair....is turning gray....yeeeeees.
Do you ever count the corn kernels in your poop?
No, I prefer to use them as a timeline to figure out exactly how long it takes for my food to become poop.
Only if the stools are really loose and I can scoop it out with a fish net. Otherwise, it goes to waste (haha, waste)
Oooh! Oooh! I got one!
When was the last time you rectally fingered someone named Arbogast?
That's gross, Infidel. Who in the fuck names their kid Arbogast?
Do you ever find peanuts in the poo even when you didn't eat any?
I look at it as a little gift from God. If I didn't eat them before, I certainly can now.
Do you ever eat corn for the purpose of counting it in your poop after?
I'm not super interested in counting it. I do enjoy seeing it and trying to guess what parts of the turd are the rest of my meal.
Do you ever find the fur of small animals in your poo?
I find my poo on the fur of my small animals. Does that count?
Does your poo ever stick to and dangle off your ass pubes? How DO you get it off?
Rambo likes to bat at things that dangle. He has a good time. I get a job done. It's win/win.
Ever peed green? Was it thick?
No ma'am, but that is now a goal of mine.
Sort of like the consistency of jalapeno and guac salsa?
She said pee...
Did you use it as a condiment for chips?
We are talking about pee, right?
Have you ever wiped and thought, "wow, that looks finger-lickin' good"?
Not myself. I've wiped others and drooled a little, though.
Do you often drink your alcohol anally? Or is that only during a romantic night?
Only since I saw it on 1000 Ways to Die. I had to prove to myself I was alcoholic enough to survive it.
NEVER go ass to mouth.
Yes. When is your next one?
When you got donkey punched did you anally tense up?
Yes, but not from the punch - from the massive orgasm that followed.
I think it would be more fun to answer inappropriate questions with totally appropriate responses.
What's something that most people hate / dislike, but you kinda like? Besides tickling, of course.
Paperwork. I sincerely enjoy sitting and crunching numbers and organizing stuff and making lists. It's very calming for me and I feel like I accomplished something when it's over.
How long did that response take?
I'm not sure, but this one took 1/2 hour.
