Chuck Norris

[tickleterror]

Legend has it that John Wayne was so tough, he had to use sandpaper to wipe his ass. Chuck Norris is so tough, he uses John Wayne.

 

[Tamia78]

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

 

[nytoetapper]

In the original King Kong, Chuck Norris jumps from one of the planes and spin-kicks Kong off the building, catching the damsel in the process. The final line was "T'was Chuck who killed the beast..."

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris threatened to roundhouse kick me so hard that I would travel to the future and warn them that Chuck was coming, if I didn't post on his thread.

 

[Tamia78]

YES, REVIVED!

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

 

[IDareYou]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was based on a true story. Chuck Norris once ate four baby turtles and when he crapped them out they were 6 feet tall and knew karate.

 

[badreligion]

Chuck Norris is a pussy compared to Jack Bauer

 

[ikaiyoo]

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

 

[Texas_Tickle]

Chuck Norris is not afraid of death. Death is afraid of Chuck Norris.

 

[ikaiyoo]

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man

 

[nytoetapper]

Never ask Chuck Norris for the time... He will always respond "Time to DIE!" then roundhouse kick your lower jaw to the backside of your head.

 

[Sandrock74]

It is said that only Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Also, Chuck Norris can see John Cena (for the WWE fans).


<a href="http://s224.photobucket.com/albums/dd51/sandrock74/?action=view&current=Chuck_Norris_Approves.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd51/sandrock74/Chuck_Norris_Approves.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

 

[..Glamorous..]

Chuck Norris once jumped into a high school's burning chemistry lab to save three starving Ethiopian babies. Afterwords, he ate all three of them. They were delicious.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris won a staredown contest with the Mona Lisa.

 

[ikaiyoo]

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris

 

[nytoetapper]

If you stand in front of a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" 3 times, he will appear... And roundhouse kick you through a window...

 

[venray]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

 

[slacker2114]

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

[chrisheaven]

how far?

 

[ikaiyoo]

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

 

[Knot Amewzed]

After partying all night, Chuck Norris does not throw up, Chuck Norris throws down.

 

[slacker2114]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

 

[ikaiyoo]

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

 

[badreligion]

Chuck Norris cries himself to sleep because he realizes he will never be as badass as Jack Bauer

 

[ikaiyoo]

Chuck Norris won’t ever have a heart attack, because a heart knows better than to attack Chuck Norris.