Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Testimonials of a few people who did
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow-job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the
boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. This my sister has
never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I'll tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!". The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the
door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on at him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident and don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are
you sure you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. Here's what happens when you predict snow but
don't get any. A true story!! We had a female news anchor who, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too, they were laughing so hard!
