His Divine Shadow
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sole seeker said:
That one NEVER gets old. 😛
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Official TT Jokes Thread - Read and Post your Jokes Here!
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That one NEVER gets old. 😛
AphxA1
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Massively Kewl Knock Knock Jokes!!!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I’ll be right out, Susan.
Knock, knock
Who’s there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It’s a knock, knock joke.
Oops.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who
Don’t get so upset, crybaby!
What?
Ha! Ha! I made you say “boo-hoo”
You’re a real idiot.
That wasn’t necessary.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Creeping penis.
Creeping penis who?
I’m not crazy, I just need to get off this island. The doctors don’t believe I invented the chocolate éclair. But I did. I’m going to burn them all and drink soup from their skulls! Happy soup! Untie me and I’ll kill you last!
Knock, knock
Yo mama
Yo mama who?
Yo mama so fat, she caught a flesh-eating virus and that was three years ago.
I bet you’re fat, huh?
I’m…
You are, aren’t you? Fat!
I’m plumpish.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that’s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for “mind eraser” shooters at the Tyson’s Mall TGIFriday’s. Let the ***** sleep it off.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Henry.
Henry who?
Henry Kissinger. Did you know that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I’m not opening the door Henry.
Damn.
Knock, knock
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH who?
Actually, I’m here for Jones in #D1 but I need to take a monster crap and I hate to kill and THEN use the bathroom, you know? Its rude and the other way around, well it ruins my dramatic entrance. So…
You want to use my toilet?
Yeah?
Go right ahead.
Got anything to read?
Just the crossword.
You finished it.
Sorry?
Hold my scythe.
Hey! Don’t forget to light a match.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I’ll be right out, Susan.
Knock, knock
Who’s there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It’s a knock, knock joke.
Oops.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who
Don’t get so upset, crybaby!
What?
Ha! Ha! I made you say “boo-hoo”
You’re a real idiot.
That wasn’t necessary.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Creeping penis.
Creeping penis who?
I’m not crazy, I just need to get off this island. The doctors don’t believe I invented the chocolate éclair. But I did. I’m going to burn them all and drink soup from their skulls! Happy soup! Untie me and I’ll kill you last!
Knock, knock
Yo mama
Yo mama who?
Yo mama so fat, she caught a flesh-eating virus and that was three years ago.
I bet you’re fat, huh?
I’m…
You are, aren’t you? Fat!
I’m plumpish.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that’s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for “mind eraser” shooters at the Tyson’s Mall TGIFriday’s. Let the ***** sleep it off.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Henry.
Henry who?
Henry Kissinger. Did you know that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I’m not opening the door Henry.
Damn.
Knock, knock
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH who?
Actually, I’m here for Jones in #D1 but I need to take a monster crap and I hate to kill and THEN use the bathroom, you know? Its rude and the other way around, well it ruins my dramatic entrance. So…
You want to use my toilet?
Yeah?
Go right ahead.
Got anything to read?
Just the crossword.
You finished it.
Sorry?
Hold my scythe.
Hey! Don’t forget to light a match.
nessonite1
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funniest joke ever...
you: knock knock
them: who's there?
you: Interrupting Cow
them: Interrupting C....
you: (cutting them off) MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
you: knock knock
them: who's there?
you: Interrupting Cow
them: Interrupting C....
you: (cutting them off) MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
MistressValerie1
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A good chess player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
I love the 'he could have been alive and practicing law' one...brilliant verbal attack.
Little Red Riding Hood skipped down the road in the forest, and opened the door to her Grandma's house.
She looked at the bed, and saw the Big Bad Wolf, lying in Grandma's bed, grinning a huge evil grin, and rubbing his paws together in delight.
'I'm going to eat you up, little girl!' growled the Big Bad Wolf.
'A-are you g-going to eat me whole?' whimpered Little Red Riding Hood.
'No, I'm going to spit that bit out,' replied the wolf.
😀
Jokes are FANTASTIC!
Little Red Riding Hood skipped down the road in the forest, and opened the door to her Grandma's house.
She looked at the bed, and saw the Big Bad Wolf, lying in Grandma's bed, grinning a huge evil grin, and rubbing his paws together in delight.
'I'm going to eat you up, little girl!' growled the Big Bad Wolf.
'A-are you g-going to eat me whole?' whimpered Little Red Riding Hood.
'No, I'm going to spit that bit out,' replied the wolf.
😀
Jokes are FANTASTIC!
sole seeker1
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LOL - what a wanker! That's the best part! 😉
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant!
Ignatz
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Huzzah!
I finally noticed that I passed the tiny landmark of 100 posts a few days ago, so to celebrate I thought I'd share with everyone the story behind my signature quote. (You'll find it in Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes, just in case you think I'm making it up.)
First, a bit of background for it's about a man who was world famous in 1900, but not widely known today. Feodor Chaliapin (pronounced shall-YAH-pin) was a Russian opera star, the foremost basso in the world at that time. Tall and stately, he was that rarest of creatures, a great singer who was also a great actor and he made his name playing the title characters in "Boris Godunov" and "Don Quichotte (Quixote)."
Once, during a rehearsal at the Met, technical problems delayed the proceedings. After an inordinate amount of time, the singers began to grow restless and impatient. Solicitous for his star's comfort, the director sent a stagehand to offer Chaliapin a chair so he could rest until the difficulty was ironed out. Chaliapin looked down at the fellow from his great height and intoned, "It is not my body that is tired, it is my soul. But my soul has no ass, so forget the chair."
I finally noticed that I passed the tiny landmark of 100 posts a few days ago, so to celebrate I thought I'd share with everyone the story behind my signature quote. (You'll find it in Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes, just in case you think I'm making it up.)
First, a bit of background for it's about a man who was world famous in 1900, but not widely known today. Feodor Chaliapin (pronounced shall-YAH-pin) was a Russian opera star, the foremost basso in the world at that time. Tall and stately, he was that rarest of creatures, a great singer who was also a great actor and he made his name playing the title characters in "Boris Godunov" and "Don Quichotte (Quixote)."
Once, during a rehearsal at the Met, technical problems delayed the proceedings. After an inordinate amount of time, the singers began to grow restless and impatient. Solicitous for his star's comfort, the director sent a stagehand to offer Chaliapin a chair so he could rest until the difficulty was ironed out. Chaliapin looked down at the fellow from his great height and intoned, "It is not my body that is tired, it is my soul. But my soul has no ass, so forget the chair."
nessonite1
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ROFL! That's great, iggy. Would have made much more sense if you included the whole quite in your siggy (hey...siggy..iggy.......amusement). That's a great story though, thanks for sharing 🙂
Oh yeah! Congrats on 100 posts! it only took you a scant 2 years! 😀
Oh yeah! Congrats on 100 posts! it only took you a scant 2 years! 😀
Ignatz
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100 Posts in Two Years
Well, I lurked for a long time before I spoke up. It reminds me of the story Steve Allen used to tell about a testimonial dinner given at the Friar's Club for Harpo Marx. Harpo, of course, never spoke a word in the Marx Brothers stage shows, films or television appearances. But finally, at the end of his career, he was persuaded to get up and give a speech at the dinner. As he spoke on and on...and on and on...a quiet groundswell of chuckles turned into a rolling sea of laughter from the crowd, not because his remarks were that funny, but because it was increasingly apparent that after fifty years of silence they were now going to have trouble getting him to shut up!
Well, I lurked for a long time before I spoke up. It reminds me of the story Steve Allen used to tell about a testimonial dinner given at the Friar's Club for Harpo Marx. Harpo, of course, never spoke a word in the Marx Brothers stage shows, films or television appearances. But finally, at the end of his career, he was persuaded to get up and give a speech at the dinner. As he spoke on and on...and on and on...a quiet groundswell of chuckles turned into a rolling sea of laughter from the crowd, not because his remarks were that funny, but because it was increasingly apparent that after fifty years of silence they were now going to have trouble getting him to shut up!
sole seeker1
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Lawyers
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
nessonite1
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I have shoes like that! 😛
nessonite1
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OMG I dont know if I should laugh or throw up.....
Ignatz
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I'm just relieved that you can't empathize with that one as you could with the one about the shoes.nessonite said:
Moving right along, here's Limerick #3
The nipples of Sarah Sarong,
When excited, are twelve inches long.
This embarrassed her lover
Who was pained to discover
She expected no less of his dong.
Last edited:
sole seeker1
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LOL! I liked the second one best. Say, I knew an asshole in Dallas once... oh never mind! Anyway, thinking of her reminded me of this old joke:
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she beat him with died at the scene.
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she beat him with died at the scene.
sole seeker1
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Abbott and Costello
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".......
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".......
sole seeker1
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ONE TOUGH CEO
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
MistressValerie1
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Sole Seeker, those were wonderful! 😀
nessonite1
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SS both of those were great 😛 The first one had me cracking up 😀
sole seeker1
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Thanks.
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt, and he'll pass a Harley Davidson!"
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt, and he'll pass a Harley Davidson!"
sole seeker1
4th Level Red Feather
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A Cowboy in Texas got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, Circle flies are common on ranches... See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh", and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy says, "Oh no, officer, I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though!"
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, Circle flies are common on ranches... See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh", and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy says, "Oh no, officer, I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though!"
